The gentle hum of early spring buzzed through the air of Konoha Village as the graduation exams rolled around—right on schedule, like clockwork or Kakashi's "I'm definitely not late" routine.
"Huh? Isn't that… Go-kun?"
A pink-haired girl blinked in confusion, craning her neck toward the back of the exam hall.
"It really is him! But… what's he doing here? This is the graduation room, right?"
More heads turned. Whispers spread like wildfire in a dry forest. Students swarmed the scene, drawn like moths to the glowing enigma that was me.
Because let's be honest—when you're this good-looking and brilliant, even your mere presence can start a riot.
"Let me through! I wanna see too!"
Before long, the room was filled with curious onlookers, all pointing and muttering like I'd grown a second head.
Well, maybe not a second head. Just the usual combination of absurd intellect, absurd looks, and absurd amounts of chakra control.
"Go-kun shouldn't be taking the graduation exam already, right?"
"Are you kidding? He's only been at the academy for a month! Who graduates in a month?!"
"The youngest graduate in Konoha's history is Uchiha Itachi. He finished everything and graduated at seven."
"Exactly. And Satoru-kun's only five. No way he's taking it for real."
"I mean, I believe in him and all, but this is a bit much, right?"
"Wait, wait, Uchiha Itachi—isn't that his big brother?"
"Yep. The prodigy who completed the curriculum in a year and graduated like it was nothing."
"So if Satoru-kun graduates at five, doesn't that mean he just one-upped Itachi?!"
Cue gasps. Audible gasps.
"No way. No freaking way."
"Relax. Maybe he's just here to help the examiner or something."
"Yeah, maybe he's a stand-in for a clone target or… something."
Honestly, the speculation was kind of flattering.
Also, wildly inaccurate.
Meanwhile, on the sidelines, Anko leaned over to Orochimaru, raising an eyebrow. "Hey… since when was Asuma an examiner?"
They were here for some reason. Apparently, Orochimaru had randomly decided today was the perfect time to attend a kiddie exam like it was some underground fight club. Creepy guy does creepy things—nothing new.
Orochimaru didn't answer. His snake-yellow eyes were laser-locked on me, like I was the next interesting puzzle he wanted to disassemble.
Totally not ominous.
Back in the center of the room, Asuma stepped forward, looking about as thrilled as someone being forced to host a children's birthday party with no alcohol.
"Alright, brats," he said gruffly. "Time for the rules."
He pointed at a stick of incense burning gently nearby.
"You've got until that burns out. And the exam's simple: touch the corner of my clothes. That's it."
Ah.
That kind of exam.
The kind where the examiner's clearly in a bad mood and wants to assert dominance over a bunch of twelve-year-olds.
Asuma didn't even try to hide it. He looked fed up.
Turns out, today was supposed to be his exit day—he was all set to leave Konoha to become one of the Fire Daimyō's personal guardian shinobi. Big deal. Politics. Suits.
But his father—a.k.a. the Hokage—had made him stick around one more day. One final exam. One last memory of Genin days.
Asuma clearly wasn't feeling nostalgic. More like homicidal.
"Let's get this over with," he muttered, jamming his toothpick deeper between his teeth. "Alright, kids. Come at me."
The response was immediate and outrageously loud.
"WHAT?!"
"Who's he calling 'brats'?!"
"That's so arrogant!"
"Let's show him what we've got!"
Cue chaos.
A bunch of overconfident pre-teens charged in with all the subtlety of a stampede.
"Wind Style: Whirlwind Fist!"
"Shadow Imitation Jutsu!"
"Eat my kunai!"
"Watch my hidden weapon attack!"
…
I blinked slowly.
Why were they yelling the names of their techniques like it was a shonen anime?
Actually… wait.
Was this a rule?
Do we have to shout the move name before using it?
I rubbed my chin, contemplative.
Mental note: shouting "hidden weapon" defeats the whole point of it being hidden.
Suddenly, a voice barked across the field.
"Hey, kid! Yeah, you! The one just standing there smirking like you've already won!"
I pointed at myself, looking around like, Surely, you don't mean me.
"You! With the smug face! Get over here!" Asuma snapped.
I sighed dramatically and rolled my neck.
Well, there goes my peaceful observer status.
Time to be a spectacle again.
I strolled forward lazily, dusting off imaginary dirt from my sleeve like I wasn't walking into a public execution disguised as an exam.
"Come on," Asuma said with an amused glint in his eyes. "Let's see your ninjutsu, smart guy."
Oh?
You wanna see my ninjutsu?
You might wanna brace yourself, Mr. Toothpick.