I wake up and its morning. I look next to me, only to see Eva and not Ryujin. The bathroom door opens startling me a bit.
"Oh you're up" Ryujin says while drying her hair with a towel and only wearing a sports bra and boxer shorts. I have to keep reminding myself that Eva is next to me.
"Yea. I'll get ready then we can leave to see Ervin" I quickly get up from bed and sprint past her to the bathroom.
I take a deep breath while I look at myself in the mirror. I look down and see the ring on my finger. Remembering last night, I can't believe I'm engaged now. Especially since I ran off after she proposed.
I take off my pajamas and get in the shower. My boobs starts aching so I have to pump before we leave. It's still different for me that I'm bottle feeding my baby. There's nothing wrong with it but I just prefer breastfeeding.
After my shower, I dry my hair and get dress. I grab the little machine that pumps my breast so I sit on the bed and start pumping.Ryujin walks in the room with breakfast in hand. She's used to this view of me sitting in bed and pumping.
She hands me the plate and I say thank you. She sits on the other side of the bed since Eva is still asleep so we're also being careful and quiet. "Do you need anything?" She ask me in a low voice.
"I'm good. It just feels weird to be milked, you know?" I say and she laughs.
She leans her back on the headboard.
"I can't believe you're my fiancé" she chuckles while looking straight ahead.
"It's not too late to back out" I joke.
"Are you crazy? Who in their right mind would let someone like you go?" She looks at me now like I'm crazy.
"You think too highly of me" I say as I continue to feel the pump working on my breast.
"I don't see a problem with that. In my eyes, you're everything any person would want. You're hardworking, caring, loving, amazing mother, strong, brave, humble, and many more. Also, the fact that you're unbelievablybeautiful is such a huge bonus" she starts rambling on. I feel my face get hot after hearing what she said. She really sees me like that.
"My heart feels like it does little flips whenever I think about you. I feel so proud every time I see you. I'm amazed when I see you with Eva and Ervin. How motherhood just seems so natural for you" She adds.
She leaves me speechless a lot.
I'm finally done pumping and at the same time Eva wakes up.
She stretches her little arms then smiles at me. "Morning mommy" she hugs me.
"Morning baby. Did you sleep well?" I ask and she nods.
"Do I not get a hug?" Ryujin pretends to pout and Eva immediately hugs her.
"Don't be sad. I'm here" Eva says to her.
Ryujin chuckles then gets up from the bed. "Let's get your diaper changed while mommy finishes up with your little brother's food, okay?" She says to Eva then they leave the room.I shake my head while laughing and start unhooking the pump from me. I don't even remember the last time I've changed Eva's diaper too. Ryujin is always helpful when it comes to the kids. She says after practically being a single mom while I was with Eva, it's long overdue for my break.
I get out of the room to find everyone in the living room, including Ryujin's family.
"Good morning! Congratulations!" Yuna cheers.
"Congrats on your engagement" Rosé hugs me.
"Yea. Welcome to this family" Lisa hugs me next.
"Oh I can't believe I'm getting another daughter and I have new grand babies" Mrs. Shin starts tearing up while hugging me.
"Thank you everyone" I smile at them.
"We really thought your relationship would end last night" Lisa comments.
"It's all thanks to me" Travis say, sounding proud."Only because I was too pregnant to go after her" my sister rolls her eyes.
"If it was someone else then yes it would be over but Ryujin understood me and knows me so well that she wasn't even mad that I ran off so its thanks to her" I say.
"I can't believe you ran off like that in the cold and at night. My nipples were hurting because I wasn't wearing warmer clothes" Travis shares.
"Why would you share that? I swear you get more annoying every day" Karina scolds him.
Travis leans towards Lisa, "Is Rosé this grumpy? I swear I feel like I'm being tortured. I must have died and gone to hell" Travis whispers but for some reason he sucks at whispering.
"Keep talking like that and I'll show you what hell is really like" Karina glares at him and everyone just laughs.
"We have to go now" Ryujin changes the topic and hands Eva to her mom. I give Eva a good bye kiss and hug before we leave.
We get in the car and I have my bottlesof milk with me. I have to keep them stocked up for Ervin.
We get to the NICU and check in, doing the usual procedure. After I give the milk and the nurse giving us updates on Ervin, we're left alone in the room.
I sit on my usual chair and take off my shirt while Ryujin hands me Ervin. They said that the skin to skin contact will help my baby. Again, this is nothing new to Ryujin. She's used to me taking off my shirt in front of her.
A part of me is sad about it though because she doesn't seem to be reacting at all. It makes me wonder if she still finds me attractive. Sometimes it's nice to get a reaction from your partner.
I look at Ervin and smile. I'm happy to see him get stronger every day. Soon, he will be able to go home. I'm sorry that he probably won't ever meet his dad but its probably for the better.
"I love you, Ervin Clyde Hwang" I whisper and kiss his head. I can sense Ryujin watching us. Ryujin doesn't overstep when she's with me. I know she's cautious right now.
We spend about an hour in there then we have to put him back in his littlecapsule. We go home and I feel like in a good mood. Ervin is doing great and Ryujin is my future wife. It's nice to just feel content and not be stressed or annoyed because you feel like you're alone and miserable.
When we get to the house, the Shin's are still there. They look like they were discussing something serious with my sister and Travis.
"Yeji, come sit with us. We have a question to ask you" Mrs. Shin gestures for me to sit on the couch. I watch Ryujin walk to the kitchen so I make my way to Mrs. Shin.
"So Christmas is coming up, actually in two weeks" Mrs. Shin starts and I curse myself. I've been so distracted that I forgot about the holiday.
"Your sister says they're going to your hometown. Is that your plan as well?" She ask.
I honestly didn't think about it. I would like to spend Christmas at my hometown since it's been a while. Dana never wanted to so we spent Christmas with his family and they make me feel like an outcast.
"I haven't really thought about it" Ianswer honestly. "I guess it all depends if Ervin can come home and travel" I add.
"If it's okay with you, we were thinking about extending our vacation here and spend Christmas with you and your family whether it's here or at your hometown" she smiles at me.
"That's more than okay with me as long as it's okay with Karina since this is her house" I reply back.
"I'm okay with it" my sister say right away.
"How is Ervin doing?" Mrs. Shin ask me now.
"He's doing good. Making good progress. I'm so proud of him" I say, smiling proudly.
I look at Ryujin who's sitting next to me now, "Are you okay with this?"
"I'm okay with what you want" she holds my hand.
After our talk, Ryujin and I head to the bedroom. Mrs. Shin asked before we left if Eva could go with them to their hotel. Eva was excited when she heard there was an indoor pool so she wantedto go as well.
In the bedroom, Ryujin is working since she still has projects to do. I really don't know how she's so calm. I can't even imagine how stressful her job can be and she's here busy with me too. I really feel bad so I try not to be a burden to her as much as possible. She doesn't complain though. She's always making sure I'm comfortable, fed and happy.
I'm also afraid that maybe she's holding things in then one day she'll blow up then tell me she's done with me and she's tired of taking care of me. I know she's the type of person to be attentive and caring but I'm sure she has her limits and I'm not sure what that is.
I get ready ready for bed and change into pajamas. Since Eva is not here, I wear something for revealing. Just really short shorts where you can kinda see my butt and spaghetti strap tank top, tight enough that you can clearly see that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really just want Ryujin to notice or some reaction or anything. After giving birth, I still have a bit of weight so I'm worried maybe she doesn't find me attractive anvmore. I know she lovesme but it's hard to explain.
Being in a long distance relationship, we're not very active, sexually so I thought when she would see me in a revealing outfit or shirtless that it would make her react.
She's currently on the bed, working in her laptop. I stand by the foot of the bed, applying lotion on my body. "Hey, are you going to sleep soon?" I say hoping she would look at me but she didn't.
"I will in a little bit" she answers.
I purse my lips because that was upsetting.
I turn around to bend over and act like I'm putting lotion on my legs. With this position, if she looks at me then she would be able to see my ass.
"How much longer?" I ask.
"I'm not sure" she says and I look back to see that she still didn't bother to look at me.
"Ryujin!" I finally snap. She finally looks at me, confuse.
I move to my side of the bed andangrily get under the blanket. I know this probably doesn't seem like a big deal for her but it's upsetting for me. Even though I've given birth a few weeks ago, my hormones are still out of whack. So I'm blaming this on hormones.
"What's wrong?" I hear her close her laptop and put it on the table. I'm facing away from her because I'm really hurt that she hasn't tried to make a move or anything the whole time she's been here. I know she couldn't because Eva was with us but I'm still upset.
"Nothing. I'm tired" I say coldly.
She doesn't say anything because she knows I'll tell her anyways. I don't know why but I'm not afraid to actually tell her what's bothering me no matter how silly it might be. She never makes me feel stupid about it. Usually, I keep it to myself because in the past, whenever I bring up what bothers me, it leads to a fight and me feeling belittled.
I sit up to face her now. I cover my body with the blanket because I feel insecure now.
She looks at me with worried eyes.
"What is wrong?" She asked.