No.
No, no, no—this can't be happening.
I blinked the memory away, but it clung to me like smoke, choking me. Her blood was on my hands—real this time. Not theoretical. Not a simulation. Not a consequence they warned me about. This was now.
She was dying.
My chest felt like it was caving in. My heart was hammering, but my thoughts—my thoughts were all wrong. Too slow. Too loud. Too fast. Nothing made sense.
I tried to lift her again—gently, carefully—but my hands were shaking so badly I nearly dropped her.
"Shit—Sae—fuck, stay with me—" My voice cracked, breath hitching as I felt her head loll against my shoulder. I pressed my fingers to her neck. Pulse. Come on. Come on. There it was—faint, thready.
"Okay, okay, you're here. You're still here." I said it like a prayer. Like it would make it true.
I looked around. No time. No one. Nowhere safe.
Where do I take her? What do I do?
What do I do?!
I couldn't go to a hospital. I knew what would happen. They'd find us. They'd finish what they started. Maybe even take her again.
No.
No, I couldn't let that happen.
My eyes darted wildly, trying to make sense of the room. A towel. A blanket. Anything. I grabbed a jacket from the floor and pressed it against her side, where the blood was pouring out like it had every right to leave her.
"Stay with me. Don't you fucking go. I'll fix this. I'll fix this—" My words were tumbling out too fast. I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't lose her.
Not her.
Not after everything. Not after all those years of seeing her face on a screen and being told she was just a trigger—a warning—a test.
She wasn't a test.
She was real. She was mine.
I fumbled for my phone, hands slick with her blood. My vision was swimming now. I couldn't even remember the number I needed. I couldn't remember anything.
"I don't know what to do—" I whispered. My voice was cracking. I hadn't cried in years, but the tears were right there now, burning, blinding.
I clutched her tighter, rocking just slightly, like I could keep her soul from slipping out if I held on hard enough.
"You're gonna be okay, Sae. You hear me?" My breath hitched again. "You have to be okay. I—" My voice broke. "I didn't go through all of that just to lose you now."
And then her hand twitched.
Barely. Just the smallest flicker of movement against my chest.
It was enough.
"Okay. Okay. Okay, you're still fighting. That's good. That's good, I've got you—" I was already moving, lifting her, cradling her against me like porcelain. My legs felt like they were made of paper, but I didn't care. I'd carry her if it killed me.
No more freezing rooms.
No more flickering screens.
This was real.
And if I had torip the whole damn world apart to keep her alive—I would.