So now what? Harry mentally asked.
Well, why don't I have a look see through your mind and cobble up an answer to that. Not to worry, I won't be revealing any of this information to that barmy old coot as you so affectionately like to call him. I am not allowed to reveal private information from a person's mind without said person's permission. You try saying that three times fast and see where it gets you.
Are you insane? I'm only asking because you sound awfully crazy.
Does it matter?
Not really.
Excellent. All my plans are sliding into place… but first, let's see what's in and on your mind. Okay, dimension traveler. Check. Heir to Slytherin by magic. Check. Heir to Hufflepuff by inheritance. Check. Heir to Ravenclaw by knowledge. Check. Heir to Gryffindor by blood. Check. Parselmouth. Check. Oh, you were the boy-who-lived in your dimension. You poor boy.
Tell me about it.
Oh yes, you're powerful; you defeated the Dark Lord at the age of 17. You were trained personally by Dumbledore and Nicholas Flamel and even killed a Basilisk to boot. This is very impressive indeed and very interesting. I haven't sorted a person like you in a long time. You carry the wand of the Last Wizard King Azerothigan? Hmm… What's this? You're a… unbelievable, a Shadow Mage. There hasn't been a Shadow Mage in 3000 years! Dude! You rock! How about you and I kick this Popsicle stand and go clubbing. I'm sure I could land us a babe or two.
Hat, I want to go to school. Remember? Besides, I'm 11 again. No clubbing until I get an ID.
You're a wizard aren't you? Make your own ID already.
I said no. Not at this time. Education is important after all.
Party pooper.
So what's the verdict?
Well, I must admit. You are certainly a challenge, Mr. Potter.
Before the hat had a chance to continue, a certain Slytherin's voice yelled, "What's taking so long? It's been 15 minutes!" Draco Malfoy checked his watch to make sure it hadn't stopped and to calculate just how much longer this sorting was going to take. He certainly didn't understand why it was still going on as all the important people had been sorted already. Let all the riff-raff be sorted some time later if they needed to be.
Harry looked down at his watch and noticed that it had been indeed about 15 minutes since he'd started his conversation with the hat. Magically speaking, at least the hat was smarter and a better conversationalist than snakes.
Harry noticed Dumbledore giving the hat a strange look.
Behind Harry, Neville laughed. "Maybe he's a squib? I heard the Potters were weak." It wasn't funny, but some people laughed with him because he was TBWL. Stupid titles.
Harry was about to stand up and blast him anyway. That or hock a loogy at him. Or a spitball. He was definitely being short sheeted as soon as possible. No one talked about his family like that! He was proud of his family and no way in hell would he let anyone taunt them. The Boy Who Lived or not, Neville was about to get some serious punishment until the hat spoke out loud.
"Mock him all you want, Longbottom, but he has the characteristics of all four houses in spades; something no one has had in over 700 years of my sorting. It would be wise to not make him an enemy, little lion. So do not mock me on how I should sort! You may have survived the killing curse, but you are nothing compared to him!" the Hat said coldly. Or, as coldly as a hat could sound since it was essentially an animated inanimate object.
Everyone was speechless. Someone who has the characteristics of all four houses? More powerful than the Boy-Who-Lived? Nah, couldn't be. The hat must have still been on a different frequency.
Harry couldn't read what was going through Dumbledore's mind, but he had a nagging suspicion that it involved Longbottom and Potter teaming up to save the wizarding world's collective keister. More than likely the old coot would be talking to his parents at some time in the near future.
You're probably right, the hat replied. He'll probably go on one of his 'Let A Little Bit Of Light Into Your Lives' crusade and try to get your parents on board with his way of thinking. Anyway, there is only one place for you in Hogwarts now, Mr. Potter. You would do well as, "Apprentice!" the hat shouted.
That stunned the teachers. Apprentices were rare. Very rare.
"To which subject?" Albus asked the hat.
"All of them."
....
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