Art comes from life.
Adam was starting to get a deeper appreciation for that saying now.
A flirty pregnant woman was throwing him sultry looks while tossing out some classic, cheesy pickup lines.
This scene…
It was very artistic!
But too bad Adam wasn't that kind of guy.
"Sorry, Rachel."
Adam shook his head. "I'm good. My love life's pretty stable, so I can't help you out with that."
"Seriously? For real?"
Rachel wasn't buying it.
"Of course it's real."
Adam nodded firmly.
Monday through Saturday, he spent most of his time privately discussing medical stuff with Bianca.
Now Alice was jumping in with some serious enthusiasm, demanding to join the party.
Sundays were for giving Peggy plenty of inspiration.
End of the month? Heather would fly in from Texas, and they'd either hang out in New York or hit up Boston to catch up with good friends Juno and Karen.
Occasionally, Max would even bug him for advice on Peppa Pig plotlines.
And when charity work popped up, Caroline was always super eager to invite him to Ellis Manor to oversee things.
His love life was solid.
No way was he about to stir up trouble just for a little temptation.
Rachel claimed she only wanted something "indescribable."
But Adam didn't believe her for a second.
Alice was a walking cautionary tale right there in front of him.
Rachel wasn't some kid who couldn't pick a side—she'd definitely want it all in the end.
Adam had zero interest in being the dad to Ross's kid.
Plus, he was good friends with both parents. No way was he going to hurt the kid—not even unintentionally.
The spark in Rachel's eyes dimmed instantly.
"What about the baby daddy?"
Adam changed the subject. "He's the one who started this mess. What's he up to?"
Work as a doctor had been so hectic lately that he barely kept up with Chandler and the gang, let alone Ross.
All he knew was that Rachel and Ross had no plans to tie the knot. Leonard's push for a wedding had flopped, and now he had to watch his first grandchild grow up as a "bastard."
Leonard had ranted to Adam more than once about what a jerk Ross was.
"I asked him already," Rachel said, annoyed. "He's all hot and heavy with that Monica chick. Now they're even sending holiday postcards together."
"No way!"
Adam's jaw dropped. "How long have they been a thing? And they're already at that stage?"
In the U.S., relationships have pretty clear boundaries.
First date? A goodbye kiss.
Second date? You can dig into deeper topics and get a little closer.
Third date? That's the unofficial home run.
After that, you hang out for a bit and figure out if you want to take it further—like officially becoming a couple.
Then it's moving in, engagement, marriage, divorce, remarriage, divorce again, remarriage…
It's like the stages of some epic cultivation journey—early, mid, late, peak, perfection, grand perfection, half-step whatever, and a dozen more titles.
Even before moving in, there are little milestones.
Like meeting each other's friends.
Or sending holiday cards as a couple.
That's a big, obvious sign.
"Two months, tops," Rachel griped.
"Monica brought it up?" Adam asked with a grin.
"Of course she did," Rachel scoffed. "Ross nearly freaked out. He stammered through some rant about what stage their relationship was at, and in a sweaty panic, he just handed over his apartment key to Monica."
"Ha!"
Adam chuckled.
What started as something short of living together was now barreling straight toward it.
"You know what the funniest part is?"
Rachel unloaded on Ross—the guy who "got her knocked up"—with sharp, gleeful venom, almost overpowering the hormones practically spilling out of her.
"The key he gave her? It was his only one. Sure, it got him out of the mess for a sec, but then he was locked out of his own place!"
"Haha!"
Adam couldn't help but laugh out loud.
Ross was something else.
Take Ted, for example—another guy who went from sweet kid to total player. Ted could charm a girlfriend into forgetting everything, even after dumping her via voicemail on her birthday in front of all her friends and family. Then he'd win her back, only to dump her again on her next birthday.
What kind of game was that?
Ross, though? He gets spooked by a simple "Where are we at?" and falls apart.
No talent there.
No wonder his ex-wife—who swung the other way—used him like a total tool. Even now, he was stuck helping raise her and her wife's son. He couldn't even buy the kid a G.I. Joe without them chewing him out.
What's that?
Your son can't play with Barbies?
What are you scared of?
You looking down on us or something?
"But wait, it gets better," Rachel said, getting more fired up. "He had to call someone to change the locks just to get back into his apartment. And right as they're doing it, Monica shows up…"
"Oof, that's brutal!"
Adam could already picture Ross's mortified face.
"Nope, still not the worst of it," Rachel said, cracking up. "When Monica questioned him, Ross froze. Out of options, he blurted out the one thing he never wanted to say: 'I love you.' Pushed their relationship even further."
In the States, "I love you" is a big deal.
It's usually something you say after moving in together, right before getting engaged.
Once it's out there, the relationship either moves forward or crashes.
Like that one night Leonard randomly dropped it on Penny.
Or when Ted met Robin and blurted it out on the spot.
"I'm guessing that's not the end of it, huh?" Adam said, grinning.
"Hahaha, nope!"
Rachel, belly out and hand on her hip, kept going. "You know why he said it? Because he asked us for advice first, and we told him to! He didn't even want to—originally, he was just gonna say he loves being with her."
"I love you" versus "I love being with you."
Totally different vibes.
"Monica warned him not to say that second one," Rachel said, still laughing. "Because to a woman, if she's ready to take things further and you hit her with that? It's like slapping her across the face."
"Then what?"
Adam stepped up to steady her, playing along.
"The absolute funniest thing happened," Rachel said, covering her mouth until she could stop laughing. "So he forces this awkward smile and says, 'I love you,' right? And Monica's response? 'I love being with you too.' Can you imagine Ross's face? He totally misread the room! Hahaha!"
It's like when you're not into someone, but they keep saying stuff.
Eventually, you start catching feelings, confess, and then realize you were way off.
Ouch.
That sting? A chill through the heart, heart tossed right out.
"You feeling better now?" Adam asked with a smile.
"Yeah, I'm good."
Rachel reined in her laughter, rolling her eyes. "What, you think I'm like that all the time? I've got this under control, okay?"
"I believe you," Adam said with a nod, though he still figured he'd take her to see an OB-GYN.
Yup, preferably one who wasn't too good-looking.