I once again turned my back on the gut-wrenching feeling. I was aware of the lack of seriousness behind my actions. But when the ground I stood on began to liquify and my two feet submerged in the red insides of my past and some of my current ways, I realized my big mistake.
Before I had opened my eyes to a sky full of stars, I had shut them as I leaned on my Agari's cold forehead. He was punished for my selfishness again and again. I remembered leaving him behind. it was a choice I made regardless of his feelings. He was so mortal it was cruel to drag him along a lie that could only last his youth. Our paths detached forcefully but I never stopped watching him live a life of his choice. I watched and I dreamed of the right to belong where he was.
Desire and selfishness drove me to the cruel goddesses. Begged for mortality but faced the truth behind the story. My life hanged off a thread they could not manipulate. and that evoked anger.
It suddenly became obvious to me why I had been abandoned near a river. It was a joke to them. Being left next to a bast body of water when I thirsted for something else. Erasing any trace of morals I could own. They were mistaken to think I would stumble upon a couple of corpses. I was now aware there were things more important than one's soul.
Having wasted time in a village of nothingness was my biggest regret. I walked under the moonlight, tracing my steps above the leaves and branches. She was desperate to know what was in my mind, but I was no longer negotiating.
My beloved portal was once again to be chased down, but this time I knew better than to waste any time on pleasantries.
With a fast paced I reached Aldo's front door. He sat on the chair with a sad expression. I turned to him and leaned as I always did. He smiled tenderly.
"I thought you had left for good." He said with relief.
I grabbed on his shoulder and held in my breath for mere seconds as I watched his smile fade away.
"I'll be taking my leave." That gut-wrenching feeling was there, now crawling out my throat. "I might not find my way back, but with time you'll realize, you are better without me." I loosened my grip on his shoulders, ready to flee.
He grabbed my hands tightly. "But you are my boy." He said with a cracking voice. "This is your home. I am strong, because you are next to me, if you leave, I'll be nothing."
"I ate a girl" I said as I wiped the blood dripping off my face. He could smell the metal on my breath." This blood is not even her's, but her little brother's, who was naive enough to follow me into the forest." I watched for a reaction.
"Are you asking me if I choose children I've never met before over my own son."
I freed myself off his grip and stared in disbelief.
"You are wrong to.. this unconditional love that you have is.."
"In the position I'm in, when voices are the only thing, I can grasp of people. When their indifference erases their existence off mine. When people see a burden in me rather than a conscious being, the sincerest interaction I had come from Cylith. You are a ray of sunlight slithering through the cracks of abandoned ruins. If I love you, you deserve it."
"...."
" But if you must go, just make sure you can find your way home"
I kissed his forehead and left.