After their secret "bathroom chat" was over, Cohen ran into Harry and the others on the way back to the common room.
"Your dad really loves you, huh?"
"Shut up, Harry."
"Professor Norton is so nice to you!"
"You shut up too, Ron."
"Oh, you two..." Hermione said with a sigh. "But Professor Norton's teaching really is good. This is all stuff that could be on our O.W.L.s, and the practical part is quite safe."
"Not safe," Cohen disagreed. "I saw Parvati get bitten by a mouse."
"Normal people wouldn't touch a bewitched mouse," Hermione defended Professor Norton. "Cohen, you don't have to be so pessimistic about his teaching just because he's your father..."
"You'll change your mind after the next class," Cohen said, shaking his head.
Hermione, however, didn't look like she believed him.
The Gryffindor Quidditch team's Keeper tryouts were at five in the afternoon. Cohen originally didn't want to go, but since Ron was one of the hopefuls, Cohen, as a supportive friend, had to go cheer him on. Ron was getting more and more nervous as five o'clock approached.
He was practically falling apart when he found out that Harry, Hermione, and Cohen were all coming to watch.
At 4:40, they arrived at the Quidditch Pitch and took seats in the outer stands with some snacks.
"We won't think badly of you at all, Ron," Hermione said. "Have something to eat and relax."
"Maybe I shouldn't try out," Ron said, pushing the food away. He was starting to get cold feet. "I don't have Harry's talent; I'll never make the team... Actually, being a spectator is nice, isn't it? That way I can..."
"Don't you dare chicken out. I gave up time I could've been using for my online dating just to watch your tryout," Cohen said. "If you don't win, I'm feeding you to the little Basilisk."
"Don't pressure him, Cohen!" Hermione said. "He's already so nervous!"
"Online dating?" Harry asked, not quite understanding the new term.
"I'm not pressuring him; this is a threat," Cohen said in a serious tone. "Unlike pressure, a threat can actually become a reality."
"Huh?" Ron's eyes went wide with fear.
"Have some water," Cohen said, handing him the milk bottle that Edward had given him today. The milk was gone, and the bottle had been cleaned and refilled with water.
"I'm not thirsty," Ron said, looking suspicious.
"My super-intelligence tells me that if you don't drink this, I'll have to use my super-strength to make you," Cohen said, cracking his knuckles.
"I'll drink it! I'll drink it!" Seeing the glint in Cohen's eyes, a very confused Ron quickly took the bottle, opened it, and drank it all down.
Then, he made a strange face and fished a golden, curly hair out of his mouth.
"Oh, that's probably some hair my dad left in there," Cohen said, sounding very suspicious indeed.
"But it looks like fleece," Harry said. After thinking for a moment, he looked at Cohen with a shocked expression.
"Golden fleece?" Ron asked, confused. Then, as if something clicked in his mind, he looked at Cohen and then at Hermione with a questioning look.
"Maybe... it is..." Hermione said hesitantly.
"But Hermione, you said it was illegal to use in a match..." Ron looked at Hermione as if she were a complete stranger.
"Never mind all that, just go. Angelina and the others are already here," Harry said, pulling Ron down to the pitch.
"You're actually going along with this?" Cohen asked Hermione, a little surprised.
"Because I know it's not Felix Felicis," Hermione said, raising an eyebrow. The hesitant look she'd had on her face was completely gone. "Water with Felix Felicis wouldn't be clear. You just put a piece of golden fleece in there, didn't you?"
The Keeper tryout wasn't very complicated. Each player would have ten Quaffles thrown at their goal. The one who saved the most would be chosen.
Before Ron's turn, Demelza Robins had the most saves, with eight.
"Ron can only miss once," Hermione said, nervously. "Cohen, do you think he can do it?"
"He's a pretty good player. He practiced a lot with Harry over the summer," Cohen said. "And saving a ball isn't that hard..."
Putting aside the whole "needing to ride a broom" thing, Cohen felt he could save all ten of the balls himself. The only problem was that he couldn't play in his Dementor form.
Soon, it was Ron's turn. Once he was on his broom, he didn't seem as nervous as he had been while waiting. It was hard to tell if it was because he was in game mode or because he believed he'd "drunk" some Felix Felicis.
"Ron got a point!" Hermione exclaimed excitedly when Ron saved the first ball.
"Since when have you been so concerned about Ron?" Cohen asked, amused. But his eyes weren't on Ron; they were on the letter he was holding on his knee.
"Because... I'm not..." Hermione's face instantly went red. "I'm just like this with all my friends... If you and Harry were in a match, I'd also—"
"Uh-huh," Cohen said, and then wrote a few more lines on the letter. Hermione was a great model for "How to be a tsundere little girl."
"What are you writing?" Hermione asked after Ron saved his second ball. She looked over at Cohen, curious about what he was so busy scribbling. "Is it homework?"
She was polite enough not to peek at what he was writing. He'd mentioned "online dating," and while she didn't quite understand what that was, she knew about the internet and figured it was a way of meeting people...
No one would want their friends to snoop on a letter they were writing to someone else.
"It's not homework," Cohen said, not really caring. He knew he'd probably have Hermione edit it to make it sound more like a girl had written it. "It's a letter for a potentially real, disgusting, perverted, creepy, old wizard who likes little girls..."
"Why would you write to a person like that?" Hermione asked, frowning. "That sounds gross..."
"To gross him out?" Cohen said, finishing the last few lines and even drawing a little heart at the end. "Can you take a look and give me some advice on what doesn't sound right?"
"What?" Hermione didn't get what he meant at first. What did he mean, "doesn't sound right"? What was it supposed to sound like?
But the moment she saw the name Buttercup Unicorn, she instantly understood.
"If you want it to sound more like a letter from a girl, you shouldn't use..."