Waking up at the sound of the lunch bell, Yufei had his head resting on Xiaodan's shoulder, the larger youth's arm wrapped firmly around his smaller waist.
Yufei's heart immediately sped up and he could feel his face become warmer.
"Ah… Xiao, Xiaodan." Yufei awkwardly straightened up and rearranged his tousled hair. "Sorry. I must've been more tired than I thought."
"Did you stay up too late?"
Xiaodan looked at Yufei worriedly, his angular eyebrows furrowed.
"I just woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back asleep."
He gave a smile, trying to play it off, but the boy just continued to stare at him silently.
"…It was only a nightmare, so I'm fine…" Yufei trailed off as the realization hit him.
That nap was free of dreams, let alone nightmares! It was a refreshing and peaceful slumber, starkly different from the previous night.
'Does it only happen at night?'
Watching Yufei's increasingly confused expression with concern, Xiaodan put his hand to his forehead, seriously checking the dazed youth's temperature. Snapping back to reality, Yufei reassured him.
"I'm not sick."
"Okay… Just… tell me if you ever need something. I'll come running."
Despite the funny wording, pairing it with that gentle gaze just made it all the more comforting. Eventually, Yufei nodded and the two headed to the rooftop to eat lunch.
When they reached their destination, Yufei couldn't help but take a moment to silently admire the fiery shades of leaves below. The sea of vermilion and cool wind lifted his mood considerably.
As he gazed down, Yufei felt that the view reminded him of the first time he and Xiaodan met, just it wasn't on a school rooftop, but a hospital one instead.
He was 10 at the time, nearing the end of his rehabilitation period after a successful tumor removal surgery, yet Yufei's hospital ward was ever silent. He never received a visit or even a get-well present. Yufei was alone from beginning to end.
One day at the hospital, during a bout of depression, Yufei suddenly felt that his ward was too lonely and suffocating, so he had went up to the rooftop for some fresh air. And there Xiaodan was, staring down at the sunny clusters of treetops, his face impassive as the damp wind ruffled his hair.
From behind, Yufei found his scrawny figure somewhat pitiful, standing still against the barred gates that prevented patients from ending it all. Or perhaps… Yufei merely found himself relating to him in a way.
Without a word, not even a glance, Yufei approached and stood beside the skinny boy.
They both gazed at nothing in silence, and while Yufei initially felt awkward, he quickly found solace in the quiet company of a fellow kid whose mood matched that day's gloomy autumn clouds.
Yufei shook his head, inexplicably embarrassed at the sudden inner sob story monologue, though he knew no one could hear it. Yet now, Yufei could only see the depressing memory as the twist of fate that brought them together.
They were both so down and out around that period, that if they hadn't met then, they probably wouldn't even had taken the intiative to acknowledge each other. It was only because he and Xiaodan recognized each other from that day that they had wordlessly decided to sit together.
"It's really nice out!"
Today, there was not a gloomy autumn cloud in sight, and that only made Yufei's mood all the cheerier.
He turned to look at Xiaodan with sparkling eyes. His vision was just a little bit blurred, but he wasn't feeling sad, only the opposite.
Yufei had naturally expected Xiaodan to be looking at the scenery as well. However, instead of his gaze turning towards him, it was already focused on him as if he had been looking at Yufei the entire time.
At that moment, a strange thought popped into Yufei's mind. 'Did Xiaodan look at me like that back then…?' Yufei wouldn't have known, mostly because he was actively trying not to turn his head towards him at the time, afraid it might bother or disturb him.
It was unlikely. They hadn't exchanged a word, knew each other's names, or even knew of each other's existence until then. The gaze Xiaodan was showing right now was not one could casually cast on a person they just met.
Yet, against all reason, the thought made Yufei's mind soften as if turning into mush and his body became slightly weak.
Yufei's offline reasoning: Woah! Such a big reaction! Something's up!
Yufei's online reasoning: Stop thinking about it! Stop!
"L, let's eat!"
He hurriedly turned his gaze away, feeling flustered. Luckily, the jelly-like feeling quickly faded and his palpitating heart slowed down to a much safer degree. Still fast, but not heart attack fast.
Yufei sat down and leaned his back on the bordering wall, patting beside him to indicate to Xiaodan to sit down.
However, he just looked down to Yufei with pensive eyes, as if he were considering something. Confused, Yufei unconsciously tilted his head with a puzzled brow.
"What's wrong?"
"… I want to sit where you're sitting…"
Yufei paused, but quickly scooted to the side without complaints. It was just moving for a few seconds, so he had no qualms about it.
"…"
Xiaodan plopped down beside him before requesting yet another thing. His tone sounded strangely dissatisfied…
"Stand up… please."
At the polite 'please' added at the end, Yufei chuckled softly, and all of the confusing sensations were washed away as he did so. Xiao Dan was so cute. His tone was like a sulking puppy.
"Hehe. Okay."
Standing up, Yufei looked down to him, his eyes curved in slight amusement without a hint of irritation.
"What now?"
At moments like these, Yufei's tolerance of Xiaodan became awfully clear. Even when Xiaodan didn't answer verbally and just held out his hand to him, Yufei obediently followed along. Easily understanding the message, he grasped the outstretched hand without thinking.
However, Yufei soon realized that was a mistake as Xiaodan pulled him down without warning and gently placed him between his legs.
'Holy shit! What is he doing?!!'
Yufei's offline reasoning: Suspicious signs!
Yufei's online reasoning: Shit, my heart's beating so fast!!!! What the hell?!
He had to calm down. Yufei wriggled subtly within the larger youth's grasp, trying to show some resistance without losing his shi-
"Don't leave…"
Just as Yufei was about to question him, Xiaodan spoke near his ear, sending shivers down his spine.
"... O… Okay…"
Giving up, Yufei leaned on his chest a little more and squirmed until he found a comfortable position. Then, with clammy hands, he pulled out his lunch.
Weirdly, Yufei didn't have much of an appetite and struggled to swallow the bites. After managing to swallow three mouthfuls, he reluctantly put away the sandwhich, momentarily feeling guilty for not finishing it.
The kind, old housekeeper had packed him that lunch. Even though Yufei had suddenly asked for something simple that day, essentially reducing her workload, she had worriedly insisted that he should eat a full meal. According to her, a sandwhich was barely even half the standard quantity.
In the end, she made Yufei a sandwhich like he had wanted, yet he couldn't even eat a quarter of the 'half-meal' she whipped up…
However, being sleep-deprived and still recovering from a near heart-attack, Yufei's mind was a mess and he failed to dwell on that for long.
Instead, his mind wandered to what was really bugging him: last night's dream. That dream had left a bad taste in his mouth from the start, but the feeling only intensified the more Yufei contemplated.
Whenever he recalled the dream Xiaodan's watery eyes after being brutally slapped on the cheek, his chest became unbearably tight.
'I really hope I don't dream of something like that again…'
But unfortunately, Yufei would inevitably find out later that reality was much crueler than he imagined.
* * *
Xiaodan buried his face into the crook of Yufei's neck, finding his subtle shivers at every exhale endearing.
He unconsciously breathed in the plum scent, the sweet and slightly tarty fragrance with subtle floral tones invigorating his muddled mind.
In Xiaodan's perspective, everything around him felt muffled and he often felt himself gradually detach from the world. But just when he begins to teeter on the edge of reality, the radiant Yufei pulls him out of his absentminded darkness and grounds him everytime.
The only thing Xiaodan could see clearly within the smudged surroundings was Yufei.
His hazel eyes and silky black hair mesmerized him. His soft skin and healthy figure that fitted perfectly in his arms comforted him. His warm and cheery voice along with his animated expressions filled him with emotions that could only be described as euphoria.
He was quite literally Xiaodan's entire world. All he saw was Yufei and Yufei alone.
Feeling unsatisfied with their position, Xiaodan wrapped his arms around Yufei, pulling him towards him until he was flat against him.
Thankfully, Yufei didn't seem to care… or maybe he didn't notice at all?
His eyes looked distant as he put away the sandwich that didn't have even a fourth eaten.
Xiaodan felt uneasy while observing his detached atmosphere.
"Yufei…?"
He opened his mouth tentatively.
"Huh…? Oh. What's wrong?"
Yufei tilted his head back to meet Xiaodan's gaze.
"Just… If you're worried about something… or overthinking… then focus on me. Obsessing over things that you can't control will only make you spiral out indefinitely."
Seeing Yufei's expression shift, Xiaodan intuitively knew he had hit the nail on the head.
"Hehe. You really know me well, huh? Then let's talk about something. Lunch is almost over, so let's walk back to class while we're at it."
His anxious expression melted away, replaced by a smile that shined like the sun. Xiaodan felt butterflies in his stomach and uncontrollably cracked a wide smile.
Yufei widened his eyes at that moment, before swiftly turning away with a red face.
Cute… So cute…
His smile softened before he tapped Yufei's shoulder so that they could get up and go back to the classroom.