"Noa?"
I snapped out of my thoughts as Luisa called my name, snapping her fingers in front of me.
"Oh... yeah, sorry. Where were we?" I asked, blinking rapidly to refocus.
Luisa gave me a concerned look. "Are you okay? Do you need a break? You look… lost."
"I'm fine," I lied, forcing a small smile. "Let's continue."
But the truth was, I was lost, lost in my own thoughts, in the whirlwind of emotions I couldn't seem to shake. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about Joshua.
Luisa watched me closely as I adjusted my grip on the bow, her eyes scanning my posture. "Alright, Noa, let's try that passage again," she said gently. "Start from the second measure and focus on your bowing technique."
I nodded and positioned my fingers on the strings, taking a deep breath before playing. The deep, rich sound of the cello filled the room, but halfway through, I faltered, my fingers hesitating over the notes.
Luisa sighed softly and set her own bow down. "Noa, stop for a second."
I exhaled sharply, lowering my bow. "What is it?"
She studied me carefully before speaking. "You're distracted. I can see it in the way you're playing. Your fingers know where to go, but your mind is somewhere else."
I swallowed, avoiding her gaze. "I'm just tired," I said quickly. "I didn't get much sleep last night."
She didn't look convinced. "Is everything okay? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but if something's bothering you, it's okay to talk about it."
I hesitated. Luisa didn't know about everything I had been dealing with, about my struggles with my past, my future, or the people who seemed to pull me in different directions.
"I guess I just feel… stuck," I admitted quietly. "Like I'm trying to move forward, but something keeps pulling me back."
Luisa nodded thoughtfully. "That makes sense. You've been through a lot, Noa. It's normal to feel unsure sometimes. But you don't have to figure everything out all at once."
I looked down at my cello, running my fingers over the strings. "I don't even know if I still belong to this," I murmured. "There was a time when playing felt natural, like it was a part of me. Now? I'm not sure if I'm playing because I want to or because everyone expects me to."
Luisa was silent for a moment before she spoke. "You don't have to decide that today. But I will say this, music is something that never truly leaves you. Maybe it's not about proving anything to anyone. Maybe it's just about seeing where it takes you."
I let her words sink in as I stared at my cello.
"Now," she continued, smiling gently, "why don't we try again? No pressure, no expectations. Just play."
I nodded, inhaling deeply as I repositioned my bow. This time, I wasn't thinking about anyone else. I wasn't thinking about expectations or lost memories.
I was just playing.
As I played the final note, the deep resonance of the cello faded into silence. I let out a slow breath, my fingers still resting on the strings.
Then, a gentle clap broke the quiet.
I looked up to see Luisa smiling, her hands coming together in a slow, appreciative applause. "That was… incredible, Noa," she said, her voice filled with awe. "I knew you were talented, but that..." she shook her head, "that was something else."
A small, uncertain smile tugged at my lips. "Really? I felt a little rusty."
Luisa chuckled. "Rusty? No, what I just heard was someone who still has music flowing through them. You played with emotion, Noa. Not just skill, but heart."
I looked down at my cello, tracing the wood with my fingertips. "I wasn't sure if I still had it in me," I admitted. "For a long time, I thought I lost it."
Luisa sat on the chair beside me, her expression softening. "You didn't lose it. You just needed to find it again in your own way."
I let her words settle in. Maybe she was right. Maybe music had never truly left me... I had just been afraid to listen.
Luisa ended our practice just after I played Caruso flawlessly. She smiled as she packed up her things.
"So, I'll see you next week, Noa," she said.
"Thank you, Luisa," I replied, my voice drained of energy. I rubbed my temples. "I think I'll call it a night. I'm exhausted."
She gave me a knowing look. "Of course. You worked hard today. Go get some rest."
I nodded and left my mom's art room, heading straight to my bedroom. As soon as I stepped inside, I collapsed onto my bed, sinking into the soft sheets. My body ached from the long practice session, but my mind refused to quiet down.
No matter how much I tried to push the thoughts away, Professor Elsher kept creeping back in.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I groaned and rolled onto my back, staring at the ceiling.
Why couldn't I stop thinking about him? And worse... why did I keep glancing at my phone every time I heard a notification tone?
Was I actually waiting for his message?
I let out a frustrated sigh and turned on my side, hugging my pillow. This is ridiculous. He was just my professor, my undeniably handsome, frustratingly charming professor.
I shook my head and grabbed my phone, scrolling mindlessly just to distract myself. But every time a notification popped up, my heart did this stupid little jump, only to sink the moment I realized it wasn't from him.
I groaned and threw my phone onto the bed. Seriously, Noa? What are you even expecting?
I closed my eyes, trying to will myself to sleep, but my mind betrayed me, replaying our conversation from earlier.
"I noticed you didn't look at me the whole class. Are you avoiding me, Miss Schmid?"
His voice echoed in my head, smooth and teasing, and I felt the heat rise to my cheeks all over again.
Ugh. This was getting out of hand.
I needed to stop.
I needed to sleep.
And most of all, I needed to stop waiting for a message that probably wasn't coming.
Just as I rolled over and pulled my blanket up, my phone vibrated.
My breath hitched.
I grabbed it without thinking, my heart pounding against my ribs.
I stared at the screen, expecting... no, hoping... to see his name.
But instead, it was Samantha.
Samantha: Are you seriously ignoring me right now?
I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding and quickly typed back.
Me: What? No, I just got out of practice. Why?
A reply came instantly.
Samantha: Because I know that look you had in class, Noa. You were thinking about him, weren't you?
I groaned and buried my face in my pillow before responding.
Me: Go to sleep, Sam.
Samantha: Ohhh, I knew it! You've got it bad! Just admit it already!
Me: Goodnight, Samantha.
Samantha: Goodnight, Mrs. Elsher ;)
I shut off my phone and tossed it onto the bed, my cheeks burning.
Samantha is impossible.
But the worst part?
She wasn't wrong.
I stared at the ceiling, my mind spinning in circles.
Am I really liking Joshua Alexander Elsher?
I could feel the question echo in my head, over and over, but every time I tried to answer it, my mind just shut down.
No. There's no way. He's my professor, for crying out loud.
I flipped onto my side, hugging my pillow tight. I'm just... admiring his professionalism. That's all. Just because I notice him doesn't mean I'm interested.
Yeah, that's it. I'm just focused on my studies.
The last few days, though those moments in class, when his eyes lingered just a second too long, when his voice got that smooth, deep tone that made my heart do strange flips, I couldn't stop thinking about them. But that's normal, right?
I mean, who wouldn't get distracted by someone so... attractive?
But this? This obsession?
No way.
I wasn't that kind of girl. I wasn't going to fall for my professor.
Right?
I rolled over again, staring at the wall. It was silly. Ridiculous.
But then... Why am I still thinking about him?
Get it together, Noa.
But no matter how much I told myself that, his face kept creeping into my thoughts.
I heard my phone buzz again, but this time, I just ignored it. It was probably Samantha, sending me another one of her endless messages about whatever drama was going on.
I rolled over onto my stomach and buried my face in the pillow, trying to escape the thoughts swirling in my mind. I really needed to stop thinking about Professor Elsher.
But then, the buzzing came again. And again. Reluctantly, I reached for my phone, fully expecting to see Samantha's name flashing on the screen.
But when I unlocked it, my heart skipped a beat.
It was a message from him.
Joshua Alexander Elsher.
For a second, I just stared at the screen, trying to make sense of it. My fingers hovered over the message, a tight knot forming in my chest.
I had to be imagining this, right? There was no way.
But there it was. A message from him.
"Good evening, Noa. Hope you're doing well. Just wanted to remind you about Saturday. Let me know if you need anything."
My heart pounded in my chest as I reread his message. Why was he texting me? It was just a reminder, sure, but my mind couldn't help but go into overdrive.
Did this mean... he was thinking about me too?
No. Stop it, Noa. You're reading too much into this. He's just being polite.
I stared at the message for a few more seconds, then set my phone down. But even though I tried to convince myself that it wasn't anything, the flutter in my chest wouldn't go away.
I quickly wiped the corners of my mouth, trying to hide the stupid grin that had crept up on my face.
Why are you smiling, Noa?
I told myself to stop overthinking it. It was just a text. Just a reminder. No need to get all worked up over it. But there was this warmth in my chest, something I couldn't shake off, no matter how much I tried.
I leaned back against my pillow, staring at the ceiling, trying to calm my racing heart.
Stop it, Noa. He's your professor. It's nothing.
But that thought only seemed to make my smile widen, as if my brain and my heart were having their own little secret conversation.
I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to ground myself.
"You're being ridiculous," I muttered under my breath, but even I could hear the uncertainty in my voice.
I took my phone again, my fingers moving almost instinctively as I typed "Joshua Alexander Elsher" into the search bar. I hit enter, and immediately, a flood of results popped up.
Damn! He looks like a hot model in his photos.
Curiosity got the better of me, and I clicked on one of the more reputable websites that featured him. As I started reading, I learned that he was the adopted son of Dr. Angelica and Dr. Nathan Elsher, two names that immediately caught my attention. Both were well-known and respected doctors in the field of neurology.
The article went on to explain that he had topped the bar exam and graduated summa cum laude from Harvard. No wonder he was so accomplished.
I couldn't help but feel my jaw drop as I read through the article. I was completely amazed by him. It was almost too much to take in. How was it that someone this incredible had crossed my path? He wasn't just a good professor; he was practically a walking success story.
I scrolled through the page, my mind buzzing with thoughts, questions, and if I was being honest with myself... a lot of admiration.
"How do I even compete with someone like him?" I muttered to myself, realizing just how much I had started to admire him in a very different way than I had ever expected.
I quickly exited the website, feeling a little embarrassed at how deeply I had fallen down the rabbit hole of his life. But then, without thinking, my thumb kept scrolling through the images of him. There he was again, looking impossibly handsome in every single one. I couldn't help but smile.
"He's so freaking handsome," I muttered to myself, my heart giving a little flutter in my chest.
What the hell, Noa? I scolded myself. Why am I acting like this? It's just Professor Elsher.
But deep down, I knew it wasn't just that. There was something more, something I couldn't quite put into words.
I tossed my phone to the side, trying to shake off the thoughts swirling in my mind. I need to sleep, I told myself, closing my eyes tightly. I pulled the covers up and tried to focus on the rhythmic sound of my breathing, hoping it would lull me into some semblance of peace.
But every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was his face, Joshua Alexander Elsher. And no matter how hard I tried to push him out of my mind, I couldn't.