Magic.
Such a beautiful word. Such a beautiful idea.
Nothing screams "Fantasy World!" quite like magic does.
So why? Why oh why, is something that looks so cool... is learnt so boringly?!
***
Sensing the mana around you is something that cannot be taught, nor is it something easy to learn.
Everyone who awakens mana sensing has a different experience.
Some awaken it during a life or death situation out of sheer desperation. Some describe it as having your third eye open after months of extreme meditation. For others it feels like a kind of revelation given by god.
But for me? For me it was just pain. Nothing more than just pure pain.
I didn't have months, I couldn't meditate until something happened. I couldn't rely on a miracle from god either. And I most certainly didn't want to be in a life or death situation.
So I had to force it. I had to force my body to sense mana.
The method to do that is pretty simple.
You body naturally takes in mana. By following that thread, you encounter 'outside' mana.
Of course, just because you encounter it, it doesn't mean you can sense it. This is just step one.
The mana from the atmosphere is absorbed by your body and is slowly converted into your own mana. Think of it like a percent value. At first it's 0% similar to your mana, then it's 20% then it's 50% similar.
The human body can naturally sense mana that is not fully similar to yours. So that mana that is 50% similar to yours, you can feel it.
In that mana, you have to sense the other 50%. You have to consciously force your body to realize that the other 50% also exists.
But this is not easy. You body naturally rejects sensing mana that is not yours. You are basically rewriting your body's biological code. And that leads to―
"Another nosebleed, huh..."
This was not the first time this happened, and not even the tenth.
'And I doubt it will be the last.'
My brain felt like it was on fire and my white towel was already completely red.
'Well, that's why I brought three.'
I wipe my nose with the second towel. No more blood came out, just like all the other times. The blood only comes out when I am actively trying to sense mana, after all.
'I feel lightheaded, so I probably lost too much blood. Tsk. If only Angelica could heal me...'
Unlike in most stories, the healing here worked on everything. It didn't matter if it was blood loss, limb loss or even a disease of some kind. It worked no matter what.
It even worked on cancer, though you would need a very good healer for that.
Since I had already lost a lot of blood and my brain hurt like hell, I continued trying to sense mana.
What? I wasn't going to stop. I wasn't going to rest. I was still able to think, so I was still able to do more.
My body was tough. Tougher than all but one. It could handle this.
I could handle this.
***
The sound of giggles filled the air. All of the children were running around with their kites, completely immersed. Well, not all were running around, but there are always bound to be outliers in a group, so it was no biggie.
"I'm really glad you went out of your way to do this. The kids will surely appreciate it."
I scratched my head while being, admittedly, a bit embarrassed. I hid that embarrassment behind a poker face.
"Well, I am nasty after all. I talk like a jerk, I act like I'm a jerk, and yet, I am not a jerk. Isn't it nasty for a person who you thought was bad, to actually end up being good?"
"Fufu. It seems like the only words you use to refer to yourself are 'nasty' and 'worryful'. It's quite funny."
'Funny? Yeah, I guess it would be funny to others.'
I stared into nothingness.
"Well, it is easier to make a personality out of being nasty and being full of worries than having to deal with the full range of emotions and ideas a normal person should have."
There was a reason tropes existed in books and such. It was much easier to make up a character that had a couple of core ideas and nothing more.
Yes, it was easier to make a character that way, an idea of person who exists only in imagination and not in reality.
'Because Faun's only traits are worrying and being nasty. No longing, no nostalgia. Just worries and nastiness'
I didn't want to have the emptiness in my heart. It was not something I desired.
I just want to live a simple life with no worries. That is my one and only simple wish.
'Yes. That is my one and only small wish.'
Because a simple character does not wish for more.
So I will not wish for more either.
"―Waaah!"
Immediately, Angelica rushed to the little girl who had tripped and got her leg scraped a bit.
The healing quickly finished.
"Thank you auntie Angelica!"
"No need to thank me. Just be more careful, alright? I won't always be nearby to heal you."
"I will!"
The girl went on to keep running with her kite. She did not learn her lesson at all and she definitely wasn't more careful.
I walked up to Angelica.
"Are you sure that it's a good idea to raise children that way?"
Angelica looked on with a sad expression.
"I... I don't know. I once wanted nothing more than rid the world of pain... but the more I live, the more I realize that pain is necessary. And I'm not sure how to feel about that."
...Angelica seemed like the type of person whose beliefs have been challenged multiple times throughout her life. Even now, when she was an adult, her ideas and beliefs were being challlenged by the world around her.
She wanted for no more pain to exist, but was that even the correct choice? Is it not pain that tells us we are alive? Is it not pain that allows us to understand what is right to do and what is wrong to do? Is it not pain that allows us to mature? Is it not pain that allows us to sympathize and empathize with other people?
'―――'
"Everything in life has to be in moderation. From eating to training. From emotions to apathy. From sin to virtue. Pain is necessary, just like everything else in life, but that does not mean wanting it gone is the wrong way to think. You just need to specify. To separate which pain is needed and which pain is not. You just have to find the boundary between those two."
Angelica smiled at me, but she still looked sad.
"Thanks."
Her sadness did not go away. I did not change her perception of life just because of a few sentences. I was not a protagonist of an anime, I could not just say something inspiring and fix all her problems.
But that was fine. This was real life, problems did not go away just because a stupid teenager told you some inspiring words. She was a real person and will stay like that, and that was fine.
I was the only one who should become a character.
"In my opinion though, letting more kids be like Kurt will be better, compared to what you're doing now."
When looking at all the kids in Abut, there was one who inevitably stood out. It was a boy with brown hair and gold eyes. Unlike all others, he was covered in bandages and such from head to toe.
Kurt wished to be an adventurer ―To say that would not be the full truth.
Kurt wished to be strong. After once getting lost in the forest and bumping into an orc, he thought he would die. But his luck had not run out yet. He ran into an adventurer that killed the orc in one slash.
From thereon, Kurt started pursuing strength under the foolish misunderstanding that he wished to become an adventurer.
In fact, he was so serious in his desire, that he even denied Angelica's healing. All because "An adventurer doesn't have to rely on anyone, an adventurer can do everything by himself!"
His mind was selective, just like most kids his age. He had completely forgotten that the adventurer who saved him was in a party, and he had completely forgotten that the adventurer was given buffs by the rest of the party before killing the orc.
In the future, he will be forced to confront the reality that he cannot do everything alone. He will be forced to realize that he was wrong.
But that was fine. All of it was a learning experience necessary to mature.
―Or that was the way I expected his life to go, at least. I can't see the future after all.
'Aha. I'm getting lost in my thoughts again.'
Analyzing different people was a hobby of mine. Understanding their past, comprehending their present and predicting how their futures would turn out. All of it was interesting to think about.
"Kurt can feel the consequences every time he gets hurt. Not just short, but long-term ones too. I feel like understanding the idea of consequences is important for a person to mature, is it not?"
"Perhaps. But seeing them cry in pain... it's never pleasant."
Angelica scowls.
This made sense. Because this whole problem... it was not only about the kids' pain, but hers too.
Everytime she saw a kid get hurt, she felt that pain, literally. Memories of her getting hurt resurfaced, and so she had to relive those painful experiences again.
Humans are selfish beings. If she could stop those memories from happening just by healing a kid, then why not do it? So what if the kid wouldn't grow up fine? So what if they didn't get the proper experiences to understand consequences? She wouldn't relive her painful memories again, and that was all that mattered.
The matter was complicated, and it didn't have a 'correct' solution, nor was any solution a simple one. No matter which path she chose, it would be difficult. Life was always like that ― ruthless and unfair.
"Life. What a funny thing it is, isn't it?"
I didn't even have to fake a smile this time. It came naturally.
***
'Ah, I feel really lightheaded today. It seems I have overdone it a bit, I didn't manage to recover all my lost blood in my sleep.'
It was somewhat hard to think straight. It didn't feel like my mind was muddy, more like it was jello that could easily jiggle.
It felt like I could be affected easier.
'That's fine. I've dealt with worse.'
And besides, I could feel that I was making progress. The elusive atmosphere mana was slowly starting to make more and more sense to me.
I was close, I could feel it.
In fact, I was so close, that I was going to meditate right now.
I wasn't going to stop when I was so close.
***
I woke up. I slowly opened my eyes ―heavy, my eyelids felt way too heavy. No, it were not just my eyelids, my entire body felt way too heavy.
'I... overdid it.'
Even the sigh that escaped me was heavy.
I had lost too much blood, and now I was laying in my bed, recovering. Jagon must've found me unconscious in my room and put me to bed.
I tried to raise my arm. Heavy, but not impossible.
My thoughts weren't much different. Just stringing two sentences together felt like a herculean feat, but it was possible.
'Pancakes! This is the worst state I could be in!'
This was the situation I wanted to avoid the most. Because when you can't think... your emotions take the wheel.
Add to that my powerless state of laying down unable to do anything, and you have a recipe for disaster.
'Well, it is all my fault.'
I had pushed myself too far. Even though I was given clear signs, I just ignored them.
Yes... just like back then. The signs are always there, it's just that I decide to not pick up on them.
Because I am afraid of picking up on them...
...
'Heh, this powerlessness... it's way too familiar.'
Just like back then, when I was in a hospital bed, recovering from a life-threatening injury, betrayed by someone I trusted...
'Yeah, that was completely on me. I just didn't see the signs. I didn't want to see the signs. When I felt bertayed by the whole world, she was one of the only comforts, so I just ignored the madness in her.'
And where did that lead me? To a hospital, my life hanging by a thread.
I remember the doctors saying that it was a miracle given by god that I survived. How, if I came just a couple of seconds later, if the knife went in a little bit deeper, if my clothes hadn't reduced the impact, if the cut was just a bit wider, if the cut was just a little bit to the right, how if just one of those things happened, I would've been dead.
I remember it all vividly. Way too vividly, even.
From that moment on, I realized ―trusting people I didn't fully understand was stupid. No, it was not just stupid, but dangerous.
And not only that, I despised them saying that it was a miracle given by god. God didn't help me there, I did.
I shouted for help so that someone would come over as soon as possible. I stepped back to make sure the knife didn't go in too deep. I was the one who put on those thick clothes that day. I was the one who stopped the knife before it could cut me more. I was the one who rotated my body to make sure that it didn't hit any vital areas.
And most importanly, I was the one who removed the threat.
I, I, I, I, I. It was all me. ME.
God didn't help me, but my actions did. My parents' hopes didn't help me, but my actions did.
Sure, I couldn't deny some luck went into that, but it was me. My actions were what kept me alive.
'...Yeah, thanks Yui.'
Thanks for making me into a broken mess of a kid. It took me one whole year to become semi-normal again, you know?
And right after that, I was transmigrated here...
'Seriously, can I not take a break for once in my life?'
Life was truly unfair. And it certainly had a sense of humor.
'Well, at least I've always had people I could rely on.'
My parents, my brother and... Ashna.
My mood turned downcast as soon as I remembered Ashna.
'I hope you'll have a great life in all of your next nine lives, Ashna. Or no, wait, it's eight lives since it's nine minus one, right? No wait, why am I assuming that that was Ashna's first life? It could've been her last for all I know.'
Too little information to say anything clearly. Wait, why was I even thinking about Ashna in the first place? What kind of train of thought led me there?
'This blood loss thing is really serious, huh?'
My head was a real mess.
But surely... surely... pushing myself just a bit more wouldn't be too bad, right?
'Yeah, I'm just joking. No way I'm that dumb.'
I'll only push myself after I rest for a bit.
***
My nose was bleeding. The towel right next to me was a pinkish color. I felt lightheaded and I had small eyebags under my eyes.
But the smile I had was so big that none of that mattered.
"Woooooo! Yeahhhhhh babyyyyyy! That's what I've been waiting for! That's what it's all about! Woooooo!"
Finally.
Finally, after so much blood, after so much pain, I had done it.
'Well, it wasn't that much pain and blood, but that doesn't matter.'
Right, just two weeks (ten days) isn't actually that long of a time.
But it felt like it was long! It was so boring and painful that it felt like... like two months at the least!
'Oh boy, I want to complain to someone so bad...'
But it was not quite time for that. Because―
"This is... so weird."
I could now feel the mana around me and it felt... wrong.
But, well, I had gotten used to quite a lot of things that felt wrong, so it was nothing new to me.
Still, it was interesting to see the world in a new perspective.
Like, I could feel every single bit of mana in this room. It almost felt like fog.
I could even feel the fact that there was mana inside the wood this house was made of.
'No wait. I can't feel the inside of the wood.'
I could only feel the surface of it.
Which got me thinking.
'Why can't I see outside my room?'
It was clear that mana sensing wasn't all powerful, and I wanted to know all of its limitations.
Of course, I could just ask Jagon about it... but where's the fun in that? Thinking about this is good mental exercise, and I also sometimes just want to have a bit of fun.
So, I started thinking.
I couldn't see inside the wood, and I also couldn't see outside my room. What were the connections between the two? I tried to come up with something... but they shared way too many similarities.
I decided to go outside and see whether there would be more clues there.
But the moment I opened my door, something weird happened.
I could now see the entire kitchen too.
Before I opened the door, I couldn't feel the kitchen at all, but the moment I opened it, I could immediately feel all the mana in the kitchen.
This ruled out the possibility of me being to sense mana in a certain radius around me. ...No, it didn't quite rule it out. After all, there are probably multiple limitations to it. A radius might be just one of them.
But still, it was interesting that the moment I opened the door I could feel the mana. Even when there was only a small space between the door and the wall, I could feel the entire kitchen fully.
'Perhaps it's...'
I slowly opened the door and slowly closed it, trying to gauge at which exact moment did I stop sensing the kitchen.
Turns out, it was just at the moment when there wasn't much open space between the door and the wall. It didn't have to be fully closed for me to stop sensing, but it had to be very close to it.
'Alright, another test.'
I slightly unzipped my backpack. The moment even the smallest hole appeared, I could feel the inside fully.
This confirmed one of the limitations of mana sensing.
"I cannot sense beyond enclosed spaces."
If I tried to sense inside of an enclosed space (like my backpack), I wouldn't be able to do it. If I tried to sense outside an enclosed space while being inside it (like my room), I wouldn't be able to do it.
But this also meant that―
"As long as there is a clear pathway, I can sense everywhere."
That pathway had to be a certain size though. Like, I couldn't sense between the small amount of space between a closed door and a wall, or between atoms.
Still, this was big.
Even if there was a wall between me and my opponent, as long as I wasn't in a box, I would be able to sense the enemy.
No wait, even if I made a box, as long as I made a small hole, I would still be able to sense the enemy.
And also―
"I'm having another nosebleed."
Since my body isn't used to sensing outside mana, it can't do it for long.
But that problem will take care of itself in time. It's not really something to worry about.
"My Isekai life..."
I wanted to say something cool, like "is finally starting" or "is gettin' good".
But in reality?
"...is complete shit."
***
"Hey, Jagon! Mind if I ask you a question?"
"Sure, ask away."
"What limitations does mana sensing have?"
He blinked at me in confusion. He didn't expect me to ask that at all.
"...You can already sense mana can't you?"
I wasn't even surprised that he guessed that.
"Yep! Please answer my question now."
"So fast... Anyway, there are two limitations to mana sensing. You cannot look beyond enclosed spaces and you cannot sense too far."
"Tell me more about that sensing too far thing. How does it work? Is a kind of radius around you that you can sense in?"
"Half yes, half no. How to best explain it..."
Jagon furrowed his brows in thought.
"Imagine a string that comes from your body. Now, wherever this string can get, is exactly how far you can sense. But you see, if you want to sense behind a wall, that string will have to bend around the wall and you will end up sensing less area than you'd otherwise would. Does that make sense?"
I mulled over it for a bit.
'A string... yeah, that makes sense.'
"So, if I'm in an open area, I will sense in a radius. But if there are obstacles, my sensing range will be impeeded. It won't be completely nullified, and I can see behind the obstacles, but the range will be diminished."
"You got it."
Interesting. This explanation also made sense along with the other limitation. The string had a certain width, and unless it was thin enough to pass, I wouldn't be able to sense anything.
"Also, as you use it more, you get better at it. The length of the string will increase and... the width of the string will decrease too."
The width could... decrease?
'Which means that making it small enough to fit inbetween atoms isn't impossible.'
Of course, something like that isn't possible for a human. The amount of time you'd need is impossible to even think about.
But for elves, who live for hunderds of years...
'I should be careful of elves.'
In fact, I should be careful of any long living species. No, not just species, but any people who have lived for a long time.
In this world, you seemed to get better at everything with time. So I wouldn't be surprised if people got stronger throughout their whole lives, not getting weaker upon reaching old age.
'Case in point, be wary of elders.'
"Thanks, Jagon."
"I'll accept that gratitude."
"You don't break character, huh? Anyway, I have another question."
"Ask away."
"Why don't you colonize Zelen?"
Jagon blinked in surprise at me and then raised an eyebrow.
"Why the hell would you want to know that?"
I smiled.
"Well, I'm the type of person who wants to leave no holes in my knowledge."
Whenever I played games, I always clicked every pixel, checked every single wall, and did my best to find any bugs I could use.
I made sure to check everything, made sure to know everything I could use to my advantage.
Was it really weird that someone like me ended up being interested in all kinds of information?
Information about things, people, and now... even information like this.
"Well... that's going to be long."
"Long? Why? Difficult to understand political situations?"
Jagon shook his head.
"It's just that I'll have to explain a lot of things you probably don't know about. It's a long staircase of information."
"Well I have a lot of time."
Jagon stared at me... and then sighed.
"Well, you already know how to sense mana, so magic's not too far away for you, I guess. First, I'll have to explain magic, or more accurately, the different tiers and kinds of magic."
Ooh~. I wonder, how will he connect this to colonization?
"There are three tiers of magic. Physical Magic, Concept Magic and Foundation Magic. For now, I'll just explain Physical Magic. Physical magic has seven different kinds of it: lightning, fire, earth, ice, wind, water and light. But... it wasn't always this way."
"What do you mean?"
Jagon looked towards Zelen's direction.
"There also used to be wood magic too. It stopped existing two hundred years ago."
"Stopped... existing? Not lost to time, not disappeared, but... stopped existing?"
"That's right. Explaining why that happened... is another staircase that I am not ready to deal with right now. For now, just remember that there used to be an eighth Physical Magic."
"Alright."
I nodded, and Jagon continued.
"Next, I'll explain Saints."
What a shame, no more magic knowledge. Oh well.
"Saints are people that are born with extreme powers in a single kind of magic. They inherently have great understanding of their kind of magic and can use it to a level no one else can."
...Hehe. How ridiculous. How funny. How much I wanted to laugh.
How unfair.
A small smile formed on my face.
...
'...No. This is wrong.'
Just as quickly as the smile appeared, it was replaced by a frown.
'I can not judge people that quickly. I know that life― people always know how to mess up anyone's life.'
If I had to guess... Saints were probably treated like nukes in this world. In other words... they were barely thought of as people.
I couldn't start hating Saints just because they were born gifted. That was a path I would not return from.
The world wasn't fair... but that meant I had to hate the world, not the people in it.
"There can only be one Saint of a kind of magic at a single time. And, of course, there existed Wood Saints too, even though they do not exist anymore. Switching the topic, three hundred years ago, Zelen... was the most dangerous forest in the world."
Eh? The most dangerous? The one that now has the least monster density of any monster forest?
"The reason it is as safe as it is now, is because three hundred years ago, the greatest Wood Saint of all time, she was called the Life Creator, made a plant resembling a tree's roots... that covers the whole forest and sucks in nutrients and mana."
...That is one hell of a feat.
From what I could tell, Zelen was one of the largest forests in the whole world. It took up about one million square kilometers of area.
'From random fact internet videos, I remember that the Amazon forest, the largest forest on earth, was five and a half million square kilometers. So Zelen is one fifth of that.'
The scale was so crazy that I couldn't even imagine it.
And yet, the Life Creator managed to make a plant that could cover it whole? That's... crazy! No wonder she was the greatest Wood Saint of all time!
'Setting the scale aside, a plant that sucks up nutrients and mana?'
Without proper nutrients, plants couldn't survive. Without plants, the herbivores and omnivores couldn't survive. Without herbivores to hunt, carnivores died too.
And less mana meant that monsters wouldn't be nearly as strong as otherwise.
'So all the strongest monsters that needed a lot of food died, and the only ones that survived were the ones that didn't need much food in the first place. And even then, those already weak monsters become weaker because of mana being more scarce.'
That is how the most dengerous forest in the world... became one of the safest.
'All because of a single person.'
I shivered. I should probably be glad that wood magic doesn't exist anymore.
"And since this root exists, there is no reason to take over Zelen. In fact, since the Life Creator was a woman who thought of life as precious, taking over it might just anger the plant that resides there. And that... is something no one wants."
"What a fascinating story. The Life Creator feels way too strong, it almost doesn't feel real."
Jagon chuckled.
"Well, it might seem like that, but this plant... it was her life's work. She made a lot of other useful plants, some of which are still used today, but she had been working on this plant throughout her entire life. It isn't as unreal as it might seem."
Well, if it's like that, then I guess it makes sense. If it is her life's work, then its scale makes sense.
Still though.
A root that constantly consumes nutrients and mana and that is so big it is difficult to even imagine.
Something like that...
Would be a good energy source, wouldn't it?