I panick as I call out for someone to help me. I struggle to pull out of the straps on my wrists and feet. Another four across my legs, waist, chest, and head. Tears stream down my face as I struggle desperately against the restraints even as I can hear people just outside the door of my white emotionless room.
"What the hell is wrong with you! She's a child!" I know that voice, it's Dr. Kindlin, I recognized his voice from before.
"A dangerous child! Those restraints are for our protection! If you take them off you are finished as a Docter! I will ruin you!" That voice is definitely the old docter from before.
"This is illegal! She hasn't done anything to warrant these kind of restraints! Ruined or not I will report you! Even if you go down I will be damn sure TO BRING YOU WITH ME!!!" I could hear him screaming at the other docter as he rushes into the room.
"FINE! IF YOU GET HURT DONT EXPECT THIS HOSPITAL TO COMPINSATE YOU!!" The old man yells as he furiously stomps away.
"FINE BY ME!" Dr. Kindlin threw his reply over his shoulder as he rushes me.
"Shhhh, shhh, Raven it's me Dr Kindin. It's ok, calm down. I can't get these off with you moving around like this. Shhhhh. Shhh. It's alright no one is going to hurt you. You're ok, now. Everything's going to be ok." The kind docter keeps comforting me until I finally calm down enough to stop struggling against the restraints.
"That's it. Deep breaths, Good girl, now I'm gonna get these off you. Is that ok?" He waits for me to nod before he starts to take off the restraints, starting with my head, leaving my wrists and ankles for last. I lunged forward at him as I grip him around his waist and keep crying. After a moment of hesitation I feel his arms go around me as he pats my head to comfort me.
I don't know how long I stayed like that. It was the first time I had cried since my Mother passed away. When I finally stop crying, Dr. Kindlin gently pulls me off him as he looks me in eyes. "I promise I won't let him restrain you like that again, ok." I nod still sniffling and shaking from the exprience.
"W w w -what happened a-after.... " I struggle to speak as I try to ask him what had happened.
He sighs as an orderly brings him a chair to sit on. He must have heard the argument between the doctors as he gives me small smile as he leaves. I refocus on the Doctor as he starts explaining, "After what your Father said you slipped into an almost comatose state. When he tried to leave, you tried to go with him and had to be pulled back. Of course you fought us but you didn't try to hurt anyone. One of the Orderlys slipped on wet spot in the floor and got bloody nose but that wasn't your fault. The janitors are supposed to leave out a wet floor sign but they forgot, however, Dr. Davidson disagreed and claimed you were dangerous and had you placed in these restraints. Normally, I wouldn't tell a patient all these details but we both know you're not a patient in the same sense as the other residents of this facility. You've had enough deception in your life and if I expect you to trust me, I know I need to be honest with you."
As he speeks little pieces of what happen come back me, little by little. He was telling the truth. "He didn't look back even once, did he?" I look into Dr. Kindlin's eyes. I could see in his eyes I was right. His silence said all. "Will he ever come back for me?" Again silence, "Will I ever leave this place?"
I can his eyes harden in Determination "I will do everything in my power to make that happen as soon as possible."
"NO!" I blurt out suddenly as it occurs to me that if I'm released it just means I go back to how it was before but worse. I'm not so stupid as to think my Father will welcome me back after this. The doctor raises his brows as he questions me with his eyes. I think for a moment before asking tentatively "Can it wait until I'm 16." Understanding flashes across his eyes.
"Raven, I won't send you back to your father even when you leave. You would go into foster care until you come of age." I shook my head, I know what happens whrn someone knows who my mother was and that information will definitely be disclosed by my father who clearly doesnt want me to live well. Honestly, even I'm shocked at how quickly I've accepted his hatred, its like a weight has been emoved rather then added so I guess a small part of me has always known.
"Everyone that has ever known who my mother was and what she did has treated me like an infection. I didn't see it when I was younger." I looked down at my feet, "I even thought I deserved it...."
The docter stops me angrly, "Raven you look at me!" My head shoots up nervously at his angry tone but when I see his eyes I know he wasn't really angry at me, "You have done nothing wrong. You are a beautiful person and deserve to be treated as such."
"But my Mom..."
He didn't let me finished as he firmly interrupts me, "No. Your Mom had her own choices and they have nothing to do with you."
"But she put all the money she made hurting people in my name." I say quietly.
Dr. Kindlin waves his hand demissively "So what, that money may not have come from a good source but having it in your name doesn't somehow make you evil. Instead of seeing that money and something evil try to think of it differently."
"Differently how?" I furrow my brows as I try to do as he says. Everyone always said that money was evil and having it in my name made me evil too.
"Undeniable proof that your mother loved you." Dr. Kindlin says like its an obvious fact.
I felt like lighting had struck my mind as a warmth spreads in my chest. "Proof my Mom loved me. How so?"
"She could have done may things with that money but she chose to give it to you. She could have left the country with you but she stayed behind so you could have a father."
"How could you possibly know that?" I say in disbelief.
This time it was his turn to be confused, "Because she said so in her will." My eyes widen as tears form in my eyes once again, "Your father didn't tell you, did he?" His eyes soften as I shake my head. He seems to make up his mind. "Alright, I won't make move just yet. I will quietly gather all the evidence I can and when you turn 16 I will get you release as an emancipated minor. Luckily, this country allows for you to become a legal adult early under the right circumstances and I'd say your situation more then qualifies."
I am so excited that I can't help but jerk forward to hug him again but he stops me. "Sorry but hospital policy doesn't allow for close conduct like this. If I'm going to be your Docter for the next few two years we have be careful to follow all the rules so certain doctors don't have a reason to do as they please."
I nod my head, I lived most of my life like that up to this point what's few more years. " I can do it. What are all the rules?" Dr Kindlin nodded ad handed me a thick book. I was a little surprised at the length but I've read plenty of large technical books before tho as a rule book for one facility, this one definitely takes the cake as I stare at it a moment incredulously. "Won't be a problem." I say with slight apprehension.
He chuckls, "If there's anything you don't understand you can always come and ask me. Currently you have roaming privileges. That means other then at lights out, you are allowed to leave your room to do activities or study in the library. Right now, other then not being able to leave the grounds you don't have a whole lot of restrictions. Just remember, never go into another patients room and if a patient is making you feel threatened calmly make your way back to your room or my office, whichever is closer."
He paused for moment as he starts to think about this in more depth."Now that I'm thinking about this in more depth, this is really not a good idea. There's too much that can go wrong here and you could be put in danger when one of the other patients has a partically bad episode. No, I should bring this up now." He starts to stand up and leave but I grab his hand.
"Wait! What if I didn't roam around?" I ask gripping his hand, morried that he will really change his mind.
"That won't work. You can't stay stuck in this room for years plus you have to study for school. Being in here is not a free pass to get out of school. It would just be online." The doctor says firmly.
"Then what if I have a computer in my room?" I try to counterargue with slight desperation.
"Not allowed." He says firmly.
"Then what if I do my classes in your office and right afterwards I can have my appointment with you, since you're going to be my docter, then go back to my room?"
"You still can't be stuck in your room all the time. You need to eat and staying cooped up isn't good for you either."
"What if you come with me?"
"I have other patients I have to take care of too."
"What if I watch her?" Both our heads snap over to the door where the blonde receptionist from before is leaning against the door frame, "And just FYI, if you're going to have a private discussion do it with the door closed and when the camera is off." The docter jolts as he looks in the corner at the camera in the room. "Don't worry. Me and the orderly that brought you a chair before have the camera taken care of. No one will know what you two were just talking about."
"Thank you, but you can't really think this is a good idea?" The docter tries to reason with her.
"No, but it's better then the alternative. Even if she goes into foster care there's nothing stopping her father or another Doctor like Davidson from getting into the head of whatever family she is placed with or even the social worker on her case and that's assuming they aren't already biased against her in the first place. Best case scenario, she lives her life on eggshells afraid of her own shadow until she turns 18 since she'll need a guardian's permission to apply for emancipation as a minor. Which makes no sense just BTW. And worst case, she ends up at another facility just like this one but this time doesn't have anyone on her side to help her which means when she turns 18, she'll likely be forced to stay even then. We're her best chance at escaping the shadows she had to live her life in. While she's here you can help her in the ways she actually needs while the orderly and I can keep her stay safe everywhere else. When she turns 16, you can sign for her since as her docter, you have the same privilages as a guardian."
After her long speech Dr kindlin sits down in the chair again and falls silent for a long time. "I need to think about this."
I reach out and grabbed his hand again, "Please" I speak with everything I have and every inch of my battered soul bared in my pleading eyes as I look at him.
He jolts as he stared at me, his internal struggle clear in the his eyes until finally he give a defeated sigh, "That's not fair, you know. Sigh, fine but you don't leave this room without one of them, understood or the deals off. Got it?"
I jump up with big smile, "YESS!! Yes, I got it. I promise!"
I keep giggling to myself has the docter hang his head in defeat and the receptionist looked at him with a triumphant grin.