It's already been 6months since my last encounter with Leo and I have experienced the most loneliest days and months of my life, although my Father and I has reconciled and it seems everything is going back to normal but at the same time I feel like a part of me is missing,coupled with the fact that I trampled on his confession and rejected him and his feelings towards me. Ever since that last encounter I have tried as much as possible to withdraw myself from meeting him especially in secluded and lonely places. It's funny how he makes me feel even without him coming close to me ,just the sight of him sends tremors down my delicate body and his gazes set my soul aflame.
I have also tried as much as possible to bring up the past event that ensued between us but my nerves fail me,
so I have resorted to being rude towards him.
"Your mother request your presence" he said.
I kept silent in order to make him sound louder and so he did.
"You don't yell at me you servant" I blurted out coldly. I watched in exasperation at the look in his eyes and at that instant the echo of my voice hinged in my ears and it sounded so much like my mother!
" I'm so sorry ma'am,I thought you didn't hear me"
"Are you insinuating that I am hard of hearing?"
" I never thought of that...my apologies "
" Leave this instant" I continued in so much despair hoping for him to object or maybe argue or fight rather
he bowed in courtesy and left.
My hostility towards him has gnawed at my soul making me question my Faith and practice, I know I'm a very compassionate person but then my character towards him has left me shattered and in pains and I think my Mother has been noticing my countenance because now and again she tried to make small cheerful talks with me but I don't think we have gotten there as regards my relationship with her after what happened between us.
On several occassions I have gone out with my suitor in a bid to know if there was even a flicker of emotion or feelings for him but the more I stay with him the more I feel the need to puke.
I force myself to smile whenever he calls at my home but all was just so much pretence on my side.
" I am going to take a short trip and I hope to come back as soon as possible" he said but lost in thought I could barely hear his voice,I felt a nudge and panicked.
"Hope you are well my dear"
"Yes I am and what were you saying"
"I said I will take a short trip and I hope to return immediately"
"Ugh,safe trip" I replied without any remorse
"I will so greatly miss you"
" You will come back in no time so there really is nothing to miss" I didn't know when I blurted out the statement from my mouth and by the time I realized what I said it was too late.
He left without bading me fare well and really I couldn't care less.
I rushed home to meet up with the evening prayer as we were told at the chapel that each household is bound to make it a routine and my mother has implemented the rule and everybody was bound to participate .On passing the garden I saw " Him" bent over a flower path and trimming it to perfection and I couldn't help but gawk at his perfect physique and what it does to my whole celestial being. " God forgive me"
I felt a rush of adrenaline down my spine as soon as he raised his head from his task and I gasp as the eye contact was so sudden," He nod his head and went back to his duty as if I was not right there. I honestly felt like crying but rather I rushed inside to my bedroom and banged my door.
I later made my way down to the foyer to meet the rest of my household and everybody has already gathered in readiness.
I eagerly scanned my eyes around hoping to catch a glimpse of him but I could because it was already filled up with our house servants and some folks from outside who my mother has invited.
"Hello brethren" echoed my mother from the front and I could feel her eyes scanning the space and I guess she was in a lookout for me. I made my way to the front and immediately our eyes locked she went back to concentrate on her speech before the start of the evening prayers.
She welcomed everyone and also promised that next time there will be refreshment as the invitation was impromptu.
She started off the prayers with the sign of the cross .
I bowed my head in supplication because I really have a lot to say to Mary our Mother and I really have a lot to confess. This past month I have backslided and I don't intend to end my pure relationship with my creator but my heart,soul,body and mind has decided otherwise.
The Rosary was said solemnly and the response echoed throughout the environs like the sound of an angel singing hallelujah and after the Rosary my Mother made a supplication whilst handing everybody's heart desires to God. I found myself drifting and thinking to myself
"maybe my desires can also be answered by God. At that instant I raised up my head and met his gaze towards my direction. I took in a very deep breath as my heart was at the verge of explosion, his gaze sent sharp hot liquid tremors down my spine and thanks to my undies because it seems like I have peed on myself as I felt wet like drip on my panties.