Chenzhou wanted to follow Eirian and Brendan to her room. She wasn't totally comfortable with him yet, but there was a huge multi-room apartment next to hers that had more than enough room for Brendan and Min's family and had the added bonus of being close to Eirian for protection.
Mingzhe, Finn, and Patrick had been helping to carry all the gifts, while Min's family carried their own belongings and tried to wrangle their two excited children. Yuze had rushed out to finish some paperwork, but Chenzhou knew he needed a moment after a crowd like that
Chenzhou would have gone with them except Anna, for the first time in all the years they'd been together, hadn't been present to welcome him back, and the sad feeling that had been following him around since he'd first started to notice they were growing apart.
He wasn't sure why, but as soon as he'd realized she wasn't there, he'd decided tonight was the night.
Maybe it made him a little petty, but he'd also had the terrible realization that he was just dragging things out and hurting them both more.
He wasn't going to be deterred now. As soon as Lord Yin and Lady Yang had left, he'd excused himself.
He didn't need to tell Eirian where he was going. There was an understanding look in her eye, and she'd steered the overexcited Finn and Patrick towards the gifts and away from him.
Mingzhe caught his eye on the way out, but Chenzhou had briefly squeezed his arm on his way by, and he'd turned his attention back to Eirian and Brendan.
Chenzhou went straight to the rooms he shared with Anna.
She was waiting for him, and one look at her was all it took to know it was all over.
A cold, numb detachment settled over him as the door shut with a click.
Anna was still dressed for the day, but she was a mess. Her hair was falling out of her bun, and her robes were tied sloppily. She kept picking at her hands in a nervous tic from childhood that she'd never managed to kick. Her eyes were red and swollen, and guilt slammed into Chenzhou like a physical blow.
He'd done that.
He'd made her cry. After all their years together and everything they'd been through, it was going to end like this.
"I'm sorry." It shouldn't have been the first thing he said, but it came out of him without any thought.
Anna's face fell, which was impressive, given how down it already was.
She rallied quickly, and Chenzhou realized Eirian had been right.
Anna already knew what he was going to say.
She gave him a watery smile. "Me too."
Chenzhou shifted, uncomfortable and not sure what to do about it. Anna's eyes darted around nervously.
"I- I will take care of you," Chenzhou assured her, unsure but trying to lessen the blow. "You gave up so much to be with me."
"I made a choice, Chenzhou." She shook her head, but something was wrong. She couldn't meet his eyes. "I turned down your proposals."
Chenzhou wasn't sure what to say after that, but he tried. "Your accounts and jewelry-"
All at once, Anna let out a terrible gasping sob and fell to her knees.
Chenzhou reached for her automatically, then jerked back when she let out a short scream.
"I- I don't- what's wrong, Anna?" CHenzhou knelt, careful not to touch her.
After several hiccuping sobs, Anna managed to speak. "You have to send me away. Banish me. Please."
"What? Why would I do that?"
"I betrayed you." She sobbed.
"What? Anna, no, you didn't. It is not a betrayal to grow and change. It simply happens sometimes."
Anna finally looked at him, and Chenzhou's breath caught in his throat.
She'd never looked so distraught, so lost, not even those times they'd thought he was on his deathbed and she'd been terrified she would end up alone, mourning him for the rest of her life.
Chenzhou had always been uncomfortable with that level of emotion. Anna felt the same, one of the many things they had in common, and had been just as unwilling to discuss it outside an occasional outburst.
Maybe that was a sign right there that they weren't going to last. They'd been devoted to each other, but unable to talk to one another about the things that had kept them up at night.
Was there such a thing as loving someone and being afraid to lean on them at the same time? Chenzhou had always thought they should go hand in hand, but then Yuze's relationship, where that did seem to be the case, had ended dramatically out of the blue, and he'd stopped thinking about.
He hadn't thought about it again until he'd married Eirian.
He felt more comfortable talking to her about the difficult things than he'd ever felt with Anna.
"I betrayed you." Anna sobbed again.
Chenzhou's heart clenched, "No, Anna-"
"I did!" She wailed. "You don't understand. I gave your letters to Snake."
Chenzhou froze as everything fell away. He couldn't see anything but blackness, couldn't hear anything but the buzzing in his ears, couldn't feel anything but the chill running through him.
"I was so angry and so lonely," Anna gasped for air between words. "I didn't even realize at first…Chenzhou, I told her everything."
Slowly, his senses came back to him as her words sank in and understanding dawned.
"Anna…How long?" How bad was it? What exactly had she told Snake? Why had Snake been asking? How did it start? Why had Snake even been talking to Anna?
How had they met?
Why had Anna spoken to her?
"She approached me after you left for the capital." Anna wiped furiously at her eyes. "I didn't realize…she was just offering a friendly shoulder at first. I didn't realize what I was telling her until I caught her going through your letters."
Chenzhou's eyes flew to his desk, where his private correspondence waited. He'd never been concerned about it before because of the sheer number of guards between it and anyone besides himself…and Anna.
The amount of information contained there…
Was devestating.
~ tbc