I stood with Felix in front of the hotel, waiting for my friend. I scanned the street, searching for a familiar car, when I suddenly felt him grab my hand. Surprised, I looked at his face, but he didn't pay me any attention. His expression was distant and depressed, as if he were lost in another world.
I lowered my gaze to our joined hands, wondering why he had done that. Was he starting to remember something? Or was it more out of fear?
People passed by on the sidewalk next to us. Cars moved slowly in front of us, yet we remained rooted in place. He stared ahead, and I watched him. Everything around me seemed to play out in slow motion because all I could focus on was him.
"Have I often hurt you in the past?" His question made my heart stop for a moment. I widened my eyes and looked at his profile, but he still didn't meet my gaze.
"Why do you ask this all of a sudden?"
"Did I ever tell you that if I couldn't have you, no one would?" He turned his face toward me and locked eyes with me. "You weren't happy with me, were you?" He stared at me sharply. I couldn't find a single word. "It must be true, since you're silent. I can see it in your terrified eyes," he added.
"Have you started to remember something, Felix?" I whispered.
He sighed loudly and looked ahead again. I noticed him biting his lip, clearly lost in thought.
"I lied to you, Selena," he finally said. He squeezed my hand tighter, and I just stared at him. "In the mental hospital, you were the only person I thought about. I never lost my memories of you. I couldn't."
I was so shocked that I almost pulled my hand away, but he wouldn't let go.
"So you lied to us, saying you lost your memory?"
"Do you think I'd be stupid enough to take drugs that would make a fool of me? I had to pretend for the doctor and my mother. Otherwise, I'd never be myself again. I'd be trapped in that hell forever."
How could I have fallen for it? He had fooled me and Mike — even the doctors and his parents.
"Why are you telling me the truth now?" I asked, my voice trembling. His behavior was starting to make me anxious.
"Because I want you to understand that I went through all this for you. I did everything I could not to forget you. I wanted to break free and have you all to myself again. I missed you madly, Selena."
His grip tightened so much that my hand started to ache.
"You're hurting me. Let me go, Felix." I looked at him with terrified eyes.
Surprisingly, he loosened his grip, and I rubbed my hand to ease the pain.
From a distance, I spotted Mike's father's car. I glanced uncertainly at Felix, noticing the pained expression on his face.
"Are you all right?" Felix asked as he rolled down the passenger window and looked at us. "Selena, you look pale. Are you feeling okay?"
"It's because I had to wait for you so long," I replied nervously.
"Sorry, I got stuck in traffic."
"You could have told me," I said and tried to move in front, but Felix blocked my way and opened the rear door. I threw him a quick glance and took the seat behind the driver as he slid in next to me. In the rearview mirror, I saw Mike's puzzled look, but he said nothing.
I swallowed nervously as Felix took my hand again. I thought I had been panicking too much since he confessed the truth. I felt uncomfortable around him once more, but I could only blame myself for wanting to find him on my own.
What did I expect?
"Why is it so quiet back here? Did something happen while I was gone that you two aren't talking about?" Mike asked suspiciously, glancing at me through the mirror.
"Felix confessed something to me," I said softly, feeling his piercing gaze on me. "He told me he remembered me all along."
I glanced at him uncertainly and noticed his half-hearted smile. He looked confident I wouldn't keep the secret and would tell Mike.
"I know, Selena. I talked to him about it last night while you were sleeping. He told me the truth, too," Mike said.
Now I understood. Felix had no worries about telling me in front of the car because he had warned Mike first.
Why did I feel like an idiot?
I laughed nervously, looking out the window.
"What kind of circus is this, Felix? Why didn't you just tell us the truth right away instead of playing tricks? I can understand fooling your parents and doctors so they wouldn't trap you, but why pretend you didn't know us? What are you playing at?" I asked nervously, turning to him.
"I wasn't sure if my parents had completely given up on me. After I left the hospital, they were definitely looking for me. I thought you'd be their first targets. I had to pretend in front of you to make sure I was safe."
Since I got involved with Felix, I felt like the main character in a drama.
"So you think living at Mike's house will keep you safe?"
"Of course not. That'll be the first place my parents check. I can't stay there."
"So what will you do?"
"He's staying with my cousin. We played basketball together a lot, so they know each other well. He lives alone and doesn't mind, knowing my situation," Mike said, looking at me through the mirror.
"Can he be trusted?"
"Yes. He's a really good guy."
I couldn't meet Felix's eyes. I was angry with him and didn't even try to hide it. And I felt that this was only the beginning of the trouble.
*
I looked suspiciously at the boy in his twenties who was serving us snacks and Cokes in the living room. This was the guy Felix was supposed to stay with. He lived on the outskirts of the city, in what people called a "hole" where dogs barked their heads off.
The apartment was huge and nicely decorated, so I had no doubt Steve had cash to burn. I wondered if he'd earned it himself or if his parents spoiled him rotten.
"Selena, can we talk in private now?" Felix asked while Mike was deep in conversation with his cousin.
I nodded, and he squeezed my hand before helping me up from the couch. We headed to the room that would temporarily belong to him. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, crossing my arms as he sat down on the bed. He looked at me with pained eyes.
"I'm sorry," he began. "Forgive me for lying to you. I didn't want to, but I had no choice. I was terrified my parents might be lurking somewhere nearby, waiting to catch me in a lie."
"Do you know what hurts me more, Felix?" I asked, meeting his gaze. "I can understand the act you had to put on, but I didn't like how you behaved while we were waiting for Mike. What was that supposed to be? I thought you'd changed—that you wouldn't treat me like an object after everything. But you still act like I'm your puppet, someone you can control."
"I don't understand… Did I say something wrong?"
"You said you wanted me all to yourself again. How am I supposed to take that, Felix? Your embrace hurt me. If this is going to be how things are again…" My voice faltered before he stood quickly and came to me, placing his hands on my shoulders.
"You misunderstood, Selena. I swear I just didn't find the right words. I don't want to control you. It's true that I still love you and missed you terribly, but I know the pain I caused you before. I was selfish, thinking only about myself and my feelings. I didn't care how you felt. I promise I'll be different now. I'll never let you suffer again," he said softly, cupping my face with his hand. His eyes, warm and caring like a puppy's, made my heart melt. "If I ever hurt you again, even by accident, I swear I'll leave. I'll go far away so you never have to suffer because of me again. Please, just give me a second chance to prove I can change—for you."
He rested his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes. "I love you, Selena."
I wanted to believe him. After all, I'd been looking for him all this time. Not a day went by when I didn't think about him. I'd worried when I lost contact—how could I just reject him now?
I believed he could really change. I wanted to believe and see it for myself.
"I'll trust you, Felix. I'll stay by your side as long as I can," I said. Then he kissed me softly, his lips messy and warm. The tenderness slowly turned into the passion I'd been craving for the past year.
I'd missed him so damn much.
A knock at the door pulled us apart.
"Selena? Felix?" It was my best friend's voice. I smiled at Felix, seeing the expression on his face.
"I'd forgotten she existed," he muttered under his breath.
I opened the door and didn't hide my surprise as she threw herself at Felix and hugged him so tightly it looked like it might worry his boyfriend.
"Aren't you overdoing it? You two have been at each other's throats more times than I can count," Mike said, pulling her off Felix. "No need to greet him like that."
"You're confusing me," Felix grumbled, clearly unhappy.
"Mike told me everything. It's horrible what happened to you. Your parents are the worst scumbags alive—locking their own son in a mental hospital? Maybe you're not quite right upstairs, but sending you there was way overboard. You don't know how much this puppy has whined for you this past year," Eve said, draping her arm over my shoulder. "Your parents don't love you. Be grateful there's at least one person who does."
"Froggy, I think you're overreacting," Mike laughed nervously. "I love your bluntness, but maybe bite your tongue sometimes."
Felix shot her a chilling look that made her realize she'd gone too far.
"I just wish I hadn't lost my memory. I'd rather not know that you're Selena's best friend and my friend's girlfriend. You're the one who should be locked up in the loony bin."
Despite the tension, his words made everyone smile. Eve even admitted he had a point.
"Even in a psych hospital, everyone would get sick of me. You're lucky to have such a special person by your side."