For a while now, I felt like something was off about Reina, and now that it's just us, I feel that even more so as she remains quiet, sitting on the couch, deep in thought. I don't think it's 'cause of her not wanting to go to Mei's place tomorrow, she was acting like this even before that question was brought up…
"…"
"...Hey, Rei-"
"How did things go with her?"
But the moment I go to break the silence, not wanting this silence to continue, Reina cuts me off, still staring towards the floor on the couch, her eyes still refusing to look my way and instead look down towards the floor.
"You mean Midori?"
"…"
She simply nods, still staring at the floor, her posture unchanging. Now that we're alone I probably should tell her what happened, but the way Reina is acting does make me hesitate for a moment.
"...We're in better shape than we were before."
"What did you two talk about?"
"Well, we did talk a bit about the student council, about how things will be starting next year with the speech and all."
"...Is that all? If it was just that then did she really need to drag you on the ride alone?"
"...No, that wasn't all she had to say."
Why am I hesitating so much?! Just say it, Luna! But before I could say anything more, Reina finally looks my way, her eyes devoid of energy as she stares at me with a lifeless expression. I've never seen Reina like this before… not even as kids...
"What did she have to say then?"
"Well uhm-"
"Just say it."
Reina suddenly stands up from the couch, walking straight up to me, close enough for us to be able to feel our own breaths.
"...She confessed to me."
In the moment, Reina's eye light up, as if life had suddenly returned to her body, only there was no smile at all.
"...Confessed to what?"
"Her feelings… She said she liked me more than... just a friend…"
"...And?"
"And what?"
"How did you respond?"
"...I told her that I need time to think about it."
"...What?"
Her expression finally changes from the blank expression before, but it wasn't a positive change, no… her clouded eyes, her furrowed eyebrows tell me all I need to know.
"What do you mean you said you'll think about it?! Didn't we already go over this before? Back when Midori kissed you? At the time, you reassured me that you were just friends and that you didn't feel much about it, but now..."
"I mean, we've known each other for a while now. She's my best friend, it's just that I've never seen her in that way before, so I want to make sure that-"
"So you're saying it's okay for two girls to be together?!"
"W-well, I'm not sure."
It's why I need time to think about this. I mean, the closet person I have to something like that would be-
"Then what about us?!"
"...Huh?"
"If it's fine for two girls to be together, then-! Then… what about us?"
Her voice quiets down as her expression quickly softens as it seems like tears would begin to pour out at any moment. I feel my own chest begin to churn, rising in temperature that only makes it harder for me to say any more words, as if this feeling itself is trying to choke me.
"W-what do you mean by-"
Suddenly, my vision becomes filled with just Reina as I feel the familiar, soft, sweet sensation of Reina's lips on my own, her tongue gently prodding my lips as I instinctively accept her inside as our tongue intertwine with one another, but it only lasts a second before she pulls away.
"If it's okay for two girls, then why can't it be me…"
"Reina… We're sisters. Twins at that."
"So? You think it's normal for siblings to kiss like what we just did?!"
"…"
I know it's weird, but we weren't kissing like this until recently, but I know just normal kissing in general isn't normal among family either...
"Do you also want to kiss Midori like this?"
"...I-"
"Or sleeping in the same bed? Taking baths together? Growing up together? Being there for each other in our darkest times? Is that what you want?!"
Her voice steadily grows more louder as her brows furrow once more, only now her tears seem to be now slowly gliding down her cheek which only makes this burning feeling in my chest even worse as I can't get a single word out.
"Hnnh-Khh!"
"Re-Reina!"
It's only when she storms off into the bathroom do I finally try and call out to her, only for her to shut the door, leaving me alone in the lounge.
I collapse down onto the couch where Reina was sitting just moments ago as my legs give out under the pressure, the burning sensation in my chest now replaced with a ton of bricks. It's only after a few moments later that I hear my phone buzz as I quickly pick it up, wanting to distract myself from what just happened.
Midori: "Hi, I hope you got home safely. Thank you for hearing what I need to say, and I'm sorry again for how out of the blue it was, aha. Again, take as much time as you want. I'm just happy that I finally got that out of my chest. No matter what your answer is though, I love you as a friend. Even if you say no, I still want to be friends with you, like we have been. Sorry if I'm rambling, this is my first time doing something like this and I'm pretty nervous right now texting all of this. Anyways! I do need to go and have dinner now, but I hope you enjoy the rest of your night. Oh! And Merry Christmas~ <3"
"…"
I can only stare at the message in silence, not knowing what to reply with. Midori is far too bright that it's almost blinding in a way, even in her texts.
"Romance, huh…"
I've been dealing with it during all of high school, declining boys left and right. I should be an expert at this point in declining people, so why is it that I'm so hesitant now?
("If it's fine for two girls to be together, then-! Then… what about us?")
Reina's words just before echo in my head as I think this. Does Reina like me in that way? There's no way, right? Maybe she just doesn't like the idea of Midori getting closer with me? I remember when I first found out about Mei liking my brother, I too was skeptical around her, but now I see her genuinely as my older sister. Maybe Reina's feeling the same kind of thing?
The other side-
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!!!
I can't believe I just unloaded everything to sis like that! God I feel sick… I know what I was saying was completely insane, but I just couldn't help it. Just thinking about how Midori could take sis away from me. We only recently found each other and now she wants to drag sis away from me? I know Midori probably doesn't think about it that way, I know it's stupid of me to think of her like some sort of villain but I just can't help but think of the "what if" scenario.
What if Midori actually does take her away? I mean, Midori's living situation is pretty unique having to be part of two halves of her family, and her father's side seems like quite an important figure in life. I'm sure if sis and Midori got together there will be things that are unavoidable, which will bound to create a divide somewhere between us.
"...I only just got sis back."
If something like that happened… What would I do?
"Khh!!!"
My chest only continues to burn as I clutch my clothes for any sort of comfort as I continue to rest my back against the bathroom door, sitting down on the cool floor's surface. But even this cool feeling under me is not enough to drown out this unbearable heat that's boiling my insides.
What does sis think of me right now? I don't even want to think about that, but right now that's all I can think about. Does she think I'm gross for thinking of her like that? Wanting to be more than just sisters? I know it sounds stupid, but what else was I meant to say when she said that she's "thinking" about that girl's confession?!
"I just… want sis by my side…"
I mumble those words to myself as my tears drip down onto my thighs.
Sis was always there with me, together I felt like there was nothing in the world that could get in my way, no matter what bullies came our way I thought that things would never change. Only for that tragic accident the one night… I was with family still with my grandparents, but I could never feel complete in the same way. Middle school felt like hell, with bullies coming at me which seemed like everyday. At first it was traumatizing not having sis with me or even my brother. I was left to deal with all of that on my own. I still remember early on, after the separation where a kid tried to rub mud into my hair to make me look "normal." I never told sis this or anyone else as I didn't want to be pitied… I got through all that on my own and at some point I grew numb to the bullying which led to the bullies eventually stopping after not getting me to cry any longer, let alone any reaction. But…
"Sis…"
How I wished you were there with me during those times… I'm sure you had similar hardships as well, but we've finally found each other again. I know that bullies are long gone, but the feeling of having someone close to you… having someone have your back during your dark times… To think that Midori could be that person for sis instead of me… I just can't…
"Reina. I'm going to get started on dinner, okay?"
"…"
Sis' voice echoes through to inside the bathroom, but I can't bring myself to call back out to her as it feels like something my throat from the inside, but strangely, I feel slightly better after hearing her voice as that burning pain subsides, albeit slightly. I can't just sit in this bathroom all night… I'll have to come out of here soon, but how am I meant to face sis after what I said to her? Her voice just now sounded quite normal so maybe she didn't think too much of it? But if that's the case then that kind of pisses me off. Is she taking my feelings lightly? Ah, but maybe she's doing this for my sake? Maybe she wants me to calm down so she's speaking how she normally does? I can see sis doing something like that.
"...Fufu."
Mm… That's got to be it. Even now, when we can't even see each other, you still have my back…
"Haaaah~"
I take a deep breath before sitting up from the floor. I don't dare to go out just yet but instead use this time to properly get myself together, taking a look at myself in the mirror. The first thing that catches my eyes is the black bunny hair clip as I gently remove it from my hair before straightening out my hair. Turning on the sink, I wash my face, cleaning away any of the tears that was left on my face while also trying to wash away this discomfort still keeping me in this bathroom. After feeling like my face is back in order, I put the hair clip back in my hair before finally stepping out of the bathroom.
"Reina?"
"…"
Sis quickly notices me as she looks over her shoulder while she is working in the kitchen. The smell of the food quickly easing my worries as I find myself walking closer.
"Dinner will be ready in around twenty minutes, so if you could- Rei-Reina?"
"...I'm sorry."
At some point, I get close enough to her as I wrap my arms around her waist from behind, resting my head on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry."
"S-sorry?"
"…"
I can't put it into words why I'm apologizing. Maybe I'm sorry that I feel this way? Sorry that I've put sis into this uncomfortable situation?
"...I'm sorry, sis."
So, I repeat it again. Not knowing what else to say.
"…"
Her silence only makes me more nervous as I tighten my grasp around her, not wanting her to turn around to face me.
"...What did you mean by that?"
"...Huh?"
"About... why can't it be us?"
"…"
I freeze up at her words, not wanting to dare mutter my actual feelings, which only makes me tighten my hold around her even more as if sis were to see my face right now, she'd know exactly what I mean…
"...Like I said, no matter what, or how close Midori and I get, I'll never leave you-"
"No… This is… different."
"...Well could you loosen up a bit? It's kinda hard to cook like this."
Hearing sis, I slowly loosen my grasp around her, only for her to quickly shift around, spinning around before facing my directly, our faces now right in front of one another, our eyes locked together as if some sort of force is pulling me forward, keeping me from looking away as sis' eyes stare deep into my soul.
"Sis?"
"...If what I think is happening, then-"
"I-it's not!"
I had no choice to cut sis off from talking just now. Her eyes looked so distant that my mouth just opened on its own in a panic.
"I just!"
"Just what?"
"…"
There it is again… this burning, crushing feeling in my chest, choking my throat, not letting any of my thoughts come out into words as I'm left with my mouth open, not knowing what to do or even say.
"...Maybe it might be better for us to take a break from each other for a while."
"...Eh?"
"You said you were living at Kanon's place before, right? Your room there should still be free. Right?."
Wait, what is sis saying?
"I think it'd be best if you-"
"NO!"
I force out the words, ignoring the pain in my heart. My feet struggle to keep me standing as I end up clutching onto sis' shirt for some support before I realized what I was doing.
"But, Reina-mmh-!"
I wasn't meant to, but I forced myself upon sis, pressing my lips quite abruptly against hers, desperately trying to convey my feelings. Only this kiss was far from blissful as sis tries to pull me away. That alone only made the pain even more excruciating as I continue to press forward, no matter how dry and uncomfortable the kiss was before I finally pull away moments later.
"We're sisters! We're meant to stick together!"
"A-and what makes you think that me being with Midori will change that?!"
"You're my other half! Do you not remember?! It was us holding each other together! Us! Together we could do anything! You don't know what I had to go through after being separated from you!"
Before we knew it, we began yelling at each other, clutching at each other's clothes.
"You think I didn't feel the same way?! How many nights I slept, dreading the time I'd dream of that night! Or when I'd dream about you only to wake up that you're not there! You think I don't know you're my other half?!"
"Then why are you so hesitant on her?! Do you really want her to replace me?!"
"Of course not! We're-"
"STUPID! Don't you realize it?! Our brother and Mei, when you see them, they're like two halves, right? You don't see a third person around, do you?!"
"Th-that's 'cause they're not-"
"Not siblings?!"
I hate this… I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this-
"I can make the same argument for you and Midori! You're both girls! Yet you think that that's more okay than if it's us?!"
Please… make me stop...
"You asked me what I meant before when I said why can't it be us? Well I… I-"
All my energy quickly subsides as tears quickly pour out of my face, blurring my vision completely as I could hear my tears dripping down onto the floor boards, mixing in with the sound of the sizzling stove top. Suddenly, before a second tear could hit the floor, I feel my body being pulled forward as a familiar, overwhelming sense of comfort floods over me as I find my face buried in sis' chest, my legs practically wanting to give out as sis is practically holding me up all by herself.
"Reina…"
"S-sis?"
I'm scared. Her embrace feels so warm, yet her voice makes me feel like I'm being misled…
"I understand…"
"Eh?"
"I'll give it some thought. But please, try and give me some space."
"I'm not going back to Kanon's place-!"
"No. You don't have to. I'm sorry I brought that up. But I am serious that we should tread lightly about this, okay? Could you do this for me?"
"…"
"It's true. I only learnt that girls could be with other girls recently, but I still think the idea of us being together in the same way is wrong."
"But-"
"But! I promise I'll think of something. So please… Just give me time to figure all of this out."
It's rare for sis to cut people out, especially me. I guess this is payback for how much I was cutting her off just before. However, what she said just now does leave me in an odd state. I was expecting her to be mad again, continuing to cast aside my feelings. So to hear her voice soften so much and that she even promised that she'd give it some thought… I find myself embracing sis back, wrapping my arms gently around her.
"Okay… I'll try, sis."
After those events however…
"Haah… Seriously though, look what you made me do."
"S-sorry, sis."
Our dinner turned out to be practically burnt to a crisp with how long that hug lasted. It was only when we smelled smoke did we realize that we were still cooking dinner…
"Be sure to eat your sis' cooking to make up for it, okay?"
"Yes! Even if your cooking is burnt, I'm sure it'll still taste great, sis!"
"Pfft. Optimistic much?"
"Hmmm~ Maybe more like love?"
"…"
"Ah…"
We defaulted to how we usually acted, but the moment I brought up the word love, both sis and I looked down at the table, avoiding eye contact with one another as our faces steadily grew red with each passing second.
How exactly are we meant to live on like this? How am I meant to interact with sis now?