Jiraiya stared down at the thick book in his hands, flipping through the pages with a growing sense of dread. He was a shinobi, a warrior, a spy, and a sage. He had fought in wars, battled legendary foes, and survived encounters that should have been impossible. But none of that mattered now.
Because Sayori Arata had given him an order.
And Jiraiya knew that an order from Naruto's mother wasn't just a request. It was a divine mandate. A decree from an all-powerful entity who could make his life infinitely worse with nothing but a subtle smile.
So here he was, sitting across from Naruto Uzumaki, the biggest knucklehead to ever exist, with the single most soul-crushing task of his life:
Teaching this kid how to think.
Naruto, for his part, was eager, bouncing in place, fists clenched, practically radiating excitement. "Alright, Pervy Sage! What awesome jutsu are you gonna teach me today? Something explosive? Something super flashy?" His eyes gleamed. "A new way to eat Ramen?!"
Jiraiya sighed. "Nope."
Naruto blinked. "Wait. What?"
Jiraiya raised the book and, without warning, smacked it over Naruto's head.
Naruto yelped as he crashed backward into the dirt, arms flailing. "WHAT THE HELL, PERVY SAGE?!"
Jiraiya dropped the book onto his chest, effectively pinning him. "You're gonna learn something first."
Naruto groaned, pushing the heavy object off. He sat up, glaring. "What the hell is this?" He squinted at the title. "Modern Warfare 101?" He visibly cringed. "Ugh, it's full of words."
Jiraiya rubbed his temples. "Yes, Naruto. That's because it's a book. And for once in your life, you're going to read it."
Naruto gawked. "But why?! I thought I was training to fight!"
Jiraiya pointed a finger at him. "Exactly. And if you ever wanna be Hokage, you need to be smart." He smirked. "Only an idiot fights without knowing how to turn their enemy's weaknesses against them."
Naruto frowned, tilting his head. "That… doesn't sound like me."
Jiraiya groaned. "Yeah, that's the problem."
Naruto scratched his cheek. "I dunno, can't I just punch stuff really hard?"
Jiraiya's eye twitched. "Kid, your current strategy is literally just 'run at the enemy and hope for the best.'"
Naruto crossed his arms. "And?"
Jiraiya buried his face in his hands. "Lord help me."
An hour later, Naruto sat on a rock, flipping through the dreaded book, while Jiraiya leaned against a tree, watching him like a hawk. Every time Naruto's eyes started to droop, Jiraiya would snap his fingers.
"Focus."
Naruto grumbled but continued reading. "This is the worst."
Jiraiya smirked. "Nope. The worst would be me telling your mom that you refused to learn."
Naruto paled.
He immediately turned the page.
After another hour, Jiraiya finally snapped the book shut. "Alright, kid. Let's see if you actually absorbed any of that."
Naruto perked up. "Does that mean I can punch stuff now?"
Jiraiya smirked. "Yeah, yeah. But first, we're gonna do a little exercise."
He picked up a handful of pebbles and tossed them in the air. "Your job is to dodge these."
Naruto blinked. "Hah! Easy!"
Jiraiya flicked his wrist.
The pebbles flew at Naruto at lightning speed.
Naruto, instead of dodging, immediately charged forward.
A second later, he ate a face full of gravel.
"OW!" Naruto staggered back, rubbing his face. "That was a cheap shot!"
Jiraiya shrugged. "You attacked without thinking. You lost."
Naruto gritted his teeth. "Fine! I'll dodge next time!"
Jiraiya tossed the pebbles again.
This time, Naruto tried to zigzag, but Jiraiya anticipated his movements and flicked a rock straight at his forehead.
"OW!"
Jiraiya smirked. "Better. But you're still predictable."
Naruto growled. "How am I supposed to dodge perfectly if you can read my moves?!"
Jiraiya leaned in. "You don't just dodge. You observe. You read your opponent. Look for patterns. Find weaknesses."
Naruto stared.
Jiraiya clapped his hands. "Alright! Time for round three!"
Naruto narrowed his eyes.
This time, when Jiraiya tossed the pebbles, Naruto didn't move immediately.
He watched.
He waited.
Then, just as Jiraiya flicked his wrist, Naruto feinted left—forcing Jiraiya to adjust.
Naruto then pivoted sharply and dodged the last second.
Jiraiya's eyebrow rose. "Well, well. Would you look at that?"
Naruto blinked, then grinned. "I DID IT!"
Jiraiya smirked. "You actually learned something."
Naruto puffed out his chest. "Told ya I'm not dumb!"
Jiraiya patted his head. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, kid."
By the end of the day, Naruto collapsed onto the grass, exhausted. "Thinking hurts."
Jiraiya chuckled. "Yeah, well, that's what happens when you start using your brain for once."
Naruto grumbled. "Man, this is so unfair. Why do I have to be smart now?"
Jiraiya leaned back against a tree. "Because, kid, you won't always be the strongest in the fight. But if you're the smartest, you'll always have the edge."
Naruto pouted. "But being smart is hard."
Jiraiya sighed dramatically. "You are the greatest challenge of my life."
Naruto squinted at him. "Hey! You mean that in a good way, right?"
Jiraiya looked at him.
Dead silence.
"…Right?"
Jiraiya turned away.
Naruto gasped in betrayal.
That evening, Jiraiya dragged Naruto back to Sayori's estate, mentally exhausted.
Sayori was waiting, tea in hand. "How did he do?"
Jiraiya groaned. "Your son is the single most difficult student I've ever had."
Sayori took a sip of tea. "And?"
Jiraiya muttered. "…But he's improving."
Naruto slumped forward dramatically. "Mom! Thinking is so hard!"
Sayori smiled faintly. "Good. That means you're doing it right."
Jiraiya shuddered.
This woman…
She was creating a strategic Naruto.
The world wasn't ready.
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