Soon after our moment by the river bank, I brought Yukino home and began heading back myself while touching my cheek. It felt like my mind had an Error404, I don't even remember what we talked about on the way back to the Hyuga estate. Did we even talk?
In my defense, Yukino had kissed me.
On the cheek.
And called me her hero.
Do you understand what kind of catastrophic emotional damage that did to my brain?
I was twelve!
Granted for a second time, but I didn't really feel any older since I never was.
So yeah my brain stopped functioning somewhere around:
'Heroes get kisses on the cheek.'
...How am I gonna look her in the eyes from now on?
I walked through Konoha in a daze. Actually a daze. People brushed past me. Shopkeepers shouted. Someone dropped a crate somewhere nearby, and I barely noticed any of it. My brain was busy replaying the same thirty seconds over and over again.
Her smile.
The way her cheeks had gone pink.
The warmth.
The softness.
The... I touched my cheek again. "...She kissed me."
An old woman walking past gave me a weird look. I ignored her.
"...Heroes get kisses."
I smacked myself lightly on the forehead. "Focus, idiot."
Still though. I couldn't stop smiling. By the time I got home, the sun was dipping lower. I slid the door open and immediately...
"There he is!" Yahiko sat cross-legged near the table. Konan beside him.
"Why do you look weird? Did the date go well?" Yahiko asked immediately.
"I don't look weird and it wasn't a date."
"You do look weird," Konan said flatly.
Traitor.
I narrowed my eyes. "I look normal."
Yahiko squinted. "No, you definitely look weird."
"I look fine."
"You look stupid happy." Konan said.
"...I hate both of you."
Neither looked remotely offended. Konan tilted her head. Her eyes narrowed slightly. Then she asked, suddenly. "...Did Yukino-chan kiss you?"
I stopped breathing. Actually stopped. Completely. System failure. Critical error. My soul briefly left my body.
Yahiko blinked. Then slowly turned toward me. Then toward Konan. Then back to me.
I pointed aggressively. "You… Were the two of you spying on us?!"
My face was hot.
Why was my face hot?!
I hated this.
Wait, I would've noticed them if they were spying… Darn it.
Konan stared at me for exactly three seconds. Then nodded once. "...So yes."
"I—"
Yahiko stood up so fast that he nearly tripped.
"YOU GOT YUKINO TO KISS YOU?!"
"IT WAS A CHEEK KISS!"
"THAT STILL COUNTS!"
"It absolutely counts," Konan added helpfully.
I betrayed my own dignity by touching my cheek again.
Immediately both of them saw.
Yahiko pointed. "HE'S TOUCHING THE CHEEK!"
"I AM NOT—"
"...You are," Konan said.
I immediately lowered my hand. "...Shut up."
Yahiko grinned.
A dangerous grin.
The kind that meant suffering.
"Ooooh."
"No."
"Ooooh."
"Yahiko."
"Shiro likes Yukinooo~"
I grabbed a pillow and threw it at his head.
He ducked.
Barely.
"And Yukino likes Shiro!" he yelled.
"You're a dumbass!"
"And you're in love!"
"I WILL THROW YOU INTO A RIVER!"
Konan blinked slowly. "...You smiled."
I paused. "...What?"
She looked at me carefully. "You're smiling."
"...No, I'm not."
"You are."
Yahiko squinted. "...Wait."
The teasing faded.
Just a little.
"...Actually." He frowned. "You kinda stopped looking scary."
Something in my chest tightened. I blinked. "...Scary?"
Konan looked down briefly. "...You looked sad all the time."
I looked away. "...Sorry."
Yahiko scratched his cheek awkwardly. "Didn't say it was bad."
Konan nodded. "...You look better now."
Maybe Yukino was right, I gotta look up more.
Yahiko suddenly pointed again. "But you're still totally in love."
I threw another pillow. "Damn twerp."
…
Later that night I couldn't sleep. Not because of nightmares. Not because of memories.
Just…restless. Too much energy. Too many thoughts. My cheek still felt warm. Which was ridiculous. That wasn't how kisses worked.
Probably.
I groaned into my pillow. "Get it together."
Eventually, I gave up because training sounded easier than whatever this was.
The training field was quiet. Moonlight spilled across the clearing. Cool air brushed against my skin. I stood there for a moment and exhaled a deep breath, then reached into my pouch.
Balloon.
Of course.
The stupid balloon.
Four years.
Four years of failure.
Four years of almost.
Close enough to taste it.
Still not enough.
I held it in my palm, focused my chakra. Rotation. Compression. Control. The balloon trembled. Spun. For a second, I had some semblance of hope.
Then…
POP.
"...Of course. A kiss won't magically make me a genius."
Again.
Another balloon.
Another try.
The chakra destabilized.
Too aggressive.
Too much force.
POP.
Again.
And again.
And again.
Fragments of rubber littered the ground. My breathing got harsher. Faster. Frustration crawled up my spine. Same thing. Always the same thing.
Almost.
Almost.
Never enough.
My jaw tightened.
Chakra surged harder.
Faster.
I forced it.
Controlled it.
Strangled it into place.
It bucked violently.
Unstable.
Wild.
POP.
Something snapped.
I threw the ruined balloon into the dirt.
"Damn it!"
Shinichi's face flashed through my mind.
Blood.
Screaming.
Hanzo standing there.
That choice.
That impossible… 'Choose.'
My chest tightened.
I could still hear it.
Still hear Shinichi screaming.
Still see myself thinking… 'If I were stronger.'
I clenched my fists.
Chakra flickered violently.
If I were stronger…
If I had this…
If I was faster…
Maybe…
Maybe…
My breathing shook.
And suddenly I remembered those soft fingers brushing mine. The warmth against my cheek. A quiet voice saying, 'you're my hero', like I was the most amazing person alive.
My eyes widened slightly.
Right.
Stop looking down.
The spiral stopped.
Not gone.
Just…
Stopped.
I exhaled slowly.
Long.
Tired.
"...Yeah."
Yukino was alive.
She was okay.
Recovering.
Still stubborn.
Still smiling.
Because I hadn't failed everyone.
Maybe…
Maybe I didn't need to force this.
Maybe I needed to breathe first.
I picked up another balloon.
Closed my eyes.
Slow inhale.
Slow exhale.
Rotation.
Not brute force.
Flow.
Like water.
Like breathing.
Something old surfaced in my memory.
Might Dai laughing and grinning like an idiot. "You're too tense, kid!"
I remembered glaring at him. "I'm trying!"
"Exactly!" He'd poked my forehead. "Power ain't just muscles, Shiro!"
I remembered being confused. "Then what is it?"
That stupid grin of his flashed. "Sometimes strength is letting things move!"
At the time, I thought he'd lost his mind.
Now, maybe…maybe he wasn't wrong. I stopped trying to dominate the chakra. Stopped wrestling it.
Instead, I listened. Felt it, genuinely felt it.
Rotation.
Compression.
Balance.
The balloon trembled.
But it didn't burst.
I blinked.
Wait.
Slowly, the chakra shifted and changed.
The feeling was… different.
Unstable.
But closer.
Way closer.
I swallowed.
Careful.
Slow.
Gentle.
The balloon suddenly exploded.
I exhaled slowly.
The ruined remains of what had to be my twentieth balloon sat scattered across the ground.
Pieces of rubber.
Failure.
Again.
I stared at the next balloon in my hand.
This damn Rasengan has dominated my training life for the past 4 years. I could already do it, technically, I could make the chakra rotate and compress. I could even hold the shape for a few seconds now if I really focused.
But that wasn't success.
Success wasn't brute force.
Success was balance.
A Rasengan so perfectly controlled that the balloon didn't burst while it was spinning inside it.
No tearing. No explosion. No instability.
Just perfect equilibrium.
I looked down at my hand, then without thinking my fingers brushed lightly against my cheek.
Heroes get kisses on the cheek.
I guess I wanna be a hero then.
My face heated immediately. "...Focus damn it, focus."
Still, something in my chest loosened. Yukino's smile surfaced in my mind. The quiet certainty in her voice telling me to stop looking down.
Then I remembered something else. Again, that same lesson, a different day. Might Dai grinning like a lunatic during training.
"You're too stiff!"
"I'm doing my best, Dai-san!" I'd say.
Dai laughed louder. "That's the problem!"
A finger poked my forehead. "You keep trying to beat your chakra into submission!"
I remembered glaring at him. "Then what am I supposed to do?"
That stupid grin. Bright. Ridiculous. "Move with it!"
I stood there for a moment. I looked down at the balloon again. "...Move with it, huh?"
No forcing.
No panic.
No desperation.
No, 'I need to get stronger'.
No Hanzo.
No guilt.
Just…
Breathing.
Slow inhale.
Slow exhale.
I let my shoulders relax.
The tension slowly melted out of my arm.
Out of my jaw.
Out of my chest.
The chakra stirred in my palm.
Not wild.
Not violent.
Gentle.
I let it spin.
Small at first.
A current.
A rhythm.
Not something to dominate.
Something to guide.
Rotation.
Compression.
Balance.
The balloon shifted slightly in my hand.
I froze.
Usually this was where it burst. Usually the chakra became too aggressive. Too sharp. Too unstable.
But this time…nothing happened.
The balloon trembled softly.
Not violently.
Just kinda moved with the waves.
My breath caught. "...Wait."
The chakra kept spinning.
Faster.
Tighter.
Yet somehow calm.
Like a river flowing exactly where it was supposed to.
No resistance.
No strain.
For the first time, it didn't feel like I was fighting the technique. It felt like it was moving naturally. Like it had always wanted to become this. The air stirred around my hand. The balloon gently vibrated. But it didn't rupture. Didn't tear. Didn't explode.
My eyes widened.
No way.
No…
No way.
I swallowed hard and carefully raised the balloon closer.
Inside, faint blue chakra rotated beneath the surface.
Contained.
Balanced.
Perfectly stable.
A Rasengan.
Inside the balloon.
And it wasn't popping.
I just stared, afraid moving too much would ruin it. Afraid blinking would somehow make it disappear.
Four years.
Four years.
And—
"...I did it."
My voice came out quiet.
Small.
Disbelieving.
The balloon sat peacefully in my palm.
Unbroken.
The Rasengan spinning gently within it.
Perfect.
Balanced.
Controlled.
"Finally… A complete, stable Rasengan." I mumbled while grinning. "Took long enough."
I looked up at the moon.
And for once, I actually listened to her.
I stopped looking down.