Feelings weren't something one person could decide on alone. It wasn't something you could just act on because you wanted to.
Haruto's feelings for Setsuna were clear enough to himself. He wasn't completely indifferent he worried about her, cared in his own way but to devote his entire heart to her would is still too difficult for him.
"Sayu… would you be willing to die for me?"
The question echoed in the room, and Sayu's expression froze. Her gaze fell on Haruto, and she found herself wondering why he would ask such a thing.
"You probably can't answer immediately, right? But for Setsuna, this isn't even a difficult choice. So… do you understand?"
Sayu still didn't quite get it.
"This feeling… it's too heavy. My feelings for her aren't as deep as hers for me."
That simple clarification seemed to make Sayu understand a little. Haruto's gaze, calm and unwavering, made it unnecessary for her to ask the next question she had in mind she already knew the answer herself.
"So… this New Year, are you planning to go back to Hokkaido?"
"No, I don't have any plans for that."
The moment Sayu heard the word Hokkaido, her expression darkened. That place held no good memories for her. Even the happiest things were clouded by the weight of past events.
Maybe things weren't entirely hopeless but for Sayu, there was no way to face the past calmly, nor reconcile with those people or those events.
She hadn't done anything reckless; she simply didn't have the courage.
"So you're planning to stay in Tokyo for the New Year?"
"Yes."
"I will go back to Itomori for a while, and then return to Tokyo three or two days before the New Year."
"The holidays start on the 15th. So you'll be in Itomori for thirteen days?"
Hearing this, Haruto realized that it might be a bit long. Compared to Itomori, he was already used to Tokyo life. After thinking it over, he decided a week in Itomori would be enough.
"Not necessarily. I might return to Tokyo earlier. I'm just going back to Itomori to let my family know I'm okay."
"Your sister?"
"Yes."
After briefly talking about their holiday plans, Haruto left Sayu's apartment and returned to his own. By then, Futaba had already prepared dinner.
The mother and son sat quietly at the table. There wasn't much conversation they ate in silence.
Before bed, Futaba would call Itomori to check on Mitsuha and Yotsuha's schoolwork, then ask about her own mother's health, and briefly contact her husband.
Haruto, who had no such obligations, would sit at his computer, catch up on the latest news, and watch some videos or read small papers.
As night deepened, Futaba went to bed early. Haruto, with his right ear covered by headphones, watched a few videos before feeling sleepy. He shut down his computer, lay down, and quietly fell asleep.
_ _ _ _
For Futaba , Tokyo life was still unfamiliar. With Haruto no longer needing constant care, she didn't know how to fill her days.
During his hospital stay, she had been at his side almost nonstop. Now, left alone while he was out during the day, she wandered the neighborhood a bit, trying to get a sense of where her son lived.
After a while, she began to understand the city and how it differed from Itomori.
"People on the streets are… cold."
Most walked with their heads down, silent. Even when she greeted them, they looked at her in surprise, like she was some rare creature. Only a few responded.
Everyone seemed in a rush, unconcerned with anything around them.
When she saw a child crying, no one even looked up. It was as if people were afraid to interact, keeping a cold distance from one another.
After wandering the city, Futaba quickly lost interest. She spent most days at Haruto's apartment, browsing the books he had bought and occasionally using his computer to watch online videos.
She hadn't really used computers before, but under Haruto's guidance, she had learned the basics turning it on, opening the browser, even checking bookmarked video sites.
Her routine became simple: tidy the room in the morning, hang clothes to dry, then sit at the desk to watch videos. Life was monotonous, but she didn't dislike it until one day, her mouse accidentally clicked something, and the browser opened an… indescribable website.
"This is… Haruto's… that…"
Blushing, Futaba froze for a moment before moving the mouse to the close button.
"…."
But for some reason, she hesitated, then opened another tab to look further.
Covering her mouth with her left hand, Futaba's heartbeat quickened as she stared at the screen. Somehow, it was even more intriguing than the dramas she usually watched.
Meanwhile, at school, Haruto felt a strange flutter in his chest. He instinctively glanced out the window, staring at the blue sky before turning back to the blackboard.
What's going on?
He didn't know why his heart felt unsettled.
Futaba, sitting at the computer, felt a sudden dryness in her mouth. She stood up in a panic, poured herself a cup of warm tea, sipped it slowly, and returned to the desk. She realized continuing to watch wasn't appropriate but she was still very curious. After a moment, she closed the tab, silently praying and reflecting. She decided she needed to discuss this with Haruto. He was still a minor he shouldn't be exposed to that kind of thing.
Later, when Haruto returned from school, he found Futaba sitting in the living room, waiting by the door.
"Haruto, sit down."
"…."
Confused, Haruto put down his bag and sat before her.
"Today, I was using your computer and accidentally clicked on some things. Can you explain… what those strange websites were?"
"..."
Haruto had expected something serious, but upon hearing his mother's words, his expression shifted from a brief moment of confusion to surprise, then a resigned sigh. He wasn't sure how to even describe what he was feeling.
He had moved all those websites far back in his browser. Normally, without opening the extensions panel, no one would see them.
Clearly, it hadn't been cautious enough.
"They're… adult websites."
He didn't try to argue. A little embarrassed, yes, but he didn't see anything wrong with it. A normal single well, not exactly single, but living alone young man being curious about these things was pretty natural, right?
"You're not even an adult yet!"
"..."
Hearing Futaba scold him for not being of age, Haruto pressed his lips together. A moment ago, he had almost laughed if he hadn't bitten his lip, he probably would have.
Noticing the change in his expression and the complete lack of remorse on his face, Futaba's own expression stiffened. She stared seriously at her son, her presence carrying a weight that made Haruto lightly rub his nose and sit up straighter.
"Sorry."
"You shouldn't be looking at unhealthy things right now. You should focus your energy on healthy pursuits. That doesn't mean you're completely forbidden from it but I hope you'll pay more attention to your life and responsibilities rather than these things."
"..."
Haruto wasn't surprised by her words; he had expected something along these lines. He quietly nodded.
Seeing his unrepentant expression, Futaba sighed.
"Just… watch less of it."
"Umm."
He didn't mind that at all. He rarely looked at such content anyway maybe once a week, sometimes forgetting entirely and going a month without. His life was already fulfilling, so the interest wasn't particularly strong.
Besides, having been exposed to this stuff for a long time, occasional browsing was interesting, but doing it frequently lost its charm.
Seeing that Haruto seemed to take her words seriously, Futaba stopped pressing further.
_ _ _ _
As time passed, the holidays drew closer. Futaba began thinking about New Year's gifts something to bring back to Itomori when they returned.
"New Year's gifts?"
Haruto, resting at home, thought seriously about it. He did need to prepare something. Otherwise, he could already guess how Mitsuha would react when he returned.
Yotsuha was thoughtful and would be happy with almost anything. But Mitsuha… she was rare. A very rare kind of sister. She was strict with Haruto in ways Yotsuha was not.
If he didn't prepare something for Mitsuha in advance, the first couple of days back in Itomori wouldn't be very pleasant.
"I'll think about it."
The gifts for Mitsuha and Yotsuha needed careful consideration. For Mitsuha, practicality came first clothing. Then perhaps jewelry. Other gifts that girls might like sweets or flowers.
Haruto pondered a suitable gift for Mitsuha for a long time but couldn't decide on anything perfect.
"Maybe it doesn't need to be overthought. If it's something you like, Mitsuha will probably like it too."
"Something I like?"
Haruto wasn't really sure what he liked. He enjoyed books, but Mitsuha probably wouldn't. Most gifts didn't interest him; he preferred practicality.
Mitsuha's old enough now… she probably has her own needs. Giving her something… no, if I gave it to her, she'd probably kill me.
Even before Mitsuha did anything, Futaba would likely reject it anyway.
Still, the idea alone made Haruto feel eager to try it out. He was curious to see Mitsuha's reaction would she be furious? Or perhaps exasperated in a more subtle way?
"Have you thought of a suitable gift yet?"
Seeing the smile suddenly appear on Haruto's face, Futaba was curious. She wanted to know what he had in mind for Mitsuha.
"Not yet. I just have a rough idea of the direction. I'll have to think carefully about the specifics."
There was no need for the gift to be overly serious something playful or prank-like could be fine too. Haruto already had plenty of options in mind.
~~~~~~~~~~
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