The sun was barely up, smothered behind a haze of yellow smog and bad vibes.
The gang was jammed into a beat-up SHIELD van that Tony Stark very reluctantly "loaned" them. The AC made a sound like it was dying and the radio only played static… but hey, it moved.
Butcher slammed the sliding door shut. "Right then. L.A. artifact number two. What's the verdict, sunshine?"
Alex sat in the passenger seat, eyes twitching at his glitching system interface.
"It's pointing out of the city," he muttered. "North. Near the woods. Signal's not clean."
Frenchie was behind the wheel, cigarette dangling. "Of course. Always a forest. Never a beach."
Deadpool, legs propped on the dashboard, beamed like a kid on a school field trip. "If this ends with a talking tree offering me mushrooms, I'm taking 'em."
Hughie poked his head from the back row. "Wait, are we seriously trusting your glitched magical GPS again? The last time it took us into a cave with an actual dragon. I'm still coughing ash."
Alex sighed. "Look, I don't control where the system sends us—"
Deadpool gasped. "OH MY GOD. He's defending the evil game mechanics again! He's becoming self-aware!"
Hughie nodded. "He's gone full protagonist. We lost him."
Deadpool had his head out the window like a golden retriever with a Glock.
"ROAD TRIP VIBES, BABY! Spotify playlist of chaos, slightly hungover Frenchman behind the wheel, and a magical glowing system that wants us to die in alphabetical order!"
Alex muttered, "Can we just—"
"STOP THE VAN!" Deadpool shouted suddenly, sitting upright.
Frenchie hit the brakes.
Butcher: "What now?"
Deadpool dramatically unbuckled himself. "I require a pee break. And I'm picky about scenery. I don't urinate just anywhere—I need ambiance. Trees. A breeze. Maybe a squirrel to judge me silently."
Alex blinked. "Seriously?"
Deadpool was already hopping out.
He turned toward the van. "Five minutes. Don't leave me behind. Or do. I'll find you. Just less pants."
And with that, he jogged into the tree line, whistling some godawful off-key version of the X-Files theme.
Deadpool — Alone in the Trees
"I swear," he muttered to no one in particular, "if I get murdered out here by a ghost with no pants, I will haunt the author of this fic for life."
He zipped up after doing his business near some questionable bushes, then stretched. "Alright, back to—"
He stopped mid-step.
The wind died.
Birdsong vanished.
The trees… weren't moving anymore.
Then, a feeling.
Pressure.
Like the whole world had shifted half an inch to the left.
Deadpool slowly turned.
And there—
Just a few yards deeper into the woods—
He stood.
Wrapped in shrouds darker than the forest itself.Unmoving.Not breathing.Eyes faintly glowing — not bright. Not cinematic.Just there.
Watching.
Those eyes…
They weren't just looking at Wade. They were looking through him.
Seeing every layer.
Every scar.
Every laugh.Every scream.
Every part Wade never let anyone else near.
Deadpool froze.
Genuinely froze.
"…The f***…"
Noir Vale didn't move.
Didn't blink.
Didn't breathe.
The chain on his arm pulsed, just once, like a heartbeat from a dead thing.
Deadpool opened his mouth to speak—
And the figure was gone.
No shift.
No blur.
Just—gone.
Deadpool stared into the empty space, heart racing under the red suit.
He laughed.
But it was hollow.
"Okay. Okay. Real funny, universe," he muttered, turning to the audience — voice shaky for once.
"Alright, dear readers… remember how I said I feared nothing?"
He pointed at the trees.
"I lied. That thing? That's a tax audit made of nightmares. That's every breakup and trauma I've ever had wrapped in funeral fabric."
He turned, jogging back fast.
"New rule. No more peeing in haunted forests. EVER."
Deadpool climbed back in, quiet.
Hughie leaned forward. "You good?"
Deadpool nodded, staring ahead. "Yeah. Just saw my future funeral and made eye contact with the reaper."
Butcher squinted. "What the hell does that mean?"
Deadpool blinked slowly. "It means if anyone suggests 'camping' in this group ever again, I will actually start biting people."
Alex glanced sideways. "You saw something, didn't you?"
Deadpool didn't look back.Just muttered—
"He saw me."
Alex froze.
His system pinged again.
[WARNING: Signal Disruption — Entity Proximity Suspected.]
Alex shut it off.
He didn't tell them.
He didn't have to.
Because somehow, they already knew.