Chapter 98
-Becky-
The nurses came in to tell me he'd made it through the worst of it. I already knew he would.
Because I brought him back again.
More time passed.
Nurses came and went. Some tried to offer me food. Others asked if I wanted to rest in the visitor lounge. I just shook my head.
I am not leaving him. Not again.
The hospital was quiet as the other patients rested. It was nearly three in the morning when he began to stir.
His fingers moved first on his normal hand, just a flicker. Then came a twitch of his jaw. His eye fluttered open.
I straightened in my chair slowly and tensed, but with a bit of relief. My breath caught in my throat. "Josh...?" I manage a quiet whisper. In this quiet hospital, it felt like yelling.
He blinked slowly and heavily. "B...Beck?"
The way he said my name broke my heart and tore me open. I didn't think I would ever hear him utter my name again. Much less see him.
"Yeah," I managed to whisper once more. "Yeah, I am here, Josh." My voice is soft, yet sincere and cold.
He looked around, dazed. "Where…?"
"South Demming Hospital. You made it back. You all did."
His gaze shifted to the glowing runes trailing down his new arm. His lips parted.
"Is...is this real?"
"Yes," I said softly, reassuring him. It's genuine."
He slowly attempted to move his new arm. Still stiff and weird to him, as his brain was probably trying to process that he even had an arm anymore. Much less this one.
He flexed his fingers slowly. "It feels like a new flame, almost like the ice fire, but something a bit more. It feels like living alive. Like a fire with a soul...soul fire."
I gave him a weak smile. "That sounds about right."
His eyes moved to her. He frowned.
He brushed my lower eyelids and cheek gently, caressing my face in the palm of his cold hand. "You look...bad. No offense."
I pulled back, not meaning to react. I tried to laugh, barely making a sound, trying to dodge the pain. "None taken. I haven't slept or eaten anything."
"Since when?" His brows shifted to a frown now as well.
I shrugged. "Since Kaysi and Evan had gone missing days ago."
The awkwardness made me slip up and tell him that part. I didn't mean to share that with him, as I didn't want him to worry about me.
"You should not have done that, his voice was deep."
"I…I couldn't help it... I couldn't finish my words.
He shifted slightly, wincing. "The arm... It doesn't hurt. But it doesn't feel like it's quite mine."
"It isn't really," I said. "Your real arm... I believe it was left in the Abyss. This one...I made it with my ice and time powers. The divine spirits helped me knit this new one into reality. They showed me what to do. This is something new."
He was quiet for a long moment. Then, you saved my life. Again."
"I wasn't going to lose you again," I whispered truthfully as I looked away, trying not to reveal my emotion. More pain tore through me as I tried to speak to Josh.
When I managed to look back, his gaze locked with mine. There was something raw there in his eyes—something I couldn't name but could feel burning into me.
I swallowed hard. I had to get this off my chest and settle this. I cleared my throat. "You disappeared, thought to be dead."
My breath caught. I had to push past the thought of the pain. "It... it... No... You shattered me." I had to tell the truth, no more denying my hurt.
Josh's voice was cold and quiet. "You probably hate me, along with everyone else. I hurt again. I've let you down more than once now."
"Josh, I don't hate you... I froze, unable to finish.
"But you should; you have every right to. I lied to you."
I shook my head. "No, but I am overwhelmingly angry with you. So very hurt, I can't lie, even if I wanted to. To you or myself." I struggled to hold back the tears. I took a deep breath to calm my heart and nerves.
I continued speaking my mind. "Because you disappeared. Because you let your father use you to pull Evan in and almost got him killed, shit yourself and Kaysi included. And because you didn't trust me. You let me give you that kiss goodbye, thinking you were safe and could handle those villains. Because you let us believe you were dead."
"I thought I was protecting you, Beck." He said.
"Then why does it feel like you destroyed me instead? I am nothing but runes of me now."
He didn't answer.
"This isn't the first time you broke me. You kidnapped Kaysi," I continued. "I grew to trust you once before, after all you did. You worked with that cult your father controls. You vanished. And now you're here, in this hospital bed, looking at me like I'm supposed to just be happy you're alive and accept everything."
"Aren't you glad I am back?" he asked softly.
"Of course I am," I choked. "B...but I don't know if that's enough to fix things, to fix me."
Josh looked away.
"I made mistakes. Big ones. I know that. I was scared. My father—he made me feel like I owed him, that I was broken, a failed experiment. That was the only way to make things right: to follow him. He told me the only way I could be loved was by my mother. He told me he can bring her back with my help and my brother's."
"That will never work; you heard from Duke and Baby before. You knew what the price you were going to pay was. And yet you did it, even if it meant hurting us."
"I didn't know how to say no, how to walk away. In a way, I believed and wanted to believe the lies he told me. He's supposed to be my father, after all."
"That's the thing, Josh," I said, standing. "You always say you're trying to protect us. You don't think things through. It's not protection if it breaks us in the process."
He reached towards me, then hesitated. "I will never stop loving you. Becky."
Surprised by his painful words, I looked back, tears streaming down my face. "I know. And I never stopped loving you either. But love isn't enough when everything and everyone else around us is burning from our heat.
I paused, and I said the words I felt we were both thinking.
"We need to break up."
He didn't argue; no disagreement was made. A small part was hoping for him to.
He just nodded. "If that's what you need. Maybe it is for the best, so I can stop hurting you."
"Is it really?" I said my voice was fading and trembling.
"I'll still be here. I'm not going anywhere again."
I braved my heart and mind with the final piece of me, leaned forward, kissed his forehead, and whispered, "Then stay alive. For real this time."
I left my heart in many of the shattered glass pieces in that room.
The hallways are still quiet and dark. As I walked past the nurse's desk, one of the ladies gave me a sad smile as I passed, and I barely registered her.
I made it halfway down an empty corridor that looked as though no one had passed in ages. I wandered down an old, shut-off, restricted, and abandoned area.
There, I leaned against the wall and collapsed. Sobbing wracked through me. Messy. Loud. And what felt free.
He was alive. I could finally let him go properly.
His life is alive at this moment, but we are not.
Maybe not ever again.
Broken like my heart.
But maybe things are okay that way for now.