***
"I want to be in love with you the same way I am in love with the moon, with the light shining out of its soul."
Sanober Khan
***
Tobirama wakes up to a blazing heat, Hashirama's worried face, and blue, blue sky where there really shouldn't be one.
He's also on a futon that doesn't smell like him, which is also wrong.
And Hashirama looks fucking exhausted.
Where is that warmth coming from? It's like he's tucked into an oven that's not hot enough to cook him, but more than enough to warm him down to his bones.
It takes some effort to open his eyes. They're stuck until a warm, wet cloth gently swipes at them.
"Tobi? Tobi, can you hear me?"
Hashirama sounded worried, so worried, and guilt rose in Tobirama amid the aches left over.
Hashirama must have healed him, because as bad as he felt now, it was much, much better than what little he remembered from the night before.
"An-Anija?"
"Shh, don't try to speak, little brother. Save your strength." Something wet pressed against his lips, and he sucked weakly, trying to quench a sudden thirst. "Hold on, I've got it." Then there was a glass at his lips, and cool liquid slid down his throat. "There you go." Hashirama cooed. Normally, Tobirama would have stabbed him for it, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't even lift his arms. "I know, I know. You'd stab me right now if you could. That's why I'm taking advantage while you can't!" God, he was annoying when he was that cheerful. "To make it up to you, I'll tell you everything you missed!"
Well, that was something at least. His vision started to clear as Hashirama spoke.
"Well, first off. Turns out, Lady Kura was actually Zetsu in disguise." Tobirama's heart jumped in his chest. His inability to move had never bothered him so much. "He attacked Madara and Kurama with a poison that infected their chakra. Madara was able to fight back, a bit, but as you've seen, the main house took some damage. Kurama took the worst of it, being made of chakra. I'm sure it will be something interesting for you to study when you're feeling better."
The fight had been epic as much as it had been short. Madara had gotten a few blows in before the poison had taken him down. Kurama hadn't even managed to wake up before it put him in a coma. Behito had been affected the least. Hashirama suspected the poison's effectiveness was based on a shinobi's amount of chakra, and Behito was just below average in comparison to Madara and Kurama, who boasted insane amounts of chakra by any measurement.
Madara had managed to force Zetsu into the open, destroying part of the main house but alerting the entire compound, before the poison had made him too weak to fight anymore. Behito had leapt to protect him, taking a fatal blow and dying in Mito's arms as shinobi had come running from all directions to help. Hashirama had gone straight to Madara, desperate to heal him before the poison could infect his entire system.
Izuna had led the attack against Zetsu, but the coward had fled when Madara's brother had gone after him. The party of envoys had come running when the fight started, and their confusion had felt real. So real they'd been useless, and Mito's rage in the wake of Zetsu's flight had clearly frightened them. Clutching her dead cousin, Mito had unleashed her chakra and chains when they'd tried to approach, demanding answers, and Mito had screamed at them to get out.
They'd fled when they realized no one, including Hashirama, was going to help them.
"I almost didn't pull him back in time," Hashirama admitted quietly. "I was still working on him when Jiro brought you to me. I- I'm so sorry, Tobi." He could hear Hashirama's tears. "I would have stopped Tsume if I'd known…Well, I would have tried. Honestly, I don't know if I could take her."
And that was terrifying to hear. One of the few reliable, comforting constants in Tobirama's life thus far was Hashirama's strength and power. That he was unsure of it, that it wasn't everything Tobirama had always assumed, was a bit shattering.
Not to mention that it was Tsume he was admitting was stronger.
Was there no one who could keep her in check? Or was she just another completely uncontrollable element like the Nine-Tailed Demon?
He tried to swallow, and Hashirama had to hold the cup to his lips.
"Zetsu escaped." Hashirama continued. "Izuna is furious. He's set a wartime guard and sent out teams to start monitoring the other clans…It's very likely, given what happened, that we'll be at war in a few days."
Hashirama sounded so defeated that Tobirama's heart ached for him.
"But you don't need to worry about that right now. Just sleep and rest."
And Tobirama was helpless to do anything else.
***
The next time Tobirama woke up, he woke up aflame. Warm, so warm his mouth was dry, and he felt dehydrated.
He was also half on top of something much more comfortable than a futon.
And his pillow was smooth and warm and…
He opened his eyes to pale, supple skin and found himself face to face with a crescent-shaped scar and a rosy nipple.
He knew that scar.
It was on Madara's left pec.
Which meant this was Madara's chest he was drooling onto.
Logically, he understood why they were in the same room, even next to one another. Putting them together saved Hashirama time and energy, and he could keep an eye on both of them at once.
….
Tobirama forced himself to roll away from the warmth, staring wide-eyed up at the ceiling.
Well, not the ceiling because it was still a giant hole. The sky.
He stared up at the sky as his mind raced around the realization that he'd apparently cuddled Madara in his sleep.
He never cuddled anyone.
Not since he was five and decided he was too old to let Hashirama or his brothers share his bed.
He barely ever did it with the people he was seeing, because he always had so much to do and so little time to do it all. And it wasn't very comfortable sharing a futon with another person. They moved in their sleep, had different schedules, left him far too vulnerable…
He glanced over at Madara, but the other man was thankfully sound asleep. If Hashirama's estimates about the poison were correct, and they probably were, Madara had been in worse shape than Tobirama.
Which was impressive, given the litany of injuries that he'd started to recall. He probably wouldn't wake up for a few more days.
Thank kami.
That meant Tobirama had time to escape before anyone found out what he'd done.
His legs couldn't support him, and his arms shook when he tried to drag himself across the floor, but he could manage an infantile crawl.
He saw Kurama asleep on Madara's other side. His coat was dull and limp. Hashirama had said the chakra beast had been hit by the poison as well. Would he recover at all?
Tobirama tried to feel sympathy, but there was still too much fear.
He kept crawling, sighing in relief when he reached the door without either Madara or Kurama waking up.
He slid the door open, but his relief was short-lived.
He recognized those legs.
Tobirama collapsed on the floor with a groan, refusing to look up and see Hashirama's expression of glee. He refused to speak as Hashirama dragged him back to the futon and tucked him back in.
Going so far as to close his eyes and turn his face away.
It didn't stop him from feeling his brother's amusement radiating through his chakra.
***
Tobirama's second escape attempt was a success. Though he'd suffered two more wake-ups with his face stuck to Madara's chest and Hashirama's subsequent smugness, before he managed it.
He only made it as far as his old room, but at least Hashirama had been kind enough to leave him there for the rest of his recovery. Mito came and checked on him when Hashirama couldn't, and Tobirama could see her grief heavy on her shoulders.
She did stay long enough the first day to give him a more detailed explanation of what had happened with the envoys. Hashirama hadn't been kidding when he'd said Mito had thrown them out. Her rage was still burning bright as she told him about their insistence that they'd known nothing about Kura's true identity or what Zetsu had done.
"Not that I gave them much time to explain." She admitted. "I find it impossible to believe that none of them suspected anything."
"The Nara, at the very least, should have guessed." Torbirama agreed, accepting the cup of medicinal tea she handed him. "The Yamanaka as well. Have we sent scouts to the Kuro compound?"
Mito nodded. "Izuna sent Itachi with Renji, Kasumi, and two of the Inuzuka. The Aburame sent a few of their own scouts to the other compounds within the Land of Fire."
Tobirama threw the entire cup back in one go, grimacing at the horrid taste. "Do you think a war is coming?"
Mito nodded. "I think the fear the other clans have of your brother and Madara is more powerful than they expected. Seperately they were held in check by one another, but united they are an entirely different level of threat."
Tobirama understood that. Bustuma had been obsessed with containing Hashirama's strength and destroying Madara's. Perhaps he'd seen the inevitable before Tobirama had. "Tsume is now a factor," Tobirama murmured.
Mito nodded. "She is even less subtle with her strength than Madara or Hashirama, though I'm not sure where it comes from. Or how it stayed hidden for so long."
Tobirama had been ruminating on that the entire time he'd been resting and had come to one chilling conclusion. "She's not human."
Mito froze, blinked. "What do you mean?"
"Do you not have stories about yokai in Uzisho?"
"Of course we do, but they are just stories."
Tobirama stayed silent.
"They are not just stories," Mito stated flatly.
"I thought they were as well," Tobirama admitted. "It's been so long since anyone in the Senju clan encountered one. The Uchiha were famous yokai hunters after the death of the Sage of the Six Paths. It's rumored that's how they became the first noble clan, but it's been so long, and they hunted so well, the yokai were said to have died out. I think Tsume is a yokai."
"What kind?" Mito immediately asked and then realized. "The Hatake. That's why they asked Madara's permission before they came into the compound."
"There is actionable intelligence that the wandering samurai who joined the Hatake are half-yokai that were expelled from the Land of Iron."
Mito was quiet for a moment, and then. "Fascinating."
Surprised, Tobriama raised an eyebrow. "That's not a normal reaction."
"Do you not agree?" Mito grinned. "Hashirama speaks highly of your curiosity."
Tobirama scowled. "I may be curious, but I am not stupid. Yokai are dangerous."
"So are shinobi." Mito returned. "So is the wind on a bad day."
Tobirama snorted. "I see your point."
"It is a whole new world Hashirama and Madara are trying to create," she mused. "One would expect it would be something we didn't already recognize."
It was a bit annoying how observant she was. How easily she fit into their world. Tobirama wanted to be angry that she'd fit herself into it so easily, but he could hardly blame someone else for their strengths.
"Madara is recovering well." She added. "The poison was devastating but easily treatable. I've never seen anything like it."
Tobirama shook his head. "Nor have I. Hopefully, Hashirama kept good notes."
She paused then, long enough that Jiro nosed the door open, came in, and flopped across Tobirama's legs. The big wolf hadn't left Tobirama's side for more than a few minutes since he'd half-dragged him to Hashirama, and Tobirama could feel him pushing chakra into Tobirama to accelerate his healing.
Mito leaned over and scratched the wolf behind the ears, and Jiro's tail thumped on the floor in delight. "Such a good boy." She cooed. "Better behaved than those two menaces that follow Izuna around."
Jiro laughed, twisted around to put his head closer to both of them. "They're babies. Hoshi says that's why they're like that. Are human children like that? Kagami seems like he is. He runs a lot. Were you like that?"
Both Tobirama and Mito scoffed. "Of course not."
Despite being upside down, Jiro's narrowed eyes didn't look convinced.
The silly wolf was getting smarter.
Tobirama ruffled his fur as his mind turned to the one person he'd expected to see, but hadn't yet. "Has Aiko come by?"
Mito stiffened, then frowned. "She came as soon as word spread that you were injured. She wanted you to move to the Healer's Hall so she could help care for you, but Hashirama refused. It made more sense to keep you with Madara so he could treat you both."
Tobirama sighed. "And she wasn't pleased."
"No, I would say she was not."
"She doesn't like Madara for some reason."
Mito raised an eyebrow. "For some reason indeed. Tell me, Tobirama, do you like Madara?"
Tobirama looked away, focused on Jiro. "I am past my distrust of him. He has proven to be what Hashirama claimed." A flash of Madara's chest came to mind, and he could feel his face heat.
Mito hummed, but didn't push farther.
***
Tobirama's next visitor was less welcome, but he'd learned his lesson about using force against Tsume.
So he just lay there and pretended to be asleep, hoping she'd go away.
She only gave him a few minutes before she spoke. "I'm a thousand years old, brat. Do you really think you're going to outlast me?" She sounded far more amused than she had any right to be.
In a fit of pique, he threw off the covers and sat up, glaring. "A thousand years?"
Tsume hummed and sipped a cup of sake that she must have brought with her, because Hashirama's famous ban had prohibited any of his healing patients from having alcohol. "I was born in a battlefield called Sekigahara. I crawled out of the miasma created from thousands of loved ones left to rot where they fell." She poured Tobirama a cup of sake, which he reluctantly took. "Now, every time someone's child dies in battle, I get stronger."
Tobirama fumbled his cup as the numbers started to run through his head.
Tsume's lips pulled back into a smirk. "That's why you'll never be strong enough to defeat me. Hell, this last decade, you've done more of your own fair share of making me stronger." Tobirama paled and threw back the sake, immediately holding it out for a refill. Tsume gave him one. "I'll surpass Kikyo-meijin soon enough, thanks to you and your breatheran."
Tobirama swallowed the second glass.
"Stop panicking." Tsume's voice carried an order, so similar to the way Butsuma used to speak, but somehow wildly different at the same time. "If I were an enemy of the shinobi, they never would have survived long enough for you to be born."
He scowled. "So why aren't you?"
"I enjoy being human."
He blinked, taken aback at her honesty.
"Or at least pretending to be." She grinned and poured them both another round. "We are not so different from you. We long for connection, even if it may look different than what you're used to."
"That seems to be the theme of my life now. The unrecognizable."
Tsume snorted. "That's life. Change is inevitable." She beamed. "And then you die. When you're not me, of course."
Tobirama sneered at her with everything he had.
"Now, now, being human's a good thing. A better thing. You don't want to live for centuries. Watching your loved ones grow old and die over and over." Some of the humor left her. "Why do you think Kikyo-meijin spends so much time alone in the mountains?"
Tobirama blinked, thrown. "Uchiha Kikyo is a-"
Tusme laughed. "Human. The First Uchiha."
"That's not-" He stopped.
"All the living Uhiha are descended from her. Indra's only surviving child."
"How-"
"Couldn't tell you." Tsume interrupted cheerfully. "Just special, I suppose. Just that powerful. You don't have to worry about that."
Tobirama glared. "Thanks." But he was relieved. Not that he'd ever admit that out loud.
And definitely not to Tsume. It had been hard enough going on after Kawarama and Itama, he couldn't imagine having to go on after Hashirama.
Or Hashirama's children.
His eyes narrowed. "Hashirama and Madara…"
Tsume hummed and poured them both another cup. "Could get there if they wanted to, but they don't. That's the choice most make."
"So why didn't you?"
She grinned, showing off sharper than normal canines. "Because I have the irresistible urge to punch Kaguya in the face whenever I can." She sipped her sake.
Jiro nosed the door open and growled when he saw Tsume, but she just waved him off.
He nudged Tobirama with his nose, and the shinobi patted him on the head in reassurance. "I'm fine."
The huge wolf wiggled himself behind Tobirama and curled around him, resting his head on his paws next to Tobirama's thigh and keeping his eyes trained on Tsume. Tobirama relaxed into the warm fur surrounding him and ignored Tsume's smile.
"Kikyo showed me mercy when I was young. She was there the moment I crawled out of the miasma." Tsume's eyes took on that far-away glaze. "She'll show you if you ask her. A kind elderly couple gave me a home and taught me how to be human. They barely had enough food to survive themselves, but they still made me eat. When the Uchiha did come around, they always defended me. Even when I stumbled."
"They sound like good people," Tobirama muttered. Even Jiro rumbled in agreement.
"When they died, I wandered the Earth and met Kuromaru. Not long after that, Kaguya freed herself for the first time in my lifetime. He was determined to fight, and I felt like I owed Kikyo and the Uchiha, so I joined them. Haven't left since."
There was clearly a lot more to her story, but Tobirama had more pressing questions. "I thought ninken had normal life spans?"
Tsume stared at him, then burst out laughing. "Haven't put it together yet?" His scowl made her laugh harder. "Fine, fine. 'Suppose I owe you. Kuromaru is not a ninken. He's one of the Old Gods."
Tobirama froze, sake cup at his lips.
"He is the great black bite. The one who guarded the door was the first to favor humans. He was the first to fight against Kaguya and still serves the King of the Forrest alongside Okuninushi."
"Okuninushi?" Why did that sound familiar?
"The one who wove the web of the world. You've seen it around, the pearl colored spider."
He'd seen a white spider on Aburame Shina's shoulder.
"It created many of the summons you shinobi use. Including your moths."
Tobirama's jaw dropped, and something itched at the back of his mind. Without thinking, he formed the hand signs and let his moths burst into the world. They fluttered around, offering comfort before landing on his hair.
His mind, always turning, started to connect dots, and his eyes slid to Jiro, who perked up and wagged his tail.
"Moro is one of the oldest of the Old Gods. The untamable wild. The first god to form a summoning pact with a shinobi. She bears Indra's own eyes in exchange."
Tobirama started to sit up, ignoring Jiro's whine. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"
"You don't like me anymore?" Somehow, his eyes got big and liquid, and even the Sharingan stopped looking threatening and just looked sad and pathetic.
Tobirama froze, stuck between the urge to kowtow to one of the gods that had made this world and not to offend said god.
Slowly, he leaned back, resting against Jiro as his tail pelted the floor in happiness.
"Moro chose the Uchiha because of Kikyo's oath to always fight Kaguya. And Kuromaru and Okuninushi did the same. It's why our three clans are so close."
That did answer a lot of Tobirama's questions.
It also sparked a lot more.
"Hashirama and Madara."
"They're not that stupid." Tsume snorted, "Though they do a good job of being willfully ignorant at times." There was a lot more to that, but Tsume wasn't going to be the one who said anything about that. "Besides, Moro's contract resides with Madara now. Kikyo has always handed it down to the current clan leader."
Tobirama frowned. "Tajima never used-"
"He did." Tsume shrugged, frowned when the sake bottle proved to be empty. "The gods won't fight human battles, only yokai and Kaguya. It's part of their law of non-interference."
"I suppose we should be grateful." The Senju would have been wiped out long ago if the Uchiha had brought a god into battle.
Tsume snorted. "It's past that now; feeling anything about it is a waste."
Tobirama nodded, eager for something simple. "That makes sense." And was more in line with his preferred way of thinking than most things.
"So what do you think?"
Tobirama blinked. "You just said not to think about it."
Tsume rolled her eyes. "Not about that. What do you think about becoming my student?"
Tobirama stared at her, and the wings of his moths fluttered. "What?" Suddenly, it fell into place. "Wait, was that a test?"
"Of course."
Tobirama sputtered.
Tsume scoffed. "What did you think it was?"
"I thought you were Zetsu!"
Tsume grimaced. "I thought you were smarter than that."
Tobirama squeaked. "What else was I supposed to think? I knew you weren't human at least!"
Tsume snorted. "I suppose I can give you that." She offered grandly.
It was Tobirama's turn to scowl. "Thanks."
"I helped train your brother, you know. And Madara."
That did make it tempting, even as the outrage about the night she beat him into the ground still burned bright.
"Kikyo-mejin has only taken two non-Uchiha students. I was the first."
"Hashirama the second." Tobirama guessed, and she nodded.
"I've trained the Inuzuka, but I've never taken on an apprentice the way she has." Something calculating entered Tsume's eyes. "I wonder how strong I could make you?"
It was on the tip of his tongue to deny her, but…
A thousand years of knowledge and experience. The partner of a god with even more.
How much did Tsume know?
So much knowledge that had already been lost to shinobi…
And, well, new worlds and all.
It was too much to resist.
"Okay." Tobirama took a deep breath. "I'll be your student."
Tsume's smile was pleased and bloody.
***
Tsume had decided to leave him alone until he was fully healed and apparently knew enough about healing to know that his insistence that he was nearly there was a lie.
Had laughed in his face when he'd said it even.
She told him to use the time to think about what he wanted to learn first, and his mind had been spinning ever since. He'd even told Mito and Izuna about it when they'd stopped to check in on him.
Mito was enthusiastic, but Izuna had muttered about Tobirama being better off if Tsume had just killed him and proceeded to terrify both of them with stories about Kikyo's training sessions.
It hadn't been enough to dissuade Tobirama, but he was vaguely concerned Kikyo was an unhinged lunatic and intended to speak to Hashirama about it to find out how honest Izuna was being.
He'd felt strong enough a few days later to wander out by himself to look for him and had gone to check Madara's room first. He was still conserving his chakra, so he hadn't been using his sensing abilities, but he knew from Mito and Izuna that Madara still hadn't woken up.
It was a mixed blessing because the longer Madara slept, the less the chance that Hashirama would remember Tobirama's embarrassing moments with Madara's chest and mention it to the other man.
He still wasn't expecting what he found in Madara's room, though.
Little Kagami had apparently gotten inside, and Hoshi, Jiro's older sister, had seen no need to stop Madara's son from covering him in childish ink illustrations.
He was sporting a dramatic beard, eyes on his eyelids, and some strange swirls on his chest that almost looked like seals by the time Tobirama opened the door.
Kagami beamed when he saw Tobirama. "Tobi-chan! Shhhshh!"
He was covered in ink spots, and his kimono was definitely ruined.
Kurama was still passed out next to Madara, sprawled on his back with his legs and tails akimbo.
Something warm and soft unfurled in Tobirama's chest.
As experienced a shinobi as Madara was, not to mention as skilled a sensor, there was no way he was asleep after all of Kagami's artwork.
No wonder Hoshi hadn't interveened.
Tobirama put his finger to his lips and backed out, quietly shutting the door behind him as Kagami giggled.
***
It felt good to stretch his legs, so Tobirama sought out Touka and the others to check on them.
Touka was pleased to see him and apologetic for not visiting while he'd been healing. She'd volunteered for Izuna's wartime guard and had wanted to go out with one of the scout teams. She seemed a little miffed that she hadn't been chosen, but Tobirama didn't disagree with Izuna's decision to have the more seasoned shinobi stay as guards.
Since Zetsu had already proven he could get into the compound, protection needed to be focused there, instead of attempting to engage him further out.
Touka had even taken him to a small food stand and bought him a skewer of spiced meat that he'd never tried before, but apparently was a staple to the Uchiha.
It smelled strangely smoky and sweet, and Tobirama wouldn't put it past her to feed him something horrible as a joke, so he waited until she'd taken a bite of her own before trying it.
Spice and sugar exploded across his tongue. How did they manage to get it to taste like both?
"Right?" Touka grinned around her own mouthful as Tobirama tore off another bite. "Kasumi told Renji they get the spice from the Land of Sand."
Tobirama swallowed and looked around. "Where is Renji?" Normally, the young shinobi was dogging their heels.
Touka snorted. "With Uchiha Kasumi. They're practically inseparable these days. Izuna sent them out to check on the Kura."
Tobirama frowned, thoughtful, as he took another bite. There was a note of bitterness in Touka, but he couldn't tell if it was because Renji wasn't following her around anymore or because he'd taken up with an Uchiha.
"Everyone has started training again," Touka added. "They're furious Zetsu got inside." Her face twisted in a snarl as she said it. Fury and disappointment all mixed together. "And about what Tsume did to you. She even volunteered to fight anyone who had a problem with it."
Tobirama chewed and swallowed. "I hope no one was stupid enough to take her up on it."
Touka's grimace said there had definitely been a few someones.
"She's a demon," Tobirama muttered, enjoying a spiced vegetable skewered alongside the meat.
Touka snorted. "No shit."
Tobirama glanced at her. "No. She's an actual demon. A yokai."
Next to him, Touka froze. "How do you know?"
"She told me. Isn't really shy about it."
"Hashirama knows?"
Tobirama nodded. "So are some of the Hatake."
Touka sputtered. "What? Why did Hashirama and Madara-"
Tobirama shrugged. "They don't care."
Touka's frown deepened. "They should have warned everyone at least."
"I think they thought everyone knew. All the Uchiha did. And the Aburame and Inuzuka." It went without saying that the Hatake knew their own situation, and the Namikaze had likely put it together when they'd travelled down from the mountains with them.
"So only the Senju didn't know. That's great." Touka hissed in disgust. "What else have they kept from us?"
Jiro popped into Tobirama's mind as he swallowed his last bite and debated going back for another one.
What the hell, he'd already ripped off one band-aid. "The Uchiha wolves are old golds. From before Kaguya."
His dear cousin paled significantly, likely running the same devastating scenarios through her head that Tobirama had. "What the fuck?" She whispered.
Tobirama went back for another skewer of meat.
"Why? How-" She was starting to look a little crazy around the eyes, so Tobirama relayed the brief story Tsume had told him about the deal and Indra's eyes. "The Inuzuka and Aburame are part of the deal. Apparently, that's why the alliance between those three clans is so close."
"They were all yokai hunters, too. In the stories." Touka muttered.
Tobirama nodded, batting her hands away when she tried to snatch a bite.
"What's wrong? Can't share with your dear cousin?"
"I'm still recovering."
"We're all still recovering," Touka argued, deciding to ignore everything Tobirama had told her for the sake of her own sanity. She was just a shinobi, and that was all she wanted to be. These grand dreams and endless changes were overwhelming and terribly complicated. She wanted to take orders from someone she trusted and believed, and come home to her clan. She didn't want to get dragged into a war between gods.
Tobirama shoved the entire skewer in his mouth as she shrieked in outrage. She'd missed her silly little cousin, who'd been harder and harder to see over the years. That she was glimpsing him now was a bit of a miracle after these last few years.
She'd nearly given up hope. Especially after his relationship with Aiko had failed to have the anticipated impact.
She'd supported them in the beginning, had actually liked the other kunoichi who didn't seem bothered by Tobirama's position or responsibility, and considered Touka's baby cousin a catch.
She wasn't so sure now.
And not just because Tobirama seemed to have lost interest in the wake of everything that had happened. At first, Aiko hadn't cared about Tobirama's station, but since the Senju had arrived in the Uchiha Compound, she'd changed. Touka couldn't tell if it was because she was holding on to some deep-seated hatred of the Uchiha or because Tobirama suddenly had a bunch of new people taking up most of his attention.
And Madara.
Touka wasn't stupid. The Uchiha were going out of their way to talk up Madara whenever Tobirama was in earshot, but the man himself barely seemed to spare Tobirama a glance.
She hadn't had the chance to corner Hashirama and demand to know if it was his doing, some foolish fantasy about becoming brothers with Madara for real, or something else, but she trusted Tobirama wasn't foolish enough to fall for it regardless.
She just felt bad because she knew deep down Tobirama wanted to settle down. Wanted to have a family. Even if he proclaimed he had no time for such frivolous things.
He bought them both another skewer as she was lost in thought, but instead of re-taking his seat next to her, he asked. "Have you seen Aiko?"
Touka frowned around her mouthful. "Why?"
Those bright red eyes darted around. "I need to talk to her."
Ah, well, Touka swallowed. "Try the training house near the western wall. Some of the other kunoichi were using it to practice infiltration."
***
"You're so cold, Tobirama. Like ice. How is someone supposed to love you when you care more about your experiments than your fellow shinobi?"
Tobirama wasn't sure when he'd made the decision to break up with Aiko, but he was set on it now, and there was little point in dragging it out once the decision had been made.
He wasn't expecting the slap. It had taken a moment for the pain to set in, not that it was anywhere near as bad as what Tsume inflicted on him. Or that he'd even done to himself during training. Aiko had always been so calm and controlled before.
"All the time and effort I put in, and you couldn't even pretend to try."
He had tried, was the thing. He'd been trying, but with everything…
Aiko was right, he hadn't been a good partner. He just wasn't made for it.
No matter how many times he tried, he could never set aside the rest of the world the way they seemed to want.
Aiko wasn't even crying; she just looked disappointed. "Do you even feel love, Tobirama? No matter how often you touched me, it never felt real. Like you were just experimenting until you found the right answer, but you never did. That's the thing, Tobirama. You can't learn how to love. People just know and you…don't."
And then Uchiha Yoruichi accidentally knocked down a wall, showering them both in debris, and that had been the end of that.
***
He'd gone to find Hashirama, because even these past months weren't enough to break him of the habit of going to his big brother for comfort.
But true to form, he'd stumbled on Madara first. The ink was mostly gone; he'd clearly put some effort into scrubbing it off after pretending to be asleep, but whatever ink Kagami had used was high quality, and his skin was still carrying the faded echoes of Kagami's hard work.
Tobirama snorted and laughed before he could stop himself.
"Laugh it up, Senju," Madara growled, drying his hair. "Just wait until he gets his hands on you."
"Not all of us are push-overs." Tobirama countered.
Madara sniffed. "It's important for children to develop varied interests."
Tobirama raised an eyebrow. "Did you get that from an educational scroll?"
"Of course." Madara didn't even look embarrassed about it.
Tobirama shrugged. It probably boded well that Madara cared enough about children to want to learn how to teach them.
"Is everything okay?"
The question startled Tobirama, and when he looked back at the other man, he found Madara studying him. Those terrifying eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"I-" He stopped himself. Madara was Hashirama's friend, not Tobirama's. He had no reason to care about Tobirama or vice versa.
But he looked like he cared.
Or at least, what Tobirama had thought caring had looked like. Apparently, he wasn't a very good judge of that.
"Did something happen?" Madara lowered his voice, but Hoshi's ears still perked up, one red eye opened to watch them.
"I'm looking for Hashirama."
"He's resting with Mito and Izuna." Of course, Madara would immediately know where he was, even without using his sensor abilities.
Tobirama bit his lip. It wasn't worth bothering Hashirama if he was resting when he got so little chance to do so. "I'll leave you be, then."
He turned to go, but Madara caught his arm. "What happened, Tobirama? You're obviously upset."
Tobirama turned to him sharply. Surprised he could tell.
Madara flushed and let go. "My apologies."
Tobirama rubbed his arm where Madara had grabbed him. The heat from his touch didn't fade immediately. "It's fine."
"Leave him be, Calamity. He's obviously had his heart broken." Hoshi barked.
Madara paled, then flushed, face turning an interesting shade of red.
Tobirama scowled at the wolf. "I didn't have my heart broken." He paused, scowling harder. "Apparently, I don't have a heart to break."
Madara turned red in fury, a look Tobirama remembered from across the battlefield. "What? Who would dare say such a thing?"
Tobirama managed a brittle smile. "It hardly matters now. It's over. And I'm never doing it again."
Taken aback, Madara frowned. "What do you mean? Do what again?"
"A relationship." Tobirama shrugged. "Apparently, they're the one thing I cannot be successful at."
Madara scoffed, making a weak attempt at humor. "Such an ego."
Tobirama gave him a wry look. "I'm sure someone with an ego such as yours understands."
Madara sniffed, but there was no real insult to it. "Of course."
It brought an unwilling smile to Tobirama's lips. To think he and Madara would find common ground over something as silly as this. "Well, it will never happen again. I may not know how to love, but I do know how to learn from my mistakes." Madara looked confused. "Hashirama and Mito will be enough to carry on our family line."
Madara blinked, silent.
"I'm never going to waste my time on a romantic entanglement again." Tobirama knew he sounded a bit childish, apparently more than he meant to, based on Madara's crestfallen expression.
"Oh." The older shinobi looked surprisingly devastated.
But then, the Uchiha were particular where love was concerned. It had been impossible not to notice the way they practically worshiped it.
Tobirama grimaced. "Sorry, that's- I'm not in the best mood at the moment. I should go."
He ran out before Madara could say anything else.
***
Never again.
Never.
That stupid kunoichi had hurt Tobirama so badly that he was never going to try again?
What did that even mean?
Madara was so confused, he didn't even think to stop Tobirama from leaving.
Why was this so heartbreaking?
Tobirama was never going to love Madara, so why did it matter if he was ever going to love again at all?
That crushing darkness started seeping back in at the edges. The endless exhaustion came on like a torrential rain in spring.
Obviously, he'd told Madara for a reason, because Madara was the last person he'd ever love.
He should have stayed asleep. Hashirama could handle things from here.
They'd gotten far enough.
Stop.
He put his head in his hands, pulled at his hair.
What the hell was he thinking? There'd never been any chance that Tobirama would love him.
Nothing had changed, so why was he acting like a fool now?
He couldn't leave Hashirama now. Zetsu was still alive, and they hadn't started the village yet. Izuna wasn't safe, and Kagami hadn't even stepped onto the battlefield yet.
Hashirama and Mito hadn't even gotten married yet.
The world wasn't safe from Kaguya, and Madara hadn't gotten a chance to pay the bitch back for everything from that first life.
He couldn't let go now.
Hoshi crawled over and wrapped herself around him, warm nose pressing against his cheek.
Madara still had work to do.
The loneliness couldn't take him yet.
Hoshi was going to ignore it all. Love was generally best when left to sort itself out, but really, this was getting ridiculous.
She nudged him.
Then she bit him.
The sharp pain made Madara shriek and jump. "Ow! What the fuck?"
"Go after him, Calamity."
Madara scowled and rubbed his bleeding ear. "No. He doesn't want to talk to me."
"He came and told you."
"He was looking for Hashirama."
"Then it was fate that brought him to you instead."
"He said never."
"Humans always say never when the hurt is fresh. It never lasts."
Madara hesitated, torn. Was she right? But Tobirama was so stubborn.
"Talk to him. It does not need to be grand declarations of never-ending love right away. Go put yourself forward as an option." She nipped at him again to get him moving, ignoring his shriek until he actually made it to the door.
***
Tobirama had returned to the room he'd been using. The door was firmly shut when Madara arrived, enough to keep the Uchiha out forever, but when he went to turn around, he caught Hoshi watching him from around the corner, teeth bared.
He knocked.
She inched forward.
He yanked the door open and dove inside, slamming it shut behind him.
"Ah, my apologies." He flushed as Tobirama stared at him, startled and wide-eyed. "Hoshi was threatening me."
Tobirama still looked confused, but nodded. "Your wolves are…interesting, Uchiha-sama."
"Madara."
"What?"
"Mad- You can just call me Madara. It's fine."
"Madara."
"Yes?"
"I was just trying it out."
"Is it that strange?"
Tobirama shrugged. "I suppose not." He fiddled with the scrolls he was arranging.
Madara's ear throbbed and he felt drops of blood land on his shoulder. "What did you mean by never?"
Tobirama glanced at him, his face turning red. "Nothing. It was nonsense."
Madara stepped further into the room and muttered. "Didn't seem like nonsense."
"Why do you care?" Tobirama snarled, embarrassment giving way to anger.
Madara tripped over a scroll, pinwheeled, and somehow managed to stay on his feet.
And this was the man feared by the world, Tobirama thought.
Madara straightened, an embarrassed flush crawled across his cheeks. It was strangely adorable. "I care." Petulant and defiant all at once.
And somehow, Tobirama believed him. "I am fine, Madara. It is a temporary hurt. It will pass." He went back to sorting scrolls, but Madara showed no sign of leaving.
Instead, he sat down next to Tobirama. "You have seen how Uchiha love, have you not?"
Tobirama scoffed. "Of course. I would not complain about my own failure in love in front of one of you. That would be cruel."
"We only love once." Madara continued as if he hadn't spoken. "One day our eyes are opened to the only one who could fulfill us in that way, and once our eyes are opened, we can never close them again. Even if they don't love us back."
"Everything with Aiko seems small in comparison," Tobirama murmured.
Madara shrugged. "Yet it feels like something great and terrible, doesn't it?"
Tobriama glanced at him and found Madara's steady gaze already on him. "It is irrational. I know that."
"Love is irrational. All Uchiha know that. And now so do you. That does not make it any less worthwhile."
Tobirama snorted. "Beautiful words, but they only apply to those capable of love."
Madara's eyes narrowed, dangerous. "You are capable, Tobirama. You prove that every day you help take care of your clan. Of everyone in this compound."
"That is not the same kind of love. I can't… I'm not made for relationships. Aiko is right. They always fail."
"They?" A strange gleam sparked in Madara's eyes. "How many is they? Who is they?"
"Aiko was hardly my first attempt." Tobirama rolled his eyes. "I am an old man by shinobi standards."
Madara sputtered something incoherent.
"I have enough experience to make my claim with evidence."
A strange sound came out of Madara, something between a groan and a scream, and then. "You've had sex before?"
It wasn't what Madara meant to say, but it seemed to be the only thing the jealousy and the red bank rage at the thought of those others would allow.
Tobriama shrugged, sunk in on himself. "Yes, but I am not very good at it."
Madara rolled his eyes. "I fail to see how that's possible. You're good at everything."
Heat rose in Tobirama's cheeks, and he scowled. "I've been told I am too clinical."
"Clinical?" Madara repeated, doubtful. "How is one clinical in a relationship?"
"Cold. Unromatic. Disinterested. Unskilled…not soft."
Madara's eye twitched with each review Tobirama shared. "I'm going to need a list." The Uchiha said, when he'd finally stopped.
"Of what?"
"People you've slept with." Starting with that fucking kunoichi.
"References? I'm not sure they would be willing to speak of their personal dalliances." Tobirama had always been upfront about his desire for privacy. "I'm sure I can answer adequately in their stead."
Madara took him by the shoulders, eyes intense. "To kill."
"What?" Tobirama was so confused. How had they jumped from romantic partners to murder?
"I need to know all the people who said those things to you. So I can tell Hashirama, and we can go kill them all." God, Tobirama's adorable when he's confused.
"Why would you do that?"
"Because they hurt you!" Madara screeches, making Tobirama jump.
"They did not."
He actually believed that, too.
Well, the most powerful thing always has been the mind, and Tobirama's was more powerful than most.
How is Madara the mature one here?
"Tobirama, look-" He had to stop himself, felt the anger bubbling up again. "They should not have said those things."
"They are true."
"So? You don't say that to people you care about!"
"I was assured we were still friends."
"You're not."
Now he looks hurt. Realization settling in.
"I really need names."
"No."
Stubborn, mulish bastard, Madara seethed. Refusing to let Madara hurt those who hurt him.
This is… this is not working.
Madara's a hair's breadth from losing his temper and ruining this whole thing, and Tobirama is just as close to closing off completely, never to open up again.
"Let's table that discussion." Madara ground out, jaw aching.
"Fine. What would you like to discuss instead?"
"Are you comfortable with sex?"
"Yes."
"Do you enjoy it?"
"Enough. But I am aware the circumstances change with each partner."
And Tobirama would have to trust someone completely to truly enjoy it, Madara realized.
And he doesn't trust easily.
Ah.
That's it.
Madara smiled, and it must be something because Tobirama immediately looked wary, stood, and backed up a step, right into his desk.
Madara followed and watched him swallow nervously.
"Madara…"
"May I make a suggestion, Tobirama?"
He hesitated. "…yes."
"I want you to forget your earlier experiences."
"Then I won't know how to do anything."
"That's fine. We can learn together. How does that sound?"
"….nice, but pointless." But he's so tense, Madara's worried he's going to break something just standing there. "We are not in love."
Madara waved away his concern. "Not everyone is at the start. We can think of it as an experiment."
Ah, there's the spark. Curiosity. "Explain."
"We'll try different things until we figure out what we like together." He brushes his fingers feather-light across Tobirama's cheek. "Compare this," he does it again but with his knuckles and just a bit more force, enough to leave no doubt that it's a shinobi touching him, "With this. Which felt better?"
Tobirama breathed out, the empty space in his chest expanding. "Do the first one again." Let his eyes fall shut as Madara did, fingers so light they were barely there.
"The second."
Another brush, another step closer, until there was barely enough space between them for air.
"My other cheek. The first."
A slight blush blossomed under Madara's fingertips.
"Second."
The blush darkened as his eyes opened, hazy and soft.
"Both at once."
And Madara lets his fingers ghost across his skin and brush the tips of his hair back.
"I need a scroll and brush," Tobirama said, and Madara blinked, off-balance. "Experiments must be recorded for study or they are not valid."
He's so nervous.
It's adorable.
"I'm going to ruin you," Madara promised, dark and devoted, and grabbed a blank scroll and the first brush he found.
"Ruin implies-"
"A good ruin," Madara assured him, unrolling the scroll and pushing the brush into Tobirama's shaking hand. "The kind that means you'll never consider anyone but me like this. The kind that means you will never doubt how good you make me."
"How good I make you feel."
"No," Madara said, taking his chin in a firm grip and making him look him in the eyes, "How good you make me."
As they stared into one another's eyes, it occurred to Tobirama that this was not the casual experiment Madara had first broached. The words he spoke invoked an image of a devotion that put all others to shame.
"Record your findings, Tobirama." And Madara should not feel so fond as he watched the red-eyed ghost bend over the scroll, each brush stroke more steady than the last.
"Day one. Face. Hands, specifically fingers. Left side slightly more sensitive. Most likely due to previous injury to the right cheek."
Ah, that scar that was barely visible, but Madara had clocked it on the first brush.
"How many days do you think it will take us to get to ass and hands, specifically fingers?" Madara hummed thoughtfully as his hand landed on Tobirama's back and slowly slid down. He was a wall of heat behind Tobirama. The likes of which the Senju had never experienced before.
It radiated off him, sinking into Tobirama's bones and lighting a fire that had never even been kindled by his previous companions.
It probably wasn't wise to fall into another relationship so quickly. But Tobirama had already thrown out his declaration of never that he'd only made a few moments ago.
It was irrational.
Madara was irrational.
The Uchiha was irrational.
And Tobirama had clearly been infected.
His stomach fluttered, something twisting in a delight that was both enticing and uncomfortable.
Tobirama fought to swallow. "The established scientific process allows for adjustment based on the assessment of information gathered at each stage."
Madara's hand slid further down and sent a shiver up Tobirama's spine. "And the assessment of current information?"
And down.
Tobirama gritted his teeth against the urge to push back into the touch. "Adaptation would seem allowable."
Madara slid his hand inside the belt at Tobirama's waist, pulling until the knot gave way, careful not to let any other part of him touch Tobirama as the Sneju swayed back.
The belt hit the floor silently, and Tobirama's yukata fell open. The cold air a mere breeze against Madara's heat.
"And how many areas will be under ass?" Madara asked thoughtfully. "One?" Left cheek. Squeeze.
"Two?" Right cheek. Squeeze. Tobirama jumped, cursed.
"Three?" The lovely spot right at the top of his crack that made him shiver and twitch with each stroke.
"Four?" His fingers slide down as Tobirama's eyes narrowed. It wasn't the first time someone had touched him there. Tobirama had done his fair share of experimenting, but none of them had hands like Madara's. Thick, calloused fingers that had been the things of Tobirama's nightmares for years, and now he was watching them build a new world.
So much power in such a sensitive place.
"It would seem four is sufficient." Tobirama got out, already breathless as he reached back.
It took a gratifyingly short amount of time to make Tobirama come on his fingers.
Apparently, that kunoichi hadn't been nearly enough to sate the White Ghost's appetites, and something dark purred in Madara's chest as he watched Tobirama's pale chest turn red and heave.
He didn't make a sound as he came, just clenched around Madara's fingers and sprawled over a desk Madara suddenly realized he recognized from Izuna's room.
His brother was never going to want it back now, Madara chuckled.
"Do I amuse you, Uchiha?" Tobirama's growl would have been more intimidating if he hadn't been trying to catch his breath.
"Is this Izuna's desk?"
Tobirama's expression was blank as he caught up through the haze, and then he gave Madara a truly filthy grin. "Serves him right for being annoying."
Madara's fingers stroked down, in again, and Tobirama shivered, still holding himself open just like Madara had told him to. "We should repeat the study. For accuracy."
Tobirama's head fell back with a thunk, his eyes fluttered shut as Madara found that little bump again. "The larger the data set, the more reliable the answer."
"Of course," Madara agreed, pleased, fingers picking up a beat that had Tobirama squirming.
He really just cared about hearing those noises again.
Tobirama bit his lip.
Utter ruin.
***
"Your hand touching mine. This is how galaxies collide."
Sanober Khan
***
~ tbc