As they made their way down the tunnel, Khan Qing strode forward without looking back. There was some sort of certainty that drove her forward. She had heard her! She knew that she had heard Elle. She knew yet, she had no way to articulate how she knew nor how the knowledge made her feel. It should make her feel happy- her long lost friend coming back to give her advice, to move her forward. Her heart hammered in her chest; a remnant of her near death experience. An aftereffect of adrenaline mixed with something else, something she didn't want to acknowledge or fathom- not now. Wen Quinn was breathing down her neck, not for the first time since they were reborn… no perhaps this was something that she allowed for too long. Why was it always her? Elle was always treated like the special one. Sweet, caring, listening, always what everyone needed.
"Are you listening?!" Wen Quinn bellowed. Khan Qing stopped.
She sat on the floor on the side of the bed, her thin frame illuminated in the spots of light that flowed in through the semi-closed blinds. She wore a ratty t-shirt and pajama bottoms. So did Lucy. They both read their books silently in that room, barely lit by the outside world. Lulu was lounged across the bed, Elle by her side. Like she always was. They read BL together, quietly. Nothing needed to be said between them, they could co-exist together in that quiet nothingness. In this room, they did not need to do anything, to say anything, nor carry themselves with that decorum that Ren always boasted. They weren't the weakest of the bunch here, nor were they the screw ups, the youngest of them, the ones that needed minding. In Lulu's room, they were two girls who enjoyed manga and BL and junk food and foreign dramas, and all that was included in their shared awkwardness. Lulu glanced at the girl who was the most beloved in their group. There was a sense of envy in that role. Yet, to Lulu, there was something much more important.
"What do you see?"
Khan Qing turned to look back at them all- her friends. Here were the ones that had taken care of her in this life once they found her. Here were the ones that had taken care of her when she had cast off her old self upon entering college. Lulu… no, Lucy Snow was not a stupid girl. She was not useless, incompetent, nor ignorant.
Lucy had looked at Elle in surprise that day. What did she see? Lulu had to think about that question. She briefly wondered if Ren or Cass would have been able to understand this question as it was mentioned. A casual question that might not have had any relevance to them. Elle had gotten thinner again. Rena had probably mentioned her weight again. Elle had been dating, she should have been glowing. Yet, life was not like a shojo manga, love was not always beautiful. Rena had been dressing Elle up in this way and that. No t-shirts, no baggy, comfy pants, no sweatshirts, no sneakers… no Elle. Lulu saw her get thinner, her smile became a ghost's, her eyes seemed to loose that shine. The "I'm okay" becoming more common, more often. "Don't worry about it", "I'm fine"…
"My mother." Lucy murmured. And it was true. Lucy Snow had a father named Roger. Roger Snow was a walking blizzard, a man that froze and killed and maimed and burned. He was an alcoholic and a drunk. He was a chain and a lock and a key. He was a man who hit, who kicked, who debased the women in his house. He was also a man who loved, who cried, who cared, who was sorry. Until the minute he picked up another bottle. Under the pretense of promise, the pressure of marriage and of obligations to her daughter, until death did she part, Lucy's mother passed away. Another woman who couldn't seem to break away. Lucy was stuck with a man who couldn't remember half the time that she was still alive. A man who would waste away his money. Lucy watched her mother waste away in that house.
She remembered her mother being someone who would braid her hair with ribbons, pretty ribbons. She sang her lullabies, told her she was a smart girl, a kind girl, a girl who could go anywhere. Now, ever since she came to college, her mother's face had changed.
Elle looked over at Lucy that day, a strange sort of emotion crossing her eyes. She smiled and looked away. No more was said. No more needed to be said. Not until the day when Elle gave her a piece of advice…
…gave Khan Qing a piece of advice.
"No." she told him. She looked Wen Quinn in the eye and told him thus, "I'm not listening." He sputtered uselessly and opened his mouth to spew more abuse. He was good at that. However, Khan Qing was faster, "I'm not stupid or incompetent. I'm not useless." She took a step forward. "My father was a drunk. He spent almost all the money we had on alcohol. How did I get to an ivy league school? I got a scholarship. I am smart enough to beat the other 90% who tried to get an academic scholarship and failed. 10%. I was in the 10%. Since I came here, I had to sneak out of a house that abused my mother and I to get lessons from a master assassin. I was recognized by a master or assassination and martial arts. I learned his teachings and I excelled on my own. I did that. With no help from my family. No tutors, no teachers, no nothing from my father." She turned away and began to walk away, leaving Wen Quinn gaping.
They came across a door at the end of the cavern. Two people stood at it.
"Ming Ran!" Ming Cheng called out. He heard them talk to each other.
"Well, to be fair, the Chief never really gave him the chance. Neither had I, once you guys were reunited."
Ming Cheng paused, motioning for the rest of them to stop. He watched Ming Ran answer back.
I am different now. I don't need to cling onto the past shadows of a self that no longer exists. I am me. That is all I have ever been.
"Well said, I don't quite understand how that connects to your 'siblings'." Ming Cheng's fists clenched when he heard him. Ming Ran shook his head and signed,
They still don't understand who I am. I don't want to complicate things.
Khan Qing let out a silent sigh. It was indeed her who complicated things. Back then, she lamented, what should I have told you instead? Would have made any difference? She watched Ming Rn fish out a key and unlock the door. Their forms burst into dust. Khan Qing approached the door, stepping over the phantoms.
"Khan Qing?" Gong June called softly after her.
"It doesn't matter anymore. I have my own path to follow now." She opened the door and strode through.