Minutes Later
"Anko I need your help." I sorrowfully ask the kunoichi. It's just her and I, I tracked her down and cornered her.
"This is new, you need my help?" Anko looks very interested all of a sudden. "With what exactly?"
"It's Ino." I admit as my head droops a little and my shoulders slump. "I don't know what to do."
"Huh." Anko looks me up and down, evaluating me. "Really? You don't know what to do?"
"I have absolutely no fucking clue." I shamelessly admit. "I've never done this before. I'm in dangerous waters and I don't want to leave a bad impression."
"And you came to me?" Anko asks for clarification. "Not Kakashi? He's your sensei, surely he'd be more than willing to help you out. Probably provide better advice too, he's gone through what you are. Not really sure how much I can relate."
"Pfft you think Kakashi would be a better source of advice?" I snort out in amusement. "Anko I'm dealing with Ino. She's a girl. You're a girl. You'd give me way better advice than he would."
"That's actually a good point." Anko taps her chin in thought. "Okay. Here's what you do. Ino is just as nervous about this as you are so you need to man up and take charge. I'm not talking about shoving her against a wall and having your way with her - unless she's into that. I could see it - I'm talking about being confident. Don't second guess yourself, even if you don't know what you're doing act like you do. It will make her feel better and once you get it in instinct will take over. Watch her, don't just stare at her as you two fuck I mean really watch her. Look and see what she likes, watch for little twitches of her face and if she moans out loudly as you hit a certain spot. Take your time with her, don't rush things. Enjoy it and do everything you can to make sure she enjoys it too. After the first time she'll be ready to do more, it's just getting over that initial hump. Hehe, literally in this case."
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I shout at the crazy lady before me.
"What?" She looks at me in confusion. "Didn't you need advice about sex?"
"No! Not at all! I know what I'm doing!"
"You're not a virgin?" Anko reassess her opinion of me. "Damn, who was the lucky lady?"
"Why the fuck would I share something private like that with you? That's not what we're talking about! Why the hell did you assume I meant sex?"
"Hello! Open your damn eyes! She likes you!" Anko says in mild anger. "How the hell have you not seen it? And you like her back! Don't attempt to deny it, I know what I see."
"I know." I change from outraged shock to depressed. "I know she likes me. I've known for a couple days now."
"Then why haven't you done anything! You two are so cute together! Seriously sometimes it makes me want to gag."
"Anko she lives in Konoha. I'm in Otogakure. There's no hope for a relationship to form. None at all. That's assuming that I even want to change our friendship into something more. I value that friendship, I don't want to lose it."
"Hey you can fuck and still be friends. Ever heard of friends with benefits? It's a thing." She continues to push the idea.
"Anko stop." I order her. "It's not going to happen. Even if she wants it to. Even if I want it to. I'm not going to allow it to happen. Now I came here with an actual goal. Ino is gushing over a new mountain of clothes in my room. I need someone to get her out of it so I came to get the only other female I know to do it because I'm way out of my comfort zone and you're probably the only one here that can relate to her and know what to say to get her out."
"Why the hell won't you?" Anko asks me in anger. "She's hot! She's willing! You like her! It's perfect!"
"ANKO!" I roar at her. "I have my reasons. Drop it."
"Did your kinjutsu make your dick not work anymore?" She glances down at my crotch. "Talk about a waste of potential. Unlimited stamina."
"I am fully functional." I growl out at her. Though I might shoot blanks. Not really sure about that one.
~I am capable of replicating the functions of every organ I devoured. That does include all parts of the male reproductive system. That means you can 'shoot blanks,' as you so elegantly put it, if you want to.~
"Then prove it you limp dick pansy." Anko attempts to goad me.
"That's not going to work." I brush off her attempt to rile me up. "Now leave it alone and get Ino out of my room so I have somewhere to sleep tonight."
"You are the most unreasonably stubborn person I have ever met." Anko narrows her eyes at me as if she's rising up to a challenge. Great. "Fine, I'll get Ino out of your room."
"Thank you." I turn around and walk away from the scheming kunoichi.
"This isn't over." She softly promises herself. "It's not over."
...
"Ino!" Anko calls out in a singsong voice as she bursts into Alvarcus's room. "A little birdy told me-"
She immediately cuts herself off from talking. The gears in her head are whirling as fast as they possibly can at the sight before her. She's planning and plotting, using this surprising new information to enhance what she already had. It's going to be perfect.
"Anko!" Ino quickly wads up the clothing she was holding up to admire and embarrassingly hides it behind her back. "Uh… hi? You didn't see anything."
"Oh Honey, I saw it all." Anko plops down next to her protege. "There's no need to be embarrassed about owning sexy underwear, even if a boy gave them to you."
"I - but he - never - it's -" Ino flounders like a fish out of water to make an excuse.
"Save it, I know that Alvarcus got you them. He recruited me to get you out of his room since someone got carried away."
"You know?" Ino tentatively asks.
"Yep! He wants his room back. Just one question though, why the hell was it spider web themed?"
...
With Alvarcus
I rap my knuckles on Kakashi's room's door twice.
"You in there Kakashi-sensei?" I know he's in there, I had Sureddo lead me to him but I'm choosing to be courteous by giving him the chance to say no.
Though if he said no then I'd know he's in there anyways and barge in regardless. Funny how that works.
"Alvarcus?" Kakashi opens the door and ushers me inside. "Did you need something?"
"I'm leaving tomorrow." I tell him. I'm not going to beat around the bush. He doesn't need me to sugar coat anything, if anything I think he prefers it this way. No lies, no hidden messages, just straight up conversation. "I don't know when exactly I'll be leaving and I wanted to make sure I said a proper goodbye this time. One for three is better than zero for three."
"Yes. The last two times were very… unpleasant experiences." He turns his one eye on me with an accusatory glare. "Unpleasant experiences indeed."
"Totally my fault." I wince under his intense glare. "Not denying that one."
"At least you're not slinking away this time." Thankfully Kakashi drops the justified glare and sighs. "You know you don't have to slink away. Just because we all agreed to not force you back doesn't mean we won't gladly bring you back with us. You can always come."
"It's a very pleasant and appealing idea." I admit to him and I'm not lying. Being able to return to Konoha would be fantastic. "But we both know that is not going to happen. Kakashi, I hate to admit this, but Konoha will not welcome me back into her ranks. No matter how much influence you hold, no matter how many people you sway, Tsunade has more power. She's declared me a true missing nin, I can't go back."
"Surely one of Konoha's prison cells would be much more accommodating than Orochimaru." Kakashi snarls out the final word with vehemence.
"Do you really think I'm the type to sit and stew in a prison cell?" I laugh at the absurd idea. "No, that's not for me. Besides, even if Konoha's cells are better than Orochimaru there's something I've left with him that I will not leave behind."
"Sasuke." Kakashi doesn't guess, he knows exactly who I was referencing. "The one student who actually left."
"Hey I left too. You don't get to pin it all on him." I come to my friend's defense.
"But you would have never left if he didn't." Kakashi correctly points out. If Sasuke stayed I would have too.
"True. That does not change the fact that I left." I counter his argument.
...
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