In the Headmaster's office,
Dumbledore watched the chaos unfolding in the Alchemy Office through the crystal ball and smiled meaningfully.
Well, what could he say—Kasenhis really had no talent whatsoever for acting or lying.
Taking a casual bite of a sweet, Dumbledore waited patiently until the timing felt right. Then, right on cue, an owl flew in through the window, carrying a letter—his contact at St. Mungo's had sent over Kasenhis's death certificate.
Dumbledore glanced at the clock on the wall. It was about time.
Reaching into a cabinet, he rummaged around and pulled out a luxurious-looking coffin. With a lazy wave of his wand, he made it float behind him as he headed toward the Alchemy Office.
Inside the office, Kasenhis had his eyes tightly shut, listening to the anxious chatter of the young wizards around him. Sweat was beginning to bead on his forehead.
Yeah… this time, he'd really messed up.
But soon, the noise around him began to fade, growing quieter and quieter—until he heard Dumbledore's solemn voice.
"The departed has left us. Let us give Professor Kasenhis some peace…"
Kasenhis: "???"
What do you mean, 'the departed has left us'?
Since when did I die?
This was supposed to be just a very serious illness! Sure, it was fake—but that didn't mean he was supposed to actually die!
Before he could even finish his thoughts, Kasenhis suddenly felt several pairs of hands lifting him up. Honestly, he had to give them credit—managing to carry him was no small feat.
Then, the movement paused for a moment, and Neville's hesitant voice reached his ear. "But… Professor's chest is still moving?"
"That's because Professor Kasenhis modified his lungs," Dumbledore explained smoothly. "Mechanical lungs naturally show a bit of motion."
I was bluffing, damn it!
Neville, don't believe him! Just shout something—anything!
If you so much as yell twice, I can play along and make a miraculous recovery through the power of love!
Kasenhis screamed internally.
But reality, unfortunately, wasn't a fanfic. Neville merely blinked, nodded in confusion, and helped carry him again.
Soon, Kasenhis felt himself being laid down on a small "bed"… though something about the atmosphere around it felt off.
Subtly, he cracked his eyes open and peeked around. Everything was white. Soft. Cushioned.
Like… a coffin.
Wait. A coffin?
He jolted fully awake—but when he opened his eyes completely, the familiar ceiling and his beloved Dragon-Slaying Cannon were gone.
All he could see now was the damned coffin lid above his face.
"Huh? I think—"
THUD!
In the end, poor Professor Kasenhis didn't even manage to make a sound before smashing his forehead straight into the coffin lid. And, as luck would have it, the coffin wasn't just reinforced with unbreakable protection charms—it apparently had soundproofing spells on it as well.
The loud thud from his headbutt should've been enough to rattle the room, yet no one outside heard a thing.
This is utter nonsense.
And what baffled him most now was—where the hell had that old man Dumbledore gotten his death certificate from?
He'd never even been to St. Mungo's! And it hadn't even been two hours since this whole fiasco started—where in Merlin's name could the man have possibly gotten official paperwork declaring him dead?
In an instant, all the clues connected, and the truth became painfully clear—
He'd been framed by that crafty old codger Dumbledore!
THUD!
Another heavy bang echoed as he pounded the coffin lid again, frustration boiling over—not just at Dumbledore, but at himself.
Because he'd just realized something embarrassing...
Was my acting really that bad?
No… it couldn't be! Could it?
Kasenhis fell into a daze once again. He had clearly adjusted his body's metabolism to its absolute minimum—by all logic, Dumbledore shouldn't have been able to notice a thing.
Was I… betrayed?
He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. The only person who knew about his little "fake illness" plan was Cedric.
That thick-browed, honest-looking kid—he turned on me?
Just wait till I get out of here…
Wrrrrong! Vrooooooom! Knock! knock!
Just as Kasenhis was pondering how he'd "teach his student a lesson" later, the coffin suddenly began to shake. With a rumbling sound and a burst of magical energy, a drill started boring through the lid from the outside, slowly carving out a large hole.
"Professor?"
Through the hole, Kasenhis saw Cedric's face on the other side. He bit the dead skin on his lip, glaring. "Explain yourself. How did my plan get exposed? You were the only one who knew about it!"
"Professor, it really wasn't me! I swear I've been nothing but loyal to you!" Cedric said, flustered.
"It would've been better if you hadn't tried to defend yourself," Kasenhis muttered, narrowing his eyes. "Now you just sound guiltier!"
"It really wasn't his fault," another voice said just then.
Kasenhis turned his head slowly toward the source—toward the figure in black robes standing behind Cedric. Cedric turned as well, jumping in fright. "Professor Snape!"
Snape merely lowered his gaze, looking Cedric straight in the eyes before giving a knowing nod. "He was subjected to Dumbledore's Legilimency."
"Legilimency? Oh~" Kasenhis let out a drawn-out sound of realization.
"How do you feel about that?" Snape asked calmly, squatting down beside the coffin without waiting for a reply.
"I don't even know what to do anymore. That old coot Dumbledore's boxed me in completely—I don't even know how to live now. The atmosphere's already set; if I don't die for real at this point, isn't that just… rude?" Kasenhis rolled his eyes and patted the inside of the coffin gloomily.
Cedric looked up at the ceiling, clearly racking his brain for some comforting excuse that might make his professor feel better.
Snape, however, spoke first.
"Indeed."
Kasenhis: "..."
"Well, what else do you propose?" Snape added, giving Kasenhis a sidelong glance.
"You must have a plan, right? Did that old geezer Dumbledore say when he plans to bury me?"
"The day after tomorrow."
Kasenhis immediately broke down. "What, does he hate me that much? He can't even wait a few days before shoving me into the dirt!?"
"Ahem. Get to the point," Snape reminded him dryly.
"Before my burial, just… I don't know, slip me some kind of beauty or rejuvenation potion to wake me up, alright?" Kasenhis said with a grin.
"Beauty and rejuvenation?" Snape frowned.
"Well, I'm perfectly fine, aren't I? You can't exactly brew a resurrection potion without ingredients. Just give me something simple, like a skin-care tonic—it'll do," Kasenhis waved his hand dismissively.
"Hmph… why don't you just jump out of the coffin yourself? Wouldn't that be far more dramatic?" Snape said, curling his lip.
"Like I said, the atmosphere is already this tense, it would be impolite of me not to die completely."
"…...."
"Besides," Kasenhis added with a sigh, "I still have my image to maintain. You can't have my students finding out their professor's just some bored idiot who fakes his own death for fun, right?"
_________
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