Again.
Cycle.
You keep repeating yourself.
Why?
It's like going around in circles. Eat, kill, consume. Blood. It's always the same. There's little to no variety, no difference in anything. Like there's nothing brand new to fetishize upon - nothing that could guide away the eye that once became interested. Everything down to the last detail. From the highs up to the lows below, even the pathos of ourselves lost value.
You talk too much.
When was the last time she felt such hunger? Her eyes stared upon the entrance from which she came, unable to forget what place that was... what such h̸e̵l̸l̴i̵s̷h̵ blissful that field of snow was... how nostalgic it was when she was at that household.
I ate them.
Because of how they screamed?
Yes.
Did you love it?
No.
Why?
...
-----------------------------------------
"Hey, Fukah! Come here!" called out her mother, angrily washing the wooden bowls and spoons. She had such an emanating aura, it was scary to go next to her. It was terrifying to speak. The air was consuming me, it hurt so much. The face of such person painting this very emotion written in her face, that it hurt, it hurts, it hurts.....
WHY DOES IT HURT?
"WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?! You have to fix your attitude! Because we have always been fighting, and every single time you would come here, you are just a disappointment! NOTHING FOR ME TO BE PROUD OF! What if we suddenly lose the strength to survive, huh?! Do you think you and your stupid little game will save us from poverty?! NO! OF course NOT! Beause you will never amount to anything worth before! YOU ARE JUST A BRAT THAT WE PICKED UP IN THIS SNOW!"
...
"YOU HAVE BROUGHT NOTHING BUT STRESS TO ME!"
....
"Oh, so now you're angry, huh? I really wonder if you even do the task we told you to do. You probably just don't do the chores, not unless wer're here shouting them at you to clean the house and not just play around with your brother about those silly littl- urghhhH! Don't piss me off, huh! Because I am slowly being full!"
...
"First, you lied about not collecting enough firewood, then now you're showing attitude in front of me as I am speaking to you!"
slap!
....
It hurts.
It hurts.
My face.
Why did you slap my face?
WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?WHY?
HOW DARE YOU SLAP-
...
"Everything was going so well until you came here into our household. You have been bring nothing but sadness and anger out of me and everyone else that is here! You don't even do the dishes, you never once swept the floor, and all you do is laze around and pretend like you're the princess of this world, which YOU. ARE. NOT!!!! Don't make me add a rule wherein you would be grounded and permanently taken of your toys! I don't wanna be full of you, but you ARE!! YOU ARE!!!"
Now... she's crying...
I don't feel anything...
"MAYEB THAT'S WHY YOU ARE JUST LIKE THAT, HUH? I bet you didn't even listen to anyone when you were a kid, huh? You never gave an ear, and when you are being scolded, all you'll do is get mad and emotional, and then the cycle repeats! Aren't you gonna learn? Aren't you gonna change? You always fight with me, but when father is home, that's when you'll act all innocent and tiny because you know well he can overpower you."
He's coming.
The stomps....
"What's going on?"
"This kid thinks she's all high and mighty, looking at me and getting angry like that. She probably is thinking about wanting us dead. Make rules for this unruly girl, will you? I give up. I seriously give up."
"Get out."
Huh?
"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME? I SAID GET OUT, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"
...
"SO YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT? YOU DON'T BELONG HERE ANYMORE!"
No....
You have to leave. You'll get hurt! You're gonna die! Don't do it! Just don't even dare do it! It's not worth doing it!
"All she does is play with that stupid snowman cuz you gave her that shovel. What should've been something that's made easy for you is something you're doing to make our already miserable life of ours so much much WORSE! YOU'RE NOT EVEN DOING ANYTHING BENEFICIAL with that snow you're playing with!"
They're right. All of them are right. We don't belong here, we should just leave.
"I don't care if you cry in front of me because it's not gonna work. Now, get out!"
Let's just leave. Let's just get out and find another family.
"You are just a worthless kid. No one will ever want to adopt you. So I hope you rot and die!"
"Why were you even born in the first place?"
scratch..
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SCRATCHING YOURSELF, HUH? UGRGHHHH, YOU KEEP MAKING ATTITUDE AND NEVER EVER LEARNING FROM YOUR MISTAKES, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"JUST. GET. OUT".
"LEAVE, WE DON'T NEED SOMEONE LIKE YOU IN THIS HOUSEHOLD. YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE, YOU DO NOT BELONG ANYWHERE BUT NOWHERE. JUST GET OUT. LEAVEEEEE NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"
"ONE LAST TIME. GET OUT NOW, YOU MOTHER FUCKER. YOU DO NOT BELONG IN THIS FAMILY ANYMORE. DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
Murder. Death.
I lunged at him as he shouted that, I dug my hands so deep down his throat and ripped it out and threw the flesh of it to my mother who was screaming at me. I didn't want them to speak. I want them to go silent. I want them to die. To die. And die. And forever die. And never ever speak those bad things to me ever ever again. Because I hate them. I don't like them. I want them to die. I keep repeating myself. I want to live.
Stop it.
I kept beating her head to the wall, I wacthced her hear slowly loosen and soften from how much I did it. I was getting tired, but I didn't want to stop. Myself is telling me not to. I don't ever want to stop. It feels good.
"AHHHHHHHH-" splurge.
It feels good hearing them scream.
"YOU FUC-"
Father would bring his axe and slice my hand in two, but I bit him by the jaw and tore off his skin downwards. I felt his blood trickle down my face as I wouldn't stop punching his gut and ripping out his insides back and in, back and in, ripping and tearing, gnawing and chewing, eating through every bit and crevice. I grabbed his bone and swung it down, then up and down, then up and down.
Why are you crying?
I don't know. But I kept doing it, even while his hands were digging into my body, he pulled my chest and tries to twist it off. I bit his hands and his fingers and shoved them in his mouth. They tasted good, I wonder if he'll appreciate the meal I prepared for him. He likes it. He was getting his teeth. He is smiling?
He's... dead.
I went over to my mother, I wanted her to try out the same dish as well. I would split her legs and pull them out of their sockets. She was just like a doll, but red and white. It was cool to take her apart like a toy. She is a toy and a food. I'll eat her. I will eat her. For what you did to me. You'll die. I want you to die.
Stop.
"Phew..."
I am happy.
:3