(Leah POV)
I picked up the last two plates from the table and walked them to the kitchen where mom was stacking everything before washing the dishes. Leftovers in the Tupperware, scraps scraped into the trash. Orderly to an almost scary degree.
Dinner had been quiet, the kind of quiet that pressed against your ribs and makes the air feel heavy. Mom moved around acting unaware as she worked at every task, she was functioning. But everything was just too stiff, too precise. She wasn't healing, just coping.
It has been nearly two months now since dad died, but she was so busy being strong for me and Seth that she wasn't dealing with her own pain and loss. Though, who was I to give her advice.
Seth drew my attention away from my thoughts.
"Would you talk to Sam again, sis? I am a Wolf warrior, sitting around is driving me nuts. I have so much energy and I can't burn it off if I don't run with you guys."
I sighed, the same argument and I knew I would end up seeing the same disappointment in his eyes when I answered him. "Its too much of a risk, Seth. You were able to go before because the Cullen's were gone. But they are back now, and Sam doesn't want to take the chance that they would see you as a weak link and use that to attack us."
"But they haven't hurt anyone before. They even helped Emily."
"Their nature is not like ours, Seth. We are guardians and they are predators. Who knows what could set them off. Sam needs you here just in case things go badly. You remember the signal, right? Two sharp howls mean shift and listen for instructions to pass on to mom and the Elders."
"I Knowwww, but I feel so useless. Just ask him pleassseee."
I looked up and saw mom watching Seth with fear in her eyes. She was a major reason I didn't push Sam to change his mind. I didn't think she would handle it well if both me and Seth were in danger.
The conversation was interrupted by two hard knocks followed by a softer third one at the front door. As if by the third knock the person was unsure about being here.
Everyone in the house knew who it was.
Seth jumped from his seat at the kitchen table and ran to the door with a shout of "Charlie!" as he pulled the door open.
Mom froze for half a beat, then ran a hand over the sides of her hair before walking out of the kitchen toward the living room.
"Evening, Charlie." She said, her voice softer, more natural than it had been all day.
I watched as Charlie Swan stepped inside just enough so that Seth could close the door, as if he was afraid he was intruding. He was holding a foil covered dish in his hand. "Brought the, uh… casserole thing you said you liked, Sue."
Mom's shoulders loosened. Just a little.
"That's very kind of you," She murmured. "But you don't have to keep bringing food over, Charlie."
He shrugged. "Your husband is… was my best friend. Seems right to keep an eye on his family."
Something flickered in Mom's expression, gratitude, hurt, relief, guilt… A whole mess of things she wasn't ready to talk about. She took the dish and retreated to the kitchen. I figured she used it as an excuse to pull herself back together.
Charlie nodded to Seth. "Hey, kid."
"Hey," Seth said, trying to sound casual.
His tone shifted into something else when Charlie turned to me. "How're you holding up, Leah?"
"Peachy," I said flatly.
The corner of his mouth twitched, like he wasn't convinced but wasn't going to push. Charlie never pushed. That was probably why Mom breathed easier when he visited.
Mom came back into the living room carrying a clean bowl that had been brought previously by Charlie. "Here you go, wouldn't want you to have to buy new bowl's every time you needed to store something."
Charlie took it, "Thanks, got a feeling it will be full by the end of the day. Isabella is still grounded so she has been making time consuming meals, and big ones to boot. Sometimes she forgets Thomas moved out and we don't need near as much food anymore." He finished the last sentence with a laugh.
I tried to ignore the studder that name brough to my chest.
He only stayed a few more minutes, enough to talk about weather and fishing and some dumb story about Paul nearly mowing down Old Man Lopez's mailbox, before excusing himself. Mom watched him leave through the window.
She whispered, almost to herself, "Your father would have liked that he checks in."
Seth and I exchanged a glance. We both knew that she seemed to hurt less for a while after Charlie visited.
Later, when Mom disappeared upstairs, Seth turned to me with a sigh.
"You think she'll be okay for a while?"
"Yeah," I said. "She'll be asleep in twenty minutes."
"No, I mean…actually okay."
I swallowed hard. "Eventually."
We didn't hug. We didn't talk about it. We just… understood.
I noticed the time and swore, I was late. Time to run.
I paused a second, "I will ask if Jake can take you out to run tomorrow, just stay away from the boarder, Okay."
His face took on a hopeful look.
"Trust me," I muttered. "You're not missing out by not being with the group all the time."
His brows knit. "Still bad?"
I snorted. "Try having Paul and Sam and Jared all shouting in your head at the same time. You should feel blessed you only get the highlights."
He grinned sheepishly, and I nudged his shoulder.
"Get some sleep, runt."
"You need some too, harpy. Your beauty sleep isn't working anymore."
That earned him a headlock and a knuckle burn on the top of his head. He laughed even as I let him go and shoved him toward the stairs.
When he finally disappeared into his room, I stepped outside and let the cool air hit me. The ache under my skin flared, the shift wanting out, demanding it.
I walked to the shed where I stripped and put my clothes away, then I let go.
The world snapped into sharp relief as fur replaced skin and claws dug into the earth. The sounds widened, wind threading through branches, owls hunting mice, the low hum of the ocean in the distance.
And then…
Voices.
All at once.
Too loud.
Too close.
Too male.
Sam's voice was the first I heard clearly, {"Leah… You're late."}
{"Yeah, sorry. Charlie stopped by again."}
Paul's thoughts broke in {"Great… The she-devil herself."}
My fur bristled {"Say that again, Paul. I dare you to say it in range of my teeth!"}
Paul's smugness radiated through the bond.
{"Cut it out, both of you."} Sam wearily sighed.
{"Way to protect your brother Sam… Or have you all decided to finally ask which of your dads cheated on your mother to sire Paul?"}
I knew I was being unfair, but I wanted them to keep out of my thoughts as much as possible tonight. Their hatred was easy to deal with, their pity not so much.
It was well known that Paul's mother was not Quileute, so for Paul to have the shifter gene strong enough to shift this quickly, well that meant that his father was one of only a few people. Worse, those few men all happened to be married at the time Paul was born. The pack tried not to think about it, but everyone wondered in the back of their minds if they had a brother.
The only problem with insulting Paul, was that he was quick to strike back.
{"Someone has sure been touchy since she found out about the little tiger that stalks the woods. Didn't get the chance to work things out with the leach lover the other day when you volunteered to go with Jake to deliver our warning?"}
My anger flared even more, {"That little tiger sure had you on your back pissing all over your belly the other night, Paul!"}
Pure rage flooded the pack mind at my reminder to Paul's embarrassment.
{"Enough, both of you."} Sam's voice overrode any thoughts either Paul or I had about continuing our argument. It wasn't an Alpha command, but it was close.
I pulled back inside myself as far as I could, trying, pointlessly, to dam the flow of thoughts.
And that was the real cruelty of this curse.
My feelings for Sam, fainter now, but still sparking up at the worst possible times, flickered in the shared mind like a flare on a dark night. Embarrassment hit me like a punch. I shoved them down, hard, but the damage was done.
Jared's reaction came first: a soft, pitying ripple I hated more than Paul's rage.
Sam felt it too. Of course he did. He always did.
His presence in the mind went tense, guilty, pained, and that was somehow worse than if he'd been angry.
Paul, on the other hand…
Oh, he fed off it.
{"Still hung up on the boss, Leah?"} he sneered, the thought oily and sharp. {"No wonder you're sniffin' around that tiger. Bet he doesn't look at you like you're broken…"}
Another crack of Sam's voice cut him off.
{"PAUL. Enough."}
This time the Alpha command landed like a wall slamming down. Paul's mind went blessedly silent.
But Sam didn't release the hold right away.
His presence pressed against mine, steady, warm, unbearably gentle.
{"Leah…"}
Just my name.
No order.
No lecture.
Just the weight of everything we used to be and everything we could never be again.
It hurt.
It hurt so much I could barely breathe.
I jerked away from the bond as much as I was allowed, baring my teeth at the empty dark.
{"Don't."}
My thought came out raw and brittle. {"Don't you dare pity me."}
A beat of stunned silence rippled through the pack.
Then Jared, trying to help, bless him but also screw him, sent a quiet, soothing ripple through the bond, like trying to smooth down a bristling dog.
It only made things worse.
I snarled through the link, the sound echoing physically from my wolf throat.
{"Everyone shut up. I'm going for a run."}
Before anyone could answer, I bolted.
My paws tore through the underbrush, the earth flying behind me in sprays of moss and soil. I needed distance. I needed speed. I needed to get away from their thoughts, and mine, before I collapsed under the weight of all of it.
But the pack mind followed, no matter how far my body went.
Jared's quiet concern.
Paul's simmering fury.
Sam's steady, worried presence.
And beneath it all, barely-there whispers of something I didn't want them to notice but couldn't hide:
The scent of tiger fur picked up second hand.
The flicker of sky-blue eyes.
The way Thomas Raizel's presence hit me like a punch to the lungs, not imprinting, not exactly, but something tantalizingly close to the edge of it.
And unfortunately for me…
Paul noticed.
His mind curled around the thought like a smirk.
{"Oooh… so that's what's got you twisted in knots. Not Sam. Not anymore. It's him."}
My snarl shook the trees.
I was two seconds from doubling back and ripping out his throat, Alpha order or not.
Then Sam's presence filled the bond, overwhelming and absolute.
Not a warning this time, but a command.
{"Paul. Stop.
Leah. Keep running.
We'll sort this out when you're ready."}
I didn't answer.
I just ran.
Faster.
Harder.
Until the air burned in my chest and the world blurred into streaks of gray and green.
Because if I slowed down…
If I let myself think…
I wasn't sure the pack mind, or I, would survive what they might hear next.