(1st Person - Judai's POV)
Darkness.
Then, the sickeningly familiar feeling of my own blood choking me. The Iwa jonin stood over me, his face a mask of casual victory. My vision blurred, but I could still see the aftermath. Aoba, impaled on an earth spike. Bekkō-sensei, a gaping, burnt hole where his chest used to be. And Machi… her body was a ruin, sacrificed to shield me from a blast that should have been mine.
Damn it, this is all happening because of me.
All because of my arrogance. I believed he wasn't so special. Hmph, he graduates and becomes a chunin by the age of six. I thought I could keep up. I drove myself to do the same by the time I was eight, all because I wanted to prove I could hang with a prodigy like Kakashi. All because I wanted her to look at me, too. Damn you, hubris! You were the death of me in my first life, and now you've killed me in this one, too.
My last coherent thought wasn't about revenge or regret. It was a promise.
I swear to Kami, if I get another chance at this, I'm bringing modern yoga pants to the ninja world. I'll demand that every kunoichi at the rank of chunin and higher has to wear them as an official state uniform. Tsunade, Kurenai, Anko, Yugao... Hell, I'd even have Sasuke's and Naruto's moms wear them before they kick the bucket.
A blinding white light consumed my vision, followed by the all-too-familiar feeling of weightlessness.
"Oh, come on! Not again!" I groaned, clutching my head as I floated in the endless void.
"Pffft—AHAHAHAHAHA!" A high-pitched laugh echoed around me. "You really did it again! I can't believe this! What is this, your second time dying? You might actually be worse than Kazuma!"
The light faded, revealing a ridiculously extravagant hall with giant golden pillars and the worst possible person standing in front of me—Aqua, the so-called goddess of water.
She was already doubled over, slamming her fist on a desk while laughing uncontrollably. "How—HOW did you manage to die twice?! Were you trying to speedrun the afterlife?!"
I scowled. "Hey! It's not like I wanted to die! I was doing fine until those fucking Stone-nin showed up!"
"STONE-NIN?!" Aqua gasped, then cackled even harder. "Hahahaha! Oh my Aqua, that's even worse than Kazuma's traffic accident! You got ninja'd out of existence!" She wiped a tear from her eye. "Absolutely pathetic."
I crossed my arms, fuming. "I don't need to be judged by you, Miss Useless Goddess. Just send me back already."
Aqua finally straightened up, clearing her throat. "Alright, alright, let's go through the process. Ahem!" She snapped her fingers, and a glowing blue orb appeared in front of me. "As you probably remember, you have two choices: you can reincarnate into another world with some kind of special boon, or you can pass on to the afterlife for eternal judgment."
She put a finger to her chin, looking way too smug. "Mmmm, yeah, that's not really how this works. You're supposed to start fresh in a new world. You already flunked out of that one."
"I don't care! I refuse to let it end like that! My team died because of me!"
Aqua sighed dramatically. "Ugh, fine! But this is your last shot, buddy. You screw this one up, and it's straight to the Great Judgment for you." She leaned in with a grin. "And trust me, you do not want to see the cosmic review of your life."
I gulped.
"After all how you going to explain to god what possessed you to watch: Kafka from Honkai Star Rail Game Gets Railed in Her office VR or Lady Makima's night out on the town. Or busty teacher Midnight helps with school extra credit. She says and I quote, Don't you want to be a hero?"
Judai tried to hurry her up as he always hates talking to this gossiping tramp as all she does is look at peoples search history after they die. Shameless! Completely shameless! At least in naruto I can't rack up search history for her to judge me on.
"Just send me back already."
Aqua rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright. One loser resurrection, coming up!"
She snapped her fingers, and everything turned white again. Just before I lost consciousness, I heard her snicker one last time.
"Try not to get skewered this time, okay? Hahahaha!"
"Fuck You Bitch! You useless Airhead Goddess!!" I yell back on reflex.
Reborn
The drone of an instructor's voice was the first thing to pierce the white haze. The hard wood of a desk pressed against my cheek. Sunlight streamed through a window, illuminating dust motes dancing in the air. I smelled chalk and… was that Machi's cherry blossom shampoo?
I shot upright, my heart hammering against my ribs. My eyes darted around the room, taking in the familiar, boring faces of a dozen other kids. Kids I'd seen die. And then I saw her.
Sitting two seats away, looking bored out of her mind, was Machi. Her pink-purple hair was as wild as ever, not matted with blood and dirt. Her skin was flawless, not burnt and torn. She was alive.
Before I could process it, my body moved on its own. I scrambled out of my seat, lunged across the aisle, and wrapped my arms around her in a desperate hug, burying my face in her shoulder. The smell of cherry blossoms was real. She was real.
"What the fuck are you doing, you goddamn creep?!" Machi shrieked, her voice full of shock and rage. She shoved me so hard I stumbled back and fell over a desk. "Get your filthy hands off me, you weirdo!"
I stared up at her from the floor, a dopey, tear-filled grin on my face. A small lump was already forming on my head from where it hit the desk. "You're alive," I whispered.
"Of course I'm alive, you moron! What, did you have a dream where I died? Serves you right!" she snapped, though her cheeks were flushed bright red.
The instructor, a chunin I vaguely remembered, cleared his throat. "Judai, if you're quite finished assaulting your classmates, perhaps you could return to your seat?"
I scrambled back to my desk, my mind racing a mile a minute. I looked at the calendar on the wall. The date… it was the day of team assignments. The day our Genin careers officially began. I was back.
The classroom door slid open, and a hush fell over the room. In walked a boy who couldn't have been more than five years old. He had gravity-defying silver hair, a mask covering the lower half of his face, and the bored, dead eyes of someone who had already seen too much. On his forehead was a pristine Konoha headband.
Hatake Kakashi. The prodigy. The genius who graduated the academy at five and made chunin at six. He was the record that would never be broken, and he was here, in my class, for team assignments. My memory of the last timeline clicked into place. Oh, right. This was my team. My shitty team.
The instructor continued droning on, calling out names for teams I didn't care about. Then, he paused.
"Team 7 will be a special three-man cell under the command of a jounin sensei. The members are: Hatake Kakashi..."
A few kids gasped. Being on a team with the prodigy was a big deal.
"...Machi Komacine..."
Machi looked surprised, then shot a smug smirk in my direction, as if to say, 'See? I get the cool team.'
"...and Judai."
Her smirk vanished, replaced by a look of pure, unadulterated horror. I just sighed and rested my chin in my hand. Round two. Let's not get everyone killed this time.
"You will meet your jonin instructor on the roof after lunch. Dismissed."
As everyone started to file out, I stood up and blocked the path for Machi.
Machi glared. "What do you want, shit-for-brains? Don't you have some drooling to do?"
I ignored her, looking directly at her, and she calms down noticing my look, so she starts to give an analytical stare.
"Listen up, ," I said, my voice low and serious. "When we meet our sensei, we are going to fail his test. Intentionally."
Machi's jaw dropped. "Are you insane?! We finally get to be genin, and you want to fail on purpose?"
"Yes," I said, my gaze unwavering. "I have my reasons. I can't explain them right now, but you have to trust me on this. Do exactly as I say, and we'll all live. Screw this up, and we're dead. I'm not kidding."
Machi tilted his head, his single visible eye narrowing slightly. She didn't see a slacker. She didn't speak, but a flicker of curiosity was there.
"Just trust me," I said, before walking out of the classroom, leaving them standing there in stunned silence.
(3rd Person - Hokage's Office)
Sarutobi Hiruzen looked over the final team rosters, a plume of smoke rising from his pipe. His ANBU commander stood silently by the window.
"Team 7 is an unconventional choice, Hokage-sama," the commander noted.
"Unconventional times call for unconventional measures," Sarutobi replied, tapping the file with his finger. "Hatake Kakashi is a prodigy, but he is isolated. He needs to learn to rely on others."
"And his teammates?"
"Machi Komacine is all instinct and aggression. Her taijutsu is fierce, but her temper is a liability. She needs a calming influence, or at least a target for her frustrations that can take the hits," the Hokage mused. "And then there is the boy, Judai."
He opened Judai's file. " His file reads like a joke—abysmal grades, poor ninjutsu—yet his ANBU surveillance reports paint a picture of a boy with chunin-level evasion, tactical awareness, and chakra reserves comparable to an Uzumaki. He is the ultimate wildcard."
"You believe placing them together is wise?" the commander asked.
"I believe it is necessary," Sarutobi said, a faint smile touching his lips. "A prodigy who needs to learn teamwork, a brawler who needs to learn control, and a fool who may be more cunning than any of them. Whatever happens, it will not be boring."