Jake sat at the edge of his bed, Jules name glowing on the screen. Two days of silence. It gnawed at him like something alive. Part of him wanted to delete their chat, to erase the possibility of being left again. But another part a softer, more desperate one still held out hope. He typed:
"Hey, I know things have been rough lately, but can we talk? I miss you."
His finger hovered. What if Jules ignored him? Thought he was needy?
He hit send anyway. Then he waited.When the message finally came, it was like a blade,
"Jake, I don't think this is working anymore. It's all too much for me." That phrase...too much hit like a memory he didn't want. It always came down to that. Too emotional. Too intense. Too broken. Before he could think, his thumbs moved, typing back:
"Too much? I've always been there for you. Do you even know what it's like to be left hanging like this?"
Send. Regret followed instantly. He stared at the screen, at nothing. His hands trembled. He couldn't take it back. By morning, he dragged himself into work. His body moved, but his mind stayed trapped in that message thread. His eyes stung. He hadn't slept. The world around him was loud keyboards, printers, laughter. Everything grated on his nerves. At his desk, he tried to focus. He couldn't. The emotional tension built, coiling inside him. By lunch, it was pressing against his skin. "Hey Jake!" Emily's voice cut through. "Wanna grab lunch together?" He forced a smile. "I'm not really hungry right now, thanks." Emily tilted her head. "Are you okay? You seem kind of… off today." He clenched his fists. Not now, please not now.
"Honestly, Emily, I don't need you checking on me every five minutes. I'm just fine, okay?" Her smile faded. "I just wanted to be a friend, Jake." "Well maybe I don't need friends who are always asking stupid questions when all I need is space." The words shot out, sharp and automatic. Emily stepped back. Her face hardened. She turned and walked away.And Jake...well Jake just sat there. The silence that followed felt louder than anything.
You did it again, the voice inside him whispered. You always do this. He wanted to run after her. Apologize. Take it all back. But he couldn't face the disappointment in her eyes .... not after Jules, not again. The rest of the day passed in fog. His body was present, but his mind kept cycling Jules, Emily, himself. Why do I keep doing this? It was like watching a house burn down with your hands in your pockets. On the bus ride home, he felt the familiar war inside him wanting to be held, wanting to be punished, wanting to disappear. When he got home, he dropped onto the couch like the world had finally flattened him.He pulled out his journal. "Why can't I be normal? Why do I always push people away right when I need them the most?" His pen dug deeper into the page with every word, frustration bleeding through the ink.
Eventually, the page tore. He stopped. Closed his eyes. Breathed. Then, picking up his phone again, he stared at the chat with Jules. He didn't know what he hoped for. But he typed anyway "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be difficult. I just… don't know how to handle all this sometimes." Send. Again. Again hoping. Again aching. In the silence, he curled up on the couch and tried to believe that maybe tomorrow would be different. Maybe one day, he'd learn how to hold on without hurting everyone around him in the process.