Chapter 422: Duckling (2)
"Hyung."
My little brother smiled. The palm pressed against my throat was hot.
If you swallow him, it'll be okay!
That little brat Irin! Thankfully he wasn't strangling me, but the temperature I felt was slowly rising. With Eunhye's effect—wait a second. I still hadn't gotten Eunhye back. And even so, Irin was talking.
'Is it because the me from before the regression and I are connected?'
The reason Irin could speak was thanks to the spring of mana. Not the damage nullification effect. Mu had linked mana for us before, so I guess the me and I could do it too. But right now, more than mana, I urgently needed damage nullification. Couldn't I bring that over?
"Yoohyun, calm down."
"Okay, hyung."
I could feel Yoohyun's mana flowing in as if searching through my throat. Not through a skill, but direct mana was trying to invade.
There was mana in human bodies, and in monsters' bodies as well. Directly interfering with another person's mana was extremely difficult. That was why Yerim couldn't freeze or control the moisture inside someone else's body, and Sung Hyunjae couldn't move another person's body with electrical signals.
Unless the difference in Rank was enormous. Even an S-rank couldn't directly touch the mana of a B-rank or C-rank, but an F-rank? Well.
And I was F-rank, while Yoohyun was S-rank.
"W-wait, hey…!"
A familiar power began tearing through the inside of my body. Maybe because of the earrings, my mana stat was higher than a normal F-rank's. Maybe because of the spring of mana, my mana quantity alone was at least S-rank or higher. It wasn't able to burrow in all that easily. Even so, little by little, steadily, it kept pushing in.
"Ugh, Han Yoohyun!"
The back of my neck stung, and my spine prickled. The mana imprint was reacting to the sudden intrusion. My little brother faltered at the resistance, far stronger than something befitting an F-rank, but even so, he didn't retreat.
"Yoohyun, ah! Stop!"
If he was going to make trouble, I'd expected him to burn things, but this was beyond anything I'd imagined. If another person's mana completely took over a body and dominated it, then what happened? I had never heard of such a thing.
The situation was utterly unfamiliar, but instinctive fear surged in. The Fear Resistance skill window rose up. This really was dangerous. Borrowing the power of the mana imprint, I somehow resisted the mana that was trying to spread through my whole body.
"Yoohyun! Ngh, Han Yoohyun!"
I tried to pry away the hand gripping my throat, but it didn't budge in the slightest. I lifted my leg and kicked my little brother.
"Urgh."
Naturally, only my foot hurt.
"Be careful. You'll get hurt."
"Stop it!"
Damn it, let's talk this out, talk!
"Yoohyun, I'm sorry. Okay? Just listen to me—"
"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong, hyung."
Unlike what he was doing, my little brother's voice itself was genuinely gentle. …My kid wasn't in his right mind. The crescent moon was a huge factor, but still, this was my fault. Even so, that didn't mean I could just lie there and take it.
Clenching my teeth, I pulled out a dagger from my inventory and stabbed Yoohyun's arm. Crack. A sound rang out that didn't seem remotely possible from human skin. Only the faintest scratch remained, and the bastard showed no reaction at all.
He was focused solely on burrowing into me. Even when I stabbed his arm again, it was the same.
"Don't stab hyung. Even then, I won't stop."
"Then at least let go of my throat! I'm going to suffocate!"
He was still pinning me down, but the hand gripping my throat loosened. At the same time, I aimed the gun I had secretly drawn in my other hand at my little brother's chest. He'd been so focused on me he hadn't even noticed the mana charging into it.
Without any hesitation, I pulled the trigger.
Thud!
The mana bullet shot out and struck Yoohyun in the chest. It wasn't fully charged, but it was enough to drive my little brother back. His body was flung into the air, spun once, then landed lightly on the floor like a leopard. The ceremonial robe he'd been wearing loosely around himself flared wide. The Chinese-style clothes inside had been completely torn apart, revealing his broad chest.
Beyond the dim bed, eyes tinged red stared at me.
Nobody would come at this level of noise, would they? Maybe I should have fired at the wall or the ceiling instead.
"Calm down."
At my words, Yoohyun's lips parted slightly. It felt less like I was facing my little brother and more like I was dealing with a beast that could pounce on me at any moment. For one absurd moment, I even imagined sharp fangs protruding from between those lips.
Without rashly leaving the bed, I only pushed myself upright. Holding the white gun, I slowly stroked the barrel.
"Tell me what you're trying to do, first. And why."
"I thought I was the most important thing to you."
"You are."
"Then why did you say you were sorry? Why do you pity me?"
My little brother spoke as if he genuinely couldn't understand.
"If you stay by my side and cherish me the most, hyung, then I can't possibly be pitiful."
"Yoohyun."
"It's not sad, and it's not hard, and it's not lonely. None of those feelings could ever exist unless they were because of you from the very beginning, hyung. That's how I was born."
Yoohyun's hand pressed against his own chest, as though indicating himself.
"You're the one who created the me I am now. No one else can make me feel anything. They're all the same to me, nothing but pieces of wood. I only distinguish them through you. People who help you, people who might harm you, people you cherish. No, not people—existences. Monsters and humans are no different to me."
"…But you get along with Yerim and Peace."
"Yeah. Because those two are similar to me. When it comes to you. But if you disappear, they'll all disappear too. The very world in which we can stand together would vanish."
His voice was calm. But the gaze fixed on me was sharp enough to slice skin. As though he wanted to lunge at me again at any moment, Yoohyun's hand slowly clenched and unclenched.
"So if you abandon me, hyung, then I—"
"Abandon you? No! That's not it!"
The carpet scorched away. Yet not even proper smoke or smell rose from it. It was fire that literally swallowed everything. What floor were we on again? If I shot through the floor and got out, would my body come out unscathed?
"I would have endured it before."
Yoohyun muttered quietly. What he was doing right now was abnormal. …From my point of view, anyway. Of course it was something Yoohyun had to endure and stop himself from doing.
The instant my eyes dropped unconsciously, Yoohyun moved. In a blink, my arm was seized, twisted behind my back, and my face was slammed into the bed. I didn't even have the chance to make a small sound, much less resist.
"Ngh!"
A searing pain spread across the back of my neck, where the mana imprint began. It felt as though I had been viciously bitten. Then a hand pressed down on my back, and Yoohyun's mana came surging in, as though he meant to control the mana imprint first.
The moment a chill ran down my spine—
"...!"
Yoohyun suddenly snatched away the hand he had been pressing down with. At the same time, I faintly felt an alien mana from my back.
"My…."
Yoohyun's mana, and the black dragon's mana.
"…This is only for twenty-year-old you."
Even if it hadn't been cake.
"And your birthday will come around soon too."
Silence fell. I sat up. All at once, I found myself wondering whether Perfect Caregiver was really the right title after all. Of course, I had done my best to take care of my little brother.
But in the end, that best had been based on my own standards. More precisely, I had shoved my little brother into the mold of the society I knew, based on what I had learned. So long as he looked human, if he failed to fit into that social mold, it would be Han Yoohyun who got cut away. Even so.
'If raising someone into what I want them to become is what caregiving means, then I suppose I deserve the title.'
Was it really right for one side to demand understanding unilaterally and make the other side accept it?
"Sorry for making you anxious. But there is no way I would ever leave you."
"…Hyung."
From behind me came the sound of a deep exhale. Irin came pattering over to me and clung to the back of my hand.
It wasn't Yoohyun's fault! That's just how he is!
"Yeah, I know."
I turned around. My little brother came into view. His face was stained with confusion.
"Yoohyun. I can't fully understand you."
My little brother's shoulder gave a jerk.
"Like a hen that's hatched a duck egg panicking when it sees the duckling go into the pond, I find it hard to easily accept what you want."
"..."
"The world I know and live in is one of scratching through dirt and grass. Of being with people, making friends, dating, having a family and children, and growing old. So I worried about you, because you only look at me. And I was anxious too. Even now, I still sometimes think, shouldn't I somehow change that? He's my little brother. Those thoughts still come to me from time to time."
A lot had happened by now, so my thinking had changed as well. I had tried to understand my little brother, and I had begun to think that if Yoohyun liked it, then maybe there was no helping it.
The same was true for Han Yoohyun. After doing nothing but endure within the frame I had given him, he had started revealing his instincts, and his desires.
"I, if it's the way hyung wants—"
"You probably found it hard to understand me too. Right?"
Yoohyun hesitated, then nodded. My little brother as a child came to mind. Maybe not just me, but this society itself had felt like a strange world to Yoohyun. Maybe that was why he could barely form relationships at all except through me.
Irin chimed in too.
Hyung cares about too many things! You only need the person you like best!
"People live by getting along with each other."
I know, but we don't need to!
"Yeah, that's true. We're different."
Different, not wrong.
"Maybe neither I nor you will ever be able to completely understand each other, even from here on. That's difficult even between ordinary people who are alike. But if, say, you go deep into the sea instead of the pond, I'll wait for you on the shore."
Even if you become a completely different being from a completely different world.
"I won't be able to breathe underwater the way you do. But I can still dip my feet into the waves. And you'll at least be able to stick your head out of the water. No—you already did. My grateful little brother."
I stretched out my arms and pulled him into an embrace. I had no idea how happy it had made me when my little brother, still young, had taken my hand and smiled.
"You don't have to come all the way out. We just live by each giving in a little. If you were ever perfectly free—"
"I don't want that."
Yoohyun shook his head.
"I told you I like the me you made."
"Yeah. I like him too. And Yoohyun, you yourself as well. You know that, right? I loved you even before you looked at me."
That was why I had raised the Han Yoohyun of today.
"It was also my own desire that made you like this. I wanted you to be a little happier, I wanted you to do a little better. I say it was for your sake, but even so, it was still desire. Thank you for liking my desire."
A long time ago, Ms. Hyuna had said that there was no such thing as a kind, obedient child in a harsh environment. A child was a child. Just as she said, a child who acted like an angel in front of their guardian was probably only enduring with all their might. Even adults couldn't give up everything they wanted; they became greedy, fought with each other, and drifted apart.
"So I'll yield too."
"…Yield?"
"I can't allow you to try to swallow me. I'll resist that, and run away, like today."
Yoohyun's expression darkened.
"I'm sorry, hyung."
"No, I don't really understand your urge to do that… but it's okay. I'll think of it as something that can happen."
If it was something like instinct, what could be done about it? Like a beast that can hold back when it's full but inevitably bares its fangs when it starves—that was probably the kind of thing it was. He held back well most of the time anyway. Thinking of it like that, it was almost admirable.
"But if, inevitably, I leave you first—"
I took in a long breath. The aversion was still there.
"Then you can follow me."
"…Hyung?"
"I won't ask you to go on living in a collapsed world."
Those were words I could never say according to my social values, according to my ethics.
…How was I supposed to live a long time? Since I'd gone so far as to say this, I had to find some way to extend my lifespan no matter what. Just as Irin had said, several thousand years was probably impossible, but at least a hundred.
Yoohyun blinked. He looked startled and bewildered, but the corners of his lips lifted slightly.
"You hate that, hyung. Even if you hate it, I… wouldn't be able to live anyway."
"You can't be the only one enduring. I have to endure too. Both sides do."
After hesitating, my little brother smiled brightly.
"Thank you, hyung."
"No, I'm the one who should be thankful. And I'm sorry too. Also, things I have to apologize for are bound to keep happening in the future. I'm not a perfect person."
Perfect Caregiver, my ass. I'd make mistakes again, try to fix them, and then make the wrong choices again. If someone asked whether even this was really the right course of action, I wouldn't be able to nod confidently.
All I could do was think hard, agonize, and try to do a little better.
"So don't try too hard to match yourself to me either, Yoohyun. We really haven't fought much at all, have we. You Awakened, we split apart like that, and we stayed separated for so long. Only after I regressed did we finally clash. We're different people, so of course we'll bump against each other."
"But if it's you, hyung, I like everything."
"What? Then what was that about even if you hate it, it can't be helped? You smiled so happily just now."
Yoohyun looked troubled and rolled his eyes around. Since he had spent so long only enduring, it seemed hard for him to properly gauge his own feelings too.
I gathered some saliva in my slightly dry mouth and swallowed.
'As for the Yoohyun from before the regression….'
Should I say it? Even now, I still hesitated over that one thing. The moment I brought it up, we would undoubtedly have a major fight. There was no way the current Yoohyun would accept that I intended to get back the little brother the White Bird had taken away. Rationally speaking, giving up was probably the right choice. Rather than a dead person, the living person…
…But how could I do that?
I could never back down, and Yoohyun could never back down either.
'…My insides hurt.'
"Hyung?"
"Hm? Ah. I heard Yerim and Yoon Yoon went out to get clothes. I wonder if they're back yet."
In the end, I couldn't bring myself to say even that, and I got down off the bed. I would have to tell him someday, but not now, not right after something like this. If we kept going like this, if we came to understand each other more, then maybe I would be able to say it more easily.
"I should wash up too. You too, for that matter. Even if you can burn things away with fire, still. Properly washing feels refreshing. I have to wake Mr. Noah too."
When I stepped out of the guest room, my little brother trailed after me like a duckling.
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