It was strange to see Cassandra Baratheon in the Sept. She had never considered herself a girl of faith. She had never believed that the Seven would answer her prayers, let alone listen to them. She remembered a time, when she was nothing but a babe, that she liked all the colors in the Sept of King's Landing. The colorful glass made the entire hall glow in the Seven's colors. It was a place that eased her loneliness, being surrounded by all those hues.
Strangely, she had felt the same way in Winterfell, even though that castle was dark and gray, completely different from King's Landing. But still, she remembered vividly the first time she touched the walls of Winterfell and the warmth that spread through her hand. The Red Keep was brighter, but there was so much cold inside its stones. And for a moment, Cassie had believed that the North would be a different place from her birthplace, which had always been a cause of loneliness and sorrow.
She remembered a time when she had loved her mother. It felt so strange now, after so many years. She had thought her mother was the most beautiful woman in the world, and she would have done anything to see her smile at her, like the queen had smiled at Joffrey. She had never loved Joffrey, first because of envy, later because of his behavior. They were nothing alike. And now, she didn't know if she had the strength to forgive him for what he had done to Ned Stark.
Ned... honorable and stern Eddard Stark. Everyone described him with those words. Honorable he was, but stern... She would have done anything to have a father like him.
"I know these are not your gods," she thought, lighting a candle in the fashion of the Faith of the Seven. She hoped that somehow, through that candle, her words would reach him, wherever he was...
"I'm sorry for what we did to you." She whispered with closed eyes.
Then Cassie looked at another candle, its previous flame extinguished, and Cassandra Baratheon found herself staring at the flame on the firestick still glowing before her. She felt her eyes burn slightly, but after taking a steady breath, she moved her hand to light the candle.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered as she watched the candle flicker to life. Then she glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was entering the small Sept.
"A boar..." she scoffed, "What an end for the Demon of the Trident." She used to love those stories, the ones that spoke of her father killing Rhaegar Targaryen with his warhammer. When she had heard people say those things, she had been proud to be a Baratheon, to be born from the seed of such a man. But then, she remembered her life with King Robert as a father, and suddenly, whatever good feelings she once had were long gone.
she spoke again. "But I'm sure you'd say the same. Maybe with a laugh and a cup of wine until your last breath." She let out a quiet laugh. "I ask myself if that's how you wanted to go. I sometimes do..." she said, "Dying with a smile on my face, a stupid death. But I don't think that's my fate." She stood in silence for a while, savoring it, cherishing the stillness. "We've never properly talked, you and I," Cassie's eyes lifted. "I wonder if you ever knew, beyond your pain and sorrow, that I needed you." It was the first time she had admitted it aloud. "I wished for Ned to be my father, and I wished for Benjen to be my father," she shook her head, feeling her eyes burn again. "But the truth is... I just wished you'd show me some... something, anything..."
Cassie still remembered herself, a little girl of four, jumping up and down to get her father's attention. "And I managed sometimes," she said with a sad smile, "And you'd smile. Laughing, like you never did with anyone else." Robert's laugh would make the walls shiver, and she still remembered the joy that filled her heart. "Those are my only happy memories of King's Landing." Then she took a breath. "But my youthfulness had vanished quite soon." After what happened when Asteria died, Cassie had never been able to make Robert smile again. "I wonder if it would have made a difference, but... I was angry. Angry because you hadn't noticed, no one ever noticed that I was changing, that I was fading."
To everyone, she had always been Princess Cassandra Baratheon, the Keeper of Light, as strong as her father in will, and who knows, maybe one day even in strength.
"I wonder if you died at least a little proud of me, or if your heart was finally at peace because you'd soon see her again." Lyanna Stark, the woman who had pushed her father to make the impossible possible, to kill the Dragon and become king. The only woman her father had ever truly cared for, and her loss had been so unbearable that it had driven Robert to ruin. "Was it worth loving her that much?" Cassie asked, looking up, as though waiting for her father to answer, but of course, he would not. Cassie took a deep breath. "I'll never know what love means. I would have liked to know what you would have thought." Then she ran a hand through her long, thick, black hair—the same as her father's. "I'm going beyond the Wall in a few days," she said, "I need to find Benjen, and I need to keep Jon alive. Out there, anything can happen." She looked at the candle she had lit for her father. "Maybe we'll meet soon. Watch over me if you can, or if you care. Or don't." She bit her lip. "Farewell, Father. I hope you've finally found some peace."
Without turning back, Cassandra left the Sept, her heart strangely less heavy than before. Jon had been talling her that speak would bring her comfort, but she was not ready to tell him that he could be right somehow. She would never tell him those words.
"Cassandra!" Hydi's lively voice made her look up, to see the young girl running down the stairs of Castle Black to meet with her.
"Why so joyful?" Cassie asked with a frown.
"Why not be?" she answered with a shrug of her shoulder.
Cassie eyed her, before letting out a snort, "You've got still the smell of summer on you." She was not sure it was a good thing. But maybe it was not entirely bad, after all.
"I would like to keep it on me," Hydi said, following Cassandra towards the trining camp, "Will I be able?"
"No," Cassie answered with honesty, noticing how the girl looked down with sad eyes.
Feelings are not someting to fear, Cassie.
Cassie had always thought her speaking facts would help everyone, in any situation. She just hoped that Hydi would not lose her youtfulness as quick and as bad as Cassie did.
"If you want we can train together," at Cassie's sudgestion, Hydi's eyes glow with happiness but the princess was not ready to hear her happy squicking voice. "Calm down, there's nothing to be happy for."
Hydi laughed as she ran to take her weapon of choice, the sword. She was a girl of ten, but her arms were growing stronger by the day. When Hydi was younger Cassie thought that she would have been good with the axe, but she was growing to be a skilled swordfighter.
Cassie trained with Hydi for quite sometimes, giving her advises and suggestion to improve her combat skills. And Cassie had never noticed how Hydi took well her comments, she did not get sour. She just listen and she tried once again.
"Go take a sip of water," Cassie said to Hydi after they fought once again.
"I'm not tired," Hydi answered with heavy breaths.
"Drink," Cassie insisted, "Before you get tired for real." The little girl rolled her eyes before she moved towards the barrel of cold water.
Hydi had always did everything she could to spend as much time as possible with Cassie, and for a long time that had bothered the princess quite a lot. She was not used to have people to want to spend time with her so much, especilly because she did non want to get attached to anyone. With Rose and Wylly it had been different, since they had been friends before Aesteria's death. But after that, only when Jon Snow ability to make friends had forced her to be around new people, and maybe became more patienet.
Now she did not spent that much time with Wylliana and Rose, especially with Wylly. But she was used to sit with Jon, Sam, Pyp, Grenn and all the others. But she knew that many Keepers didn't like her, so Hydi's will to still went about Cassie had surprised in a positive matter.
Bye, Cassie, the memory of her little brother Tommen came back suddenly in her mind. How he waved his hand at her, and the little smile. She wondered how he was now, him and Myrcella.
Hydi is about my sister's age, she thought before she heard sound of steps behind her.
"Look what we've got here," she didn't even turned when she heard Derya's voice.
"What do you want, Derya?" Cassandra asked with a cold tone and crossed arms.
"Training for our mission behind the Wall," Derya said. It was true, Derya was one of the ten Keepers chosen to go look for Benjen.
"Don't let me stop you," Cassie answered, her tone cold still. But for some reason she heard Derya let out a laugh.
"It is strange to see you behave," she said, her spear held in her hands, and her blond hair moved by the breeze as he eyed her, "Lord Snow truely had a gift in mastering beastes."
Cassie's anger flared at those words, quickly taking her dagger, to point it at the other Keeper. "If I'm mean you all complain, and if I keep my business you all complain. I'm getting sick of it."
Derya smirked, "Jon Snow got you all worked up, don't he?" Cassie frowned as she glared. But before something else could be said Cassie heard someone calling for her name.
"Yes, Sam," Cassie said without taking her eyes away from the smirking girl before her.
"Could I... May I share a word?" his trembling voice, made her look up to see the fat boy, tight around his fur, to shield himself from the cold and the falling snow.
"Yes," Cassie said with a flat tone, a she put her daggers back in her belt, "I've done with training, anyway."
She made her way up the stairs to met Sam on the frozen steps of the Castle. "What is happening Sam?" she asked looking at his face, "You seem like you've seen a ghost."
"Oh, I wish," he said, with a little shiver that for some reason Cassie knew was not due to the cold, "I've been informed by Maester Aemon that I am to follow you all beyond the Wall."
Cassie put her hands on her hips as she observed the boy before her, "For the ravens?"
"For the ravens..." he answered with a nod. "This is not for me, you've always said it!"
"And I stand to that," Cassie said with honesty, making the boy shiver once again, "And you won't be alone." She said crossing her arms, "We are a big group, it is unlikely for the wildlings to attack so many people."
Sam took a breath, "You once told me that I would have seen dead bodies again, but I don't want to."
She remembered that conversation they had, "I also told you that this is not a matter of what we want."
Sam seemed to think of it for a moment, before he spoke again, "Are you ever afraid to die?"
Cassie had asked herself that same quetion everytime she left the Wall for the North, but the image that appeared in her mind was never her body in the snow, but it was Aesteria, Benjen and... Jon Snow. She had nightmares of that, that woke her up shaky and sweaty. The events of that day still hunted her until this day, but Aesteria had been long gone for many years, and maybe even Benjen had followed her when he left the Wall. But Jon if possible scared her more than anyone. He was kind and stupidly brave. And knowing that he would be out there as well made her heart ache with an axiety ever felt so strongly before.
"Nothing is going to happen, Sam," she vowed looking at the boy before her, "I'll make sure of that."