Studying the butterfly fading away on his extended finger, Kinoshita mulls over the message imprinted into his mind. Considering it. Weighing it.
Eventually, all he can do is let out a long sigh.
His eyes return to the Shimenawa wrapped Shinboku tree as he loses himself to thought.
This is not a development that he had expected.
Oh he surely and fully expected that his boy would learn of his identity eventually. He simply did not think it would be this soon, nor in this manner.
He had understood that at some point, once there was not so much distracting his mind, that Narauko would simply ask him about his past. The boy is not one for subterfuge. Not like this.
When Narauko informed him of his journey to the Imperial Palace, Kinoshita—Tōru, though he no longer identifies with the name—expected that he would meet with the Grand Empress Dowager. Such a thing was inevitable.
After all, Shōshi is pathologically obsessed with Sorcery. There was never a chance that she would not force a meeting betwixt herself and a new Special Grade Sorcerer. Especially one such as Narauko.
That boy still does not realise how powerful he is.
Well, Kinoshita frowns in thought, perhaps that is not so true anymore.
However, while Narauko was certain to meet with Shōshi, he did not expect that much would come of it. There was no reason for anything to come of it.
And yet...
He supposes that it is his fault for underestimating Shōshi-Heika. A lesson that he had long thought to have learned.
It is easy for fools to ignore her, but she is as much of her father as she is his daughter. She is one of the most impressive minds alive, so while he can not fathom how she made the connections she did, he is not overly surprised by it. Not if it was her.
Narauko's meeting with her revealing Tōru's identity is not something he ever would have expected. There is no connection between them that should be noticeable, and there is no way for any description of him to connect both of his identities.
The only living beings that should even know he lives are Narauko and his old friend Kiyohara.
But somehow, somehow, Shōshi managed to envision a connection between his boy and his beloved Murasaki. Hearing from Narauko the details of Shōshi's theory baffled him. It was absurd. An arrow in the dark.
Yet, he really is Minamoto no Tōru. His wife truly was Murasaki Shikibu.
But the evidence presented is practically non-existent. It is entirely theoretical conjecture.
He hates it.
He knew that his son would learn of his true name eventually. He knew this.
But he hoped to delay that day for as long as he could. It took him some time to even realise why, but the answer is quite simple.
He is afraid.
After all, Kinoshita-kamunushi is Narauko's father.
Minamoto no Tōru, however, is not. He is a dead man who failed in his duty and achieved little beyond falling into the momentum of an overly wilful woman.
So he was afraid.
Afraid that Narauko would come back and, instead of seeing Kinoshita, his father. He would see Minamoto no Tōru. A stranger.
His stomach clenches at the mere thought of such a scene. He could not risk it, so he said nothing.
But now he has no choice. He will not outright lie to his son.
So he sent a message back. Nothing elaborate, he couldn't bring himself to say much. Just a simple confirmation. A Yes, I am Minamoto no Tōru.
He knows, intellectually, that his fears are for naught. That Narauko would never, could never be so petty. His boy is mature like a Sage. Not like him.
But then, fear has never been a rational thing.
As for the rest of Shōshi's absurd theory, he cannot say either way.
His beloved wife passed separate from him. It is one of his greatest regrets, something that he hates her for. Because he knows his wife.
She should not have died when she did. Not naturally. As for unnaturally? Even injured as she was, he does not believe that any of the few beings with the ability to kill her would have bothered to do so.
Thus, the conclusion he has long ago come to, is that she chose to die. The one thing he could never figure out was why.
That she chose to die without informing him was never a surprise. She was always one to follow her own whims, and she was far too selfish to ever care about what her death would do to him.
It is entirely in character for her to have not even stopped for a moment to consider how it would tear him apart, knowing that she died and he did not even get to be by her side at the end.
But then, he has always hated her. Such feelings simply failed to stop him from loving her at the same time.
The worst part is that he cannot honestly deny the theorem provided. He cannot confidently say that his dear Murasaki would not have done such a thing. In fact, the moment he heard Narauko's message, he felt almost certain that it was true.
He does his best to push down the light, weightless feeling of hope that tries to well up within him at the thought of Narauko being his son in truth.
The only thing Murasaki wanted was to be a mother. It was her sole desire, and she spent her entire adult life pursuing it.
She was very clear that she did not care who he was. That she did not love him as he did her.
In her own words, the person is irrelevant. He could have been the most heinously ugly man alive, both inside and out. As long as he would be a good father to her child, that was all that she cared about. The only part of him that she truly loved.
He could accept that. Even if she only loved a tiny portion of himself that he was not confident truly even existed, he could accept it because he loved every piece of her.
He knows that she manipulated him to feel this way. Using only her words and natural charisma, she once tore his entire life apart. Isolated him from everything he knew and believed in and then filled that gaping void in his Soul entirely with Her.
He is not stupid enough to have not recognised this. Especially since she hardly made any attempt to hide her machinations. But so what? His old life was hardly worth living. Especially since he fell so easily. He was clearly destined for failure anyway.
But in spite of all of this, her wish never came true. No matter what they tried, a solution to her Heavenly Restriction they could not find. Not even with her absurd Innate Technique.
Their attempts only resulted in her becoming bedridden. Left to slowly die so far away that he could not even be by her side as she withered.
He hates her for that too.
He doesn't understand why she chose to die. He can't understand it.
He is not like her. Like Narauko. He does not have the mindset of a true Sorcerer like they do. He cannot understand her stubborn choices.
Because there were options. Options that he presented to her. That he begged her to take.
But she would always simply smile and refuse. Often times patting his cheek like he was a dim child oh so proud of making a foolish suggestion.
It was infuriating, but what could he do? He was entirely caught up in her orbit. He could deny her as well as he could save her. Not at all.
With her Technique, there was practically no limits to what she could do. The only actual limitation was the obvious one. The one she was trying so hard to work around.
But there were other limitations, just not to the Technique itself.
Sorcerers don't exist in a vacuum after all. If the reality that she altered was too large in scope, then it would effect beings that would not take kindly to being disturbed.
After the failure that left her bedridden, she could have used her Technique to move Time itself backwards. He has no idea if her affliction would have followed her even through time. It likely would have, for Heaven is not so easy to defy, but it was an option.
However, doing so would almost certainly attract the ire of some Deity or other. That was the main thing that limited her. She was only a human meddling with concepts that lay in the domain of the Divine.
He could understand that. She was only human, and there is only so much that a human can do to defy Heaven.
The only problem there, the reason he hates her for her choices, is that she didn't have to be.
She could have Wished herself past that unpassable hurdle. Used her Technique as a crutch to boost herself over that impossible wall.
She could have been Ultimate.
She could have done it. He is knows that she could have and every time this memory plagues him, all he can see in his mind's eye is her patronising smile. As if the idea is foolish.
But it wasn't. She was just stubborn.
He remembers her words perfectly. They still haunt him, a memory that hurts all the more for how purely it encapsulates the spirit of the woman he loves.
"A commoner does not defy their birth by marrying Royalty." She was smiling when she said it. That same patronising smile of a woman explaining something simple to a foolish child. "They do so by burning the kingdom that would call them common and then building a new world from the ashes; where they can proudly stand at the top. If I were to become an Ōkami then I would not be defying Heaven, I would be joining it."
He remembers perfectly how her beautiful face twisted into a scowl. An expression so fierce that he felt himself be Cursed merely for meeting her violet eyes, the flames of hate and rageagainst the Heavens burned into her visage. The memory of it is seared into his Soul with perfect clarity, undeniable evidence that she is a True Jujutsu Sorcerer.
"Fuck that." She all but spat at him, mocking vitriol rolling through her impassioned tone. "And fuck Heaven. I am Human. I was born a Human. I will die a Human. My child will be born Human. Neither Heaven nor Fate is worthy enough to dictate mylife. I will not obey just because I am Human. I will defy Heaven as a Human; and when I hold my child in my arms, I will laugh, because I, will, win; and Heaven will know that not even the Gods themselves can stand as equals to Human Spirit."
Kinoshita feels the familiar pang of loss that the memory brings. A crushing pressure in his chest as every thought of her fills him only with the absence of her love. Yet at the same time, he cannot help but feel inspired. She was always charismatic.
He would have done anything to have been with her again. He would have died if he could. He would have followed her into Yomi, just as he followed her anywhere she would take him. He wanted to, more than anything.
But he could not.
"I Wish for Minamoto no Tōru to be unable to die before raising my child."
One sentence.
That is all it took for her to take control of his Fate. He does not know how far ahead she was thinking when she said it. It was back when she was travelling the realm. On one of the occasions that she brought him with her, she made that Wish because she was picking a fight with a Yōkai and didn't want him to die by accident.
He is not that fragile, but in her eyes, anyone who isn't Special Grade might as well be made of porcelain.
It's really condescending.
A disturbance in the air pulls him from his thoughts. A warm presence blooming into being, and he turns from the Shinboku tree to greet it.
"Yo, Old Man, long time no see." Narauko greets with a smile and a small wave, moving to sit down next to him.
As if he hadn't just teleported across the realm.
Kinoshita feels some part of himself relax at the casual greeting. Tense muscles unclenching when he sees his son look at him with eyes unchanged. Only tinted by that boundless Curiosity that reminds him so much of Murasaki.
Now that the boy is actually here, his warm presence filling the courtyard with familiarity, Kinoshita feels his fears wash away.
He manages to smile.
"Hello, Narauko. You have grown."
Narauko tilts his head, a familiar expression of curiosity. "I have? I don't feel any taller."
Kinoshita chuckles and shakes his head. "That is not the manner of growth that I intended."
"Oh?" Narauko looks him up and down before a smirk works its way on to his lips. "Well, you have changed too. I think this might be the first time I have heard you laugh. Age making you soft~?"
Is that true? He does not know, which might itself be an admission.
He truly was a poor father.
"No," Kinoshita responds, meeting Narauko's eyes with a soft smile. "It is not age that has made me soft."
Narauko freezes for a second, eyes widening slightly before beginning to glisten.
A moment later and Kinoshita feels himself be wrapped in a pair of strong arms, Narauko's chin resting on his shoulder.
"I missed you, Otou-sama."
Now it is his turn to be frozen.
Such blatant expressions of affection are not the norm among nobility. It is expected that one would be stoic always.
Kinoshita feels himself relax into his son's embrace, and his arms rise to return the affection.
"I have missed you also, my dear son."
It was a moment that he would have been happy to see last for an eternity, but alas, soon enough they do pull apart. Though, the warmth he feels does not fade. How could it, when the source of such warmth is sitting here beside him?
"What did you mean, that I have grown?" Narauko asks after a silent moment.
Kinoshita eyes him before turning back to the Shinboku in thought, considering how to word this ephemeral understanding he feels.
"Confidence," he decides on, turning back to the boy. "You never lacked in confidence. However, now that you have walked the world, you have come to understand your place in it. And you have seen that your place is at the top. That kind of understanding will change even you. This is not a bad thing, but it is noticeable. I imagine that should you ever meet with an Oni, that they will be unable to keep from assaulting you."
"So you do know all about Yōkai then?" Narauko responds, though he doesn't seem genuinely surprised nor upset. His words are more an invitation to elaboration than anything else.
Kinoshita accedes with a nod. "I know much. More than most. However, you always reminded me of Murasaki, something that now seems less of a coincidence. I knew you would prefer to discover the world by yourself instead of merely being informed."
Narauko's smile shows how he cannot deny it. Additionally, Kinoshita's words remind him of one other thing that he felt Narauko needs to hear.
"One thing that I will tell you, Narauko." Kinoshita meets his boy's eyes in order to convey the sincerity of his words. "Is that the world is so much larger than you know. So do not allow the shallowness of this pond to eat at you, for you will continue to find darker depths no matter how far you dive."
Normally, telling a person such things would be demoralising. Like telling them that their efforts will never be enough to amount to anything. But Kinoshita knows his son.
Narauko smiles. Genuine relief in his expression as he trusts Kinoshita's words implicitly. Immediately believing them without doubt. Kinoshita has to turn back to the Shinboku when the blatant faith Narauko has in him makes his eyes start to itch.
"I figured as much," he responds. "But I can admit that it was always a doubt in the back of my mind. Ahh~, I cannot wait to lose a fight~. I wonder how that would feel? I want to know so bad~."
Kinoshita can only wonder at his son's mindset. He cannot relate to it nor understand it. It is one of the few things that truly separates him from Murasaki.
After all, Murasaki never cared about facing a challenge like that. She enjoyed fighting to be sure, but only in the sadistic sense. For in her eyes, no one could ever be her equal, neither did she want them to be. The only challenge she needed to overcome was Heaven.
A long moment passes in comfortable silence between them before Narauko speaks up again.
"Will you tell me of her?"
Such simple words, and yet they seem to fill the air with an invisible weight.
It was inevitable, he knows. Yet he still finds himself hesitating to answer.
He has not truly spoken of Murasaki in many years, even if she never once left his mind.
A weary sigh leaves him as his decision is made. He could never conceal something from his son. Not when asked so directly like this.
"Murasaki was not someone one should aspire to be," he begins, feeling only affection despite the content of his words. "She was selfish. Wilful. Impossibly strong and yet uninterested in using that strength for anything beyond her own whimsy. She was not a good person, but she was rarely cruel. She was almost as Curious as you, but she spent most of her life raging against the Heavens. I cannot say how accurate Lady Shōshi's predictions are, but they are likely accurate. Nothing was impossible when it came to Murasaki."
"So we might really be related?" Narauko asks, smiling.
Kinoshita feels his heart skip a beat as Narauko says the quiet part so loudly. Hearing it said out loud somehow makes the possibility feel all the more real, and Kinoshita cannot fight the desire within him for it to be true. No matter how hard he tries to deny his own feelings. But then, he has never been very successful at doing that, has he?
"Perhaps," he concedes with a nod, having to look away as Narauko smiles with the shine of the sun. "Only the dead can say for certain."
Narauko shrugs carelessly at that. "I will ask Izanami-sama when I see her."
Kinoshita makes a noise of confusion at that, turning to regard his boy with a raised brow. Narauko just smiles impishly at him.
"I am hoping to court Amaterasu-Ōmikami after all~. It is only natural that I would then meet the in-laws, right?"
Murasaki must have done something. He refuses to believe that another human so audacious as her could exist otherwise.
Well, if anyone can...
"Regardless of that," Kinoshita decides to move on, as he really does not know how he is supposed to respond to such a claim. "Murasaki has spent many years trying to work around her Heavenly Restriction. I cannot say with any certainty whether Lady Shōshi speaks true, but I will say that her words seemed believable enough to me. At this point in time, it does seem more likely that you are related to Murasaki than not. As for whether or not you share blood with me, I cannot guess as to Murasaki's decision."
Narauko nods agreeably. "Yeah. I do not have any evidence, and I have never met Lady Murasaki, but some part of this all just feels right to me. I am prepared to believe that she is my mother by blood. Not that it really changes much. You two have always been my parents, blood or no. Though, does this mean I should start introducing myself as Minamoto no Narauko?"
Kinoshita almost snorts at the suggestion. "I would advise against doing so," he says with mirth. "Lady Shōshi is unlikely to share her theory with anyone, as doing so could bring harm to the growth of a promising young Sorcerer. It would be best if this was kept a secret between us, for many reasons."
Narauko shrugs, clearly not all that bothered about using the name or not. Then, his eyes light up as a thought comes to him.
"By the way, Lady Shōshi mentioned you having a rather avaricious relationship with the noble Ladies of the court. Now, I am not particularly interested in hearing about your 'exploits' as it were, but I have to ask. Do I have a bunch of half siblings out there?"
Kinoshita feels something akin to embarrassment as his son brings up such an unexpected topic.
Indeed, Murasaki did seem to find some odd enjoyment in having him cuckhold any noble that annoyed her in any way, often joining in herself. Those were naturally enjoyable memories, and he certainly wouldn't feel any shame about having a lot of sex with many women.
It is just the adulterous nature of it all that has him feeling somewhat embarrassed. He knows his son is more virtuous than he, so he can only be grateful at the lack of disappointment in the boy's tone.
Still, his question is a valid one. Unfortunately, it brings to mind a certain troublesome fact. A secret that is known to very few and entirely capable of plunging the realm into a civil war should it ever come out.
It is perhaps the greatest secret he knows. That he, Minamoto no Tōru, bedded his step-mother and had with her a child.
A child known today as Emperor Reizei.
As far as anyone knows, the currently sitting Emperor is the child of the previous Emperor, but he knows. Kinoshita knows.
He knows, and he does not intend to tell anyone. Not even his son, not unless he asks directly.
After all, if the world at large knew that Narauko was the half brother of the current Emperor, then war would be inevitable. The Clans would rally around Narauko for the sole reason that he is a Special Grade Sorcerer.
It is also for that exact reason that the rest of the nobility would do anything they could to remove him from the board.
The funniest part? Even if he knew that he had a claim to the Imperial Throne, Kinoshita does not doubt that his son would choose to reject it even if offered.
Alas, such things need not waste his thoughts.
"Yes," Kinoshita answers, making Narauko's brows rise, though he doesn't seem truly surprised. "I have borne a number of children. However, their bastard nature would only be known by their mothers and us. It is best that this remain the case. Let the past remain in the past."
"I would like to meet some of them regardless, but I have no desire to cause any half siblings trouble, so I shan't seek them out. However, I would like to hear more about you, Father. So how about we trade stories, and learn about one another's pasts together?"
Kinoshita raises a brow at the suggestion, wondering what he could mean when he has already seen Narauko's entire life.
Seeing this confusion, Narauko smirks at him. "Since I seem to be telling everyone right now, it is only fair that you know too. I remember my previous life. I do not think that any of my memories hold any value, but I would be happy to share them with you regardless."
Ah. That explains some things.
Narauko snorts a laugh, seemingly amused at his minimal reaction. He truly does not feel too surprised to learn this.
He always was mature.
One question does come to mind though.
"How old are you?"
Narauko fails to withhold a laugh this time, smiling teasingly his way. "Still younger than you~. I was only twenty-something when I died. I cannot remember exactly how old, nor how I died. Overall, I am probably approaching fortyish."
"I see." Kinoshita cannot help but wonder if Murasaki knew this would be the result of her efforts at subverting Heaven's will even back then or not. If Kinoshita was chosen not as a man who could raise a child, but as a man who could be a father to a troubled, growing young man.
With this added context, he can see more for what it was now. Such as how Narauko seemed such a grumpy child at first. As if burdened by tragedy from birth. It took a few years before the boy ever smiled for the first time.
If Kinoshita had treated him as a father should treat a newborn child, then perhaps Narauko would have grown to hate him instead.
Kinoshita shakes his head. It's useless trying to divine the thoughts of Murasaki. He'll just end up thinking in circles of 'what if's'.
So, moving past such pointless thoughts, Kinoshita considers Narauko's earlier words. Of trading stories for stories and learning more of one another.
Kinoshita makes a choice and affirms decision in his mind as his lips part to speak of things that he has never spoken of with anyone.
"My mother passed while I was young..."
///
Abe no Seimei
///
As Narauko and his father speak of inconsequential histories together, another meeting is taking place.
In the room are all the third-year students of Onmyōdō, each a generational talent. They make for a rather interesting bunch, to Seimei's eyes, though some more than others.
His eyes find Koshikibu no Naishi sitting silently in the corner, her eyes closed, as if this entire meeting is beneath her. Though, he believes she goes by Nanami Shiki now, and that she is only here in order to regain her nobility.
If he were to be honest, she scares him a little bit. He is almost certain that he would immediately perish if he were to attempt to use his Technique on her, so he tries to avoid her whenever possible.
Other than her, four others are arranged with him in a rough circle.
The most interesting of them would have to be Ki no Tokibumi. A man notable for his long, wild mane of grey hair falling down to his lower back. He is one of the two present with the potential to be recognised as Special Grade. Not including himself and Nanami of course.
The latter is already recognised with the title, while Abe simply no longer cares for the recognition of humanity. The only reason he has even chosen to remain in the capital for this farce is because he is interested in seeing Narauko's Perspective on Reverse Cursed Technique. He feels that it will be insightful.
He intends to leave soon after, for he has matters to attend elsewhere.
The other student with the potential to be recognised as Special Grade would be Tachibana no Nagayasu.
Unlike Ki, Tachibana actually has an impressive Technique. One that he utilizes incredibly well. The man has hair the colour of the deep ocean, as many Tachibana oft do, and is in possession of a cool aura, as if all worldly issues are merely waves passing under his ship. Inconsequential to a man who keeps his eye to the horizon.
After those two, the remaining are both women, equalling out the gender ratio in this room.
One is Uma no Naishi. A rather plain looking woman for how impressive she is as a Grade One, and someone he believes has some manner of rivalry with Kiyohara no Nagiko. A rivalry that she is destined to lose.
The final student present would be Uro Takako. A woman with startlingly pink hair that Seimei finds rather distasteful.
She was scouted personally by Fujiwara no Sumitomo. Raised from the rabble and given a name, one born indebted to Sumitomo.
Seimei has met Sumitomo before, and the man is as slimy as any snake. Certainly not someone to be trusted. He can only pity Uro for being so foolish as to trust him simply because he saved her.
Whatever happens to her will be her own fault.
She should know better than to trust a human.
Tachibana clears his throat, drawing Seimei's eyes.
"Well?" He asks, though it comes out more as a demand.
Seimei mentally goes over their previous words, as he was only half paying attention.
They basically want him to give them insider information on the Jujutsu students, as well as to conspire with them in the competition.
It makes sense given that he is an Onmyōji like them despite attending the Jujutsu school thanks to his Sensei.
However, Seimei simply no longer cares. He has chosen his feelings. His path forward is clear once more.
Humans are foolish creatures.
"Figure it out yourselves," Seimei responds after making them wait longer than is polite. "I will not help the Jujutsu Sorcerers, nor will I help you. I truly do not care."
While none of them are happy with his words, they at least know not to bother trying to argue the point. It is clear that he is beyond being convinced by words, and they all know that trying to apply political pressure would be pointless.
Only Uro is foolish enough to react emotionally.
"Your feelings are irrelevant." She sneers the words with an impressive amount of vitriol. "You are an Onmyōji. Duty demands you act, Abe no Seimei."
Seimei raises a brow in her direction. He thinks about replying, of the many insulting things he could say that he knows would cut her deep.
However.. what is the point?
She is nothing. Just another foolish human who understands nothing of the world. The only positive thing he could honestly say about her is that she is obedient.
So he does not reply. He simply stands and leaves. There is nothing left to say.
However, a thought strikes and he pauses at the door, turning to leave them with one piece of information. Both as an honest warning to them and a favour to another.
"I will say one thing." Their attention on him is clear, except for Nanami, who may care even less than him. "The commoner. Narauko. He is stronger than all of you combined. If you do not plan your strategy around him and chose instead to face him head on, you will lose." His eyes flick briefly to Nanami. "All of you."
With that, he leaves without waiting for a response.
There, he thinks with a small amount of amusement. My debt to you is repaid, Narauko.
After all, he is certain that his words will have the opposite of their intended effect. The Onmyōji will definitely put forth a greater effort into defeating Narauko now. They likely would have ignored him in favour of Yorimitsu or Nagiko otherwise.
You should be able to have plenty of fun now.
///
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
First thing first, I hope this answers any confuion I saw in the comments after last chap. if you are still doubting me, know that I have information you lack, and that the narration is unreliable, as the characters, also lack information.
In other words, stop telling me that Murasaki is breaking the logic of the story, cuz she isn't, you just do not know what she is doing.
Anywho, I'm thinking about changing the title of this fic to "The Blessed Sorcerer" what do you think? It'd be "Book 1: The Golden Age" too.
lmk.