I found an empty space in another nearby forest. This forest was home to large red cedar trees that stretched so far into the sky that they seemed to pass through the clouds. I settled myself on a thick branch, letting out a soft sigh as my whole body could lie without falling off. It was comfortable. I could see through a few of the leaves and look at the blue sky.
I could hear a bit of shuffle behind me, which annoyed me enough that I stood to look at Casper. The pup looked sheepish, tailing wagging the leaves behind him. I didn't mind him being here, though I was getting annoyed at his tail constantly stirring up the leaves.
"Go back to the cove, Casper." The pitbull didn't move, tilting his head to the side. "I'll come back later, okay? Just.. I want to be alone."
He huffed, whining but still opening his wings and taking off. I turned to lie back down, spreading my wings to drape over the branch. I placed a hand over my eyes, feeling the beat of my heart slowly die down.
I still couldn't understand why I was getting so angry so quickly. It was frustrating to feel that wave of pure rage taking over and leading me to think about terrible things. I knew I had already done many bad things; I had killed men before. I had committed so many wrongs.
It made me wonder how I had ended up in such a great place after all that. How did I end up being here after killing that many people? Thinking the way I am, it was because of that.
Perhaps I wasn't as fortunate as I thought I was. I mean.. I am constantly in pain.
I bit my bottom lip, suppressing the rising emotion that bubbled in my throat. Even though it didn't matter, I felt alone. I could release my anger if I wanted to; no one would get hurt. Instead of doing that, I let my mind drift. Having only my thoughts for company wasn't much fun; I found myself getting angry at myself, reflecting on my past actions and how I had pushed all my friends away.
I still had Janus. So it wasn't that bad. She is all I need. I just wish she were here with me.
I didn't want to disappoint her, and I didn't want to think back on what happened because she told me not. I already knew that it would happen; once I closed my eyes and let my breathing even out, I knew what was going to show up.
But I did it anyway. I let it consume me, no pain whatsoever, as I felt it take over my mind.
And soon enough, I was back with Dawson.
We were still walking, but my feet stumbled over the smooth dirt and ruffled grass. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears, heat pooling in my head, forming a frustrating headache. Eventually, we arrived at the campsite we had set up.
Dawson looked around, grimacing at the sight of our burnt tent and supplies. He turned to me. "Look around and see if you can scavenge anything," he said. Suddenly, he stopped, his eyes growing wide. "What happened? Were you shot?"
Before I could respond, I leaned back against the tree trunk to take a quick rest. Dawson reached out, offering me a hand and helping me into a sitting position, which still made me hiss in pain. He then decided to inspect my entire body, turning my hand over and moving down to my leg. I winced at his touch when he reached my thigh. Sensing my discomfort, Dawson pulled away and looked at me. "Did you get shot?"
"It's not that bad." I wheezed out a laugh.
My lieutenant rolled his eyes as he rummaged through a kit on his hip, finally pulling out some cleaning supplies and a large bandage. I bit my lip to suppress my cries as he poured alcohol onto the wound. After wrapping my thigh with the bandage, he looked at me with a questioning expression. "When we get to base, we can remove the bullet. Can you handle this?"
"I've been able to walk so far," I grunted, feeling the tight pressure of the bandage suppress the wound in a somewhat comfortable way. "I can handle it. I just hope we don't have to run again."
"Let's hope." Dawson snickered, helping me up onto my feet.
I tugged myself forward, feeling a sharp sting in the wound. I ignored it, turning towards the ruined and burnt tent. "Do you want me to search for this?"
"Yeah," he answered, putting his things back before following me. "See if you can find anything useful that we could use." He passed me and made it over to the end, where we had buried some of our cold supplies. "I'll see if I can find anything useful as well."
"Got it, boss." I giggled, grunting as I knelt down in the middle of the burnt ruins. What remained was mostly just ashes or covered in ashes. I did look, though, tossing things around to look under them and dusting off a few boxes covered in ashes.
I checked near where our mats were, hoping that the guns we had hidden under the bed sheet would be overlooked. But the enemy was not stupid; they had searched the entire place and torn it apart. There was nothing left, which irritated me even more than the bullet lodged in my body.
I groaned while sitting on the ground amidst the pile of burnt sheets and ash. I continued to look around and heard Dawson shuffling through a carton, pulling out some tinfoil-wrapped food and canned soup. So they hadn't searched there?
I wondered if Dawson had hidden a radio in that spot or something similar. The enemy would definitely take that if they found it.
"Find anything?" I called out, pulling myself onto my good knee to dig into the dirt.
My back was turned away from the former. He shuffled around before calling out, "Just some of our packaged food." I nodded, moving away a bunt tent piece to stop when my eyes landed on a grenade. "Did you find anything?"
I let out a stutter, my throat clogging before I could respond to my lieutenant.
Why?
I didn't want to tell him. I thought maybe I could surprise him by saying that we had something other than a gun and a blade. It might even make me seem more incredible.
Childish thinking. We were in a life-or-death situation, yet I was coming up with ways to ease the tension, the fear of being stranded so close to the enemy's territory. But I wanted to see Dawson happy because of me.
Selfish. I was selfish and stupid.
However, that wasn't the only reason I tucked it into my cargo pants and kept it out of sight. A distant chatter reached my ears, filled with soft groans of approval. The voices blended together, sounding desperate to be heard.
"No, nothing." I stood up, letting out a moan at the pain.
Dawson brushed past the dirt and ash, turning his eyes to me. He held up a pack with a few MREs for me to see, a goofy smile on his face. "I got some food for us~"
I could help but chuckle, forgetting about the grenade swishing around in my pocket as I made my way to him. "Lucky us, huh?"
He smirked, shrugging his shoulders. "Yeah, yeah, let's eat and then get going."
I reached out to accept his offer, my mind blinded by the way he smiled at me, blinded by the way my face heats up with so much admiration and love.
Instead of placing my hand on the MRE, I found it passing right through. I took a tumble, realizing that there was no ground beneath my feet. It had vanished—everything was gone. I frantically searched for Dawson, struggling against the encroaching darkness that threatened to completely consume the wonderful connection we shared.
I couldn't thrash around for long; I grew exhausted.
No. It was relaxation, right?
I curled up, accepting that I was now stuck here. Soft and comforted by the endless void, at least, I expected to be warm. But it was oddly cold and empty.
No one was here. I was alone.
But I should be used to that. Back at the barracks, I was usually going off by myself. I would only look forward to training because then I would be with Dawson.
Like now.. I relaxed knowing that Janus was with me.
She was with me, right? She had to be; I could feel her presence. Every time I find myself in this endless pit, it's because she put me here to protect me. That's why I no longer fear it—there's nothing to fear because Janus is with me.
I wished she had been there when I woke up. Instead, I was alone, nearly toppling off the large branch where I sat. I lay on my stomach, swinging my arm back and forth while watching my wings flap uselessly at my sides. I was bored, and although a small part of me wanted to go back to sleep, I was eager to see what would happen next.
Even if Janus told me not to do it, it hasn't hurt me at all yet. So it wouldn't know?
Soon enough, I stayed lying there for so long that I grew bored. I pondered going back to my cove. Casper was there after I had sent him off. But isn't the next session going to start soon?
I didn't know how long I was out for, but it must have been at least a while.
I didn't know when the next session would be, but I thought I might as well fly around and keep myself busy until the next session happens. I just felt so unmotivated at the idea of it, uninterested in what the Warrior Angels have to offer.
I had gotten up, deciding to fly around my surroundings near the large forest where we train. I grew tired of seeing the same thing over and over, so I decided to take a different approach.
Wonderland is filled with many things, which makes it hard for me to remember everything it has to offer or where everything is located. So, I kept flying without a specific destination in mind. I tried to stay up in the clouds so that no one could see me. I wasn't in the mood to talk or do much of anything. I didn't like this feeling; it didn't feel like me at all.
Why did I feel so drained of energy all of a sudden?
High above the clouds, I trailed around with my own thoughts, sliding with the air and flipping around with slow, uncaring movements. I let the wind drift me around, taking me to an unknown place.
I didn't care where, just somewhere far away.
My wrist buzzed, pulling me out of my daydreaming. I flipped back to look down at it, the signal to put on our armor and go to the session.
I... Didn't want to.
It made me think: why did I want to become a Warrior Angel in the first place? I didn't really have a solid reason; I just went for it. That was poor reasoning, but it was the truth. This realization made me feel even worse—doing something simply because I felt like it in the moment? No wonder I was growing tired of it.
Additionally, every time I fought, I found myself getting too angry. I knew that if I continued like this, I would eventually snap. I had already received a warning; one more strike, and it would be the end for me.
I couldn't control my anger. How did I become a Warrior Angel in the first place?
Maybe that's what Arden liked about me, the way I was fierce enough to not hold back in fighting. But it became too much; I didn't like the aggression. Even if it did satisfy me to see Casey look so shocked.
No, that's the whole reason I shouldn't like it. I wasn't like that before. What was changing me?
I switched the worst until it stopped buzzing, but I didn't put on the armor. Instead, I looked back down into the pit of fluffy clouds. I had already decided not to go; I really didn't want to go, and I had no energy or motivation to put into it.
I came out of the clouds, startling myself when I was somewhere familiar.
This place was near Cupids Cove. I remember Bunny had taken us all here because there was a rave in one of the party houses.
Is that what it was called? I don't remember the name she mentioned, but I knew where the building that hosted the rave party was located. I slowed down, enjoying the high as I stared at the building, which brought back wonderful memories. Memories of Rory, Bridget, Seth, and the Cupids. I recalled how I had finally gotten fed up one time and essentially forced Rory and Seth to admit their feelings for each other. I also remembered how happy Bunny was to bring them up there, and how close Orwell and Bridget had become.
They wanted to take me to the floor to dance, to paint their neon colors on one another so we all matched.
I felt my eyes grow hot; the overwhelming emotion caught me off guard. I brushed it off, letting out a harsh sigh before continuing on. I had a strong sense of guilt in the back of my heart, whether it was ditching my session or remembering the time with my friends. It hurt either way.
I shouldn't feel this way; the reason I behave this way with my friends is because of me.
I was at fault here, so what right do I have to feel sorry for myself?
What right do I have to get mad at losing that feeling I had with them? I shouldn't feel this way, I shouldn't think this way.
I didn't need them.
I don't need anyone; I was doing just fine down at the barracks with my team and Dawson. But I didn't rely on them a lot; I liked their company. That was all.
That was it; I just missed their company.
I had to take a quick stop when I spotted a familiar cupid. I had been flying over the "party city" area aimlessly until I noticed her.
Bunny?
I let out a confused sound and stopped to hover, my wings flapping around me. As I looked on in confusion, I noticed she wasn't alone; she was accompanied by three other cupids I didn't recognize—two males and one female. What puzzled me the most was that they weren't standing in the middle of the walkway that led to all the building entrances.
No, they were behind the buildings. Like they were trying to hide or something?
The first thing that made me suspicious was their body language. Bunny was the first to catch my eye. The small cupid looked rigid and slightly shaky, which was unusual for her; she typically stood strong and had a confident look in her eyes.
But she looked uncomfortable.
Compared to the other three cupids, they looked stressed as well, though one of the males in particular looked angry at Bunny. They spoke to each other in a sharp tone. I couldn't make out what it was since I was high up, but I could feel my skin boil from underneath.
I knew this feeling; it had become all too familiar to me.
Bunny pushed herself away from the three, pointing at them before her hands went up in the air. Her wings bristled, and her face looked uncomfortable. One of the males came to grab her when she tried to walk away. I could see the grip he had on her; he looked angry.
The other two came to try and calm both of them down, though when Bunny was yelling at them, they teamed up on the small cupid. The two cupids released the other when she struggled hard enough. My body was tensing up, eyes glaring so hard since the other male would not let her go.
I seethed, body shaking from the inside.
Bunny managed to pull away, pushing her wings back so she could move further. She turned to leave, but the other cupid continued to yell, a faint whistle through the air, and he reached for her once again.
I shouldn't. I really shouldn't do it-
I moved before I could talk myself into calming down. I don't think I had ever dived that quickly before. I ended up between the two cupids, my hand swinging to punch the one threatening Bunny. He fell down hard, and all the cupids let out shocked gasps. The other two in front of me, trembling on their feet, stepped back.
I couldn't see Bunny; my eyes were entirely on the male who had grabbed the small cupid.
He found my heated glare, ears flopping down in defense. He shakily stood up, almost falling back over with how scared he was. "Who... who are you?"
The other two Cupids found the courage to approach him. The female grabbed at his sleeve with distressed wings, while the male gulped with a tense face.
I didn't respond; I could barely even hear him over the sound of my own blood pumping in my ears. It was loud, consuming all my thoughts and emotions with only one thing..
"Why would you do that?" The other cupid screamed. He took a step closer, his hands clenched to his side.
The female gulped, pulling at the first cupid to stand behind the two. "You're in so much trouble." She let out a harsh breath. "Wait until we tell the goddesses about this!"
"Wait!" Bunny suddenly rushed over to grab my arm, and I flinched at her touch. Fearful eyes searched my own, and I felt my heart skip a beat, my body rushing with a cold sensation. Bunny turned to the other cupids and pleaded, "Don't tell them... Vienna was just.. she..."
"She hit him!" The female yelled out, wings hackled with fear.
"It feels nice, doesn't it?"
That stupid voice decided to chime in. I wanted to block it out, ignore it, and focus on Bunny. She looked so scared.. scared of me..
"She should be. They all should…"
No.. not Bunny! Not Bridget or Seth or Rory or-
I don't want them to be afraid of me because I would never hurt them. My yelling from a distance drew me away from the cupids. Bunny stood in front of me, wings raised in an attempt to shield me from the other two cupids, who looked very threatened.
"If you didn't grab me like that, none of this would have-" Bunny tried to start off with, only to get the other cupid to scoff in her face.
"You're saying this is his fault!?" The female stood closer, no longer looking scared.
"You should have said something sooner about how you felt instead of leading him on-" The other male cut in as well.
Bunny let out a frustrated sigh, her wings trembling. "Okay, I'm sorry about that. But please-" Her voice grew surprisingly soft, soft enough to ease me into a comfortable space. "Don't tell the goddesses.. Vienna was trying to protect me."
I almost forgot about what was happening; her voice was soft and sweet. Enough to distract me until it was cut off by a harsh voice cutting through and ruining my ease.
"That doesn't make it right, Bunny!"
"There's no point in arguing with this." The cupid I had hit came forward, pushing at the other two. He stood above Bunny, making her shrink into me. "She is getting in trouble for it."
"No point in arguing..?" Bunny let out a weak scoff. "You wanted to argue about this in the first place!"
Her wings bristled against my chest, making my wings do the same. I directed my glare at them, feeling my breathing hitch at the way they looked at me, then Bunny.
I wanted to hit them, crush them with my fists until they are nothing but a bloody pile of nothing.
"Because you were the one at fault, Bunny!" The male shouted back.
"Stop blaming everything on me-"
"Take responsibility for once!" They all grouped up on her, coming closer with each step.
I wanted to end this, end them, and make them regret scaring Bunny like this. The small cupid was almost tucked under my arms, still blocking me from them.
Her voice was no longer soft; it had taken on a pitiful sound. "I-I.. I do-"
"No, you don't!" The female pointed a finger at her, her wings high and raised in a threatening posture. "That's why we are confronting you; no one else ever does."
"That's because you manipulate them and use them for what you want." The other male crossed his arms, hard eyes staring at the small cupid.
She tried to say something, but I could feel her body shake. Or was it my own?
"You're a bad friend, Bunny." The first male let out. He made no move, but his eyes and expression alone showed his anger and disappointment.
"All of you need to shut the fuck up." That stopped all three of the cupids from glaring at her, letting my body let out a small sigh of relief. Their eyes were directed at me. Clear shock and astonishment at the way I just spoke.
I was done caring. I was too close to ripping their heads off their fucking necks.
Soon enough, the male let out a scoff, hiding the shock on his face with a weird smirk. "You're not an angel." His lips rose, and he sneered, "Demon."
"She's not-" Bunny tried to say something, but I couldn't hear her.
I couldn't hear the screaming, the shouting voices, and the loud thumping of adrenaline pumping through my ears. I couldn't hear anything, feel anything at all.
I could see it, I could see my hands wrap around his neck, pushing him into the air where he hung. Breathless?
"Kill him."
The voice let out with glee, and I was happy to hear something.
Even if it was that voice.