I saw now that betrayal was merely a form of manipulation that took place right in front of your eyes to awake you from the illusion of life that you were lead to believe was your reality. But it was not. It was the result of too much trust and love in a person who was willing to brand me as crazy and delusional for trying to expose their own plot. But the realisation didn't fully hit me until I realises that my servants had already retreated from my residence, which could only mean that my servants were really not my servants at all. They were all given to me by The Seo family, who were watching my every movement here in the palace, hoping that I would eventually bend to their will, which would never happen, not for as long as I lived...
"Why...are you doing this to me...what did I...ever do ...to you..." "your family has been under suspicion for a long time, and now with the development of fake silver being distributed into the kingdom, your family is in bigger trouble than ever." "Fake silver? What does that have to do with..." "This is being distributed by your cousin Kim Ja-Chi directly from our village with the help of your parents who sold everything they had, including the gifts that you gave them to help him construct this wasteful currency. It is already being distributed into the kingdom through the hands of the provincial and office minters who have sold their female relatives into both harems. This is an ordeal that my entire family has to go out of it's way to clean up, or the first target that the minsters will arrest when this case comes to light is your parents...who we will frame as the murderers of my parents and uncle's family." He replied quietly as he began to bring himself up from the floor and dust away at his knees. Yes, this was like him now; he was a cold-hearted man who likes to stay clean and neat...in other words, he liked to act like the perfect son in order to hide his true emotions and feelings. I myself knew that, and yet I still could not fully comprehend what exactly was going on in front of my own eyes.
"Murder! What murder? And your parents? Your uncle? Why would you..." "Because they are dead, of course. They died just before this poxy concubine section, and we didn't say anything about it at all in order to hide the truth from you." "The fake silver..." "we have tracked it right back to your parents specifically and the home of your cousin, where he was found murdered in his bed. These counterfeits have already found their way trough each and every province, so we have strong evidence against your family should you ever think to turn against my family...and my wife Bo-Geom." As if I hadn't received enough of a shock; it was this piece of news that sent my knees buckling under me and I fell backwards onto the floor, staining my robes with leftover tea from my gusts as I did so. This dress that was gifted to me by The Mistress Jeong herself, the enemy of The Seo's...
"Bo-Geom? You lead me on and abandoned me...for that old woman?" "Who are you calling old? And so what if she is? I was the one who chose her, who proposed to her and now I have the blessings of my family to become her husband, her equal partner in life..." "Equal partner?" "She wasted her youth being in the service of my family, who am I to focus on her age? I have always chosen her as my life partner from the moment that I met her. It seems as though I prefer mature women over young, immature and naive women who expect everything to be handed over to them on a silver platter due to the fragility of their own sex." "So...now what will happen?" "Your only lifeline here in the palace lies in the favour of His Lordship who has just for the first time sent back Attendant Kim untouched. It turns out that she I s much bigger coward than you thought she was, to the point were she was shaking so violently in bed and it put His Lordship off. This tis the first time such an incident has taken place, so this is your opening to stab your friend in the back for survival, otherwise my family will have no choice but to give up your family if we choose to bring this case to light. This of course, depends entirely on your actions and how much you are willing to co-operate with us for? Since you only managed an accomplishment like this due to the education that we gave you." "Do you...really love her? Bo-Geom? Or did he seduce you to her age? I would understand if something had happened between you and..." "Do not mistake me for my father Yeong; I have refrained from even touching the girl before the day that I dragged her to my side so that I could ask her for her hand in marriage, which she wholeheartedly agreed to." "So...it could never be me? Ever?" "I...need Someome who wholeheartedly understands me, not someone who will spend her whole life trying to figure it out." "So you are just like your father then."
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To say that I had recovered from that night a few days ago was not only an understatement, but my deteriorating condition seemed to have warranted a visit from His Lordship as I found myself outside and sitting on a swing aimlessly looking around at the courtyard that I would have to live in for the rest of my life. It did not differ much from the courtyard that The Seo's had in the kingdom, but it was still far too large, far too cold and far too....perfect for me to feel like I could ever call this place home. The elder Seo twins in particular liked to fight a lot, almost every single time that they saw each other, so I had gotten used to the almost scandalous sight of Seo Hana running on the grass barefoot and removing her outer layers, even in front of her own cousins! And what was worse was that fact that her cousins or even her brother didn't say anything about it! They all...found comfort in the vain and witty woman that was Seo Hana, whose personality was nothing like her mother's at all, but she seemed to share the same habits. Only Seo Yeon walked on the grass barefoot when she could, only she encouraged her children to play and study outside as much as possible and only she could make her loved ones feel so comfortable around her to the point where they forgot basic manners and etiquette around her. She was beautiful, she was attentive and caring...and so was Bo-Geom. But I was no different, so why were they the ones that got everything handed to them?
"What are you so lost in thought about? Hello? Attendant Nam?' "Your Lordship? Please forgive my inattentiveness..." "Are you feeling better now? You should have covered yourself more throughly outside..." "You need not worry about me when you have a while harem to entertain you, My Lord." "Do you know that The Companion Kang is blaming you for her mishap ever since Attendant Choi accidentally let slip of your astrological reading to the entire harem." "She can blame me all she wants to even though I have hardly spoken a word to her at all." "So when are you going to stop avoiding me?" "Who says that I am at all, My Lord?" "Since you have been enthusiastically given everyone help to seduce me, including regifting my gifts and handing over Noble Lady Jung your poetry book. Do not tell me..." "My Lord?" "Do not tell me that you have competed for a space in my life in The Imperial Harem whilst you are isolating yourself like some broken hearted girl. You...really are worse than the kisaengs who never hide their profession." "My Lord?" "So what are you? A tease? A temptress? A heart-breaker? Or a secret ksianeg yourself? How could anyone woman have more than 1 man on her mind? And in her heart? You...are certainly a woman to be feared, Attendant Nam."
Each insult that he served me with hurt me and humiliated me, but the pain that I had endured this past week was more bone-deep that what this idiotic face lord was saying to me. It completely astounded me that he was completely unaware of the precarious situation that he was facing at this very moment. But that did not stop fresh tears from flying down my face and out of my control, which just made me look more guilty in his eyes I am sure. But this also triggered a sense of panic within me as I began to see myself in a new perspective; was I really as His Lordship described? Was I...too free with the opposite sex? I had made some jokes with Hwan and Geom, did that disgust him? Was I too comfortable around them all? Did I lower my guard too much? Did I come across as too naive? Or too desperate of a social climber? I didn't mean to if that was the case, I just did what they asked me to do? So why? Why me? Why set me up in Hana's place, apart from her scandalous marriage with her close cousin?
"...I noticed that there are many apricot flowers here; what do you know about them?" "Flowers, My Lord?" "Yes, flowers?" "The apricot flowers are average flowers like the fruit itself that is neither as bright as a peach or cold as plums. It is modest and gentle just like how people are themselves." "Are you then saying that only a modest and gentle person can be attracted to the flowers alike?" "I am sure, but I personally do not like apricot flowers myself." "And why not? Most of these concubines do, so why don't you?" "Contrary to its beauty, the apricot fruit itself is sour and the seeds are biter. Life would be entirely meaningless if it were to begin well and end badly every single time. So I would much rather prefer evergreen life like pine or cypress; to not bloom or bare any fruit at all." "Well, I have to admit that I have never heard of such a curious point of view before, even from the educated kisaengs...." Well educated kisanegs? They could only be from the Ihwaru brothel where I was not allow to enter, but all of The Seo boys could...I could have sworn that I heard The Lord Nam discuss that place with his wife multiple times? It was as if he owned the place? Then what? He passed it down to one of his sons in his will? After his death? So all of his separate Mistresses and even this Mistress Jeong...Seo Hyuk, what a well thought out plot that you have going on here. And who knew that he would make me the pawn on of that game? But was that all? Should I stay a pawn and be controlled by him? Or should I become a queen and overcome him, even if it meant that I had to overcome the harem myself? I have already been wronged a few times now without me personally making any mistakes at all...soon I wold be concussed by this place entirely. But I had ti stay alive and protect my family, the only possessions that I had left on this world that were holding the shattered pieces of my heart together. What should I do? Who should I follow? How could I protect myself here? Do I go along with The Seo's? Or forge me own path here?