Summary:
Happy birthday you two!
Spice yawned as he rested down. "You know, we really could have used anyone we could get our hands on yesterday." The three eyes mate said with disappointment. "A magic teleporting lion would've been great against Peridot, or Belos for that matter."
"Ggrrr." He wouldn't go around solving problems that they could handle on their own.
"After everything that happened to Centi, I'm fine with not bringing magical pets into fights." The human girl the wood creatures hated so much, for some stupid reason, sighed. "Besides, given Lucci, anyone who has to use living things with physical contact or needs to get in close is probably no longer allowed to fight the guy."
"If that's the case, then there's no point in fighting him directly at all." The boy with scars groaned. "Unless we can somehow lure him into a trap that weakens him, then we can risk a physical encounter."
"The closest we got was at the school, and that only worked with surprise, and every gem worked together." Lucci groaned. "Lapis is the best option due to raw power and range, and Spinel's pretty close due her unpredictability and Belos's refusal to absorb her."
"I can do my best … but I'm running even lower on abomination muck." The purple girl sighed. "At some point all I'm going to have left is flying with Ghost and short range fire spells."
"We could throw a tri fusion at him along with Lapis and Spinel." The green glasses girl asked. "Amuck or LAW have enough raw versatility.
"Aren't we forgetting Vee can eat away his magic?" The short child asked.
"That's not a guaranteed method to win. He was still able to move even when I sucked it away." The snake child sighed. "And after three encounters he no doubt has a method to counter it. If he has a glyph to mess with my form, he could have one to mess with my other powers."
"Everyone gets glyph magic but me." The human grumbled, pausing a moment and turning to the pink gem messing with trash. "So … what was Pink like?"
"Really?" His boy questioned skeptically.
"Just curious to hear it from someone other than Pearl." The girl rolled her eyes. "Besides, we can use the change in subject from something that depressing."
"Well … she liked playing games, loved her family, got angry super easily when things annoyed her, and according to White, had a weird attachment to 'broken and wrong' things."
"…Lucci, I know you're not going to like hearing this, but your womb donor sounds almost exactly like-." Purple girl began to say.
"Say one more word, and no magic in the multiverse will fix my retaliation." His boy growled. "I just fixed one of her messes, I would rather not think about her for the rest of the month at least."
"Do we even have any other topics?" The kid that smelled like wood asked. "Belos is stalled, he absorbed Peridot, the Cluster is shattered, Jasper is in a bubble, the Rubies are pacified and think the earthquake was a fluke. At this point all that's left is making sure the Centipeetles don't break the door again."
"Actually that brings me to something else on my mind." The human with the sword brought up. "Glyphon can use their glyph magic, that means we have a new source of magic we can use to open a portal door."
"Yeah. We just have to work out which combination it is." His boy said while cracking his back. "Shouldn't take that long right?"
"… Remember how complex Philip's glyph was just for taking us to the Skull?" The human asked. "I'm going to need a lot more time to experiment with theoretical combos before we get somewhere."
"Well we have a lot of time anyhow. None of us have anything scheduled." Plant girl stated.
"Right, we quit our jobs." Three eyes shrugged. "No employee of the month …"
"No schedules for me." Wooden boy stated.
"I'm free after I catch up on news of the human leader." Short kid continued on.
"And I'm always down to spend time with Luz." Purple girl rubbed against the human.
"I actually got a birthday tomorrow." The lizard girl said. "Which actually would be Lucci's real-"
"Pass." His boy stopped the girl in the middle of her sentence. "The day Mom adopted me is more important than the day I was born.
"When is that?" The short kid asked.
"Sometime near that human holiday where a fat man breaks into people's houses and dumps coal on people's living rooms." Lucci shrugged.
"So almost a month away." The human noted. "We can throw Vee a party tomorrow and plan Lucci's birthday on Christmas."
"You'd think Connie would be here now considering the event." The plant girl noted.
"She's doing chores today so we have the whole day together tomorrow." She turned to the boy. "And I was hoping to share it with Lucci, you know, as my interdimensional brother from another mother."
."While I would be alright with sharing, I am not giving Bird Nose anymore reason to think I'm staying in the human realm as 'Steven'." His boy groaned. "It's more your birthday than mine anyways."
"Then we don't make a big deal out of it." Luz said. "We keep it small and just stick as a group today, doing our own thing and don't even involve the gems."
"But if it's my birthday I wanna bring them in." Vee said. "It would be like Lucci not inviting Eda because she made one of us uncomfortable."
"That's ridiculous…I would invite mom regardless of anything."
"That's exactly how I feel about the gems."
"….Fine, but the moment Pearl says anything about me staying, I'm bailing."
"I'm sure it'll be fine." The entire group stared at the lizard girl. "What?"
"You jinxed it." The short boy pointed out. "Now something terrible is going to happen for sure when we least expect it."
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"I'm so glad I can do this!" Vee watched as Pearl gushed. "Throwing a party for Lucifer is bound to get him to see the superiority of this planet over the Boiling Isles."
"Dude, as hard of a party animal as I am, no party in the world is going to convince that kid of that anytime soon." Amethyst rolled her eyes as she was carrying junk out of her room.
"It's always the small steps that work out in the end." … Right. Vee was just going to … ignore that.
"So … we doin the normal chase?" Amethyst asked her. Both of them turning into animals and trying to snatch the pinata out of the other's hands.
"I'd love to do that, but Lucci might end up just throwing his disk and breaking it apart." She sheepishly chuckled. "Plus this is the first time I've ever shared my birthday with someone. I want that to reflect that somehow."
"Ah … so should I pull out the big fireworks I planned for the fourth of july? Lucci's the kind of kid that likes big colorful balls of fire." Amethyst dug through the pile. "Oooh, maybe I can bring out that old car I stored in my room and have a smashing contest. That or steal that Kevin guy's car. He might like that better."
"And now that's going to be a thing." Vee relented.
"Vee." She turned to see Garnet waving from the front door. "Can I see you for a minute?"
"Oh, okay." She slithered up to them. "Is something wrong Garnet?" Garnet pulling them to the side usually meant she had something serious to tell them.
"No, just something we should talk about." She said, pulling out one of the lawn chairs for Vee to sit on.
"Okay …" She followed along, feeling a bit nervous.
"So … for starters." Garnet began to glow, slowly shrinking down until two familiar gems stood there.
"We're a fusion!" Ruby said with a cheery tone.
"….Oh, really, I….Didn't know that.." Vee chuckled awkwardly, realizing recent events probably screwed up their plans.
"I told you she would play along." Ruby grinned to the blue gem.
"Yes you did." They smiled, pecking them on the cheek. "It was always the plan to tell you how we met on your fifteenth birthday." Sapphire smiled. "As a bit of a perfect surprise."
"Aw man, that would've been the perfect fusion reveal too!" Vee laughed. "I would've been so blindsided. Like, you gave me no clues beforehand…though I guess it was weird that you always had two gems instead of one like the others."
"Garnet's a cool cucumber like my Sapphy here." Ruby said, hugging the blue gem. "We knew how to play everything right."
"Yes … so, where to begin …" Sapphire hummed. "I guess I should go ahead and admit it … we used to belong to Homeworld. Under Blue Diamond specifically."
Vee nodded. She figured you couldn't exactly rebel against your makers unless you were … well, made first. "How was she … compared to Pink?"
There was a tense silence between the two, each of them looming deeply angry and gloomy. "I can't account for how Ro-Pink was back then, but she was the newest diamond of the four. Inexperienced." Sapphire groaned. "Yellow Diamond is more militaristic. She commands the majority of Homeworld's military force, and is not afraid to show off her power and anger."
"Blue….Blue by comparison could be seen as better…but that's only by those who haven't seen her up close." Ruby growled. "Cold is the simplest way to describe her. Cold, demanding, and draining, like a parasite."
"Okay …" Definitely not a nice person. "And … did you quit after a while or …"
"No … I used to be her Sapphire." The blue gem explained. "A noble gem that could see a single path into the future … guarded by three Rubies."
"Oh, so it's like a nurse patient relationship!" She gleamed.
"Not exactly." Ruby laughed hesitantly. "My squad was pretty rowdy back then, and as the leader I had to be more serious than the others. I saw Sapphire as something grand and beautiful, but only on a professional level."
"She was the Ruby that starred the most intently at me. I think it was a little more than professional." Sapphire chuckled as the red gem blushed. "At the beginning of Roses Rebellion, Blue diamond, concerned about Pink's Colony, asked for my clarity on the matter with my future vision. I had foresaw Rose and Pearl making an attempt on Blue, and explained that they would be caught shortly, but not before I would be poofed in the skirmish."
"And I thought that was stupid, so I heroically pushed her out of the way." Ruby smiled. "And that … led to our first fusion."
"Aww, you saved her with your love." She cooed.
"It wasn't love, not yet anyways." Sapphire corrected. "But it was something entirely new. As we formed garnet for the first time, we were a mishmash of colors and questions, all jumbled and confused."
"And then Rose and Pearl got away while we were shunned and ostracized for fusing outside of our gem types." Ruby went on. "I tried to take the fall, but …"
"I thought that was stupid, so I heroically dragged her off the floating arena, where we both fell to the earth forest below." Sapphire smirked. "Neither of us understood what made us do what we did. All we knew then was that we were traitors to our world, and had nowhere to go, except roaming what we thought was a doomed planet together."
"So your first steps on earth were together?" Vee asked with a bright smile.
"Yep. I started a couple of fires out of frustrated confusion, and Sapphy froze so many things over an existential confusion." Ruby admitted. "It was a lot of questions we had about what we did, why we did it … and what we saw each other as." They blushed.
"It took a week for is to understand that the feeling we had…fusing together…that it was a feeling we liked, and we wanted to do it again."' Sapphire continued. "So we did…we still kept stumbling and struggled to gain our balance, but we managed to keep moving, and it wasn't long before we ran into Rose again."
"They said we were the answer … and that our fusion wasn't wrong." Ruby said. "So we trusted and followed her … the only good that came out of that was the earth being safe, apparently." She turned with wide eyes. "And you of course, you couldn't live here and if there was no earth."
"Yea…and you two chose to stick around and love each other because of her." Vee pointed out. "And I got to live with the universe's greatest mom. So the pros definitely outweigh the cons here."
"I suppose they do…anyways, from there we simply … decided to stay together …" Sapphire blushed. "It's … nice, being Garnet."
"There's never a dull moment, never a dull thought. It's just….serene." Ruby sighed dreamily. "You're always aware of someone that loves you, and they'll always be by your side."
"It sounds so lovely…." So ideal, far from how her own love life was going. "You two…Garnet said you weren't experts on love, but you're experienced in it at least, right? Have you ever helped other gems with their love life?"
"Sometimes." Ruby shrugged. "We always said if your in love with someone, fuse with them and see how it goes." … From the way Lapis described it, that was essentially telling someone to marry and see how it goes.
"But what if…what if you're in love with more than one person?" Vee asked. "What if you want both in your life…but the other two don't see eye to eye with each other."
"Then you should let them talk it out with each other." Sapphire said. "There's nothing else you can do. Forcing a relationship isn't going to fix it."
"I guess that makes sense…but what if.."
"If you lock them in a closet and force them to talk about their feelings, there's a ninety percent chance they leave it hating each other beyond repair."
"…and the other ten percent…"
"They fall in love with each other and break up with you because of the guilt of not knowing if they can equal it out to three parties." Sapphire concluded.
"... Definitely not so good …" That was a bummer. "So … anything else?"
"If you're up for it … we'd like to hear your story." Ruby said, sitting down and gazing at Vee intently. "You know … before you met us."
"Oh….I guess that's only fair." Vee nodded. "Just know it isn't a happy one…and I rather not let Amethyst know just yet." She would've included Pearl, but the pale gem wasn't exactly keen on learning about her anyhow.
"That's fair … know that no matter what we hear, we won't do anything but accept you for the wonder you are." Sapphire assured her.
"Thanks…anyways it all started when I woke up for the first time in my life sixteen years ago. I woke up…in a cage…."
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Boscha hummed to herself as she mixed in the ingredients flawlessly. There was cake to be made, and there was no way she was going to pass up making something special for her crystal. "A pinch of sugar, a jarful of bleach, a dash of blueberry, and three caps of clorox each. And finish it all with just a hint of honey, to fill the days all bright and sunny." She mumbled the words. " Love can be give or take, so I'll give my crystal a lovely cake." She may give theater a try once she was back in the Boiling isles. "Alright, now it's all set for the oven."
"Is … is she trying to kill us all?" Ms Noceda asked with a freaked out expression.
"Yeah …" Luz trailed off. "We're not entirely sure if Lucci can be killed through his stomach …"
"Not to worry, I figured this would be the case, so I started making another cake for the rest of us to have…you know…because we like having our intestines intact." Amity said, holding up their own mixing bowl.
"Oh my cooking is fantastic. It's not my fault he's the only one good enough to keep up with it." Boscha rolled her eyes. "So are human birthdays any different from Boiling Isles ones?"
"I … dunno." Luz looked surprised. "I spent six months in the Boiling Isles and never once went to a birthday party." She turned to Amity and Willow. "And I only got a glimpse of what one was like from Lucci's memories. Anything you guys do special on birthdays?"
"Usually we theme it around our preferred use of magic." Amity explained first. "So obviously mine were usually abomination themed and Willows were plant themed. Other than that, I wouldn't know. Dad dressed up an abomination as a clown while he worked, the twins gave me gag gifts that threw garbage at my face, and mom just gave me her business card every year."
"Then … we should style the cake like Lucci's favorite magic?" Ms Noceda asked.
"That would be Bard magic, and it's a bit of a touchy subject." Boscha winced. "He can play music just fine, he just gets bummed out about the fact he can't use it to affect the world anymore."
"On the one hand, it great that we don't have to go through twenty gorenadoes whenever he feels like playing, but on the other hand, that would've been useful against Belos." Willow shrugged. "The trade off is a mixed bag."
"So … how are we theming this then?" Luz asked. "I feel owls would just make him homesick."
"We can make it a pirate robbery theme." Amity suggested. "Sense of adventure that celebrates both criminal activity and freedom."
"Ooh, I can get him a pirate hat and eyepatch." The human grinned. "Combine it with my sword and he'll be swashbuckling in no time!"
"Luz, Lucci has the power to break mountains when he feels pissed at his sperm donor, which is pretty much every day. Do you really want to arm him with a sword that can cut through anything?" Willow questioned.
"... I mean it's not like they're just selling extra swords off the street … I mean I guess I could give him my old Azura blade."
"As long as you promise to not use it to cut your hair, I'll allow you to take it out of storage." Mrs. Noceda chuckled.
"Hah." Boscha chuckled as she continued to watch the cake in the oven.
"So if I'm getting this right … one cake for Lucci, and two more cakes for everyone else, with one specifically for Vee's party." Ms Noceda said as she looked over the colored frostings.
"Yes, sorry to throw something like this at you last minute Mom, it kind of got sprung out of nowhere." Luz chuckled.
"No need to apologize. Anything that helps you kids be happy and not focus on this Belos perra is alright by me." The woman smiled, making Luz laugh. Must've been an inside joke.
"We've got at least a week before we need to focus on him again." Willow said. "So pirate theme for Lucci … did Amethyst or Garnet give us a theme for Vee?"
"They have a royalty theme every year. Dress her up in a crown and robe for the past ten years." Amity answered.
"Treasure room cake it is." They went on. "Hey Ms Noceda, could you pass the sugar?"
"Sure thing Sweetie." The woman walked over out of the corner of Boscha's eye, before stumbling for a moment.
"Whoa, mom, careful, watch your step." Luz caught her before she could fall.
"Thanks mija….whoa you've gotten pretty strong to be lifting me up." Ms. Noceda chuckled a bit weirdly. "To think I was doing the same to your father when I was your age."
"Mom, are you okay? You look tired." The human girl looked over her parents with concern.
"I assure you it's fine, it's just..just the heat I guess…" Mrs. Noceda snickered. "Maybe I'm just feeling a bit light headed since breaking things off with Greg. That was weighing me down more than I thought."
"We keep offering to stop the problem permanently." Amity shrugged. "I'm already a criminal, no point in not adding a few extra charges."
"No vigilante acts unless you have no other choice, that's the rule under this house."
"Huh, well that's better than not attacking people at all." Boscha admitted.
"Circumstances have made me…re-evaluate the situation with more perspective." Mrs. Noceda sighed, yawning. "I really just need little time to recuperate, that's all. I'll be fine."
"Okay…if you say so." Luz said as the human woman walked out of the room. "…is that how you two feel when I'm lying through my teeth and repressing everything?"
"No, not at all." Amity shook her head.
"Really?" Willow asked with a bit of bafflement.
"Yeah, she makes it believable." Amity stated. "Luz, you are beyond obvious, not an insult, it's just a fact. If I didn't know you, I wouldn't know what signs to look for on your mom."
"Well, what's wrong with her then?" The girl countered. "I'm used to hiding my feeling from her, not the other way around. What if she's behind rent already l? What if she took up extra hours and has been hiding it from me? What if she's already dating someone else that's worse than Lucci's sperm donor!?"
"Maybe she killed Mr. Universe already." Boscha suggested. "Misplace guilty conscience, it happens to all first timers."
"If she did, Lucci would be skipping over the moon." Willow stated the obvious. "Maybe she caught something from one of us like Luz did with the Common Mold."
"Oh, I hope not. The world is still reeling from Covid, we don't need another pandemic." The human shuddered.
" Another what now? " Every witch questioned.
"It's a long story we shouldn't get into." They sighed. "... Hey Boscha, the cake's on fire."
"Crystal likes it well done." Blue flames meant she added enough bleach.
"You need to get it out before it destroys the oven!"
"Oh come on, your oven doesn't even have a knob for anything other than five hundred, how else am I supposed to cook it at seven!?" She asked. Another reason the human world sucked.
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"And may you be bleed on by nothing but joy!" Willow finished singinging with the rest of the witches. While she had celebrated many birthdays before, the only guests she had were her parents and Gus. This was the first birthday in years where she spent it with a sizable group, as well as the first one all of Law was in attendance for.
"Aww, you guys are the best." Lucci gave them a warm smile, blowing out the candles on the cake Boscha made, which almost gurgled something along the lines of 'agony'.
"…Do none of you find this the least bit disturbing!?" Pearl exclaimed.
"The Cake, yes." Amity admitted. "The song is actually pretty nice in my opinion."
"My little sweet potato has an excellent singing voice." Luz pecked the girl on the cheek.
"So the part about ripping apart entrails you consider nice?" Vee winced.
"It's a symbolic thing. You reach down, rip apart a few guts, and resemble them into something better to symbolize a new fresh start." Gus explained
"When your entire island comes from a giant corpse, death has a really strange notion on the place." Hunter shrugged.
"…Luz…you've been living on a giant carcass for five months?" Luz's mom, still looking tired, asked with a shaky smile.
"It's…nicer than it sounds." Luz tried to defend.
"I'm more surprised that with such violently different cultures, somehow cake and blowing out candles stayed the same." Connie said, looking at the two birthday children.
"Some things are just meant to be universal I guess." Vee smiled, blowing out her own candles. "You know..it feels nice to have my birthday as myself for once… not saying being Steven wasn't me..but…not having to hide anything now or shift my body…it makes me feel lighter."
"Always be true to yourself Vee, it just feels right in the end." Lucci smiled, patting the girl. "You know, I may not like this world and the threats just keep on being more annoying than the last, but if I'm going to be stuck in hell, I'm glad it's at least with the next people to be stuck with."
"Me too Crystal." Boscha leaned over and kissed the boy.
"It's always great sticking around for moments like these." Masha said, looking them over. "I've gotta say, after today … I can't believe that every single witch portrayal was wrong. From the nice witches to the evil witches."
"The only real evil witches are devoted fanatics and extremists. Anyone else is just a petty scammer at best." Willow shrugged.
"I think Wanda Maximof got it close, but she doesn't really have the cultural aspect of witches." Connie thought aloud.
"I relate more to Raven personally." Lucci spoke up. "Emotion Powers, found family, and a shitty sperm donor."
"Said culture appalls me more and more." Pearl grumbled.
"Lets move on!" Willow said before Lucci could punch away the pale gem. "Presents … was a little strapped for time on short notice, but I think you'll like them." She handed the two of them potted plants.
"Oh … it's …" Lucci looked at his in confusion.
"A fly trap. Sickly sweet smell draws in flies, chomps them up." She scratched its jaw as it leaned into. "It's the only plant I found on earth that had more sentience over sapience. And they're such lovely little gals, aren't you? Yes you are." The flowers purred at her touch. "Be good for mama and annihilate all your enemies."
"Draw them in and take them out … an earth plant I can get behind." The boy grinned.
"And this pink flower is really pretty." Vee smiled at hers with sparkly eyes.
"Pink flowers typically represent happiness and gentleness, so I thought it would be a nice fit for you." Willow smiled. "Who's next?"
"Guess that's my cue." Amity showed up next with her own boxes. "This is the first time I've been to a birthday that wasn't part of my parents' need to rub shoulders with other kids' parents, and the first birthday in a long while we've spent together as law…so I went for something a little more personal."
Lucci opened his box and of it came a plague, spelling out law in big bold and colorful letters. "Is this.."
"I made it out of the leftover scraps you used for your meep morps to make some of my own." Amity chuckled. "I'm not as handy at working with metal like my dad.."
"It's perfect Amity. Far better than any of his abominatrons." He smiled, hugging the girl. "Thank you."
"Anytime Lucci." She patted his back. "It's just what friends do."
"Aw, friendship. The greatest gift of all." Vee cooed in all.
"Oh, so I can just save this for later than?" Amity teased, lightly pulling back the box.
"No, please, I still want it." Vee chuckled, accepting it, opening it up to be what some might call a stick figure statue of her basilisk form. "Wow … you're a pretty good artist." They said honestly.
"No one's better than my Sweet Potato in abominations." Luz hugged the girl from the side. "Okay, here's my two contributions."
Vee opened up her present. "Oh, a cute little ribbon." The girl smiled.
"Yeah, short notice, sorry." She apologized. "Both of them are just hand me downs."
"Hey it's cool, I really think it's cute." The girl put it in her hair.
"I don't exactly know if you're my size …" Lucci muttered, before pulling out a sword. "…You had your own sword before?"
"Mom made me retire it after I used it to cut my hair. Let's just say even before the Boiling Isles, wise decisions weren't my forte." Luz chuckled. "I know you're more of a brawler, but you gave me one, so now you have one of your own. We can be sword buddies now!"
"I'm sure I'll figure out a good use for it in the future with all the chaos we have going on." He smiled, placing the object inside of Spice.
"... Did that lion just eat a sword with its neck?" Luz's mom questioned.
"Magic lion from his womb donor." Gus explained. "So, since I know you're both fans of human media, I acquired some human vhs's for each of you." Gus handed over the boxes. "For Vee, the complete collection of crying breakfast friends, from the original short live 2000s series to the new still on going current series."
"Even the lost to time special?" She asked with wide sparkly eyes.
"Almost lost a kidney trying to nab that one. The fan base is surprisingly more brutal and spiteful than I thought it would be." Gus shuddered. "For Lucci, a Warner Brothers nineteen seventy to two thousand collection."
"All the movies and tv specials?"
"The complicated movies, the cheesy live action-animation movies, even the controversial reboots where they tried to modernize the concept to varying results."
"Gus, this is awesome!" Lucci grinned, hugging the guy along with Vee. "You really put in the effort on short notice."
"What can I say? My years of research of the human realm has given me the edge over the situation." Gus smirked snuggly at the rest of them. "Not to brag or sound boastful…but in y'all faces!" Willow would allow this, the boy's self confidence could use a boost.
"My turn." Hunter walked forward. "For Lucci, a can of an earth delicacy, for your love of food."
"Wow Hunter." Lucci smiled at the can of 'peanut brittle'. "And here I thought you'd just skip out on-" The moment he opened it, multiple plastic snakes jumped out of the can. "….really?"
"You knew this would happen one of these days, that's on you for not seeing it sooner." The scarred boy snickered. "For Vee I got an actual gift." He handed her a wrapped box. "As per human tradition."
"Thanks." Vee smiled as she opened it, revealing a rather crudely stitched together shirt that had a wolf riding on top of a rocket. "This is adorable." She smiled, putting it on over her own clothes. "How do I look?"
"Like a million bucks." Masha giggled, getting in close. "My gifts are also pretty personal, and better done in private… if you know what I mean." The basilisk immediately squeaked along with a subtle noise of yelping. "As for Lucci … a book of random magics from across the globe." She tossed it over. "Figure at least one of them is bound to be an inspiration."
"Wait, they just make books of these and no one does anything with them!?" Lucci immediately grabbed the book.
"I said it was random, I didn't say they worked." Masha said. "Lot of them are pulled from different folktales and religious beliefs, from wicka, to satanism, to the spaghetti monster from the ninth dimension."
"If there's any bit of truth to this, it could be the key to getting us home." Lucci turned to Luz. "You could stu-"
"How about my present now?" Pearl said, placing a box on top of the book.
"..." The boy opened up the box. "Oh my … an ornament of gems … how nice." He muttered. "And for Vee?"
"What about her?" The tall gem asked, before she was encased in a giant pink bubble.
"Anyone else feel like punting her away? I don't really feel like giving the effort." Lucci groaned.
"It would be my pleasure." Lapis snickered, summoning water and lifting the bubbled pearl in the sky. "Didn't get Lucci a gift, but here's something for Vee." She handed the girl a handheld mirror. "Just like when we met."
"Awww, thanks. Just hope there's no other trapped souls stuck in here." Vee laughed at her own joke.
"I specifically went out of my way to make sure there would be none. The only exception I would've made would be to Jasper or Peridot, letting them rot in the hell I felt for six thousand years and laugh in their faces every day." … Sometimes Willow forgot how scary this gem was.
"For my favorite sis." Amethyst placed a cooler down, opening it up slowly and dramatically. "Saved it for when it closed down … one … last … cookie cat."
"…the holiest of holy treasures…I have gazed upon Eden itself…and the sight is glorious." Vee gasped in awe.
"For Lucci, a hundred dollar gift card on Lion Lickers."
"Hooray! One of the few grand achievements of humanity." Lucci happily swiped the card.
"This is why no one wants to eat your cake." Connie deadpanned. "But regardless, I got you a present too Lucci." She handed him a box which contained a book. "A read in classic mythologies. They're basically what mankind made before comic books and superheroes."
"I find that the older something is the less politically charged it is, so there's a decent chance I'll actually like this." Wow, so much improvement. Willow assumed he hated her so much that he'd just rip apart whatever gift Connie gave him.
"And for Vee …" Connie gave the box, which was opened up in a heartbeat.
"... A glow ring?" She asked with wide eyes.
"Just like when we met." The human blushed. "You changed my life forever Vee. And I hope to always be a part of it." These two were adorable.
"Well, no use in letting the cake go stale, let's dig in." Boscha sliced up a piece of Lucci's. "Oh crystal, why don't you meet me up in the barn? There's a.. personal gift I want to show you." Gross, they already had one horny teen here, don't add to the pile.
"Okay … that alright with you guys?" Lucci asked.
"... How is he the oblivious birthday child?" Willow questioned.
=======================================================================
Greg burped as he stumbled home. "Fuck it … fuck it all …" No kid, no girl, no refund on that motel room. "Fuck you universe." He slurred, not sure if he was saying that more to the world or himself.
He had it all, he had a chance, a fucking chance to make everything go right for once in his life. His kid came back, his real, blood kid. He met someone kind, a sweet woman that understood how much life took a shit on you, someone who wouldn't die by giving everything up for some ungrateful brat.
Then they snapped, went full on ballistic and threatened him, and ruined EVERYTHING again all for some petty reason. An ungrateful child who treats nothing with respect, destroying and ruining his life even worse than that imposter!
And then she left … when he needed her Camila LEFT. He gave her the time and space she wanted, and tried to suggest something small after a month. Greg just wanted a time, a month, five, he could have waited. But no, he needed to be dumped. So what if he drank, so what if he didn't have money, or a house!? He was there for her! He gave her an outlet when her life was becoming a wreck. But noo, instead of being thanked or rewarded for being there, he was rejected and outcasted like a piece of junk!
The world gave him something great, but like always it fucked him over. Screw that bitch, screw that little bastard, and screw this whole fucking town! He stayed her for Rose, and she gave her life for some whiney kid who never did anything right for the world. All he had left to his name was a shitty van, a shitty job, and a shitty leg that never healed right because that imposter brat fucked him up and he couldn't afford the hospital!
What the heck did he even have to live for now? There was nothing in his life that he was happy with, and the taste of alcohol was making him feel sick rather than numbing his pain. "Fucking hell …" It just sucked worse and worse every moment of every day …
He tripped over a rock, falling into some mud. Great, just add to his suffering why don't you. Greg let out a sigh, pulling himself up and wiping the muck off his face. Sticky little shit, stuff didn't want to get off.
"You seem like a pitiable man no one will miss. Don't struggle and it'll be less painful."
Greg paused, looking down at his bottle. "How many of these did I drink?"
"Far too many, it's going to take a good minute to clear your intoxicants from your body, but I'm a bit desperate now, so you'll have to do.
Something fell off inside of his stomach. "Gaahh … pain." So much pain.
" At least you're compliant. Your will is so shot to pieces it's hardly a challenge to take over. You truly are the bottom of society, are you?"They condescendingly asked. "Oh … a hatred for your son … would you like to make him pay for everything he's done to you?"
"Yesss…" He growled, grittier his teeth as the pain he felt in his stomach began to tear through the rest of his body.
Do you want to make something of your life, show up everyone that's ever shunned you, prove to them you're not one to be trifled with?
"Yes …. Yes I do." Greg groaned as he felt his bones crack and reform just a bit.
"And do you want to see those vile gems that ruined your life crushed to dust, and that lying snake gasp her very last breath for all the sins she's committed?"
He does, he wants them to all suffer and beg for mercy. Ruin them like they ruined him!
Then let us show them all … what a real leader looks like.
"A perfect plan, Belos." Two more voices spoke up inside his head.
"What, who's-" Don't mind them. Think of them, as well as me as helpful tools to getting what you want…revenge. Well, that was a bit ominous, but at this point in his life, he had nothing left to lose. Good boy. Now first things first. More than anything right now, you need power. And the best way to do that, is with a suit … and a message. Is the suit necessary? Can't a tux shirt work? From what I saw in Jacob's old memories and your own, you need all the wardrobe adjustment you can get. And a shower . And a shave. And anything that gets rid of that ridiculous sun tan.Okay, the tan stayed, it took years to cultivate that! Talk like that to me again and I destroy whatever's left of your damaged liver.
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Masha took a bite of cake as she sat with everyone. "So Queen Vee, how's the double party?"
"It's-it's totally great." Vee answered with a blush. It was great that they could act upon their feelings beyond simple teasing and flirting. The fact that it got Connie riled up was a bit of a treat. Masha just had to soften her up a bit. Then they could enact every polygamous fantasy Masha's ever had. Vee's shapeshifting opened up a lot of opportunities.
"Glad to hear it Vee." Garnet spoke, ruffling the girl's hair. "I'd say 'all hail the empress', but I feel the current company wouldn't support that."
"It's a pirate's life for me!" Gus shouted, swinging from a rope. "Down with the monarchy! Eat the rich!"
"We definitely chose right with that theme." Luz chuckled as she bit into some cake. "Maybe next year we can take a boat out on the boiling sea and have a true high seas adventure party."
"You know what, we have an entire world to explore, I'd be down for that." Lucci agreed. "Could you guys imagine it? Going in a straight line and ending up back in our own place … a round world."
"I know, it threw me off my game too when I came to earth." Vee nodded. "But you'd want to see more of this world?"
"I mean, we're stuck here,and I'd rather be home, but when we finally fix the portal and can make trips back and forth, a worldwide trip would be something I wouldn't mind." Lucci shrugged.
"Nope. Gus and Amity can have their human world fun. I'm staying in the demon realm with my Crystal." Boscha shook her head. "The only thing I'll be taking back with me is cancel culture and pizza. That's the limit I can tolerate."
"Of course." Willow nodded with a smirk as she took a bite of her food. "I know you'd love to bring back a slice of Kiki Pizza."
"Watch it half a witch! That's Cherry's deal, not mine!"
"Don't be too hard on her. From what I heard Kiki's willing to share a slice with Lucci too." Amity snickered.
"I am content with loving just my Angel, don't make me think about trying to share that love with someone else." Lucci groaned.
"But didn't you like both Blight twins at one point?" Luz asked.
"And look how that turned out." The boy countered. "Polygamy is just not my thing."
"It's cool. If that's how you feel, then fine. Poly relationships are always stressful to understand at first." Masha said, leaning on Connie. "Isn't that right?"
"Don't push it, Masha." Connie groaned, turning away.
"This was actually a really nice day overall." Hunter said as he munched down on his plate of cake. "Cake tastes a little funky though."
"…Ah; Hunter; isn't that a piece of Lucci's cake?" Luz asked.
"Yeah, why— bleeeeeeeeeegfgfffffggggggh!"The boy began hurling his guts out.
"Sacrificed a whole slice of my cake for that, totally worth it!" Lucci cackled hysterically on the ground.
"Is he going to live!?" Willow shouted.
"Don't worry, I put a bit of my spit inside, it should even out … probably." The witch boy shrugged. "As far as birthdays go, this goes somewhere in the top ten. Still prefer the day I was adopted though."
"Doesn't everyone?" Vee asked.
"True …" He nodded, looking up at the sky. "... The heck kinda bird is that?" He asked, pointing at a speck in the distance that was getting closer.
"Huh, a byplane." Connie stated as she looked up. "Don't see too many of those around….kind of weird it's coming so close."
"I've got it." Lapis pulled out a spear of water. "Lets try to see if I can hit the engine from here …"
"Lapis!" Connie, Vee, and Garnet shouted.
"What, they're trespassing. That's self defense. A legal method for murder." Lapis justified.
"Yeah, but your method is wrong." Lucci chided.
"Really?" Connie asked skeptically. "Is that really wrong?"
"Yeah … first you have to figure out if they're an enemy or someone passing by, then you murder them." Kinda of a shame this kid wasn't into polygamy. They'd love to bring him in, and Boscha's three eyes did hit the right marks. Although given the way Connie and Vee stared at him with disappointment, it was never going to work.
They watched as the plane came closer and closer, rolling on the ground and going into the barn, where a big loud crash could be heard.
"What the, who put all this scrap metal here!?" An older, raspy voice shouted from what was probably a now crashed plane.
"That … would be us." Masha raised her hand as Vee shifted into a new form. "Hey there."
"... YOU HIPPIES GET OFF MY PROPERTY!" The voice shouted, as a man came crawling from the broken plane. "This barn belongs to the Demayo family!"
"... I'm just gonna …" Lucci grabbed the cake and a few presents. "Take these back home before I start feeling homicidal."
"Wow; improvement." Luz noted. "Normally he'd go straight to beheading."
"Not the first time I've had to restrain myself, just be lucky I got to beat up my sperm donor earlier this week." Masha found quite the group to hang around with. They've never been happier with their weird life.