On my way to work today, a woman approached me.
Her hair was short and dirty, her clothes unkept.
She had every sign of being homeless and strung out on some drug or another.
She walked about from person to person before she locked eyes with me.
I keep music on in my headphones to block out the bustle of the world until I need to hear something or someone, you know?
As she approached, I subtly tapped the earpiece in my right ear, pausing my song so that I could listen and respond when necessary.
In her outstretched hand was a tiny pile of change.
Nickels and dimes and pennies mostly.
She asked me if I could spare something so that she could get something to eat.
I told her that I don't carry cash -a fun fact about me- and she muttered something before turning to walk away before I could reach for the lunch that I had in my bag and offer it to her.
She turned to me a spoke.
Her veil of hunger gone.
"For crack...It's for crack. I did get off of it, but I relapsed real, real bad, and now I'm back to it..."
Before she could say more, my head hung low, heavy with sadness.
That hurt me.
I hate that I couldn't do something more for her.
She didn't want the food, but at least she was honest about her intentions.
I don't know what she felt the need to tell me that, but man...people have a habit of just saying things to me, and it can be very...jarring, you know?
A gift and a curse to be so...approachable?
Yet I am still very single lol.
Bah...
I hope she is okay, wherever she got off to.
I looked up not too long into my own musing, and just as her mumbled rambling had faded, she was gone.
I don't know what it all means.
It may just have been another random vent of my life, you know?
Hmm.
What can we make of all of this in the end, when it comes our turn to leave?
All of these little events.
Random happenings.
To be human is weird.
I will see you all back here soon enough.
Thank you for listening to that.
Enjoy.
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July 29th, 2013.
Journal #063.
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She stopped by today.
Man, I am tired...
We joked, hung out, relaxed, talked.
It's always good to see her.
Always...
This year is nearly over.
Where did it go?
Time flies, huh?
So tired.
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I can't say that I recall why I was so tired, but it probably had to do with working for the Boys & Girls Club lol. I was with them for quite some time, and a huge part of me really misses those days and that line of work.
-My Gothic crush lol. I was falling more and more in love with her with each and every link and hangout session. I knew that she had a man, and I didn't care.
I wanted her.
I wanted to be her man.
Her last man.
I was super invested emotionally, and it got to the point where I would let her walk all over me if it meant her attention was coming my way.
Sheesh.
Don't fall so deeply in love with someone that you lose all of who you are, you know?
It is really hard to get out of that hole and find out/relearn who you are as a person after all of the fires have been put out.
-It was JULY lol. Yeah, the year was halfway gone, but "nearly over" is a stretch lol.
The time always seemed to slow down locally when I was with her, even though I would blink and she would have to be on her way.
She still had a whole significant other, you know?
I was torturing myself, but those little moments that I did get with her meant the world to me back then.
A few of those memories are still some of my fondest, yet sharpest shards...
Pardon the gap between these posts, folks, Fox & Faux has been taking my attention lol as well as the O.L.K. side story: Leafaria.
Go give them a read if you are into poetry (Fox & Faux) or fiction fantasy, high magic, war-orphan stories, lbvs (Leafaria: A One Last Knight Side Story).
I love you all for 51.76K English views and an additional 24.66K in Spanish!
I will see you all back here soon, yeah?
Safe travels out in this wild, wide world of ours.
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.