Satoru coughed...again. His chest hurt each time he coughed, each one less than the other.
The nurses had said it's because of fast recovery.
Satoru turned to look out of the window, only to wince as he stretched a muscle he shouldn't have.
'Fast recovery my ass. More like getting used to suffering...'
Even if he didn't move, his body faintly pulsed with pain. The tight grip of Hiruzen on his broken leg had left behind pain that kept him awake at night.
The antiseptic smell of the medicines became his everyday routine for the past week. The nurses would come and go, trying their best to avoid looking at him.
Did the wounds scare them...or did he?
Shinichi was taking a nap at one of the chairs, a cough which was unusually loud had woken him up.
He stood up and silently walked across the room, as if a loud sound would break the delicate balance Satoru was settling into.
He slowly closed the curtains, darkening the room. The darkness wasn't blinding, but, just comfortable enough to fall asleep.
"I wanted to see the sunset." Satoru said, looking at Shinichi-sensei, who sat beside him.
Shinichi took the blanket and covered Satoru with it.
Satoru looked at dark circles under his eyes, that nap contributed nothing to the insomnia he was suffering from for the past two days.
Shinichi noticed Satoru was looking at him for an awkwardly long amount of time.
"What?"
"You need sleep more than I do." Satoru said, still staring at his eye circles.
"It's not caused by lack of sleep..." Shinichi lightly rubbed the dark circles under his eyes.
"What else causes dark circles?" Satoru asked.
"Hey...when you killed the man...was there a point where you thought, maybe, just maybe...you could stop? Not hurt him...or at least not kill him?" Shinichi asked suddenly.
Satoru was taken aback, his eyes widened for a second, before answering.
"Sensei...back then, you used always keep your mouth occupied with chewing gum or something else, right? That was your way off keeping away your smoking habit."
Shinichi didn't understand the question at first, but then realization quickly dawned on him.
"Yeah. After a brother of mine died...I couldn't stop myself. I smoked all the time to the point that I reeked of cigarettes. It was the only memory of him I had left...his cigarettes. I desperately wanted to quit smoking but I felt like one day I would drop dead from the smoke in my lungs."
Shinichi quietly glanced at Mitsuki who was taking a nap at another chair.
"When I was killing him." He looked at his palm, closed as if he was holding a kunai. "I don't know if I could stop myself...but I sure as hell, didn't want to.
I dont know how to explain...but each time I try to stop, it just came back stronger to the point it's all I can think of."
Satoru answer made Shinchi frown, he couldn't sense any deception in his words. Satoru truly meant what he said. It's an addiction he doesn't want to quit...and maybe can't.
"I see..." Shinichi said quietly as if talking to himself.
He stood up before pacing across the room, his hands were clenched and his breath was uneven. He glanced at Satoru, who was puzzled.
He turned away to gather his thoughts, his fingers threatened to dig into his palm, before a soft touch calmed him.
"Tell him. He'll understand you." Mitsuki said, her voice still had the lazy tone from just waking up.
"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry if I did..." Shinichi quickly said, his figure quickly relaxed from her touch.
"No, I pretty much was eavesdropping on you both." She said, her eyes never leaving Satoru.
Shinichi turned to face Satoru, his hand reached into his pocket and took out a locket.
"I...had a brother, someone who I looked up to." He opened the locket and showed Satoru an old yellowed photo of two boys.
It was Shinichi with an older boy, they both looked to be in their teens. They were wearing...ROOT anbu armor. The older one was flaunting his bloody sword to the camera.
"I've seen that before..." Satoru said, recognizing the armor.
"Kosuke and I did so many missions together, that we knew everything about each other." Shinichi's eyes softened as he remembered his late brother-in-arms.
"When was that photo taken?" Satoru asked
"During the beginning of first great ninja war." He chuckled "In fact, lord second was standing behind the camera with the photographer!"
There was no happiness behind that chuckle.
"Was it normal to pose like that?"
"That was our first mission together as a two man cell. We were so happy to show our kill to lord second. Kosuke insisted that we take a photo to keep as a trophy..."
"A trophy?"
"Each time Kosuke killed someone on a mission...he took a photo. He enjoyed it, he wanted to remember it. He looked at those photos of his whenever he was not on a mission."
Satoru's mind wandered to the bloody tissue paper he kept as a trophy. Shinichi recognized that look.
"Yes. Just like your tissue paper, Satoru."
Satoru's eyes widened as he stared at Shinichi.
"Don't worry, we destroyed it." Mitsuki said, making a cup of coffee, her back was facing him.
"He was a lot like you. He couldn't stop and maybe he didn't want to. I...had to deal with him."
"...I had to..." Shinichi said softly, but it sounded more like self justification.
He watched Satoru continue to look at the photo with suspiciously high amount of interest.
'He will kill again...and it won't be the last. It will happen again and again.' He hesitated as his thoughts took a dark turn. 'And there is no way to stop him except to kill him.'
Shinichi took back the locket and placed it back into his pocket.
"You are not planning to stop anytime, are you?" Shinichi asked, eyeing Satoru with resolve.
Deep down Satoru felt like the answer will decide his future. He chose the truth. There was no point in lying.
"Yes."
"Not alone, you're not."
Mitsuki's eyes narrowed hearing that.
"What? What do you mean alone?" Satoru asked expecting a condemnation, not a curveball like this.
"The next time you kill..." He took a deep breath "...you won't act alone." Shinichi said, as if it was a statement.
"I'll decide who you kill, when you kill and most importantly, why you kill!"
He couldnt believe Shinichi's words. Why isn't he told to stop? Why is he telling him that he can.
He turned to see Mitsuki sensei and saw that she agreed with it too.
She believed what Shinichi said was the correct choice to make, but even she was taken aback by his suddenness.
'Why aren't you stopping me? The hokage will kill you if I do...when I do. Why...are you allowing me to kill?'
"Think about it deeply by the time we return. We'll see tomorrow." Mitsuki said, opening the door to leave.
"Don't be scared Satoru...even though it may seem scary." Shinichi dropped to one knee to see Satoru at eye level. "I am here...and I'm not leaving you alone in this mess."
He stepped back before walking towards the door, he took one last glance at Satoru before closing the door behind him.