"Thank you, Iruka-Sensi." I give a small bow before taking the pages of paper and moving to the back of the room.
"Ah, now I feel old." He scratches behind his head. "If you have any problems, I will be in the next room, Shima-san."
"It wouldn't be a very good test if I relied on you to help, would it Sensei?" I half tease. "But I will let you know when I am finished."
A few moments later and I'm alone, or as alone as I can be with Renamon still in storage.
She lightly snorts.
Page one, Shinobi rules. Funny that ninja even have rules, or am I thinking of assassins? 'Nothing is sacred, everything is permitted.' Then again, there's probably a lot of overlap.
Rule one, never leave comrades behind. Yes, I know that rule one is probably 'complete the mission', but this is the Konoha, and Kakashi's words of 'worse than trash'- Actually, was it Kakashi who said that or Obito and he was quoting him? Oh great, now I'm thinking about Obito.
Rule two, always complete the mission, even in death. I put a little exception there, the first mission is always to protect the village, even when otherwise 'ordered' not to. Rule three, no tears, a Shinobi must always remain composed. Exception being at home, off duty, and with family.
Puppet body, hollow life, but that doesn't mean it had no effect on the world around it.
Seika was very important to them, and that alone... probably derailed canon a little. Good thing I'm not even following it anymore.
I blink.
She's silently laughing at me, isn't she?
Hang signs, this I barely know.
A shot understanding of canon, diluted by fanon, and completely derailed by Grimm, how very reliable my meta-knowledge is.
---
Lunch has just started by the time I finish, and my first flush of embaressment has to be fought down as I realise that this is basically primary school. Kids, all of them, and if I've done good enough, lied well enough, then I'm probably going to be shoved into a class with them.
"Ah! Shima-San." Iruka smiles. "Done already?"
I nod. "I'm sorry I was so quick. There is much I don't know."
"Ah, That was a joke." He apologises, taking the pages. "So long as you did your best then... Hmm."
"I've failed, haven't I?" I fidgit on the spot as he scans through them at high speed, much higher than simply human.
Even this plain looking man could kill me. "No, I am simply surprised at how much you know. This is... senjutsu? you know senjutsu?"
"I know of senjutsu, the use of natural chakra to boost yourself, and that it's apparently very, very dangerous." I bite my lip. "Is that not... Normal?"
"It's a surprise, but then you did live with two shinobi." He nods. "You're clans are severly lacking. Several major ones but almost no minor ones."
"Ah, I'm sorry if I caused offense!" I jitter. "I just put down every name and what I could remember of them."
"No offense, Shima-san, you are here to learn. Nature types is... far more extensive that what is covered here. You have included yin, yang, and none?"
"Zero is a number. Knowing where you start is the best place to move forwards from." Just a little sadness, like I'm remembering what my parents said.
"Almost no one includes untyped as a nature type, but I see no reason to mark that against you." Another page. "Summons, contracts, animal types. History of the Village is spotty but has all the important parts. Almost nothing on the great shiobi wars... but that's understandable. Ranks, mission types, special ranks..." He smiles. "I don't think 'sannin' counts as it's own kind of rank, Shima-san."
"Oh." I mean, I knew that. "But... it's above Jonin, correct?"
"It is..." He chuckles. "But it's more an unoffical title." Another page. "World information is bare at best, you know the other major hidden villages exist but little else about them. Suna is an ally and has puppets, Kumo... Ah, I see you remember that incident."
"I remember the reactions to it. And being disgusted." Steal a pre-teen girl to rape for years, that's fucking disgusting.
He nods. "The enemies of our vill- Oto." He looks up at me. "Seika-san?"
"I am of course wrong. Merely guessing to try get into the academy by filling in the test I have been given." I smile with too many teeth. "And if I was cor-"
Pain. Sudden and shocking. A little folded chakra in the wrong place, intentionally done, to mimic (hopefully) a hidden seal or condition going off. Not enough to make me do anything but stiffen a little or flinch, but enough to set off the ninja's finely honed senses.
"Excuse me, Iruka-Sensei." I force myself too loosen up. "I have been under considerable stress recently. Would it be alright if we continued this conversation after I have had lunch? I would like to-" More pain. "Make friends with some of the other students before I am forced to meet them in class."
"Of coruse." He picks up on the trap. "Konoha takes the mental health of our shinobi very seriously, and I would not want to strain you."
Otogakure. The Rank of Sannin. That's all it takes. Two tiny details and a little hesitant stall. The race is on.
---
Excuse made, and 'mission' clearly laid out, I head for Naruto. Not because my 'misison' requires it, but because of his rivarly with my 'primary objective'.
"What do you want, hag?"
"I want to know why you're sitting out here, alone." I smile. "And why you haven't eaten lunch."
He's on The Swing. The Swing holds great mystical power of screentime stealing and a perpetual sad music playing the background, capable of infesting the minds and memories of those who sit upon The Swing. All the gods in the multiverse leave The Swing alone, for they know to behold it is to be broken by it.
"I ate lunch!" He sits up. "Go away, old hag!"
"Alright." I nod, taking one step back before sitting down and pulling out my lunch boxs, the extra one put down further away from me. "I'll just leave this here then."
"Because it's poisoned." He mutters.
Fuck me. Seriously Konoha? You took a look at the orphaned kid and then gave him spiked food? What they actual fuck is wrong with you? Oh hell, that spoiled milk from early in the series wasn't spoiled because he left it in there too long, but because you... Fuckers.
"Maybe I'll take half from both. The rest, well, it's far too much for me to eat alone."
"Really? Because you look fat, old hag." He narrows his eyes suspiciously at me. "Why are you here?"
"My parents died a few days ago, so I begged the Hokage to let me train to be a ninja. I'm here to learn." That kicks him right in the gut. "They don't let you play with them, do they?"
He's trying not to cry. "No. I don't need them. They're just jealous I'm going to be Hokage one day."
"Then I better do the smart thing and bribe the future hokage now." I smile. "But, unfortunately, I don't have much money." A small, sly look comes across my face. "Do you think the fututre hokage likes rice and eggs?"
Naruto glares at me, trying to work me out, so I stop talking and crack open the lunch boxes before slowly starting to eat. He doesn't leave the infinitely powerful grip of The Swing, not until after I have finished eating and have left, two half full lunch boxes still before him.
Free food is free food.
---
"Hello everyone. I am Shima Seika. It is a pleasure to meet you. I hope you will take care of me." I give a deep bow to the class and take a seat, fighting down the embaressment at being stared at by a bunch of kids.
Anything to get better, to be able to fight the horrors to come. That the Grimm have forced me to take a riskier but better pay off plan... Well, the stakes are the same, but at least I can be sure that if I'm captured and tortured, the Grimm will overrun everything and kill me eventually.
That does mean I have to suffer the whispers of the children however.
---
The school day is over. Iruka 'is concerned about my mental health given my recent loss' and has escorted me to T&I. Torture and Interrogation.
This is the last place I want to be, and it's the best place I can be. A disturbing physical examination, (Why do I have to be nude in front of strangers?) to check for seals, a 'do you know how to break a genjutsu' mini lesson, and then finally an interview asking innocent questions about how I feel about things.
Well, layered questions with double meaning, which I apologise for by repeatedly stating I'm not a shinobi.
It's the sudden violent reaction that scares me. Not an attack, but the Yamanaka's jerk and nosebleed as he runs head first into the [Chaos Response]. Fear doesn't need to be faked as I place myself entirely at the mercy of the ninja 'we found a spy' system.
---
Jesus Christ.
A dozen different ninja all hooked up to a complicated machine that amplifies thier powers and skills, as well as allowing them to work together to enter my mind is definitely an 'arrangement'.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" It's the last thing on my mind.
Renamon might be okay with death, but that's now four lives dead because of me. Two of the mind specialist's heads exploded.
It was nessessary. [Chaos Response] scrambles all prediction and scrying, and if there is one thing that that test reminded me of other than Kabuto's name, it was that Hiruzen has a magic crystal ball to watch people in his village. A ball that almost certainly would not function around me.
I can't afford to go quiet, it's not even an option. I have to go loud.
Head cracking, blood and bone, pink sludge all over the walls kind of loud.
Slowly I reach up in shock where the wet blob of something hit my head. Brain matter stains my once perfectly white hair. I've killed two people to secure a small measure of trust. I've again traded lives for power.
But that's the shinobi way, isn't it?