I was thirteen when my mother, Mella Mariette, the third wife of Arthur Mariette, died due to a chronic illness.
Or that's what everyone else knows about it.
In reality, my mother died way before that, not long after I had my second awakening as a vampire.
I still remember that day clearly. I was standing outside the entrance of my mother's room.
The hallway outside her room was silent except for the faint creak of the door. The door was left half open, and the cold wind from the windows blew through the corridor, brushing against my face and sending my long silver white hair fluttering in the air.
I stood there, unmoving, my usual blank expression frozen on my face. My red eyes stared straight into the room—at the lifeless figure hanging from the ceiling.
My mother's body swayed slightly with the breeze. Her once beautiful eyes were now dull and empty, staring at nothing. Her tongue hung out of her mouth. Her hands dangled loosely by her sides. There was no trace of life left in her body.
She had ended her own life.
At that moment, although I did not grieve, I just stood there quietly, watching. I didn't understand what I was feeling—it wasn't sadness exactly, but a heavy confusion sat deep in my chest.
Why did she die? There were literally no reason for her to do that. But it turned out, the reason for her suicide was me.
My mother's death was kept a secret. Since her cause of death was surely problematic, only the workers inside the palace and a few close relatives knew of it.
For the next few days, I overheard conversations of some of my father's colleagues and maids in the palace.
And it turned out that because I had my second awakening as a vampire, she couldn't take it. The guilt for all the things she had done and made me do for power started taking a toll on her.
According to them, "I made her turn into a monster!" These were her last words before she ran towards her room.
One other thing happened after her death.
Other than fear, people inside the castle even pitied me for some reason.
Every time I walked past them with my usual emotionless face, walking elegantly like a royal child, without giving them any glance or attention, yet I could clearly feel their gazes and hear their whispers around me.
"Poor girl, all she went through because of her cruel mother!" one maid said, hiding her mouth with her palm, her voice full of fake sympathy.
"Yes, eating raw monster meat, bathing in that intoxicating elixir. Just standing there almost made me die," the other maid added swiftly, shivering at the thought.
"You're forgetting about the poisons," the first maid replied back with a pitiful face.
"Yes, she must have hated her mother as well. Now that she is gone, she can be happy!" the third maid at the very back added from behind them, her words meant to be kind but only feeling like noise to me.
"Poor girl, huh?" I sighed slightly to myself, thinking about it. "I wouldn't say I hated my mother!" I thought to myself.
Although I lacked emotions, I knew very well how important power and high status were.
People with strength and wealth sure had way more privileges than many can even dream of.
All she did was for the sake of me surpassing my father and becoming one of the strongest awakened in the entire Kingdom.
And in a way, she achieved that goal. I was powerful, far beyond my years.
But the most confusing thing for me was one question in my mind that I couldn't answer at all.
What am I supposed to do with all this power?
I had no desire to conquer or make a grand name for myself. Neither did my mother ever tell me of any goal. It felt like all this strength was clearly wasted on me.
Just what is my purpose in life?
But, as the years passed by, I finally found my answer!
Esdeath!
Yes! My precious Esdeath. My purpose in life is to protect and adore her, to spoil her rotten with my wealth, authority, and sense of superiority.
To give her whatever she desires, and to make her mind and mine alone.
It's like me hugging her like a divine angel, wrapping my wings around her, protecting her from any difficulty. I wanted to give her a world where she never had to worry about anything ever again.
To start a happy married life with her and give her all the love in the world. That is my purpose in life.
And for that, I just couldn't thank my mother enough. I realized how much she had helped me in the starting stage, making me way stronger than anyone my age.
It gave me the power to do whatever the fuck I want, without caring what others think or do. And because of this, I achieved most of my dream: marrying Esdeath and starting a happy married life with her.
As having more of a husband role in our female-to-female relationship, and being a father figure to my dear daughter Selene, it actually feels good.
It feels good to be dominant in our relationship and take control of Esdeath each time.
Not to forget, after all the chaos in my past, being a family person feels quite peaceful. Everything is going smoothly.
I no longer have to deal with slavery, torturing, other illegal works of the kingdom, and specially wasting my time on eliminating monster hordes. The quiet life is a gift.
Selene, being a mischievous and extroverted child, just can't stay at one place. She's always doing one thing or another, keeping me and Esdeath entertained and on our toes. Her laughter fills our home, a sound I never thought I would cherish so much.
As for my precious adorable wife, Esdeath... well, she's the cutest and one of the kindest persons in the world.
Hmm... why kind?
Well, of course she is. Even after she has me, someone who could give her literally whatever she wants, someone with the power to eliminate an entire Kingdom alone... yet, all she wants is my love, my attention, my affection and nothing else.
If that is not kindness, then what is it?
She is literally sparing all the world from me.
Or that's what I thought. It turns out, our relationship is way more complex than what I thought it to be.
How should I even describe it? It feels like Esdeath is hiding so many things from me.
Although I had my suspicions way long ago, when I first met Esdeath again in the academy, I purposely put hundreds of investigative essence stones on her.
They were supposed to give me her location and information about her condition, so that she wouldn't disappear anywhere again without my knowledge and also so she wouldn't end up bumping into any danger. An awakened's life is unpredictable, after all.
But surprisingly, without my knowledge, none of my essence stones were actually working on her.
I only found out because of the intense pressure from Elara's pre planned attack on the academy.
Everyone was trapped and in danger, and the same went for Esdeath. Without a doubt, it fulfilled the criteria of activating and informing me immediately. Yet, I received no response.
At first, I thought Elara's barrier had blocked any signals from getting to me. That's why I couldn't get it.
But later on, during an intense intercourse with Esdeath, I investigated her body without her realizing it and found out that all the essence stones that I put in her body had already been neutralized.
I was shocked beyond reason. How could Esdeath, who was barely at Rank D level according to the teachers, neutralize my essence stones?
Then I found out that she was one of the people who killed the most monsters that day, and her expected strength was at a Rank B awakened level.
What a crazy growth rate was this?
Not to forget, Esdeath was a human who awakened in her later years, yet she achieved all that even without my help.
Before I could even digest all of that, she comes to me with a proposal to rob the kingdom. And again, I was shocked.
To think my Esdeath would not be so innocent and actually had such a scheming mind, it really surprised me. A feeling of pride and a little bit of fear mixed inside me.
Our initial plan was to let Cassandra retrieve evidence against me and shake hands with the king to eliminate me.
But once she was confident enough to beat me, we would turn the tables and turn them against her.
With that, we would dethrone the king and, instead of him, I would make one of his sons or our most potential candidate, Princess Ravenna, to be the next queen.
But in return, we would have a portion of the treasury, Mind of like having a puppet king.
A simple and straightforward plan, with less violence, completely different from my style. But since it was my precious wife's plan, I agreed to get along with it.
Everything was going smoothly until the end. I was slightly anxious because of how late Esdeath was taking, but it worked out fine.
And then again, something happened out of my expectations: an attack from two demon lords and angels simultaneously. And in the background, there were revolutionaries and barbarians, conquering half of the kingdom.
How bizarre could that be? I don't know if something like that even happened in history.
But that was not the wildest part. What was more bizarre was that those angels actually came to kill Esdeath.
I was really angry at that time. How dare they even think of laying a hand on my precious Esdeath?! The anger was a burning fire inside me.
But after the battle, I started thinking deeply about it.
I can understand about the attack from those demon lords; it was something my father had started. Sooner or later, I had expected him to attack the Mariette family. It would've been more of a surprise if he never attacked.
But what about those angels and, specially, that archangel, Raguel? The furious look on her face and the bloodlust for Esdeath was clearly telling me that she was dead set on killing her.
But what enmity did she have with my delicate, kind, and cute wife?
Why would Esdeath have anything to do with an angel in the first place?
And the answers are none! I received none of it. Every time I slowly start to bring this topic up, Esdeath purposely changes it immediately.
Of course, I didn't meddle much into it. After all that chaos, I was trying to give her some peaceful time.
That's why I didn't persist on this topic and went along with her.
We even went to a short vacation on Marina Beach as we had previously planned, to have some entertaining time.
Now that I think about the beach time, there was one more thing about Esdeath that hit me.
Back when we were relaxing on the beach under the warm sun, I asked her about the idea of giving Selene some siblings to play with.
Although I had expected her reaction, it still felt slightly unusual. Although she did not reject me, she didn't give me any date or time limit either.
From how much I understood about her, she is very well aware that I was long mentally prepared for multiple kids, and that is going to happen sooner or later, so "no" was not an answer to begin with.
And I clearly know my Esdeath would never say no to me, no matter what.
But this was where things get complicated. Other than that usual shy and embarrassed look, I also sensed a hint of worry and anxiousness in her eyes.
It was a flicker of something I couldn't quite name. Rather than she doesn't want it, it's more like she doesn't feel like the current life is safe enough to have more kids.
But why?
Because of those demon lords?
I don't think even two demon lords are enough to kill me. It's not overconfidence; it's a fact.
So does it have something to do with that angel, Raguel?
Or is there an even greater danger coming that only she knows of?
Or is it some kind of big misunderstanding, and I'm just overthinking it too much?
Still, no matter how many times I think about it, it certainly feels like I'm being kept in the dark.
It's like I'm spreading my angel wings to protect my delicate, precious wife, but there's an invisible wing growing out of Esdeath's back, wrapping around me and protecting me instead.
*****
I sat on the chair, with my legs crossed and putting my cheek on my hand, looking at Esdeath who was busy doing her makeup in front of the mirror.
"I don't think it will be easy for me to forgive myself if Esdeath is fighting some problems behind my back," I thought to myself, my thoughts turning serious and heavy.
"After all, as the husband, I swore to protect her from any difficulties. I'll only be failing to meet her expectations!" I added to myself, my eyes still on Esdeath, who had finally done with her light makeup and lipstick and was now organizing the sofa and table, her movements graceful and domestic.
"Of course, I will also have to punish Esdeath for keeping secrets from me. I already warned her last time at the banquet!" I thought to myself, a possessive and slightly dark feeling stirring within me.
I curled my fingers, tapping them on the chair handle, the soft *tap, tap, tap* the only sound in the quiet room.
At that moment, Esdeath turned around slowly and came to me with a wide, charming smile that could melt anyone's heart.
"Lortell~, I'll be going outside for a little. Take care of Selene by then," she says, her voice as soothing to the ears as always.
I paused for a second, letting my serious thoughts fade away, and then smiled, "Yes, take your time!" I replied with a genuine smile that I reserved only for her.
"I'll be back!" she waves her hand as she slips her feet inside her shoes and leaves the house.
Yet my eyes were still on the door, long after it had closed, lost in my own world.
"Just what are you hiding, Esdeath?" I muttered to myself, the words barely a whisper in the now silent room.