"Wait," Kai said just as Penny began was about to teleport them both to Fillory. "I need to make a quick stop first."
Penny raised an eyebrow. "A stop? You're about to hop between dimensions, and you want to run errands?"
"Call it… maintenance."
Before Penny could argue, Kai grabbed his shoulder and nodded toward the glowing sigil. "Just teleport me back to my apartment. Won't take a minute."
With an annoyed sigh, Penny obliged. The world blurred and in the next instant, Kai stood in the familiar warmth of his apartment, the city's skyline glittering outside his windows.
"Wait here," Kai said over his shoulder to Penny.
Kai moved inside and met Julia who was by the door, jacket on, clearly about to leave. Her expression was sharp, the kind of look she wore when she was to do something that could be classified as reckless in most cases.
"What's wrong?" Kai asked.
Julia hesitated as she saw him, then sighed. "Hey, umm Kady reached out. She needs help tracking down a woman."
Kai's eyes narrowed immediately. "Oh, for fuck's sake," he muttered. "How stupid is she to try running back to the very danger I saved her from?"
Julia frowned, Kai had told her what had happened to Kady or what nearly happen to her and folded her arms. "She said this woman might have answers or something about banishing the Fox God for good."
Kai stopped. Banishing Raynard forever.
Except… that wasn't what he wanted. No. Raynard wasn't a pest to be erased. 'No not really, I mean he is a rampaging god who wants to forcefully fuck women with their consent but he was an opportunity'. An unlimited magical battery. A divine generator for his bloody hybrid projects… maybe castration will occur after he's gotten a hold of him.
He caught himself thinking aloud. "God, I sound like Klaus…"
"Huh?" Julia frowned.
"Nothing." Kai brushed it off.
Julia tilted her head. "Look, I'll be cautious, okay? Besides, you've taught me how to defend myself."
Kai exhaled sharply. "That woman cannot be trusted."
"Why?"
He hesitated, then said, "She did banish Raynard, yes but she also had a child with him. She's kept that kid hidden for years, Julia. You and Kady might be poking the wrong bear."
Julia blinked. "And Anya?"
"The traumatized girl?"
Julia nodded.
Kai sighed. "Yeah. You're walking into a mess you don't understand. I've been looking for that woman too with no luck."
"Well, think of this as me lending a helping hand," Julia said softly.
Kai rubbed his temple. "You're not going to stop, are you?"
She shook her head.
"Shit…" he muttered, defeated. "Fine. But your protection spell stays active at all times. Understood?"
She nodded, then leaned forward and kissed him. "Don't worry."
He grumbled but didn't pull away.
When they stepped out of the apartment, Penny was still waiting outside, impatiently tapping his foot. He looked up. "Hey, Julia."
"Hey, Penny. What's up?"
"Moss," he said bluntly.
Julia blinked. "What?"
"We're going moss hunting. For Mayakovsky. In Fillory."
Julia raised a brow. "Did you talk to Quentin?"
Kai shook his head. "No need. He's busy playing magic-fixer with Alice, Alicia, and the Dean. And I already called Tom had him abandon his post to follow you on this stupid quest."
Julia rolled her eyes. "Wow. Encouraging."
Kai ignored the jab. "Okay, Penny. Let's go."
Penny grabbed his shoulder and they vanished leaving Julia standing alone as her phone began to ring. She glanced down. Kady.
______________
Fillory — Later
Margo and Eliot sat regally on their thrones, wine glasses in hand, watching a procession of Fillorian guards usher in a dark-skinned man draped in white and grey silks.
The herald raised his staff. "I present Prince Ess of Loria."
Eliot blinked. "Wait, princess?"
The man smiled coolly. "Please, call me Ess."
Eliot's eyes widened. "Ooooh. Prince Ess. My God. Fuck your parents, dude."
Margo smirked behind her goblet.
Ess folded his arms. "We've got a problem. You lot have been fucking shit up for over half a century."
"Okay…" Margo said slowly.
Eliot looked at the herald. "This is how Lorians talk?"
The herald whispered, "The prince speaks fluent English. Rumor says his mother's from… uh, Cincinnati."
Eliot turned back. "Of course she is."
Ess continued, voice rising. "Ever since the Beast drained the Wellspring and then you jokers let Ember take a dump on it, Loria's been falling apart. No crops, no rivers, whole species dying out. You've dicked us over!"
Margo's patience thinned. "Get to your point."
Ess smiled. "Fine. I'm here to propose a treaty. A fifty-fifty split of the Wellspring's magic."
Gasps filled the hall.
Eliot arched a brow. "Fifty-fifty?"
Ess nodded. "And to seal the alliance. I, Crown Prince of Loria, offer my hand in marriage… to the Virgin Queen, Margo."
Eliot nearly spat his wine. "Oh my God. I wish Kai were here for this." He turned to Margo. "Did he just call you a virgin?"
Margo's jaw dropped. "He did!"
"Bambi, please, let me" Eliot tried to calm her, but she shot to her feet.
"Listen, princess, I'm not a sharer! So why don't you and your un-ironic furs get the hell out of my castle!"
Ess only raised an amused eyebrow. "All right then. Plan B. Ilario."
His attendant stepped forward, drawing a wand.
Eliot snorted. "A wand? Cute."
But before he could finish, Ilario drew a sigil in the air causing the castle to shake violently.
When the dizziness faded, the castle stood in a completely new landscape. Jagged rocks jutted from the ground like stone erections.
Ess grinned. "Welcome… to Loria."
——————
Elsewhere in Fillory a while later
Penny and Kai stood before a massive crater, where the castle used to be.
Penny's mouth fell open. "How in the fuck did this happen?"
Kai stared at the void and muttered, "Either the castle detonated itself, or it's been kidnapped."
He paused. "Castle-napped. Only in Fillory."
Penny groaned. "Dude. Not funny."
"Oh, I'm aware it's not funny." Kai glanced at the mapmaker beside them, furiously sketching. "You think this is funny?"
The man shook his head, exasperated. "Do you realize there isn't a single accurate map of this place now?"
Kai looked at Penny. "Okaaaaay."
Penny knelt and touched the ground near the edge of the crater and instantly pulling his hand back. "Ahhh! This shit's radioactive!"
A faint shimmer spread across the crater's surface. A barrier.
Kai rolled his eyes. "Of course it's shielded."
For a moment, he debated simply siphoning the energy or maybe… pulling a prank. 'Margo definitely boned that prince'.
"I'll be right back," he said.
Penny frowned. "What are you doing?"
Kai smirked. "Just hopping into someone's noggin real quick."
He sat cross-legged, closed his eyes and the world shifted.
———————-
Inside Margo's Mind — Brakebills Classroom
Kai opened his eyes to see a familiar classroom. And Margo… fully-naked, standing a few feet away from the door.
He leaned against the doorway, grinning. "You know, Margo, for someone of your… mentality, this is the last thing I expected to see in your head."
Margo spun around, eyes wide. "Holy shit, Kai! I swear, I was going to study!"
Kai laughed. "No, no, I'm not part of the dream. I'm the real me in Fillory. Your castle disappeared."
Her eyes widened. "Oh my God, you astral projected into me?"
"Yeah. It was either me or Penny."
"Charming."
"Well, good to see you're not dead," Kai said, pacing around.
"We were kidnapped. The entire castle."
"Yeah, I know. There's a crater where it was. Let me guess, you all think you're in Loria?"
She blinked. "Yeah. How did you—"
"Not important. What is important is you've been royally scammed. The castle's still here. Illusion magic. Very fancy."
Margo's expression darkened. "That fucking twat… and Kai if you ever mention this to anyone…"
"Mmmhmm oh dont worry." Kai grinned. "Anyway, I'll fix it the castle problem and also if you ever need me to blackmail you, this image's going straight into my mental vault."
Margo smirked, crossing her arms with a little more confidence now. "Gold, right?"
"Pure gold," Kai said, and vanished.
——————
Back with Penny
Kai opened his eyes, stretched, and said, "Okay then." He turned to the mapmaker. "Sorry, bud." Then to Penny, "Time for the big reveal."
"What?" Penny asked.
Kai pressed his palm to the air above the crater. Power surged. The shimmering field rippled, then collapsed like a mirage revealing the castle, perfectly intact.
The mapmaker dropped his quill. "No, no, no, no—oh my God!"
Penny's eyes went wide. "Holy shit. It was here all along!"
"Yup," Kai said. "A big illusion scam. Probably extortion."
"Shit," Penny muttered, turning to the mapmaker. "Hey, man—" He stopped mid-sentence, spotting something on the half-finished parchment. A moss symbol. "Huh… you drew it."
The map maker looked at him and sighed and nodded, "I made an exception this time around ."
He held it up. "Hey, Kai. Look."
Kai's grin returned. "Perfect. We're back on track."
He then looked at the castle then blurred away, vanishing into the reappeared castle just in time to hear Margo shouting:
"Because the High King and I hereby declare war on Loria!"
Eliot leapt up beside her. "Yes! Wait, what?"
Kai exhaled through his nose and muttered, "Oh, great. Just another day in paradise."
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