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"Right."
Kazuki pulled out a sealed scroll, waved it slightly, and smiled.
"How about it? Interested?"
"..."
The other Sharingan eye of Obito is in your hands?!
How the hell did you get this?!
No—
Orochimaru seemed to realize something!
His breathing grew rapid.
After joining the Akatsuki, Orochimaru's greatest interest had been researching Leader Nagato's Rinnegan.
Aside from that, he was also intrigued by Obito's Sharingan—after all, Kamui was an absurdly overpowered ocular ability.
He had been coveting it for a long time, yet here it was, in Kazuki's possession.
"So, what do I need to pay in exchange?"
Orochimaru's face practically spelled out I WANT IT. Neither of them were good people, so there was no need for pretense.
If he wanted it, he wanted it—no need to beat around the bush.
"Start by writing a self-criticism."
Kazuki put the scroll away and reminded Orochimaru:
"After all, you've done plenty of things that harmed the village's interests. Many of those actions have tarnished your reputation, so write a proper self-criticism. Make yourself sound as pitiful as possible—that way, Tsunade will have an easier time explaining things to the villagers."
"...?"
Write a self-criticism?
What kind of joke is this?
Are you messing with me, Uchiha Kazuki?
Orochimaru wondered if he was hallucinating, his ears playing tricks on him.
A self-criticism…?
Are you kidding me?
Seeing Orochimaru's stunned expression, Kazuki wagged a finger.
"You don't actually think I'd let you run around freely after everything I've told you, do you? Coming back to Konoha quietly is your only option. If you refuse, I'll make you agree."
Either behave yourself, or I'll force you. Your choice.
"..."
Watching Kazuki pull out a blank scroll and a pen—clearly prepared for this—Orochimaru's scalp tingled. He was great at writing jutsu formulas, but a self-criticism…?
Had he ever written one before?
"I'll write it…"
Noticing Kazuki's Sharingan activate, the three tomoe spinning ominously—on the verge of evolving into Mangekyō—Orochimaru reluctantly took the scroll and pen.
"Good. Cooperate properly, write it well, and don't disappoint me. No need to rush—we've got plenty of time."
Kazuki propped his feet up on the lab table, waiting for Orochimaru to finish.
Once the self-criticism was done, they could return to Konoha.
He could already imagine Tsunade's face when she read it—it'd be priceless. And if Jiraiya found out…?
The guy would probably laugh like a damn hog.
Orochimaru was deeply reluctant, but he had no choice. Besides, he was interested in Obito's Sharingan. Researching it wouldn't be so bad.
After some thought, he began writing.
It took him over an hour to finish.
"Let me see…"
Kazuki picked up the scroll to review it. After a few lines, he set it down and stared at Orochimaru.
Orochimaru's heart skipped a beat. Did I overdo it?
At that moment, Kazuki finally understood how Tsunade felt.
That woman often complained about how he made her "chest hurt from anger."
Now, Kazuki was experiencing the same sensation.
"I told you to write a self-criticism, not an autobiography. For someone who was the Third Hokage's student and worked with Danzō for so long, you're terrible at shifting blame."
"Pin everything on Danzō! Why are you smearing your own name?! Danzō's already dead—we can say whatever we want about him. It's not like he's gonna crawl out of his grave to argue!If you don't dump all the responsibility on Danzō, how are you supposed to walk in the sunlight again? How are you supposed to earn the villagers' forgiveness?"
"Rewrite it. Shift all the blame onto Danzō, and make yourself sound as tragic as possible—that'll win the villagers' sympathy. You're one of the Legendary Sannin, for fuck's sake. I could grab any random kid from the academy, and they'd write a more convincing apology than this."
Orochimaru: "..."
Just look at Naruto—from being stubborn at first to now, where he could write a self-criticism better than anyone, full of loopholes and exaggerated suffering. Unfortunately, Kazuki wasn't fooled by his act.
But Kazuki wanted Orochimaru to write like that—to manipulate the villagers into forgiving him.
Once he had their forgiveness, Orochimaru could strut around Konoha in broad daylight.
What the actual hell…
I, Orochimaru, reduced to writing a self-criticism?!
His lips twitched uncontrollably, but he had no choice. He started rewriting.
This single self-criticism felt harder than conducting an entire experiment.
"Hmm, not bad. This has the right tone. We can polish it up later with some help. Let's go."
After reviewing the revised version, Kazuki was finally satisfied.
What the hell am I even doing…?
As he followed Kazuki back to Konoha, Orochimaru's mind was still in a daze. Somehow, he had been dragged back to the village without even realizing it.
"That's… Orochimaru?!"
Seeing the infamous rogue ninja walking openly through the village gates, the guards froze, their expressions shifting to horror and panic.
Their first instinct was to sound the alarm and warn the others, in case Orochimaru tried something.
"What are you doing?!"
Luckily, his partner stopped him before he could cause a scene.
"Alerting everyone! That's Orochimaru! What if he attacks the village?!"
His partner looked like he wanted to punch him.
"Open your damn eyes and look properly! Who's walking in front of Orochimaru? That's our Hokage's advisor! Obviously, he's the one bringing Orochimaru back. You think Orochimaru would dare attack the village now? Where's your brain?!"
"..."
The advisor actually brought back Orochimaru, the missing-nin?!
Orochimaru's appearance didn't just shock the gate guards—even the ANBU were stunned.
Fortunately, their reflexes were sharper than the average shinobi's. They immediately rushed to the Hokage's office to report to Tsunade.
Tsunade was handling paperwork as usual when the ANBU suddenly barged in.
Unlike the Third Hokage, she didn't keep ANBU stationed in her office. If they entered without knocking, it meant something major had happened.
"What's going on?" Shizune stepped forward to ask.
Tsunade looked up but didn't speak.
The ANBU agent knelt on one knee.
"Lord Hokage, the advisor has returned—and he's brought the rogue ninja Orochimaru with him. They've already entered the village and are heading toward the Hokage Tower."
"What?" Shizune was stunned.
Tsunade stood up abruptly. "He actually brought Orochimaru back?!"
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