-"Guys, I have a genius idea!" Leo said.
-"Shut up, Leo, we're calling Riox!" Tempest shut him down.
Leo never voiced his idea that would immediately solve all their problems and proceeded to completely forget about it.
The two of them, alongside Morris and Roufail, were calling Riox over Lype to ask for further advice on the whole Kewmed situation, although something was different about his background.
-"Why are there a bunch of burning buildings, impoverished people, loads of smog and plenty of hellish spectacles behind you?" Morris asked.
-"That's just what Birmingham is like." Riox answered.
It was in fact the one place that Leo and Tempest never checked back when they were looking for him. Nothing is worth going to Birmingham for.
-"Anyway, what do you think we should do now?" Tempest voiced their main question.
-"It's election time over there, right?" Riox responded.
-"Yes, why?"
-"Easy, someone must become Prime Minister and make being a jock illegal. Maybe also have a law that'd make your other friends come back, I dunno." Riox recommended "I trust Tempest to pick someone."
Tempest looked around, and followed the thought process presented below:
Roufail couldn't be the right choice as he'd probably be too unpopular among the more conservative voter base (he hadn't stopped wearing the outfit from the Garlic party), Leo would put everyone to sleep during his speeches, Morris was so out of the question that nobody even mentally registered his existence.
-"I think you'd be the best option, Riox." He said.
-"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Roufail and Leo yelled at him at the same time.
-"Why not me? I can definitely be trusted with the governance of a country with a sizable military." Morris complained, only for everyone to continue ignoring his presence
-"Can I really run for Prime Minister when I'm not even in the country at the moment? Not to mention, I'm a wanted fugitive!" Riox questioned Tempest's judgement.
-"Eh, you're not that much worse than the other candidates."
The candidates in question were Joe Biden and Donald J. Trump, under the secret identities of Prez I. Dent and Ult Imate King respectively, except they were too senile to actually disguise themselves so they fooled no one, too bad the entire Greek police force was collectively too busy doing nothing to do anything about their illegal participation.
And so, the campaign of Peter Mark H. Riox, under the Anarchomonarchist party, began.
-"Why are we anarchomonarchist? What the hell does that even mean?" Leo asked.
-"You ask too many questions, if you keep annoying the future leader of the Anarchomonarchy you're gonna get executed anarchomonarchy style!" Riox threatened him.
-"That makes literally no sense!" Leo coped.
-"Damn, can't believe you're being so audacious when talking to the future anarchomonarch." Tempest teased him.
The party was named after a non existent contradictory ideology, the leader was a wanted fugitive in Birmingham who only talked though a buggy call on a laptop and they joined the race pretty late as the first debate was just a couple days away, but overall, they were still not all that bad compared to the other options.
The day of the debate was upon them and the three candidates, or rather, two of them and a laptop, got on their respective podiums.
-"I will be the moderator of tonight's debate, I shall be asking the questions." Pavlidis said from the moderator table "Now, may the candidates introduce themselves?"
-"Dbejrbjebrjebrjebrjebej" Joe Biden said.
-"You know we have all these guys who are totally incompetent and they have such powerful, very powerful positions and you know what they say it's uh it's a bad thing when that happens cause remember the Unabomber? My uncle who taught in MIT knew him and he'd be a horrible leader!" Trump said.
-"As my first act after becoming prime minister, I'm gonna impose a 100% sales tax." Riox said.
-"Uh, glad to see we have some determined candidates…" Pavlidis was fully aware of the consequences he'd face if he actually spoke his mind and Trump ended up getting elected so he had to restrain himself. "So, a lot of people are concerned about the fact you're a convicted criminal, what do you have to say to the voters who might see that as a reason to not support you?"
-"Oh here we go again. It was a political manhunt, a witchhunt, you know what they did back in the day to witches; they hunted them! And they thought I was a witch and they hunted me but I'm not a witch you can ask anyone and they'd say I'm the least witch-like president of all time!" Trump rambled.
-"Uh, mister Trump, that question was directed at mister Riox." Pavlidis told him.
-"Vote for me and I'll conquer Antarctica." Riox "answered" the question.
Meanwhile, Leo and Tempest were watching the debate
-"How is it possible that Riox isn't automatically the absolute worst performing out of the three of them?!" Leo exclaimed in utter bewilderment.
-"Maybe Roufail would've had an answer to that but I don't know where he is right now." Tempest said, still not registering Morris as a being that exists.
Back at the debate.
-"Next question; How will you combat poverty?"
-"Fhejrbejrbebbevrjwrbmwmrnwmrnen." Biden argued.
-"I will impose high tariffs on everyone." Both Trump and Riox said at the same time.
-"How will you combat crime?"
-"Dbejrbjebejamamamamamam." Biden debated.
-"I'll be the best at it." Riox answered.
-"All we need to do is deport all the aliens to where they came from because they're just so bad, bad, bad people, you know this reminds me of the time when AOC said that uhh, well she said something pretty stupid but what could you expect?" Trump may as well have been having a stroke on stage but he was in fact perfectly healthy, allegedly.
Pavlidis was nearing his limit so he asked one more question.
-"How will you deal with climate change?"
-"..." Joe Biden died of old age at that moment.
-"I will kill every cow." Riox promised.
-"Climate change is NOT REAL it is a lie made up by dishonest and weak people and I am not any of those I am very honest and very strong and-"
-"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Pavlidis interrupted Trump as he ran away from the debate stage and didn't stop running until he wasn't visible to the naked eye anymore. He would never be seen again.
Then a car ran through the building and over Biden's corpse because he didn't look at both sides of the road yesterday. The car was driven by none other than Kamala Harris, who took over his place in the presidential race.
-"Whelp, this didn't go that bad." Tempest remarked.
-"I need new friends." Leo said.
A couple days later it was time for the Anarchomonarchist Convention which happened every year at very anarchomonarchist locations and dates.
Leo and Tempest were having a discussion in the backrooms.
-"So what is the plan for this convention?" Leo asked.
-"I assume we want to showcase how competent the party is and encourage as many people as possible to vote for us through a showcase of-" Tempest erupted into laughter halfway into his sentence "Who am I kidding, Riox took care of organizing this whole thing so God knows what's going on."
Meanwhile, Tom was shooting hoops at the main stage of the convention, except instead of a ball he used Renie, whose current job was being a replacement basketball. He horribly missed every shot, resulting in Renie becoming more and more injured to the point that he started actually fitting through the basket. Still, it was less violent than the republican convention and more on topic than the democratic convention.
Alas, the day of the election arrived, the three parties had assembled in the same big room to watch the results as they were on a short budget due to sending most of the other money in the national budget to a certain other country.
-"What the hell are they doing over there?" Leo asked, referring to the American politicians in the room who had lined up and were chanting "Loyalty to Israel" over and over.
-"It's good to see that even opposing parties can agree over one thing occasionally!" Exclaimed Riox, who couldn't hear what they were saying due to Lype's horrible audio quality.
After a bit, the politicians stopped their daily allegiance chant and got back to doing other political things, like sitting around and blaming each other for random things.
-"It's your fault!" Said John Democrat to Dave Republican after he accidentally ate spoiled meat.
-"No, it's your fault!" Dave Republican retaliated. In the end they both died of food poisoning because they were too busy shifting the blame to actually deal with the problem at hand, and this kids is what we call surface level political satire.
At some point Leo and Tempest were approached by a balding politician wearing square glasses who somehow looked older than Biden while also being 10× more competent in basic human activities than he was.
-"Tell me kids, what is your goal?" He asked them.
-"Our goal is to ensure the country has a good future where everyone's needs are met accordingly, alongside a guarantee to human dignity and-" Leo got interrupted when Tempest shushed him.
-"Are you gonna vote for us, sir?" Tempest asked the politician.
-"Well, no, I'm part of the democratic party so even if I agree with you I'm more inclined to vote for my party-" Tempest shushed him as well.
-"We just want to impose some pointless laws for personal gain." He said.
-"Will it at least benefit others a little bit?"
The two of them considered the implications of banning jocks, which made them realize they may be a lot better for the country than they gave themselves credit for.
-"I gotta say you're a lot more pleasant to talk to than anyone else here, why are you not the democratic candidate?" Leo asked him.
-"Frankly I'm not sure-" He got interrupted by Kamala as she drop-kicked him in the head.
-"BRAT SUMMER COCONUT TREE BRAT SUMMER COCONUT TREE BRAT SUMMER COCONUT TREE! WILL YOU VOTE FOR ME NOW?!" She yelled at them with a very creepy grin.
-"Uh, no?"
-"HOW COULD THIS BE?!" She had an existential crisis.
At some point, Trump took a mic and made a speech.
-"I thank this beautiful nation of smart, some dumb, but mainly smart, very smart people. They voted for me and we will make America- I mean Israel- I mean Russia- I mean Greece great again, the Greeks, great very great people let me tell you-"
-"Uh, the results aren't out yet." Leo interrupted him.
Trump pretended to have made a mistake and awkwardly walked away, but not before blaming everyone other than himself.
Eventually the results came out, and to everybody's surprise, Riox actually won.
-"TJEIRHWITJWNTKWNRKENTKWJRKQJKFJWKRHOWBOWJDLABWORNQPNTLWNE." Trump said in response.
-"This is everybody's fault but mine by the way." Kamala pretended to be relevant.
-"I think I'm gonna have a brain aneurysm, legitimately how the actual fuck did HE win?!" Leo was on the verge of having a similar mental breakdown to Pavlidis.
-"It's simple. I committed one of the only crimes I hadn't committed yet, election fraud!" Riox answered.
-"But by the stunt Trump just pulled, it looked like he'd also committed it." Tempest pointed out.
-"Politicians commit fraud by miscounting votes, I commit fraud by hiring London residents to stab the vote counters until they say I won, we are not the same." Riox explained.
-"Well I guess this works. So when are we establishing those laws?" Tempest asked.
-"First, I am pardoning myself of all my crimes." Riox said before using a British teleporter device he stole to teleport in front of Tempest and Leo.
-"Alright, shall we get started-" Riox got interrupted by the sound of sirens and a public service announcement.
-"THE SELF PROCLAIMED SUPREME GOD LEADERS OF ISRAEL, MORRIS AND ROUFAIL, HAVE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WILL BE USING THE COUNTRY'S 400 NUKES FOLLOWING THEIR RECENT COUP. A GLOBAL STATE OF EMERGENCY HAS BEEN DECLARED!"
-"Ooooh I forgot about them two." Tempest exclaimed "So that's what they were up to."
Everybody other than him and Riox was in a state of complete panic, until Roufail and Morris teleported there themselves.
-"Hey, isn't that the same device I stole?!" Riox asked.
-"Maybe, the previous Israeli government stole the blueprints and claimed it was promised to them 3000 years ago." Roufail explained.
-"WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE NUKES?!" Leo yelled at Roufail, the latter simply pointed at Morris who had the most devilish grin on his face.
-"Israel and Russia are no more." He said, trembling from happiness. They did in fact use all the nukes on Israeli and Russian soil, demolishing both nations.
Other than that, it seemed like the gang could move on with their plan, but then they found out that Trump's supporters had overthrown the government and he was declared Supreme overlord of the country, as it turns out, he was a very sore loser.
-"My first act as Supreme overlord of whatever country this is I declare… I… I declare." Trump had a conveniently timed heart attack, which he would've survived from, if it wasn't for the fact that nobody called an ambulance as the crowd of supporters below him were too busy arguing on Tweeter dot com about how him having a heart attack didn't make him a worse president.
-"YESSSSSSSS!" Kamala screeched out as she used the opportunity to coup the coup and become "Prime Ministress", a title that her impeccable PR team came up with.
-"So are we gonna coup the coup of the coup or what?" Roufail asked.
Riox had become depressed, as he'd realized that by pardoning himself he had technically become a law abiding citizen, Tempest and Leo shrugged as they didn't want to interact with political figures any longer and Morris was still thinking about the image of scorched land in Israel and Russia. Needless to say, a third coup never happened.