"Mr. Landon Murphy, come in, please." The voice of Ms. Veronica Wills, a psychiatric doctor, brought me back to the reality of where I was. She gestured for me to come in, and I followed her.
For the past few months, I have been taking therapy sessions, but nothing is working. Every session, she tried her best to convince me about my sexuality, but I have not accepted it till now. Once I was done with my therapy, my mind would always be in chaos.
After Lucas left the country, I was more clouded and lost. I wanted to discuss everything with someone, but I was not able to decide with whom. Family and friends are ruled out. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bring myself to discuss it with either. So, psychiatry was my last option, and no one was aware of my therapy sessions, not even family or friends.
I am close with my friends, but I am not able to discuss with them for fear of bringing Lucas's name up, and the same goes with my family. I was the only child. They will be happy to help me, but Lucas's abrupt departure from the country and me bringing my sexuality doesn't make it hard for them to guess 1+1 = 2. Lucas cautioned me not to reveal it to anyone, so I was left with no choice. My relationship with my friends has not changed nor with any of my other male friends. On the other hand, I did not feel like dating any girls either.
Was it really a drunken mistake? It was not. I do remember every second of that night like it happened yesterday. Most importantly, I liked everything that happened.
Dr. Veronica is a good doctor and is trying to help me a lot, but nothing is working for me. She makes sense. I know that, but I am not convinced. I want to talk to him. I need to clear everything up with him. I want to pour everything in front of him. Is that too much to expect? He can't bail on me like this and block me everywhere.
My friends and family were worried and questioned what happened between me and Lucas. My parents were shocked when they heard the news of Lucas left the country without informing them and me. My parents were so close to him, and I was his best friend this reaction was expected from them.
My friends were even more shocked when I didn't attend the party that was thrown by Lucas.
How the hell was I supposed to inform them that I didn't get any invitation? How the hell was I supposed to tell my parents that he didn't even inform me? Giving reasons and trying to divert the topic had become routine. They were not convinced or pushed me to spill the beans.
I was stuck, and it's been four years.
I am a successful architect working for one of the most reputable companies. I love my job as it keeps me busy, giving a pause to unwanted thoughts that have always wanted to find their way back to me.
Over the period, I stopped going to the therapy session; it was not going anywhere. I was not getting the result at the end of every session, so I left myself hanging.
In the group chat, one of my friends informed that Lucas was back, and they were trying to throw a party. My friends were suggesting for me to clear the air between us.
I love to do that, desperately waiting. Is he willing to do the same?
I was in my room, replying to them as ok, and I kept my cell aside. I was feeling happy, as I was anxiously waiting for this day. I was relieved that I could finally give a permanent break to every thought by discussing it with him.
I didn't want to attend the party, but my friends dragged me along. I want to meet him privately. I need a one-to-one conversation. We didn't contact each other for four years. He did his best to avoid me everywhere. I want to blame him, but I can't. He had good reason to do that, but still, that was quite a drastic step.
By making up my mind I entered the pub. I took my seat and poured myself a drink. Lucas had not yet come, and I was a little bit nervous.
After 10 minutes, Lucas entered the room with a girl. I was a bit shocked. He greeted everyone, including me, and introduced the girl's name as Elisa and her as his girlfriend. Here I was stuck, and he had successfully moved on.
It's been an hour, and I can conclude that Elisa is a beautiful, charming girl. She suits him in every way. He liked this type of girl, as I knew him very well. We never talked; there was nothing to. My friends were signaling for me to make a first move, but I held back.
Elisa's friends had tagged along with her, so my friends were more than thrilled. I was observing everything while sipping my drink. His interaction with his girlfriend was a bit annoying, again whom I am to complain.
I was waiting for an opportunity and praying for God to grant me one. I need closure, and hopefully today at any cost.
My prayers were kind of answered when Lucas excused himself and made his way to the washroom. My friends practically pushed me to follow him like hell, I was going to miss this opportunity.
I was patiently waiting outside the washroom. He came out and was shocked to see me. He wanted to escape like before, but my posture was enough to indicate how persistent I was which made him to give up this time. By sighing he gestured for me to follow