Kuoh.
- "How can I help you, dear customer? Would you like the regular set, premium, or deluxe?" I asked with a broad business smile on my face as I stood behind the counter, then covered my mouth with my hand and approached the customer. "I'll let you in on a secret: the deluxe edition comes with a special figurine that can be stripped down to its underwear, in addition to the artwork. Would you like that?"
He didn't answer me and didn't even look at the products on display, but simply stared at me with such a murderous look that he could have rivaled Penthesilea in her berserk mode. And yes, it was Archer.
- "Oh, I see. Apparently, my humble shop has been visited by a particularly discerning customer," I nodded and turned my head back. "Colleague, I need your help here."
- "Coming!" came a voice from behind me, and Da Vinci-chan appeared beside me, looked at Archer, who was seething inside, and put on a professional expression. "At your service, dear visitor! I am the creator of these works of art and am always ready to accept custom orders... For an additional fee, of course."
- "Yes, yes! I swear on my honor and pride as an unknown but glorious and great Hero of Justice that you will be satisfied with our work!" I declared loudly, striking my chest with my fist, causing every visitor in the extremely long line at my counter to begin applauding enthusiastically.
- "Hooray for this hero!" someone shouted from the crowd.
- "Hooray!" the rest echoed, but not Archer himself.
- "Well, are you ready to make your choice?" I repeated my question. "With all due respect, please hurry, as there are many others waiting behind you."
There was still no answer, and the visitor remained silent, but his companions were not.
- "Look, everything is drawn in such detail..." Medusa giggled and, turning the page of the manga, covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, what strange poses... This is truly the work of a genius... I suggest we try them out, what do you think?"
- "W-What nonsense are you talking about?! T-That's outrageous!" Artoria was so red that steam was coming out of her head faster than from a locomotive's funnel. "And... And anyway... W-Why do their faces look like ours?!"
- "I give you my word, dear visitor, the story and characters in this story are fictional and have nothing to do with reality!" I proudly declared and was about to continue praising Da Vinci-chan's work of art when the crowd suddenly parted, letting Gil and Enkidu through, apparently for money.
- "What is this? Is this worthy of the king's attention?" Gil asked, standing next to Archer and casting a mocking glance at him, then unceremoniously taking the manga, on the cover of which was someone who looked like him. And when he opened it...
- "What the... Who dared to create this heresy?!" Gil shouted, tearing the manga to shreds. "Who committed a sin that even a thousand deaths cannot atone for?!"
- "Oh, it was me! Me!" I raised my hands in the air and started jumping.
- "And me!" added Da Vinci-chan.
And at that moment, completely ignoring his surroundings, hundreds of staffs emerged from the Gates of Babylon and began to mercilessly shower my counter with fire. And yes, of course, all attacks were automatically blocked by my shield.
- "Die, insolent mongrel!" Gil growled, not stopping the fire for a second. "Disappear into nothingness!"
- "What special effects!" the ordinary people exclaimed enthusiastically.
- "It all looks so real!" someone added. "What progress! I'm thrilled!"
- "Why would Gilgamesh..." Medusa raised an eyebrow and picked up the copy of the manga that Gil had torn up, a blush appearing on her cheeks. "Oh, Shirou, you're such a bad boy..."
- "Oh, I didn't know that Gil and he..." Enkidu chuckled, holding another copy in his hands.
- "Shi-Shirou, you..." stammered Artoria, as the shock of the first work had only just passed.
Still not saying a word, Archer, whose eyes, defying the laws of physics, were hidden by his hair thrown back, looked like a volcano about to erupt with his body shaking.
He was clearly holding himself back, as if trying to maintain his dignity and maturity, even despite all my antics... but I decided to finish him off, of course.
- "This work is based on real events. Yeah, right."
After these words, hell descended upon the world, and hundreds of Noble Phantasms, fueled by my mana, joined the beams emitted by Gil's staffs. The entire scene unfolding a few inches from my face resembled a full-scale war of the gods. Bloodlust and a thirst for murder mixed together in a cocktail of horror and destruction that filled the area.
Ordinary people, protected by my magic, of course, followed their instinct for self-preservation and began to scatter under the onslaught of explosions, howling wind, and bright flashes of light. And, of course, this attracted the attention of other Servants nearby.
- "We're under attack?!" Lancelot rushed over in his armor.
- "Who should we fight?!" Mo-chan joined him.
- "Arrrrr!" Heracles, still in his rabbit costume, growled, while Runeas and Merlin, dressed in the clown outfit I had forced him into, rolled around on the ground, unable to contain their laughter.
- "Calm down, everyone, it's okay," I smiled and looked at Da Vinci-chan. "Do you know why I love to tease these two in particular?"
- "I have no idea," she replied cheerfully.
- "These two idiots..."
- "We can hear you!"
- "Oh, really?" I grinned. "Well, here's the thing. These two idiots look like cats."
- "I'm not a pet!"
- "How dare you compare the king to an animal?!"
- "Cats?" Da Vinci-chan asked in surprise.
- "Well, you know, cats are extremely charming creatures," I began. "They're fun to play with, interesting to watch, and their behavior alone makes people smile and feel warm inside. For example, when they tilt their heads threateningly or arch their bodies when they're aggressive. You could say they're little bundles of happiness, a universal panacea for the cruelty of this world, allowing us to lighten our load and look to the future with a smile, whatever it may be."
- "How profound," Da Vinci-chan nodded thoughtfully, "But what about the cats themselves?"
They stopped their attack, then gave me another look, warmer and even understanding.
Archer paused for a moment, then clicked his tongue and turned away, as if accepting my point of view and unable to deny its validity. A look of nostalgia flashed across his eyes as he looked at the still red-faced Artoria, then smiled, clearly expressing his love and eternal gratitude to her.
Gil showed a similar reaction, almost identical, I would say. His gaze turned to the giggling Enkidu, who was still reading manga, and then a cheeky grin appeared on Gil's face, expressing arrogance but still defeat. In other words, Gil, as a king with all the dignity that title entails, acknowledged the truth of my words. The rest were in much the same state, though...
However, none of them knew that this was all a lead-up to the most important part...
- "And also, cats, as we all know, lick their balls, which is also funny, by the way."
As soon as the words left my mouth, everyone froze, as if their brains had decided to perform an emergency reboot, and when it was over...
- "You're a dead man!" Archer and Gil roared in unison, pulling out Excalibur and Ea, respectively, while behind them there was crazy, almost hysterical laughter, the loudest of which, of course, belonged to Merlin.
- "Come on, you're not going to be offended by the truth, are you?" I let out a chuckle, but they paid no attention, continuing to load their weapons of mass destruction as a magic circle lit up beneath my feet. "In any case, there'll be fireworks soon. Everyone, get ready."
- "Don't you dare run away, you bastard!" Archer and Gil shouted.
- "Bye bye," I said, waving my hand, winking, and making a victory sign with my fingers in front of my open eye, like a typical Japanese idol during a performance, and teleported to a small hill where the fireworks were particularly visible. And I stood there, apparently for quite a long time.
- "Cats, huh?" A familiar voice sounded behind me, causing me to turn around and see Morgan, Yasaka, Kunou, Rea-chan, Gabriel, and Gabi. "So you think I'm a cat too?"
- "Let's skip the allegories, at least in my case," I rolled my eyes and, creating a large blanket with a small amount of festive food, sat down on it. Tia immediately sat down next to me and wrapped her arm around my arm, Morgan sat down on the other side and rested her head on my shoulder, Yasaka smiled shyly and sat down opposite me, Gabi and Kunou sat next to their mothers, and Rea-chan sat a little to the side. "I'm glad you came."
- "It was your order," Rea-chan said professionally.
- "We couldn't miss something like this," Morgan grinned with a glass of wine in her hand.
- "Aaaa~" Tia sang in support.
- "Yes, they're right. This is a good opportunity for all of us," Yasaka nodded, patting Kunou.
- "I... think so too," Gabriel added, hugging Gabi.
- "Well, let's get started then," I chuckled and snapped my fingers, and the night sky lit up with multiple fireworks. And in the light of these fireworks, I scanned my family with my eyes.
Artoria and Medusa, resting their heads on Archer's shoulders between them, sitting on a bench by the river.
- Fou, sitting on Merlin's head, and Mo-chan, chewing nearby, occupying a table at one of the stalls.
Enkidu, smiling, and Gil, his arms crossed over his chest, standing on a boulder by the river.
Heracles, dressed as a rabbit, lifting children above his head so they could see the fireworks better.
Lancelot, standing next to a tree, holding the hand of the office worker who had looked down shyly.
Runeas hanging on the shoulder of her imperturbable boss, who had almost left the festival.
Grandpa and the hundred faces surrounding him, like vigilant guards watching everything from the highest mountain adjacent to the festival area.
Da Vinci-chan, listening with interest to some teenagers dressed like otaku and writing down what she heard in a small notebook.
Nobunaga and Tamamo, walking along the stalls, looking at and studying the modern standards of Japanese festivals.
And finally, Goetia, standing alone in the distance, silently watching the bright night sky.
I smiled softly and, creating a cup of coffee, raised it as if preparing to give a speech, and the rest, some with wine, some with sake, some with fruit juice, silently repeated the movement.
- "To us... To all of us..."
-0-
A/N: How's the chapter? Give us your opinion. You may well be able to influence future chapters.
My P.a.t.r.e.o.n: P.a.t.r.e.o.n.c.o.m/mirzael
You'll be able to read more chapters there.