Chapter 24: Monster Subjugation (XVII).
Trigger Warning: The letter described is too dangerous for one's pure soul. It'll be available on patreon for our silverfish tier! NSFW content will be there!
...
To my dearest Olivia Charlotte Alarie,
I wanted to give you my thanks personally but... it would seem that it will have to wait. Perhaps that is for the best, because I do not trust myself to stand too close to you and remain sensible. I... didn't get to say thank you for what you did. You not only saved my people but also defended me from other's ill words.
I think of you at the most inappropriate hours, in the quietest moments, when I should be occupied by far more important things. Instead, I find myself wondering what expression you would wear if I spoke to you without restraint. Whether you would step closer. Whether you would make me regret every attempt I have made to remain composed.
I am beginning to suspect you know exactly what you are doing to me.
It is cruel.
And worse, I cannot say I want you to stop.
I keep replaying every look you have given me, every word spoken just a little too softly, every moment you stood near enough to make my pulse betray me. You linger in ways that feel terribly unfair. Even absent, you leave your hands all over my thoughts.
Had you come to me alone, had you looked at me the way you so often do when no one else is paying attention, I fear gratitude would not have been the only thing on my mind.
You make me think of things no respectable woman should commit to paper, much less confess. And yet here I am, writing this instead of destroying the thought altogether.
...
The following sentences in the letter made her stop.
...
That was enough to make her release all into the bed.
"Hah..."
The words described in the letter were far too descriptive.
Far too intimate.
Far too easy to imagine.
"Hah..." (Olivia) dragged in an unsteady breath, her whole body warm with the aftermath of her own reckless indulgence. Her fingers trembled slightly as she lowered her hand, her thoughts hazy, her pulse still refusing to settle. The tent felt too small, too warm, too filled with the lingering evidence of what she had just done.
A muffled groan escaped her before she pressed the back of her hand against her mouth.
"What am I doing...?!" She stared up at the ceiling as though it might offer judgment, or mercy, or both. Instead, it only stared back in silence. With a frustrated noise, she reached for the clean cloth left on the nearby table and hurriedly wiped her hands, her face burning hotter with every passing second.
"That girl is far too dangerous for my heart and aching heat."
And apparently for her dignity, too.
She cleaned herself off as thoroughly as she could, then began smoothing the wrinkled folds of her clothes with stiff, humiliated movements. Her face remained bright red, and no matter how hard she tried to steady herself, the humiliating truth refused to leave her alone.
A voice in her head whispered, utterly unhelpful.
'Could this be considered the ancient version of sexting?'
The fearless villainess froze.
"...!" Her eyes widened in horror. Then she slammed both hands onto the table. She couldn't have her strong powerful will destroyed so easily by some lewd letter.
"You've got to be kidding me!" The sound echoed through the tent. She yelled at the top of her lungs that the nearby soldiers that were still awake flinched in fear of what riled up the young lady this time late at night.
"I'm an adult! I should be more responsible, careful and... " she hissed to herself, pacing now, one hand clutching at her hair.
"I am an actual adult who got thrown into this world to be a villainess! A villainess!" She pointed accusingly at no one but herself. "Not... this!"
Her pacing grew sharper, more frantic.
"Sesang-eun jinjja guryeo! This cannot be happening. I have to go back to my original world. I already tried dying a couple of times, and every single time it just dragged me back to the start of when I transmigrated!" She smacked the table again for emphasis.
"And now this?" she continued, scandalized beyond recovery. "I can't believe I used a letter to de-stress myself!"
Her gaze shot toward the bed.
The letter still lay there, half-crumpled atop the sheets like the smug little accomplice to her downfall. Beside it was the unmistakable mess of her impulsive weakness, and Olivia nearly choked on her own embarrassment.
When she'd been a working slave in her previous life, she had not had the time or energy to worry about feelings like this. Survival had left no room for longing, no room for desire, no room for her heart to behave like a traitor.
But this woman-
This infuriating, terrifying woman- She frightened Olivia down to the marrow of her bones. And, apparently, much deeper than that. Olivia stared blankly ahead for a moment, then let out a disbelieving laugh that bordered on hysteria.
"Hahaha-" She covered her face. "Oh, for god's sake. I cannot believe I just masturbated to a letter."
The words hung in the air, and hearing them aloud only made her want to collapse into the floor and disappear forever.
In her old life, if her former self could see her now, she would be appalled. Disgusted. Maybe even furious. Olivia Charlotte Alarie, reduced to this flushed, restless, and hopelessly affected because of the heroine of a game.
A heroine.
Of all people.
She was still reeling from that thought when footsteps sounded outside.
Step. Step. Step.
Olivia's spine locked.
"Lady Alarie," came Sebastian's voice from outside the tent, calm and respectful. She was worried about the young Alarie's wellbeing after trying her best to fulfill her mission. "We'll be preparing for tomorrow. I noticed your lights are still on."
Her soul nearly left her body.
Before she could recover, the tent flap stirred open.
Sebastian stepped inside just enough to glance in and found Lady Alarie seated stiffly in her chair, face crimson, letter clenched in hand like incriminating evidence from a crime scene.
"S-Sebastian!"
In a panic, she crumpled the letter tighter and shoved it behind her back for good measure.
"I'll be sleeping now!" she blurted, far too quickly.
"I'll turn off the candle, so you need not worry! I was just-" She swallowed thinking of an excuse to use. "Studying. Yes! Studying the plans of attack for tomorrow! Destroying a goblin's nest shouldn't be underestimated! My father always said to be prepared no matter the occasion."
Sebastian's gaze lingered on her for one long, unreadable second.
"Are you truly alright? It's alright to be nervous. You'll be leading your own small battalion and I'll be reporting the news to your father." He moved a step forward noticing that the bed was unkept. "Sleep, the mission has been delayed for far too long. Your soldiers will be expecting the daughter of Duke Owyn to be up and ready for battle."
'Sebastian I know you mean well but I'm not in the mood for one of your sermons! I just got done with relieving myself. I need to clear my head or drink some water at least!' She cried loudly inside of her mind still holding the shameful letter that was behind her back. 'I need to burn this letter quickly.'
"Goodnight then, Sebastian." (Olivia) lowers her head into a nod before waiting for his father's right hand man to leave. He salutes before opening the tent doors and then closing it.
Then, before he could say another word, she snatched up the candle from the table, held the edge of the letter to the flame, and watched in horror and relief as the parchment curled black.
"No one needs to read that," she muttered under her breath, feeling a sense of relief watching the paper burn. The fire consumed the page in seconds, taking its dangerous words with it.
Or so she wished.
Because even after the letter had turned to ash, its effect lingered stubbornly inside her chest.
Standing alone before the mirror, Olivia looked at her own reflection as if she scarcely recognized the woman staring back at her. Her cheeks were still flushed. Her expression was conflicted- half disbelief, half mortification, and something else she did not want to name.
"She became..." (Olivia) whispered, voice tight with self-reproach. "Lustful because of me."
The realization sat heavily in her stomach. What had once been a game no longer felt like one. Mariana seemed to have fallen for her deeply and OIivia didn't know what to do other than properly play the role she was given.
These feelings were no longer convenient plot points or amusing deviations from a script. They had become real- messy, consuming, impossible to ignore.
Olivia placed a hand over her face and let out a long, suffering groan. If only she didn't get drunk that night at the ball! If only she didn't bring her to her chambers and forcefully drag her into her bed.
Kissing, sucking and god knows what.
"This is a disaster."
And the worst part?
She really did want to see her in that uniform and take off each layer one by one. The offer in the letter was too tempting to pass.
With trembling fingers, she reached for the candle beside her bed and blew out the flame. Darkness rushed in at once, soft and merciless, leaving her alone with the frantic beat of her heart.
She sank onto the mattress and turned onto her back, staring up into the shadows above. But even with her eyes closed, she could still picture her.
The heroine.
As if she were right there beside her.
Olivia's breath caught. Her hands drifted slowly over herself, not in urgency, but in restless search of relief from the ache that refused to leave her. The mere thought of that woman- her eyes, her voice, the unbearable sincerity in the words she wrote- was enough to send a shiver through her entire body.
"Damn it..." (Olivia) whispered into the dark, her face burning even though no one could see her now.
She curled slightly into herself, torn between mortification and longing, between wanting the feeling to disappear and wanting to sink deeper into it. It was unbearable- how easily that woman unraveled her without even being there.
And perhaps that was what frightened Olivia the most.
Not the heat in her body.
Not the thoughts she could no longer control. But the realization that she was beginning to want her in ways far more dangerous than she was prepared to admit.
"I... should sleep now." She decides that it would be better to forget all of this happened or at least face the shame and guilt.