When I was younger, I came to question the nature of this world.
Even when I was barely six years old, my mother died after a slow agony caused by bone cancer.
At that age, young and stupid, the tragedy came so suddenly that I didn't fully understand what had happened. I came back home, to the small apartment we shared, full of joy after spending three days with distant relatives for Christmas Eve.
I remember that my grandmother was there. Her reddish eyes looked at me for a moment before she smiled and led me to the Christmas tree. Underneath were a few children's toys, notably a small yellow plastic skateboard.
I was disappointed. After all, I would have liked gifts of greater value, like any other child my age. At the time, I said nothing. I turned, full of joy, toward my grandmother and gave her a long hug.
After that, I looked at her with anticipation and asked where Mom was.
Stupid question, wasn't it?
She was dead.
The presents under that fucking tree were everything she had managed to save before dying.
My father had abandoned my mother shortly before I was born, after learning about her cancer. Still, I no longer blame him today. I understand his reasons. If he left for the other side of the world to start a new family, it was to preserve his own interests.
Thus, after that day, I officially became an orphan.
I grew up surrounded by pity and hate. At school, supervisors regularly gave me snacks. I took it for granted. But soon after, other kids my age found out and started to hate me. I became alone. That was my loss. In return, I had a snack like all the other children my age. That was my gain.
I must admit that over time, my personality became more and more twisted. Friends of my mother told me I was very energetic for my age. Others, distant relatives, said I was crazy and wanted to send me far away to boarding school.
I didn't blame them. They simply wanted to protect their own interests. My two aunts constantly borrowed large sums of money from my grandmother, even to the point of using her credit card without permission.
But unfortunately, since she had taken me in, those two aunts no longer received much money...
Thus, I secured a future far better than that of other orphans like me. But in return, I made many enemies within my family.
The one and only universal truth is that there exists only gain and loss.
Nothing can be gained without losing something in return.
Our world was never unfair. Ironically, it has always been so fair that it becomes unjust through its cruel impartiality.
The weak die; the strong live.
There was never anything more to say...
...
My body was dying. The accumulation of injuries since my arrival in this forest was becoming more and more apparent.
Pathetically crawling on the ground with my right arm, I tried to get as far away as possible from those two disgusting insects.
I felt again a dreadful cold along the outside of my back.
As the sound of female sobs pierced my eardrums, I saw a mantis head lower before my pitiful body lying on the ground.
It remained still for a long minute, observing my face, tilting its expressionless head to the side from time to time.
Suddenly, its mouth shaped like three joined triangles opened as a high-pitched cry burst out. One of its hind mandibles struck me in the stomach, sending me flying through the air against a tree branch.
Multiple cracking sounds echoed as I hit the ground again.
My body no longer responded. I was slowly suffocating, as my vision was covered in a dark red veil.
Why does this hell keep falling on me perpetually? Why!? It's unfair! I don't deserve this! I curse this world. Fuck this life. All of you, just die!
A laugh echoed for a moment.
Grabbing the branch I had broken upon falling, I stood up. Saying nothing, I simply turned around and ran away as fast as I could.
Following the river to the left, I ran with all my strength.
For a long time.
The first yellowish rays of light rose in the distance. A blinding half-sphere now stood before me, climbing above the distant trees.
A large shadow appeared behind me, as I was pushed to the ground, dropping my stick in the process. Sliding down the slope, I fell into the strong current. Above me loomed the immense mantis with the blue square on its skull.
Its head tilted again, just a few centimeters from my face.
I wore an indifferent expression.
It once again opened the three triangles that served as its mouth and let out a cry. The sound seemed weaker than before.
I wasn't particularly surprised. The blood flowing from my ears and the atrocious ringing made my situation fairly clear.
I hadn't fallen into this stream by accident. It was deliberate. Taking advantage of the current's pull, I had landed in this ideal spot. During the chase, I had obviously lost my little rabbit carcass and the sharp stone with which I had planned to carve the tree. That was a problem to solve if I wanted to survive.
The creature's jerky movements occasionally stirred the water irregularly. Small waves splashed my face, while my lungs quenched their thirst a few times.
I felt nothing in particular as my right hand sank into the stream.
Its head moved closer to mine.
A sort of spiny tongue pressed against my cheek, tearing the skin as it passed.
My hand suddenly rose from the water, then a monstrous cry followed.
The creature collapsed on its back, twitching side to side. Its spasms lasted several minutes before it stood back up at the same time as me.
We faced each other on the riverbank, both silent. I, with my right arm behind my back. It, with a fifth mandible shaped like an abdominal spike, rising from its rear, hidden beneath its chitin from the start.
The scene happened fast.
The insect lunged at me at full speed. Its stinger pierced my diaphragm, just centimeters from my heart. Meanwhile, I didn't dodge its strike, but instead pulled it with me in my backward fall.
As we fell backward, I drew the branch from behind my back and drove it without hesitation into its dented left face. The branch entered the previously pierced eye with little resistance, as whitish-red liquid ran down my right arm and across my face.
Still crushed under its corpse, I stirred the stick for a few more moments before pushing the carcass to the side. A soft child's laughter emerged from within its hollow frame.
I stood up for the umpteenth time today, then silently observed my assailant. Its limbs twitched from time to time by reflex.
Once I was certain I was safe, expressionless, I pulled out the enormous spike lodged in the upper part of my abdomen, being careful not to squeeze it too hard as I removed it.
Finally, I took a few steps toward a thick bush by the base of a tree before collapsing.
...
Nothing can be gained without losing something in return.
It's true, but...
Beyond this nihilistic view of life, never forget that the reverse is also true.
In every loss, you will find a form of gain.
The true essence of life — what you all call "wisdom" — is your ability to press forward in difficult times, to reason through compromise, and to reach for better days.
PERSEVERE.
After all, the worst you can do is die :)