Even though I kept insisting, Rias still looked unconvinced of my certainty. I could probably tell why, in her eyes I was some homeless asshole who, despite having unnaturally good skills, just now stumbled upon this supernatural shit. In her eyes, my only method of self-defense was my gun.
She thought that I was ignorant and unwilling, she didn't know that I was an immortal zombie that got power-ups whenever I killed enough things. That I had a coin that could infinitely multiply the damage of a single bullet as long as I had enough cash to do so. That I was an 'Incursor', an existence so reviled in Heaven and by YHWH Himself that they treated me with open hostility because Incursors famously were power-abusing assholes who could get away with whatever they wanted since they were so fucking powerful.
I would become stronger. Absurdly, stupidly stronger… but not now, now I was still weak, and there was no way I could make Rias understand that this wouldn't last.
So, I didn't bother in reaffirming myself any further, I just shook my head.
"Look Rias, I'm sorry, but it's just not happening. I'm leaving today, actually. I just came here to ask some questions and after that I'll be out of your hair."
That got a reaction from her, her eyes widening.
"I- Look, Daniel, I'm really, really asking you to think this through. It's not even about what I could possibly gain at this point, I'm more concerned about you."
She paused for a second, as if mulling it over.
"I know what happened yesterday. With the exorcist."
…Shit, there was some pretty compromising shit in that encounter.
Mainly, the fact I got my arm severed.
I leaned over, crossing my own hands.
"What do you mean, exactly?"
Her face turned complicated.
"One woman got murdered inside her own home, 26 years old, and by her front lawn was what we presume to be her murderer, an excommunicated exorcist, who probably heard about the woman's interest in the occult. She was intending to summon one of us for a contract before he arrived and murdered her. The exorcist's corpse had numerous bullet wounds."
Rias searched within her desk and produced some papers, probably detailing all about the murder scene.
"They're the same caliber as your gun, Daniel."
I looked at her for a second, then simply decided to shrug.
"He was a very unpleasant freak, to be fair. He deserved it."
She nodded.
"He truly was, but Daniel, do you not realize? You're stepping into the supernatural too much, too fast. It's not easy for a normal human to take down an exorcist, excommunicated or not, so what happened yesterday is impressive, but you're probably going to end up chewing more than you can swallow at this rate."
I took a sip from the teacup (which was getting cold) and addressed her point.
"Look, I don't intend on doing that. If anything, the extent of my involvement with the supernatural will be to kill 'stray devils' which, by your own account, were free game, and anything other than that will be simple matter of chance, like what happened yesterday."
She looked at me for a second, then simply sighed, as if a bit resigned.
"You're not going to go unaccounted for, at least not for long. One way or another, you're going to stand out, and I'd really prefer it if by the time you're noticed by the supernatural that you're with me and my peerage."
"Well, I already said that ain't fucking happening, so tough luck."
She looked at me with some sort of sadness and looked beyond me, as if thinking deeply.
"Is there… truly no way to convince you? I noticed yesterday that you seemed to be interested in me, at least by your reaction to the possibility I wasn't of age."
Shit, I really shouldn't have made that outburst. Rias looked back at me, seriously.
"If you… If it truly was something you wished for, if it was enough to convince you, I'd be willing to, in exchange for you entering my peerage, to-"
"Let's please not go there."
It was a bit pitiful, to see the extent at which she'd be willing to go for me just to enter her peerage. It had gone from annoying to just sad.
She seemed to realize this herself, quickly shaking her head and averting her gaze from me.
"I-I'm sorry. I just really needed this, someone potentially powerful to enter my peerage. It's a matter of life or death for me, my entire freedom hangs over this."
I looked at her, now it was my turn to be disbelieving.
"Okay, I know I can shoot a good shot and all, but there's no way I'm good enough to warrant…"
I thought back to the suggestion that I thankfully interrupted.
"...that."
Rias shook her head.
"That's the thing though, you are my best bet. The other possible piece I've been setting my eyes upon could have potential, I have already confirmed the existence of a Sacred Gear within him… but he has absolutely no experience, either in the supernatural or in fighting. You so far have shown incredible promise, using only a gun. A normal gun that shoots normal bullets. Your potential could be massive, if this is already the baseline."
She sighed.
"You do warrant that offer, Daniel, considering my situation."
I couldn't conceal the pity behind my eyes, even without fully understanding whatever she was going through, and Rias clearly could feel it as she stared at the back of the room.
"You don't have to say anything," she said, still not glancing at me. "Or even take anything I just said into consideration, really. Just as this is life or death for me, so is the decision to enter a peerage for you. I won't insist any further, and I'm sorry this conversation had to turn in this direction."
Rias took a moment to compose herself, then turned her face back at me.
"If you truly need to go today, then I wish you good luck. Truly. And if you ever need some help, I'll try to do what I can if you call me."
…It dawned on me that the girl in front of me really wasn't a bad person. Sure, maybe these were 8-dimensional manipulation tactics, but what I saw in front of me was a desperate girl. For what reason? Who fucking knew, I just knew that she was desperate.
I took a glance at Akeno, who had dropped her serene smile a while ago.
Despite my analysis of the situation, I still wasn't intending on doing jack-shit about Rias' situation. In fact, I thought it was high time I got the fuck out of here.
I told her simply.
"I'll just go then."
Pause.
"Right, I got some questions before I go. You know, just making sure I'm not missing anything to get fucked over later."
Sensing the change in topic, Rias got the gloom out of her face and just gave me a tired smile.
"What is it, Daniel-kun?"
I would never get used to such murder on my name, but I made no comment on it, instead going for things that stood out to me.
"The fuck's a Sacred Gear?"
She stared at me for a bit, then just let out yet another tired sigh.
"I guess I won't ever not be concerned about you with such little knowledge about the supernatural, but I guess it's better if I just fill you in on what I can."
And fill me in she did. Long story short, Sacred Gears were simply powers that only humans could be born with.
I pointed at myself.
"Do I have one?"
"Nope. I can sense when a potential human has a Sacred Gear within them, and you have nothing."
I tastefully didn't mention that some of my [Skills] could've easily passed as Sacred Gears and asked the only other question that was pressing over me. Easily the most important one of them all.
It was so vital that even though I was always aware of what was happening within E.E's radius, I still gave another three or four checks around the perimeter, to make sure there wasn't some camouflaged asshole listening in or something.
Once the security was assured, I leaned forward and gave Rias a serious look. She also got the vibe that the next question would be important, so she also leaned in just a little bit, interested in what my query would be.
I swallowed, then asked.
"What… What is 'Highschool DxD'?"
She paused, as if processing my question, then just raised an eyebrow.
"I have no idea."
…
"Well, that fucking sucks then."
This entire conversation had been useless. I just got trauma dumped and learned nothing of usefulness. What a fucking waste of an afternoon.
Promptly, I stood up from the couch, grabbed my trusty backpack off the ground and put it over one shoulder, then just said to both Rias and Akeno (which probably was the secretary's name):
"Well, bye-bye, I guess. Take care."
Which sure, some people might have considered a bit cold-hearted. After all, it seemed that Rias hadn't told a lot of people that she was in a serious situation, serious enough that she considered lending out her ass to me for entering her peerage.
But alas, I had been blessed with sacred knowledge that would (morally) make it so I didn't give any further shits.
Rich people were rich. Therefore, their problems didn't matter.
Weren't YOU planning to be rich, Daniel?
Yup.
Wasn't that a bit… hypocritical, maybe?
That's the thing, dear Conscience, by the time I'd become rich, those would be my problems. Then I'd care. Now I was a homeless bum so I got to shit on them guilt-free.
That sounds like you're just an uncaring asshole.
WELL THEN, WASN'T THAT A NICE FUCKING VIEW YOU GOT FROM ATOP OF YOUR IVORY FUCKING TOWER, YOU JUDGEMENTAL PIECE OF SHIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Internal discussion now done, I simply turned my back and walked out. I could see with E.E that Rias opened her mouth as if to say anything, then just simply didn't. There were no more words to exchange between us, it seemed.
Exiting the lounge, I found Koneko waiting for me. She didn't bother saying anything to me, just leading me out of the building, right back to the gates.
What a shitshow.
As soon as he left the room, Rias Gremory let out a weary sigh, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
Her Queen took one look at her and gave her a sad smile.
"So… we return to the original plan, yes?"
Rias appreciated her Queen's attempts to keep her thinking and tactfully avoiding any reminders that she almost proposed herself to a stranger. There was a reason she was her oldest friend… aside from the fact she found her by pure chance.
The fact she failed her first actual recruitment would be tormenting her for days to come, it seemed.
Still, she didn't want to do any more of a mopey show, so she just did her best attempt at a straight face and just nodded.
"Clearly. Hyodou Issei will have to do, and it's not like he can't be a good piece since he has that mystery Sacred Gear, so it's not the end of the world."
The fact he'd be a ridiculously easy recruitment into her peerage judging by his proclivities went unmentioned.
Akeno nodded and stood up from her seat.
"I'm going to make some tea, would you like some?"
It roughly translated to 'I'm going to force-feed you something so you stop thinking about this' but Rias didn't have it in her to begin arguing with her friend.
"Thanks, Akeno…"
Akeno's lips thinned as she saw her.
"You're concerned about him."
"How can I not be? In two days he stumbled upon a stray and an excommunicated exorcist, and considering how gung-ho he is with that gun he loves pointing around, I fear that he'll attract the wrong sort of attention."
"I noticed that you didn't mention to him the severed arm we found on the crime-scene."
Rias sighed yet again. That entire conversation had worn her out completely and it was still afternoon.
"I really didn't want him any more on edge than before. Asking him questions about why there was an inexplicable arm dropped nearby the killer would have done the opposite of that."
"An inexplicable arm that had a jacket sleeve over it covered in trash juices and other foul liquids."
Rias frowned.
"I didn't think that associating that arm to him based on the fact it reeked would've helped, Akeno."
"Or that it disintegrated into ash."
"Or that it disintegrated into ash, yes. Besides, I don't know if you noticed, but he had two arms when he was here."
Akeno raised an eyebrow.
"And I know you noticed, but dear Daniel here didn't feel like much of a human anymore."
And notice she did. Rias hadn't expected such a sudden change from yesterday's meeting, but although she couldn't pinpoint what exactly happened, she could easily tell that something within him had irreversibly changed.
"He didn't feel… entirely human. He didn't get reincarnated by some other devil, that'd be easy to tell, but whatever happened yesterday with the exorcist had some heavy consequences."
Akeno hummed, analyzing her take on the situation.
"Would he even be able to be reincarnated into a devil at this point?"
Rias thought for a second, then shook her head.
"It's pointless to think about. He thoroughly rejected my offer and I'm not about to chase him any further to get such questions answered. I need to focus on the present instead of some fairy tale version of it."
Her Queen whistled, a mix of impressiveness and teasing at her sudden gust of wisdom.
"My, those are some cool words you just said, President. Should I take the 'present' to mean Hyodou Issei?"
"Perhaps."
The Gremory heiress remained pensive for a few seconds, as if digesting some cold facts. After, she began.
"Can I be honest with you, Akeno?"
"Always."
"I'm starting to get really, really-" Rias paused for a second, having to stop the word pissed from coming out of her mouth. "-mad at having things go my way just due to luck."
Akeno tilted her head and gave her a curious gaze.
"Ara, ara. Why is that? I thought you were glad things had gone so swimmingly for you."
"I mean, I still am, but I've been relying on that Gremory luck too much. Imagine if Hyodou Issei doesn't have a particularly powerful Sacred Gear. He'd be a thoroughly weak devil if what the info we've been gathering is to be trusted."
Akeno hummed.
"I didn't think I'd hear you say such things, President. In fact, I could distinctly remember the words 'It'll work out, trust me' come out of your very own lips."
"Yes, and I'm pissed-"
She couldn't stop herself this time.
"That I ever thought that was enough. That I thought that my current peerage in the state they're in plus some random boy we know for a fact has nothing going for him aside his Sacred Gear would be enough to beat Riser. That just because I had succeeded in getting all of you into my peerage through sheer dumb luck would be enough to convince an actual man, an actual adult man into entering my peerage and that I felt the need to stoop so low as to offer myself to him in sheer pathetic desperation, because I just COULDN'T FACE ACTUAL FAILURE!"
Rias knew she was yelling now, but she couldn't bother.
"In fact, I'm not just pissed!"
She actually slammed her fist against the desk, shaking it fiercely with each word, the wood of the desk creaking painfully just as her voice gained an uncharacteristic tint of fury within it.
"I am really, really-! "
She unconsciously gathered strength in her fist, flickers of the Power of Destruction surrounding it.
"FUCKING PISSED!"
With one last slam, she broke the desk in two, loudly announcing Rias' breaking point.
Rias' gaze stuck blankly on the broken desk, splinters strewn everywhere within the clubroom, with a dozen or so papers that were inside the desk's drawers also decorating the floor. The once perfectly clean clubroom of the Occult Research Club sported a very visible, very messy wound.
Rias closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Then, as if remembering she had an audience, she looked up at her Queen, who was staring at her clearly surprised, but also still perfectly composed, a hand covering her mouth as if to exaggerate her actual reaction.
"My, my, President. That's quite the potty mouth."
Rias felt a few more choice words bubble up in her throat ready to be angrily strewn in her Queen's direction, but Akeno raised a hand to silence her, and she complied… although she was still glaring at her, and the curse words that she had gone most of her life without actually saying out loud still ready to be used.
Rias would later in the day admit to herself, in solitude, that slinging around insults without a single care for decorum like a certain homeless man felt pretty cathartic. Very, very cathartic, actually.
Akeno examined her for a second.
"Well, if you truly feel that way, then perhaps you should…"
She paused, as if the answer would be obvious but still needed to be said for some reason. Just as Rias was about to employ her newly found arsenal of insults against her friend, she finished.
"...do something about it?"
Rias paused, as if processing the very obvious solution her Queen presented. Then found herself nodding.
"...Yes… Yes, you're right. I should do something about it."
Already, Rias could feel her plans with Issei, her possible new piece, crumble. She'd still recruit him, obviously, but the previous flowchart of slowly easing the normal human boy into the world of the supernatural (that didn't even get discussed previously, just assumed that it would be that way) got summarily discarded.
She wanted a piece that was skilled, but it got away from her. So, she'd just have to make sure her new piece got skilled. One way or the other.
It was time to take the kiddie gloves off, it seemed. She was not marrying fucking Riser, and she'd make sure that fucking (oh how it felt good to use that word) pervert boy got into shape. Sure, there may be complaints from him, as expected from a once normal boy… but he'd be under her servitude, so there wasn't much choice for him, really.
Aside from that.
"You know that you and the rest of the peerage are going to go through much of the same treatment as him, right?"
Akeno giggled teasingly.
"My, and what treatment is that, President?"
Rias stood up from her seat, and as she gazed at her broken desk once more, papers littered and strewn about without a care, she decided to add the cushioned chair to the pile. Just for shits and giggles. Gathering some Power of Destruction in her leg, she thoroughly destroyed the chair in one good kick, adding a new pile of trash to the now messed up clubroom.
Idly, she reminisced about how this very desk and chair had been one of numerous gifts from Sirzechs. Housewarming gifts, for when she left for the human realm. It should've felt a bit sad to see such luxurious gifts now destroyed without any sort of real purpose, and yet it felt…
Satisfying.
"The ruthless kind."
That would normally be the end of the bullshit I'd go through in this shithole city. I had tied all of my loose ends, there was nothing binding me here, all I had to do now was go to the bus station (or a train one, but I didn't know how they worked yet) and buy a ticket.
Yet…
"Hi, can you help me a bit?"
As I made my way to the station, a cute girl with black hair and wearing some trendy clothes stopped me as I walked by a quaint park. As she stopped me, I couldn't help but frown at her a little. She was bothering me, after all.
"Yeah?" I asked, because maybe she just needed the time or something.
"Can you help me look for my little brother? He got lost around the park and I just haven't been able to find him."
My frown got deeper.
"That… sounds like you need to call the police?"
What an irresponsible sister.
"No, no! It's not that serious, he always likes to hide around, but this time he's just not coming out."
"This really sounds like you need to call the police."
"I- Look! I-I'll pay you! Just help me. Please?"
I still looked at her like she was a bit of a maniac, but the mention of money made me consider the request. It still seemed kind of fishy.
"Is this a scam or something? Why are you asking me of all people?"
"You were the first guy I saw walking! And you look reliable! I- it's fine, I'll ask someone else."
I still looked at her suspiciously, but cautiously I told her.
"Fine, fine. Where did he get lost?"
"Oh, thank you! Thank you! Right around here, follow me."
She began leading me through the park, yelling 'Kouta-chan! Kouta-chan!' as she did so. I followed, a bit hesitant since I really wanted to get the fuck out of here, but alas, I wasn't a monster. There was a young child to save.
It took her offering money to move you in the slightest.
Shut up.
Aside from that, I thought that my presence there mostly worked as silent support. Maybe. I wasn't doing much of anything, but after the girl gave me a glance, I reluctantly began yelling alongside her.
"Kouta-chan! Kouta-chan!"
I did keep that weird '-chan' thing out of my mouth, though.
As we walked through the park, yelling that dumb kid's name so many times that I began thinking he was dead somewhere, I inevitably had some time to start analyzing the situation I was in.
And I began realizing that it was a weird situation. Highly unusual one.
Why did this girl think I was reliable, of all people? I looked like shit! My face was pale and sickly!
As the thought came to me, I looked around with my own two eyes, which was starting to become something I needed to do consciously since I was starting to get too caught up with E.E, and realized that… there were fewer people around here.
…Was this bitch leading me somewhere?
But why? No, more importantly, the more I thought about it the less sense her brother-story made. Why are we yelling that brat's name while walking away from the crowd? Why would you need any help? I got caught up with her pleading and begging because… well, it'd be pretty shitty to just ignore someone in need, right? Especially a cute girl. Which didn't let me actually process that this entire fucking ordeal was bullshit.
She was either scamming me… or worse.
Remembering what happened yesterday, with Rias and her troupe of assholes, I decided to consciously look inside the girl's body with E.E, analyzing every single inch of her existence with its infinite eyes.
Oh, you piece of shit.
Lo and behold, wings. This time, they were feathery and black, hidden by her shoulder blades and contracted in such a way inside her body that seemed physically impossible.
She was a Fallen Angel, if Rias' account was accurate.
This girl now most definitely didn't have a brother, and unlike Rias, this girl was actively taking me to a secluded place. There was no way in hell this bitch was planning anything good for me, and taking into consideration that these angel fuckers weren't in friendly terms with the devils, it wasn't hard to put two and two together.
So, discreetly, I put my hands inside my parka's pockets, where my lovely Colt was hidden. Holding the gun tightly by the grip, I began planning… and drew a blank.
There was no way I could kill this bitch, right? The exorcist from yesterday could fucking dodge my bullets, and that was, like, a guy, a human, and yet he could dodge my bullets like it was nothing. I did kill a stray, but she was absolutely insane and was also gigantic.
I could shoot her right now and pierce her brain and that'd be it, but if she dodged I was shit outta luck, she was too close to me and I'd get torn to shreds, and I really didn't want to die right now. It would first make me start to hunt for humanity again, then make me lose XP again which was a loss that would increase with each death, and it would also be a waste of bullets.
…Sometimes, I realized, the best way to win a confrontation was to just not have it at all.
So, mind made up, I just turned around and began walking away from her. It took her a moment to realize, since she was caught up yelling that fake kid's name, but once she did she looked genuinely surprised.
"H-Huh? Where are you going?"
"Not searching for your brother, that's for sure. I just realized I'm a piece of shit and hate children, sorry."
As I began walking away, the girl had no choice but to trail behind me.
"But I'll pay you! Please, my little brother-!"
"I just absolutely despise children. I hope your brother tripped by the road and got crushed by a truck."
Since I was giving her my back, she didn't hide the sudden expression of anger that marred her cute face. She was pissed, but since we were still in an area with traffic in the park, she couldn't just attack me. Instead, she rushed to my side and looked up to me with a mask of desperation.
"My brother is really, really young and sickly! You have to help me, please! Please don't leave!"
She was yelling this, and inevitably, it drew a lot of stares. Aha, she was trying to make me feel uncomfortable with the crowd. Surely, I wouldn't want to look bad in front of tons of strangers. Surely, I wouldn't just turn my eye the other way when a cute girl begged for my help.
Joke's on her, though. I was used to being a societal pest.
"I hope your dumb brother gets caught in a black unregistered minivan. I hope the minivan
says 'FREE CANdY' on the outside, too."
"H-Huh?"
I ignored her and increased my pace, walking away faster and firmly looking at my front. Of course, E.E still laid witness to the girl clumsily trying to keep pace with me and the brief flashes of anger.
"Please Mister, I- I need to find him! He's my baby bro-!"
I quickly looked around and tried to see how many people outside E.E's radius were staring. Four, a couple more. Shit, it was still a dangerously low amount of people, she could easily attack me right here, right now. The brief thought of pulling out my gun crossed my mind but it'd be counter-productive. I didn't want to be alone with this feathery fuck, I wanted the opposite.
So, instead, I intended to draw the crowd. Sure, the girl did things to draw attention, wanted just enough to make me uncomfortable, but she definitely didn't want enough to make it impossible to attack.
I suddenly stopped and turned around, pointing a finger at her. She almost got stabbed in the eye with the finger and stepped back a bit, looking at me confused.
"I AM NOT THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD, WENCH!"
The sudden outburst inevitably drew numerous more stares, and the girl looked like a deer in headlights as my accusatory finger put her on the spotlight.
"I- what?!"
"YOU HEARD ME RIGHT! WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING, YOU TRAITOROUS FLOOZY!? I KNOW YOU CHEATED ON ME!"
"F-Floozy!?"
The angel fuck looked offended by that last one, so I proceeded with vomiting my verbal diarrhea.
"I just can't believe that after ALL THESE YEARS you thought that you could sleep with my FUCKING BROTHER and that I wouldn't notice! Have you no shame?"
"I didn't-!"
"HAVE YOU NO SHAME!?"
I looked around to the nearest unwilling spectator and pointed a finger at him.
"Wanna know how this BITCH cheated on me!? It's funny, IT WAS ON OUR FUCKING WEDDING!"
As I kept ranting bullshit, more and more nosy people began watching the display, out of amusement or morbid curiosity, probably. The angel couldn't do anything, too, since she was in disguise as a 'helpless cute girl' and so she just had to stand there and take my verbal onslaught. Still, it was what I wanted. Lot of people were watching as I called the angel girl more creative names that meant 'bitch' and, since there were more people watching, that also meant that the likelihood of brave people being among them was much higher.
"DID YOU ALL KNOW THAT THIS WHORE RIGHT HERE LIKES SHOVING BROOMSTICK HANDLES UP HER ASS!?"
And although it was fun calling this would-be murderer more nasty names and generally pissing on whatever plan she had for me, I still needed to get the hell outta dodge.
Considering myself a betting man, I went ahead with the finale.
"I am so…. FUCKING PISSED at YOU! YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"
I firmly grabbed the girl by her shoulders and began shaking her wildly.
The second I made contact with her I could see her expression twist in actual anger, not even bothering to hide her contempt any longer. The raw, ancient anger behind those eyes was quite the sight, and I could see with E.E how her body tensed dangerously by sheer instinct.
But before anything else could happen.
"HEY! Leave her the fuck alone!"
Three men grabbed me by the shoulders and the crook of my parka and threw me aside.
"You fucking asshole! Stop yelling at her!"
As I began to pick myself up, and the men fussed over the angel who had returned to putting on her mask of cute girl, obligated to thank the men profusely, I couldn't help but let out an ugly fucking grin.
Victory.
I risked a glance back at the angel, and as she saw me looking back, with the faintest hints of absolute contempt she had for me under those eyes… I grinned cheekily, and did the dirtiest possible gesture I could with one hand.
She looked absolutely offended.
People were beginning to gather around, and not bothering to keep any kind of image or dignity, I hastily picked myself up and ran through the crowds, avoiding any more grabs or shoves from onlookers wanting to beat me up.
I needed to get the FUCK out of Kuoh.
Raynare hadn't been this disrespected in decades. Perhaps longer. That fucking hobo. That disgusting fucking hobo, not content with throwing a wrench in her plans by killing the one supposed to look over the whore nun without getting a single scratch, now dared to publicly humiliate her and-
"HE- HE CALLED ME A FLOOZY!"
Her fellow Fallen simply stared at her nonplussed, the only exception being Mittelt, who was cackling without a single care at her misfortune.
"That's-! HAHAHAHA! You are a floozy!"
"SHUT UP! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"
"HAHAHAHA!"
Raynare was back at the abandoned church, her headquarters for her absolutely flawless plan. Inside one of the churches 'offices' were the three Fallen she had working under her, and to whom she was now obligated to report her failure after a distinct lack of blood on her hands.
Kalawarner just sighed as she watched the two of them go at it.
"So, you're telling me the so-called filthy stupid human outsmarted you?"
Raynare turned her deathly glare to her, sneering.
"No, he did not."
"It's just, I distinctly remember that you said you'd quickly take care of him, and yet here you are, seething about being called a floozy."
Mentioning the word again drove Mittelt into laughter once more, Raynare quickly getting into Kalawarmer's personal space to try and regain some respect.
"He just got lucky. I simply didn't kill him right away because I thought it was fun seeing such a stupid ape yelling a fake kid's name just because a cute girl told him to."
That was a lie, she absolutely knew she got outsmarted and felt terribly ashamed and pissed off about it. Even the fact that she couldn't just charm him as she assumed she could and instead had to promise money was something that she'd take to her grave.
Kalawarner shrugged.
"Well, either way there's a human who just went and killed Freed—the one we sent on all the field missions—while on mission and got away scot-free."
Raynare scowled at her summary of events. Dohnaseek just sighed and cracked his knuckles, rolling his neck.
"So, we just go kill him at night, then? I don't know why the hell we didn't do that last night to begin with."
At those words, Raynare sneered harder, turning her glare to him as a new target.
"Because, for some fucking reason, he became absolutely untraceable!"
"That sounds like you just couldn't find him," added Kalawarner.
"NO! He just disappeared! Like he never existed! I was following him inside those stupid fucking alleyways, he passed through a broken gate towards a mildly-lit place and then…"
Raynare's expression turned even more maddened, clutching her head with both hands.
"POOF! I just couldn't follow him! It was- It was right there! Go down the gate, corner him and kill him! And I…"
Turned around, were the words she was going to say.
She interrupted herself. Wait, he didn't disappear at all, did he? Was… Was she just suggested not to follow him? Suggested by what!?
Kalawarner just stared at her unamused. "And…?"
"Nothing!" howled Raynare, not wanting to admit that the hobo somehow managed to use a charming spell of some kind on her. She couldn't take such repeated humiliation, let alone let her underlings know of it. "We just need to kill him, and quickly! I don't want that fucking pest to interrupt my plan!"
Mittelt finally seemed to have caught her breath, enough to ask.
"How though? You know that we can't really make that much noise, considering those devil whores."
"We just catch him alone at night!"
"Only for you to lose sight of him again like a floozy?"
"LOOK HERE YOU FUCKING-!"
Before Raynare could tear Mittelt to shreds, one of the many stray exorcists that worked under her entered the room.
"We-"
Raynare turned her wrath to the random exorcist.
"What do you want!?"
The exorcist flinched at her outburst, but still continued.
"We managed to find that hobo you described."
Raynare visibly perked up at the information.
"Perfect!" An evil glint could already be seen in her eye, numerous ways to torture the disgusting man who dared to touch her flawless self crossed her mind.
"We found him at a bus station."
The wave of good feelings got quickly crushed.
"What?"
"We didn't get too close to him, there were too many people and we were in…"
The exorcist looked down at himself, clad in a priestly duster with crosses that consistently drew attention from anyone walking nearby.
"...uniform. There was no way to kill him incognito, but we did manage to see him buying a ticket. He's getting out of Kuoh today."
Oh!—were the first thoughts of Raynare—That's good! He's a non-issue now! Yay! <3
Then came the pride.
"I'm NOT letting that FILTHY HUMAN run away!"
OF COURSE HE'S AN ISSUE!—she thought—What if he comes back suddenly just to shoot poor Mittelt in the head!? Or kill the stupid nun with a random stray bullet! OR CALL ME A FLOOZY AGAIN THAT FUCKER!
Raynare was feeling a headache coming in. That fucking hobo wasn't supposed to be this much of a headache. He was supposed to be a footnote! A small ant she crushed while walking!
No, no, perhaps she was just being too emotional. She just got called a fucking floozy and her emotions were running high. The filthy human was still just a human, after all. A human that called her a floozy, but a human nonetheless.
No problem. No problem at all.
Her head (allegedly) cooled down, Raynare spoke to the exorcist.
"Okay then, tell the rest of your little priests that they have a mission, first-"
Raynare would have that hobo's head on a silver fucking platter by the end of the day, and she'd make sure to flush that thing down the fucking toilet.
I stared grimly at the half-eaten McTeriyaki in my hands.
"I need to stop eating this shit."
After escaping from the feathery bitch, I had come to the astounding conclusion that Kuoh sucked massive fucking balls and that I needed to get the fuck out of here. Thus, while keeping my path densely populated and running as much as I could, I reached the bus station and bought the earliest ticket (which left me with $68 USD). It wouldn't really matter where, since I knew jack shit about Japan and frankly I didn't care, I just wanted to travel and do tourism I never could in life. Sue me for wanting to enjoy the afterlife.
I gave a cursory look at the big screen that was on the wall, detailing all the departing schedules and what-not. It was mostly unhelpful, since I couldn't read Japanese, but I still knew the numbers of my bus, and I could see on the screen that it was due in ten minutes.
I looked down again at the McTeriyaki.
"I swear to God that you're the last of your kind I'm ingesting."
With one motion, I gulped down the rest of the burger, drank all that was left of the Coke that came with the burger, grabbed my backpack and ran to the designated gate.
I was actually excited for once! This would be the first time in my life I got to travel to another city! Sure, I got to Kuoh, but that wasn't much of a choice. Now I got to travel and actually experience tourism! This would be great!
More than that, I could do all my business unsupervised. No teenage devils keeping tabs on me, no sir! Just 'Stray' hunting and killing nasty criminals with my cool fucking gun!
I smiled excitedly as I reached the gate and saw the big bus that would take me away from here. Oh man, this would be great!
Good old Daniel García was going to— !
Heaven.
Grand Office of YHWH, the Creator.
Time: ????
YHWH had been stuck doing paperwork for literal ages now, signing documents that became irrelevant the second they grazed His eyes. Yet, he still had to force Himself out of His stupor and read the document closely.
Not doing that and just signing away things had been the fundamental mistake that allowed the creation of that fucking Incursor Program, after all.
His godly frown burrowed as He was reminded of that shitshow and He tried re-focusing on the piles and piles of work that awaited Him.
KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.
Who the fuck dared to interrupt His- Bah, He couldn't even pretend to be angered anymore at things. He was too exhausted. His days of flooding the Earth because some morons said mean things about Him were long gone.
YHWH took a deep breath and spoke.
YOU MAY COME IN.
Sometimes YHWH wished He didn't cause a small earthquake every time He spoke. Sometimes.
The gargantuan door opened the slightest bit, just to let a platoon of angels carry a massive, giant button. YHWH couldn't help but stare in confusion at the odd visage. It wasn't often that a platoon of angels had to carry items for Him.
And if He wasn't mistaken, that was a YHWH-sized button.
The leading angel of the group flew up to His eye level, carrying a paper document. The angel bowed respectfully (as he fucking should) before reading the contents.
"King YHWH, due to the signing of document N°771239275, we present to you the finished prototype of project 'INCURSOR-FUCKER', which has finally entered the testing phase thanks to the low number of Incursors this year."
YHWH stared flummoxed at the angel, then at the button, but as He processed the lovely name of the button, a memory resurfaced.
RIGHT—THOUGHT YHWH—I ASKED FOR THAT CENTURIES AGO.
It really was more of a novelty than an actual weapon of any sort, but still, he remembered approving of the project's development after reading of its proposal with a sadistic glee that He thought long gone. YHWH looked at the lead angel.
SO… DOES THIS DO WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO?
The angel gave YHWH a look, as if knowing what He really wanted, but still answered.
"Pressing the button, as stated in the project's proposal, will curse the selected Incursor with one instance of bad luck wherever it can be inserted at. Minor misfortune, if you will."
Before YHWH's smile could get too big, the angel continued.
"However, this misfortune cannot directly kill the Incursor, nor put him in an unwinnable status, due to the clauses stated and signed by you in the 'Incursor Project' original document."
The reminder that he actually signed that fucking paper made it so that, down on Earth, a tsunami happened somewhere.
Hundreds died.
As soon as the unpleasantness subsided, a new set of papers (most definitely related to the tsunami) appeared on top of his already massive pile of paperwork.
Fucking fantastic.
FINE. JUST PUT THE BUTTON ON MY DESK.
…
NO, MORE TO THE RIGHT. MORE TO THE- OKAY, NOW YOU WENT OVER IT.
A LITTLE BIT TO THE- THERE, RIGHT THERE.
THANKS. NOW GET OUT OF MY OFFICE.
…
CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR, YOU ASSHOLES.
Once YHWH was left alone and the door was closed, He admired the button. It was a massive (although considering His size, it was hand-sized) black button with a number-pad attached to its side. Above the button was a small screen (which again, meant it was actually gigantic) that had a basic display.
YHWH reached to the side of the button, where an ON/OFF switch was located and flipped it.
The screen came to life.
INCURSOR-FUCKER ON!
SELECT YOUR TARGET, KING YHWH!
Truthfully, project 'INCURSOR-FUCKER' wasn't anything useful for anyone except Himself. He approved of it just to use it as a way to cope with the fact He allowed that fucking Incursor bullshit get out of hand. Even the name was just there to sate His insatiable blood-lust against the Incursors.
And yet… on His desk was now the perfect button, really.
The Button of Pettiness.
HEH…. HEHEHEHEHEH…..
One press, and an Incursor could have either his day, or week, or month, or year, or decade absolutely ruined because He decided to press a single button.
They probably wouldn't die from that. Not directly, at least, but it would be an inconvenience to the mid to low level players.
But that was enough.
Now, who to curse first….
…He really wanted to curse Incursor N°1 that fucking asshole… but he didn't.
He'd wait for the full version of the INCURSOR-FUCKER to do so, this was just the prototype after all. He'd take his time with N°1.
Instead, he just went to the latest Incursor added. He was a curious case, in YWHW's eyes, since life clearly hadn't treated him well before coming here, a sharp contrast with most of the scum-fuckers that plagued the Program.
But he was still an Incursor, so….
TARGET: N°734
INCURSOR-FUCKER ENGAGED!
For the first time in a while, a pure serene smile, the kind He had on His face when His only true son was born, came forth.
YHWH, at least for now, felt at peace.
FUCK HIM.
YHWH slammed the button.
Good old Daniel García's going to KYOTO! Wasn't that a nice place? The pictures showed that there were tons of places to visit! And better yet, NO TEEN DEVILS WATCHING OVER ME! I WOULD DO AS I PLEASED THERE! Literally perfect spot!
Suddenly, as I headed to the bus, the small pop I was becoming increasingly familiar with rang out. I stopped on my tracks, E.E already spotting a small note of paper written in angeliquese drifting down in front of me.
I didn't bother picking it out, for E.E had already read its contents.
CAUTION:
EXTERNAL FACTORS (in this case: HEAVEN) HAVE MODIFIED YOUR CURRENT SESSION.
MINOR CHANGES HAVE OCCURRED.
…What the fuck did that mean?
I paused for a second, wondering if I should do anything about the ominous message. It sounded… well, not fully serious, really. Mildly serious. Was there anything to do about this, even? The message didn't seem to think so, it was more of a 'you got fucked, tough shit' than anything else.
Oh well, how bad could it be?
Shrugging, I made my way to the bus, not willing to let the stupid message ruin my trip.
I showed my ticket, went to my seat (right at the back, by the window, because we traveled fucking comfortable) and I sat down, leaving my backpack by my feet. Leaning back, I relished the nice seat. I'd say, the Japanese knew how to make buses.
Inside the bus there was a small digital clock on the front. 5:25 PM, it read. This had been the earliest possible bus, and judging by what the ticket seller told me, we would be arriving by 1 AM or so.
It'd be a pain arriving so late at night, but I just wanted to get out of here and if this was the earliest, then I needed to fucking take it. Once I was there I'd find a good alleyway to sleep in, maybe kill some gnarly criminals to steal humanity from and make a bonfire.
A smile crossed my face. Oh yeah, there would be a ton more criminals, that was for sure. Easy Humanity and Soul harvesting.
Comfortable and content while thinking of murder, I simply waited for the bus to depart, relishing the luxury of traveling. My eyes closed, letting the wave of happiness take me.
…
…
!!!
My eyes snapped open. Eyes Everywhere had spotted a FUCKING EXORCIST climbing the bus RIGHT NOW.
It was weird, Eyes Everywhere seemed to be more subdued when I was consciously aware, as if assuming that I can control it by myself, but once I let go of the wheel E.E had absolutely no self-control. It's the reason why I got constantly woken up by cockroaches and insects just moving, E.E left me on hyper-edge.
And that's why I could instantly detect the exorcist entering the perimeter.
Sure, it wasn't dressed like one, with pretty normal clothes on, but I could SEE the same fucking gun and lightsaber handle from yesterday in their pockets. They were going incognito to KILL ME.
I was a fucking moron, of course these assholes would come for revenge. I instantly reached for the gun in my pockets… but stopped.
If I shot the gun, the bus most definitely wouldn't depart. At least not with me on it, and Kuoh was quickly proving to be a death trap with all these exorcists and angels looking for me.
No, I needed to get rid of them… some other way.
I frowned, how the fuck could I…?
…I looked down at my fingers. I thought of 1 USD.
Letting the powerful feeling get to my fingertips, I generated, out of thin air, a golden coin.
Hmm, I could make these coins however I wanted, right? After all, they weren't going to be used for buying things, so…
Again, I generated a coin, but made sure that it was thinner, thinner, perhaps sharper.
Another coin generated itself, much, much thinner. 1 USD read on the front of this impossible coin.
An ugly grin took over my face. Yeah, I remembered the fucking synopsis for Sharpest Shooter, this should've been enough to kill some unaware exorcists.
Now that there was one exorcist confirmed, I willed E.E to look in everyone's pockets, I didn't know if there were any more inside this bus and…
…Why the fuck were there eleven exorcists inside this bus.
Not every passenger was one, of course, but it was still a very significant number. They were spread around the vehicle. Three around the front, three around the middle, and… six around the back, where I was.
…Motherfuckers.
The exorcist I spotted climbing the bus entered and I had to watch him slowly make his way to the back. He looked like a normal guy, wearing a comfy-looking coat and pants, with the gun and lightsaber hidden in some hidden pockets within the coat.
Aaaand he sat right next to me. Fucking great. As he sat, he turned to me and smiled, seemingly innocently.
"Good evening. This one's going to be a long trip, yeah?"
…I forced a smile.
"Yup, one long-ass trip."
So this was the hobo.
He didn't get why the Fallen that's leading the whole operation insisted so fervently on eliminating this thin young man and to bring twelve exorcists into the operation. Frankly, it was a complete waste of personnel and resources, but alas, he was no leader to make any calls, and so he just obeyed.
The plan was rather simple. Wait until most of the bus was sleeping, hopefully the hobo would be sleeping too, then get rid of him, preferably by slitting his throat and making no mess or sound.
The twelve people on board were absolute overkill, but the Fallen was getting into hysterics when giving orders and he wasn't about to discuss logistics with a being that could tear him to shreds with a motion of her hand.
And so, he relaxed into his seat. After this was all said and done, maybe he'd go sightseeing in Kyoto. Sure, it'd be a very short sightseeing trip since the Youkai fucks were always alert to the likes of him, but as long as he and his team behaved they could probably take a break from being at the beck-and-call of a fucking psychotic Fallen bitch.