Chapter 39: Let the Boy Breathe.
"Oi, Ren! You good?"
Yuuki's voice broke through my thoughts like a stone tossed into still water.
I turned slightly. He stood at the edge of the classroom, waving half a melon bun at me like a flag, crumbs on his uniform.
"We're heading to get ramen. That new place opened near the station-you coming?"
Touka and Chen stood behind him. Touka had her arms folded, pretending not to care, and Chen gave me that familiar nod-quiet, understanding, like, you probably won't, but I'll ask anyway.
The answer was already forming on my tongue.
No thanks. Maybe next time.
But it didn't come.
"...Yeah," I said.
They all blinked.
"...Wait-what?"
"I said yeah. Let's go."
Yuuki stared. Chen raised his brows. Touka smirked faintly but said nothing.
I stood up.
The chair slid back quietly.
I tucked it in with more care than I should have.
Like I was closing a chapter.
.
.
.
.
.
But before that happened-earlier that morning-I had sat in class, heart pounding beneath my uniform.
I looked around.
Faces I hadn't seen in so long.
Friends I'd left behind.
And then-her voice.
"Alright, it's time to start the day with a boring roll call!"
That sweet, melodious voice. That cadence. That warmth.
The kind of voice that could make even attendance feel like poetry.
Mahiru Yuuta.
My homeroom teacher.
The woman I once chalked up to childish infatuation...
only to later realize I never got over.
Light brown hair. Soft yellow eyes that always glowed kindly under sunlight.
In the classroom's dull fluorescence, she shined like a secret no one deserved.
"Yama-chan!"
"Present."
"Tara-chan!"
"Here."
She gave everyone nicknames. It was her thing. Her warmth.
"Saka-chan!"
"Here."
And then...
"Toku-chan!"
My heart skipped.
It wasn't just the nickname.
It was her voice saying it.
"Toku-chan!"
I was frozen. The others vanished. She filled my vision like a dream I'd long buried.
"Toku-chan!"
Akeshi jabbed me with his elbow.
"Y-Yes ma'am! Sorry!"
She tilted her head, concerned. "Are you okay? If you're feeling unwell, Tara-chan will take you to the nurse."
I nodded, clinging to the excuse like a lifeline. "Yeah... I think I need a moment."
.
.
.
.
.
.
As we walked, Akeshi had that look-mildly amused, annoyingly perceptive.
"So... what's up?" he asked, hands tucked into his pockets.
"Nothing much," I replied, eyes fixed forward. "Why?"
"You were dazed. In class. Now, too. Tell me if something's up. I can help."
"It's nothing," I said, too fast. Arms crossed defensively. "I just needed some fresh air, that's all."
"Mm." He let it hang.
Then: "I heard Teach's gonna take her leave."
What?
"And I also heard some people saying crap like she uses her body to get ahead."
My head snapped to him.
He shrugged. "Stupid rumors. You know how this school is."
Of course I did.
She'd never-She wouldn't-
I clenched my fists, cold creeping up my spine.
"Well then," Akeshi said casually, "Let's get you a damn check-up."
Later, during lunch break, I wandered.
The scent of warm curry rice from the cafeteria. The wind brushing across the open garden. The hum of teen life-alive, ordinary.
"Hey Ren! What're you doing!?"
Something slammed into my back. I nearly buckled.
She latched onto me like a leech.
Short, messy tawny-brown hair. Jade-green eyes that sparkled like mischief bottled in human form.
"Kiritsuga Shimo," I muttered.
My childhood friend. One of the few constants in both timelines.
"Why the long face?" she grinned, spinning around me like a stray satellite.
"Nothing much, but can you get off me? My spine's turning into chalk."
She hopped down. "So what now? Wanna hit the arcade later?"
Tempting.
But I shook my head. "Not interested. You're in the art club, yeah? You've got an exam coming. Don't waste time."
I turned and walked away before I could see her face drop. "I'll see you around."
And I meant it.
I would see her again.
I would see all of them.
Because this time...
This time, I wasn't going to fade away in pursuit of unreachable dreams.
This time, I would live.
That meant eating ramen with friends.
That meant awkward hallway run-ins.
That meant talking to Mahiru-sensei.
The ramen shop buzzed with life.
Touka complained about spice levels. Yuuki made noodle jokes. Chen corrected him with deadpan sarcasm.
I laughed quietly. Not forced. Not empty.
Real.
That night, I walked home under a pale blue moon.
I thought about all the things I once wanted. A better job. A peaceful home. Enough money to retire.
But under that quiet sky, I realized something else.
I never let myself want the one thing that mattered.
Her.
I always told myself it was impossible. That she was too far, too good. That I was just another student.
But I'm not just that anymore.
I've lived.
I've failed.
I've died.
And now... I've returned.
And I will go for her-not recklessly, not foolishly, but honestly.
I'll let the boy in me breathe.
And I'll let the man in me guide him.
Tomorrow, I'll talk to her.