Harry wasn't sure how late it was. It had been hours now, and lots and lots of sex, but he still couldn't relax from what had happened that night.
"We're not going to get any sleep, are we?" Pansy asked as she rolled over to look at him.
"You can. I'm not trying to keep you up."
"I can't sleep with you like this."
"I'm sorry."
"I know, Harry." She shifted closer to him and he rearranged his arm to make them both more comfortable. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"We could try. I'm just not sure what..."
"Well, I've got all night."
Harry snorted at her. "We're going to be so miserable in classes tomorrow. Or later today, I guess."
"Busy schedule, too. Almost a full week still to go. Great timing for a crisis, huh?"
"Yeah," he sighed. "Things used to be so much simpler."
"Really? Haven't you been facing one mess or another every single year?"
"I guess so. But I just... A few years ago, I wasn't wondering how many friendships I was going to lose. I would have been shocked to think that I wouldn't have either Ron or Hermione by my side. Hagrid's still missing too, but he never has looked at me quite the same ever since I killed the dragon. I wasn't even meaning to, but does that matter to the great big lunatic? No! Harry Potter killed one of the most 'interesting creatures' possible, so Hagrid thinks I'm evil. As if it was my fault that the fucking maniacs in the ministry thought it was a good idea to send teenagers up against nesting mother dragons, for fuck's sake!"
"Let it all out, Harry," Pansy snorted. He glanced down at her grin. "What? I still hate them for making me watch that monster try to kill you."
"I know. I-" he stopped and rubbed his weary face. "Looking back, it isn't a huge surprise that Ron and I grew apart. But Hermione- I don't know, I thought it would be different with her. I certainly never thought I would be obliviating her on her birthday. I'm a great friend, huh?"
"You could have forced her to keep your secret. She does still owe you a life debt."
"That wouldn't have been any better," he argued. "It would have just made it harder on her. I'm the bastard who tortured someone in front of her. That isn't her fault. It's probably better this way."
"You know that I don't blame you for what you did, right?"
"You should," he insisted.
"Why? Umbridge was a vile bitch. Please don't tell me you're sorry she's dead."
"I don't think she is. Not yet, I mean. But no, it isn't that." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I meant that you should blame me for casting the Cruciatus on her. Especially since you and I both know how awful it is."
"She deserved it."
"Maybe, but..."
"But what?"
"I now see just how easy it could be to become addicted to the Dark Arts. You have no idea how good it felt to cause her pain like that. It was... satisfying. Amazingly so. I think that's part of the lure. Part of the way they draw you in. The Imperius works the same, you know? It feels good to let go and be controlled by another person's will, but it feels even better to dominate someone."
"Then, you should keep that in mind when I want you to dominate me," Pansy teased. Harry shook his head and frowned. "It's a bad joke, I know, Harry. I was just trying to help you relax. You're still too tense. It's no wonder we can't get to sleep."
"The Cruciatus was so much worse than that, though. I don't ever want to cast it again. Not even against the Dark Lord."
"Really? Don't you think he deserves it? After he did that to you?"
"I know he deserves it. I just don't want to cast it again because of how it made me feel."
"You said it felt good, though."
"Not just good. It was-" he struggled for a moment with the right words. "It was deeply, deeply satisfying. Like it made me feel smug about the power I held over another person. To make them bend and twist however I wanted. It was... just too much, I guess."
"I think I understand. I still might use it against the Dark Lord if I could, though." Pansy looked at him, and he saw the anger in her eyes. "He hurt you, Harry. He tried to kill you. That makes it personal, and that makes him fair game."
"I get it. I'd probably feel the same if I saw him use it against you or Luna or something."
"Speaking of our girl, we should probably try to spend more time with her the next few days. She'll help you feel better. She always does."
"That's a good idea," Harry agreed. He yawned and noticed that Pansy did as well. "Maybe this means we'll finally get a bit of rest."
"That would be nice."
"We could try counting sheep."
"Sheep are boring, Harry."
"Boring means sleepy though. Doesn't it?"
"Count something more fun. Count Lunas."
"There's only one Luna."
"Count all the hugs she gives us then. That's got to be like a million or something." Pansy yawned again.
They both drifted off thinking of the same strange but sweet blonde Ravenclaw.
"I brought you both tea," a familiar voice said shortly after they collapsed into their seats at breakfast the next morning.
Pansy took a drink and blinked open her eyes. "This is why I love you, Luna."
"Rough night?"
"Yeah, it's a long story."
Harry couldn't even answer. He gulped down his tea and reached for another cup. The house-elves were amazing. Luna was too, of course. When he finally felt well enough to look around, he saw Hermione sitting a few seats down, happily chatting with Neville.
It seemed as if nothing was wrong. He wondered how long that would last.
Harry turned to the staff table and observed the empty seat towards the end where Umbridge would have sat. He didn't stare too long (he hoped) and then he noticed once again that Hagrid was still absent. The substitute, Grubbly-Plank, was a very competent teacher, and if he were being honest with himself, she was better than Hagrid. Harry still had some loyalty to his friend though, so he hoped he made it back from wherever he was.
Sirius had said only that it was some sort of overseas mission for the Order.
Harry hadn't asked more than that. He thought he remembered Dumbledore saying something about trying to get the giants on their side at the end of the previous year, so the half-giant teacher would have been a likely candidate for just such a task.
"At least we've got Charms first thing," Pansy sighed after taking another sip of her tea. "It could be a lot worse. Nodding off in Potions could be a nightmare. Something would probably bubble up and melt the table."
"It could be better though," Harry countered. "We could have Binns. That's why I love Thursdays. It's only fair since we have Astronomy the night before, but it's still my favorite day of classes."
"I have History this morning, you know," Luna added. "I could take a nap on your behalf if it would make you feel better."
"If only that would help, sweetie. Harry owes me a very long nap, but we've got McGonagall second and we're outside all afternoon between Magical Creatures and Herbology. We might just have to rest before dinner time."
"You can," Harry muttered. "I've got quidditch practice this afternoon."
"Poor Harry," Luna said with a smile. "I could come help."
"How?"
"I could climb on behind you on your broom and keep you from falling off when you get sleepy. I suppose the broom would go a bit slower, but better that than tumbling down and hurting yourself."
"I'd say I would take you up on that, but I'm pretty sure Angelina would yell at both us."
"Then I guess you two should both eat plenty of energy food."
"Luna, sweetie, I don't care how good you say it is," Pansy shook her head, too fond of her to be more than slightly exasperated. "I am not eating apple slices dipped in maple syrup and covered in whipped cream."
"What about a banana then?"
"Well, that might help wake Harry up, at least."
"Oh goodie, I'll get you one!"
"But no maple syrup!"
"Oh poo, you're no fun," Luna replied, still grinning all the while as she removed the peel and put a little dab of whipped cream on one end of the fruit. "Here you go!"
"Fine."
Harry's eyes bulged as Pansy took an enormous bite of the banana, including all of the whipped cream. "You were right," he nodded. "I'm wide awake now."
Parvati and Lavender giggled at his remark. Hermione, on the other hand, snorted in disapproval.
"Do you want a banana too?" Luna asked him.
"No thanks."
"I think Harry might prefer a different type of fruit," Parvati suggested. She handed him a small bowl. "Here's some juicy, delicious peaches. I think that's more your style, right Harry?"
"Uh huh," he said as he reached for his spoon. He was too tired to care about the way Parvati smiled at him.
"Ooh, are there any more?" Luna wondered. "Peaches are yummy. I haven't had any since summer."
"I see some down at the other end," Pansy offered as she finished her bite. After Luna got up, Pansy turned to Parvati. "I was too hungry to make a crack about how you should keep your peaches to yourself."
"It's not my fault they're so delicious," Parvati teased back. "Besides, Harry's still a growing boy, and he needed something to eat."
"Utterly shameless, Patil."
"That's me."
Luna hurried back over and sat down next to Harry with an enormous bowl of peaches.
"Are you going to eat all that?" he asked.
"I probably shouldn't." She furrowed her brow and looked at him. "Oh, did you mean that you wanted some too? That would be fine. I'd love to share my peaches with you, Harry."
"Et tu, Luna?" Pansy smirked.
"I'll share my peaches with you too, of course."
"Never mind."
"I'm surrounded by perverts," Hermione sighed. She got up and walked by Harry, patting him on the shoulder. "Don't take too long, breakfast is almost over."
"I'll come with you, Hermione," a blushing Neville.
"Well, now that the prudes are gone, can I have some of your peaches, Luna?" Dean asked with a grin.
"Get your own," she frowned. "I don't share my peaches with just anyone. What type of girl do you think I am?"
"My mistake."
"You're forgiven." She fed Harry a bite, then leaned forward past him to look at Pansy with a spoonful and a smile. "Want some?"
Breakfast had been the best part of the day. It was a struggle to stay awake through Charms, but when McGonagall started to lecture, Harry was doomed. He lost five points when she caught him nodding off.
Thankfully, it only happened the one time.
By the time he was heading for the quidditch pitch, he was very glad that Luna had decided to come along. She had an arm around him, which wasn't surprising, but Harry was actually leaning on her a bit for once. He was absolutely exhausted and he still had two hours till dinner would be served.
He was strongly considering taking Luna up on her offer to ride tandem with him.
Just before they got to the locker room, she pulled him to a stop.
"Do you still need help staying awake?"
"Yes."
"Okay. Just remember this is for your own good." Luna reached up and pulled her wand from behind her ear.
"What?"
"Aguamenti!"
He sputtered as the conjured water hit him right in the face. He wiped some of it out of his eyes as he saw Luna tucking her wand away again.
"You're welcome."
"Thanks." He briefly thought of giving her a very wet hug but decided not to. Knowing Luna, she might like it anyway.
"I'll be rooting for you to do well. Feel free to fly over if you start to feel drowsy and need me to do that again."
"I will."
"Harry, hurry up," Angelina yelled as she came out, fully decked out in her uniform. "You're the last one here."
"Aye aye, captain." He ran into the locker room to change as quickly as he could.
Flying usually was too exciting for him to be anything other than focused on it.
But by the time they were done and he could go to dinner, he did ask Luna for a refresher. His hair was still wet and occasionally dripping on him when they got to the entrance hall and met up with Pansy, who immediately snogged him right in front of everyone.
What could she say?
Dripping wet Harry really turned her on. Besides, he wasn't going to turn her down. And Luna cheered them on, too.
"May you live in interesting times." Samuel McKenzie once again thought of the supposed ancient Chinese curse and knew that it had effectively described most of his life. He grew up just as Grindelwald started his reign of terror and World War II devastated Europe. He was a young man by the time it was over and felt an enormous amount of relief that he had survived, especially as he had escaped without having to fight.
But that was only the beginning of his interesting times. His chosen profession tended to keep him on his toes, but that was only a small part of it. Being a half-blood who kept one foot in each world, he was witness to the corruption and idiocy in both worlds.
Many thought that things would get better in the post war days.
A couple of decades later, those people would be proven absolutely wrong.
In the normal world, the Cold War raged, first giving way to things like fear of the bomb that could end everything. How Sam had marveled at the purebloods who completely ignored most of the world. There was no magic that could possibly protect against nuclear fallout.
And if there ever would be, it would require a rare muggleborn with a startling intellect and drive for research because the magical world was happy with everything old and unchanging. Innovation was so foreign that he doubted if most British wizards even knew what the word meant.
The East and West also went to war, but thankfully they never did break out any of those bombs again after the devastation they wrought in Japan. That was little comfort to places like Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, and probably so many others that he had forgotten.
But the magical world wasn't any better. Great Britain's old prejudices and stupidity stayed strong for decades until Tom Riddle led a band of terrorists who nearly succeeded in taking over the country. There had been no great reforms or improvements, instead much of the old guard tried to crush everyone under their boots yet again.
And when the Potter miracle happened, everyone buried their heads in the sand and did the exact same thing. The Imperius defense and untold amounts of gold changing hands made sure that the country remained in the same quagmire of incompetence and corruption.
It was good for business, but bad for his sanity and blood pressure.
Then he became the solicitor for Harry Potter, the boy who lived himself. He was a good lad, not a bad head on his shoulders, but even better, he knew how to listen to advice from those smarter than him. His girlfriend for one- Pansy was quite devious. Sam as well; he had been hired for his knowledge as much as purely for his services.
But it was those services that brought him back to Hogwarts for the first time in a couple of years that September. The fact that his client was such a big name and the target of his ire was the minister's undersecretary both contributed to the woman walking along beside him towards the castle.
He had known Amelia Bones for more than twenty years. Ever since she had been a rookie auror back during the worst of things in the seventies. He'd had to defend her after one 'upstanding citizen' with pureblood, bigoted beliefs, and enough gold to cause problems claimed she had harassed him.
The supposed harassment involved stopping an attack against muggles.
The fact that bullshit like that was allowed to actually play out in front of the Wizengamot told him exactly why the ministry nearly fell to a few dozen violent idiots. Oh, Riddle was certainly dangerous enough on his own, but he was the exception to the rule. Most of the Death Eaters were nothing more than brutes who had learned the Unforgivables and then used them every chance they could get.
However, it was the underlying failing society that let them go unchecked for too long that was the biggest factor.
At least Amelia was the head of the DMLE now. She was an old ally, even though she was buried in the bureaucracy with all the fools in the ministry. Things could have been worse if there weren't at least a few people like her still fighting the government from within.
"If we can get this over with quickly, it would be nice to visit with my niece for awhile," she said as they approached the main doors to the castle.
"With any luck, that shouldn't be a problem."
"Do you really think that will be the case?"
"Unfortunately not," Sam admitted with a sigh. "Harry's luck tends towards the outrageous, one extreme or the other. The fact that both of us are on the way to try to reign Umbridge in suggests to me that this will more likely be a huge mess."
"I wish I knew what she had on Fudge so I could throw her useless arse in Azkaban. Delores is a nightmare." Amelia frowned and continued on. "For all his faults, Cornelius is more of a fool than an actual monster. The same cannot be said for her."
"After the trial for miss Granger, I have to agree. That's also why I have a bad feeling about this." The doors swung open, with Filch waiting to take them inside. "After you, my dear."
"Going to use me for cover, Sam? I'll remember that," Amelia teased.
"I merely thought it would be more appropriate, since you are in charge after all."
"Sure," she droned in response. "Let's get this over with."
The volume of the students eating and chatting over their evening meal was impressive as they entered the Great Hall. It made the sudden drop even more noticeable as much of the crowd turned to stare at the two intruding adults. More than a few of them likely recognized Amelia, and at least a handful likely knew who he was as well.
Dumbledore stood as they approached the head table. "Amelia, Mr. McKenzie, to what do we owe this visit?"
"Official business, Dumbledore. I see Delores Umbridge is not here. Did she leave dinner early?"
"I admit I have not seen her yet this evening." Dumbledore stroked his beard as he thought. "In fact, I don't believe I have seen her at all today. Minerva, do you recall Delores joining us today?"
"No, Albus." McGonagall let just the hint of a smile show. "I think we were all just appreciating the break from her and that awful clipboard. You may wish to check with professor Watts though. She has had an unseemly obsession with his class in particular."
"Why am I not surprised?" Amelia frowned. Sam followed her as she headed to one end of the table where her former colleague sat next to a younger female professor that she did not recognize. "Gordon, I trust you are enjoying your time here?"
"Amelia, good to see you again," he replied as he wiped his hands and reached across the table to shake hands with his former boss. "It hasn't been nearly as much trouble as Alastor led me to believe it would be, actually. Then again, I might just have more patience with teenagers than he did."
"That wouldn't surprise me. By any chance have you seen Delores today?"
"No, and let me tell you what a pleasure that has been. Fudge's minion has been hounding me in at least a third of my classes."
"I see. Can you tell me where her office is then?"
"I'll do better- I'll walk you there."
"I don't want to interrupt."
"Don't worry about it, Amelia. I was almost done anyway, and I must admit to being curious about what brings you here."
"I'd rather not say anything at the moment," she replied.
Gordon Watts nodded and stood, striding around the table. "Shall we be on our way then?"
They were out of the Great Hall before Amelia introduced Sam to Watts, although he had heard of the former auror through the letter that Pansy had sent. Officially, it had been Harry's case, but the handwriting was hers, and the idea almost certainly came from the girl as well.
Amelia mentioned Umbridge's harassment of the Potter family, specifically the muggleborn under Harry's protection, and the teacher concurred that she had been paying close attention to Harry and his associates from what he had seen. Watts snorted when he said he was not at all surprised that Umbridge was picking on a muggleborn. He knew exactly the type of witch she was.
Sam nodded, knowing far too well where Umbridge's sympathies lay. When your own mother was a muggle, you paid a lot of attention to those who sneered at everything from the non-magical world. You also had to remember every face that had ever muttered about mudbloods.
And Sam had a long memory.
He paid no care to the rest of the conversation as the two former aurors chatted along the way to Umbridge's office. He was torn between hoping the woman wouldn't cause too much more of a headache for his client and a smaller part of him that hoped to be drawn into battle with the nasty witch. She was the type that he would have been thrilled to bring to court.
They reached her office on the second floor a few minutes later. Amelia knocked twice, but with no response, she announced herself and opened the door, finding it locked with only a simple charm.
Sam should have known better than to disclose his suspicion to Amelia earlier. Delores Umbridge had hanged herself.
Interesting times, indeed.
The next day was the busiest of the week for Harry and Pansy, so they missed any gossip about the missing witch from the ministry. By the time Astronomy was done, they were both so tired that they barely were able to change and climb into bed before falling fast asleep.
Thursday morning they slept in and had a late breakfast prepared by Dobby since they had a free period first thing to help make up for the previous late night.
By the time they got to lunch, they were aware of the rumors. That morning's paper had announced the suicide of Delores Umbridge, apparently driven to it by stress from being around teenagers, as the witch's note was said to have mentioned how much she hated children.
Harry had to stifle a grin when Hermione showed him the story. He wondered who had leaked that to the Daily Prophet. It wasn't the only thing she had admitted, but it was a nice touch from whoever wrote it as it pointed to questions about why she, of all people, had been sent to evaluate Hogwarts. Harry didn't recognize the name of the reporter, but it was obvious that Rita Skeeter hadn't been the only muckraker on the payroll.
It was just the sort of thing to get the readers' attention, especially those with children. This was another lapse on the ministry's part, and after the near tragedy of the dementors swarming a quidditch match, there were a lot of people that were ready to see heads roll.
Fudge, of course, doubled down on the idiocy. He claimed to have no idea why Umbridge had gone off the deep end (which admittedly was true), and he certainly had no knowledge of her dislike of children.
If the buffoon didn't know what the wicked witch was really like, with her bigotry so very apparent, then he was a fool.
Hermione was more than slightly put off by Harry's callous disregard of her death. He didn't try to say or do anything more though. It was all still too fresh of a wound.
A letter from Sam informed him that Umbridge's time of death was revealed to be Tuesday morning around dawn and that their charges of harassment against her were set aside due to the fact that she was already dead by the time he had gone to the ministry later that day.
Once the week's classes were over, Harry was ready for a nice, relaxing weekend.
Instead, he was once again meeting with several students after dinner, planning a smaller group that he could work on with spells that Saturday afternoon. He hoped that Angelina wouldn't run him too ragged at practice in the morning. Becoming captain of the team had made her much more intense.
Sadly, it sort of made him nostalgic for the lack of quidditch the year before.
His arms and shoulders were getting plenty of work outs though, as he had been pushed into helping out as a chaser more often than not lately. Ron was inconsistent as their keeper, which meant the team was usually focused on helping him improve, one way or the other.
Harry felt a little sorry for his old friend.
But that was a worry for the next day. That evening, he laid out his ideas for the people he was hoping would work with him on teaching the younger years that had been interested. He started with a list of spells that he thought should be taught as soon as possible instead of waiting for whenever they might be covered in official lessons. The shield charm was an obvious one, and not something that he expected anyone to know before fourth year- not unless they were paranoid bastards like he had been.
But he and Moody were obvious exceptions to the rule as far as that sort of thing went.
The fact that there were multiple people from all four houses was not something of note to Harry, but a few of them cast knowing glances at each other. He just got to the point though.
Hannah's cousin Chloe, Slytherin's seventh year prefect, had come along with Hestia, Flora, and Daphne. Susan, Hannah, and Ernie had all come together from Hufflepuff, and he had to assume that Parvati had talked to her sister, since both Patils and Anthony Goldstein were there as well.
Hermione was the only other Gryffindor in attendance.
The general plan seemed sound enough. Harry would join each group for the first lesson or two, just to make sure the house leaders would have a bit more authority, but he made it clear that he was only going to be there to observe and possibly help with demonstrations.
This would likely keep him busy every night for the next week.
Unfortunately, it was Gryffindor that he worried about the most. He knew the younger students would expect him to be their teacher, but he just didn't have the time. His only other option being Hermione made things even more nerve wracking. Who knew how long that would last- and then who would he turn to?
"Dobby!"
"Yes, miss Pansy?"
"I need you to turn that desk into a bean bag couch again, like when we were on the train last year. Remember?"
"Dobby remembers."
A wave of the elf's fingers left a very large squishy place for Harry to collapse, which he did immediately. Three hours of quidditch, a brief respite for lunch, and then another three and a half hours casting spells, with a bit of impromptu dueling thrown in- Harry was utterly spent.
They had waited until almost everyone had left the room though. It was just Pansy and Luna with him.
Hermione had a lot of studying to do, so she was actually one of the first to leave. She had mentioned it to him earlier, so he knew that she was likely already gathering books in the library. It made things easier, sort of, but it still gave him a little twinge inside.
"Are you going to be alright, Harry?"
"I just need to rest, Luna."
"That's not what I meant." He reluctantly rolled over to look at her and he couldn't help but notice the concern in her eyes. "Something has been bothering you for several days. I just want to know if there's anything I can do to help."
"I... I don't think we can talk about it here."
"We'd need more privacy to get into everything, sweetie," Pansy added.
"Ah, I see. Well, why don't we just do that? Pop up to your quarters and you can tell Aunty Luna all about it."
"You won't be Aunty Luna for a few years yet," Pansy replied with a grin.
"Maybe not, but I can always start practicing now. Besides, you both look like you could use a chance to relax."
"You're right," Harry admitted. "Dobby, we'll need your help getting Luna into our quarters without people gossiping."
"You know that I don't actually mind any of that gossip, right Harry?"
"Better safe than sorry."
"That's fine with me then. Oh, but Dobby, can you also bring this?" she asked, pointing down to his transfigured bean bag couch. "I love laying on squishy things."
"Of course, miss Luna."
"Wonderful."
Harry got up and one pop later, both Luna and her squishy thing disappeared. Dobby returned and took Pansy before taking Harry last.
When he arrived, he saw that Luna was arranging herself, with a pillow propping her head up but otherwise leaving plenty of room on both sides. She patted her lap and waved them over.
"Now you both can come lay down and tell Aunty Luna all your problems."
Harry fell face first into her lap, which made both girls giggle at him. He figured that if they were going to tease him anyway, he might as well give them a good reason to. Plus, he was still wiped out from everything he'd done that day.
"My, my, someone was anxious," Luna chided him. Pansy snorted and settled down much more gracefully, curled up beside her best friend, and the two of them started to run their fingers through Harry's hair.
"You're lucky you have nice hair."
"Thanks Luna."
"That's why we like to play with it. I think I need you to do me next though."
"Huh?"
"Pansy says you'll play with her hair too and that it feels wonderful. So, once you feel better, all relaxed and reinvigorated, then you can do mine. It's been years since I had my mum around to do my hair, you know?"
"I'll have Dobby grab my brush," Pansy said. "We'll have him brush it for you too."
"Even when I'm exhausted, you two are still planning things to keep me busy."
"Oh, poor Harry," Luna teased. "Now then, what has been bothering you this week?"
"It's a long story. And not a very fun one either. I just-" Harry closed his eyes and moaned as the girls hands were turning him into mush through the top of his head. "I don't even want to talk about it right now. Why don't you tell me a story instead?"
"That would be good practice for future Aunty Luna time," Pansy suggested.
"Okay. Let me think of a good one." She hummed for a moment and Harry had to force himself to stay awake. Luna's lap was soft and he could really go for a nap right about then. "I've got it.
"Once upon a time, there was a girl named Allavalleyasarastiae-"
"Alla what?" Pansy asked.
"Allavalleyasarastiae. Her mum picked it based on a dream she had. Her father could never remember how to spell it though, so he just called her princess. And he was a push over for his little princess- he doted on her and spoiled her, so it was fitting.
"Anyway, when she was young, she began to learn magic from her grandmother, who was part fey. Her gran's magic was strong, but it was largely based in types of trickery. She could do all sorts of glamours, she could turn people invisible, and she could charm the pants off a nun. She could enchant all manner of beasts and even the most strong willed men were putty in her hands.
"Unfortunately, the girl wasn't nearly as inclined to the ways of a trickster, so she didn't particularly enjoy the magic she learned. She wanted to learn how to fight, so that she could have adventures. The reason for this was the son of her neighbors, a young man who had been learning the ways of combat so that he could someday become a knight. He had worked hard, and his family had helped to save up enough money to buy him a fine set of armor and weaponry.
"Allavalleyasarastiae would watch him as he rode his horse or swung his sword, always practicing. Eventually, the day came when he was called away to fight. There was a nearby village that was under attack from a band of orcs.
"She had no horse to ride, and no weapons to use, but she wanted to follow the young man she fancied, so she called a griffin from the sky and charmed it into flying after him. She turned them invisible, and it was lucky that she did because otherwise an archer would have likely shot at her trusty mount, for most men feared griffins. There were several men with bows trying to keep the orcs at bay, and she saw where her young man had fought into the middle of the brigands, slashing several of them down.
"But as she drew closer, she saw something terrible occur- the one she fancied was felled by a blow to the back of the head, and the orcs dragged him away with several other captives."
"I'm not sure I like this story, Luna," Pansy muttered.
"Hold on, I haven't gotten to the good part yet," Luna insisted. "Right, so, Allavalleyasarastiae flew after the monsters, hoping and praying that the young man was still alive. She followed them to a cave where they made their lair. The captives were placed into cages and the orcs began to sort the treasures they had gathered. She crept into the cave and saw that one of the beasts looked more human than the others, just as strong, but with less monstrous features. The leader of the group had him sent over to speak with their captives, and as she watched, she learned that this one was gathering information so that he could go back to the village and demand a ransom if the folk wanted their friends and family returned to them.
"Once he had finished his task, this single orc slung a pack over his shoulder, picked up his sword, and set out back towards the village. She followed after him, and since it was already after night fall, she hoped to catch him unaware. But then she saw a curious thing. As he stopped halfway to the village, he took a kitten out of his pack, and the orc sat down and played with the kitten for several minutes.
"Allavalleyasarastiae was confused."
"So am I," Harry interjected.
"Hush you," Pansy rejoined him.
"Sorry."
"So she watched and watched and decided that this time was as good as any. She sneaked up behind him and cast a spell over the orc. Then she demanded that he obey her. When he turned to face Allavalleyasarastiae, the orc was overcome by her beauty and majesty.
"Part of that was due to the charm she had used against him, obviously, but part of it was also due to the fact that she was a total hottie. Long slender legs, nice round boobies, and a tight little arse you could bounce a galleon off of. The orc man fell instantaneously head over heels in love with her.
"And he was an orc man, for his mother had been a human woman enslaved by his orc tribe many years ago. Hence his less bestial features. He introduced himself to his brand new goddess as Vokk, the most hardy and cunning member of the tribe of Nagruda. He swore to serve her and worship her for the rest of his life."
"It's definitely getting more interesting," Pansy said.
"Yeah, I didn't see that coming," Harry agreed.
"The tale will take longer if you two keep interrupting me."
"Yeah, but this is more like the real Aunty Luna experience. You've got to imagine our kids will ask all sorts of questions at some point, breaking up the flow of the story. This way is better practice," Pansy insisted.
"That makes sense. Alright, so where was I? Oh yes, Vokk had just introduced himself. Allavalleyasarastiae looked him over and wondered what she should do with her new henchman. She asked him about the kitten, and Vokk told her that he had found it in a recent raid and that he wanted to keep it safe from the rest of the orcs because they would almost definitely try to eat it. He thought it was cute though, and he had always wanted a pet ever since his mum had told him about the cat that she'd had when she was a girl.
"By this point, she had decided what to do. She had Vokk lead the way back to the cave. It was now late, late at night, and only a half moon overhead gave them any light. Allavalleyasarastiae told Vokk that she wanted him to sneak inside and kill all the other orcs so that they could free the humans. He said he would try, but he warned his goddess that he might not succeed in getting them all before one awoke and alarmed the others. That gave her pause, but she saw his sincerity, so she cloaked him in invisibility and told him that she would be most pleased if he were triumphant.
"His voice whispered that he would not fail her, and so she hid nearby and waited. Several long minutes passed before Vokk returned. He had numerous splashes of blood on his face, arms, and clothes, and his sword was still dripping, covered in red. She stepped forward and he knelt down before her, proclaiming that he was finished.
"At first, she thought to have him lead the way to the hostages, but freeing them when he was so covered in the obvious signs of battle would likely startle them. Thankfully, there was a stream very close by- in fact, it's proximity was largely why the orcs had chosen that cave. Allavalleyasarastiae was also intrigued by the fact that Vokk knew the word proximity, as most of the orcs she had seen were brutes with very limited intellects. The most cunning of his tribe, indeed.
"They walked to the stream, and she had him bathe there. He happily obeyed his goddess, stripping down and cleansing himself as well as wiping down his blade and then trying to soak the blood from his studded leather tunic. Vokk had no sense of embarrassment, and Allavalleyasarastiae soon saw exactly why he had nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, he was blessed with a very large bulge in his trousers, and when he was fully revealed, she had to stop herself from drooling."
"I think we're getting to the good part," Pansy snorted.
"Pretty close," Luna confirmed. "She took this as a sign that maybe this was why she had been drawn there. Not to find adventure, but to find this hunky minion that would do her bidding and then share her bedding. True, he had an under-bite with two jutting teeth that were more like tusks than canines, and his orange eyes were unusual, but he had arms rippling with muscles that she could imagine carrying her... and did I mention the great big-"
"Uh, yeah, you did, Luna," Harry cut her off. His pillow was starting to squirm a bit, so he hoped Luna wouldn't turn this into something X rated while he was trying to rest. He should have known her story would take a bizarre turn or two before she was done.
"Right, so she told Vokk that she was pleased, but they were both quite tired, so they gathered his wet things and returned to the cave. As much as she might have wanted to see just how willing to please her he would be in bed, they both needed to sleep, so they found their way through the darkness to the place where he usually slept. It wasn't so much a bed as a pile of straw with some scattered cloth and leather to make the ground soft enough for slumber.
"Her father would have been shocked to see his princess lay down in such a place, but Vokk stretched out and she used him as a pillow. She dozed off and had several hours of surprisingly nice rest. As well as a couple of very lurid dreams."
"Of course she did," Pansy snorted.
"However, dawn came and eventually the captive villagers awoke and started screaming. She got up and Vokk put his now dry studded leather back on and they strode through the cave towards the other humans. Allavalleyasarastiae saw why they were so startled- Vokk had slaughtered at least twenty orcs and there were pools of blood and corpses everywhere. But that just made her more proud. That her magic was strong and she had chosen a minion with the willpower and the skills necessary to really get the job done.
"She used her powers to calm the villagers and eventually lead them back home safely. The young man that she had been so obsessed with had survived, but likely due to the head wound, he was never quite the same- more prone to violence and rash behavior, and within six months he rode off into the sunset when the kingdom went to war over a petty border squabble.
"Allavalleyasarastiae was disappointed in him, but she had found a new purpose.
"Her parents were horrified when she returned home with a half-orc barbarian follower. Her father, of course, wanted someone much better for his little princess. Her mother just thought he was a vile beast. Her gran understood, though. She confided that she'd had a burly dwarf as a lover for a few years in her youth, and even though she learned to love his beard, he came to her one night too drunk to get it up. And that was a deal breaker.
"So Allavalleyasarastiae and Vokk took to roaming the land. Between his skill with violence and her skill with enchantments, illusions, and the like, they solved many problems, saved many lives, and were rewarded with great treasures.
"But in the end, what was more important to her were the nights when she rode him till dawn, or alternatively, when he bent her over and called her his filthy little bitch in heat. You see, Allavalleyasarastiae loved dirty talk almost as much as she loved his great big fat cock."
Harry muttered and closed his eyes. He was trying to let up on his protectiveness of Luna, but hearing her talk about sex was still uncomfortable.
"Luna, sweetie, does your middle name happen to be Allavalleya... whatever?" Pansy wondered. "And also, how do you keep that straight? It's got to be like thirty letters long and nine syllables or something."
"It's Allavalleyasarastiae. Only twenty letters but you were right about it being nine syllables," she replied with a grin. "Oh, and no, my middle name is actually Phoebe."
"Phoebe? That doesn't seem... I don't know, Luna-enough-ish to me," Harry said.
"Phoebe was one of the Titans of Greece. She was Zeus' aunt. She had two daughters, although her grandchildren were more famous- Apollo, Artemis, and Hecate. My family has long had a preference for names from the Ancient Greeks and Romans."
"Okay, that does sound more like you then. I didn't know that Phoebe was a Greek name."
"You never know when you might learn something new. Maybe Hogwarts is rubbing off on us in a good way. She might be mad at me for not doing my Potions homework yet though. I'll have to get on that tonight before bed."
"Hogwarts is a girl?"
"Of course she is, Harry. You don't think this magnificent castle could be a boy, do you?"
"I don't know. I mean, I know sailors tend to think of ships as feminine, but I've never really imagined a castle that way."
"It does have all those towers," Pansy offered. "You'd think with all those phallic symbols, the castle would be male."
"I still say she's a lovely lady," Luna pouted. While Pansy snorted at her, Harry just lay there and tried to relax. He did wonder about why that particular strange tale had come to mind though.
"Luna, what was the point of that story?"
"Harry, not everything has to have a point."
"Oh."
"It had magic, and sex, and violence. What more do you need?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"And it got your mind off of things, right?"
"That's definitely true. Thanks, Luna."
"You're welcome." She wiggled a little bit, obviously trying to get more comfy and sighing when it didn't work. "Now, why don't the two of you go blow each other's minds while I take a little nap? From what I've heard (and dreamt about), oral sex makes everything much, much better. Wake me up when it's time for dinner."
"If you insist," Pansy drawled, pulling Harry to his feet. "Come on Vokk, this princess needs her every whim and desire catered to by her faithful worshipper."
"And I do love worshipping you."
As they hurried for their bedroom, Luna yawned, rolled over and smiled to herself. "Those two are so cute."
She drifted off to sleep to the sounds of Pansy moaning.
More than an hour later, Harry and Pansy emerged from their room, one type of hunger satiated, but another ready for food. They were cleaned up and dressed again, and they found Luna still asleep on the bean bag couch, sucking on her thumb. It was adorable. Harry wished he had a camera.
Pansy leaned down over her and gently shook her. "Luna, sweetie, time to wake up."
When she saw them glancing at the thumb in her mouth, Luna gave them her sternest glare. That too was adorable in Harry's opinion.
"Well, I didn't have anything else I could suck on, now did I?"
That broke the dam and they all cracked up.
Several minutes later, Luna borrowed Harry's cloak so she could sneak out of their quarters. Pansy stopped at a restroom along the way to the Great Hall so that Luna could come out and it was several minutes later when their giggles made Harry bang on the door.
"Girl talk can wait, I'm hungry!"
Sunday morning the Slytherin quidditch team had practice. Since that was most of the likely candidates for awful male behavior, or at least, the most worrisome ones, Chloe Abbot and Daphne Greengrass took that opportunity to lead the younger Slytherin girls down a hall into a classroom where Harry and Pansy were waiting, having moved the empty desks aside.
"I didn't know this many would come."
"I made it mandatory for every girl from first to third year," Chloe responded. "They're too young to remember how bad things were at times when Snape was running things, letting the little bastards run wild, but I do. Listen up, girls! Boys are not to be trusted. Especially the ones related to Death Eaters. Too many of those old families look down on witches and think we're only good for being their play things and giving them heirs. That's why we're here today."
"Is Harry going to teach us how to fight?" Astoria Greengrass asked, turning around and fluttering her eyelashes at him. Pansy contained her growl, but Harry knew she didn't like the girl. She was blonde for one thing, and despite not yet turning fourteen, she had at least an inch of height on his girlfriend.
"No, he's not," Daphne replied, glaring at her sister. "This isn't a game. Chloe and I are going to teach you."
"Then why's he here?"
"Just to support my friends and colleagues," Harry answered. "I will teach them what I can, give them suggestions about what I've seen work, and they, in turn, will teach you." When a few disappointed groans came out, he added. "Sorry ladies, but I just don't have the time to teach everyone that wants to learn this sort of thing."
"Right, now if all of you have had enough time staring at Harry-"
"We haven't," Astoria cut her sister off with glee.
"Too damn bad. Line up and pay attention. We're going to start with disarming spells, making sure every one of you has that perfect. Most wizards are a lot less dangerous without their wands."
"Some of them are useless even then," Pansy muttered to him, and Harry had to nod in agreement.
"Once Chloe and I are sure that you've got that down, it will be time to work on your shield spells. I know that none of you have learned that in class yet, but it's simply too useful to wait for you all to reach fourth year. Especially since some people tend to start disagreements in the hallways. You never know when some wanker from Gryffindor will be trying to hex someone."
"It's even worse when it's an older Slytherin boy that starts throwing all sorts of nasty curses back at them," Chloe added. "When I was a second year, I was accidentally hit by a curse that gave me boils all over my left arm. I was glad that it didn't hit my face, but I still spent the next day under the tender care of Madam Pomfrey. If you don't want to wind up like that, the shield charm can be incredibly useful.
"Now, let's get to work."
Harry smiled as he watched. If every house worked this well, these classes for the younger years would be a rousing success.
That final Sunday afternoon in September, Harry led the older students out into the grounds, right to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. He was thankful that he knew the Weasley brothers that day, as Fred and George had helped set things up for him.
He wondered how many people realized that there were a couple dozen more bushes, large rocks and whatnot along the path they took.
It was still a large group, but closer to fifty people instead of the hundred plus that had turned out a couple of weeks before. Once they had settled in front of him, Harry began his little speech. He hadn't planned it out, but he knew the point he wanted to get across.
"Welcome everybody. Last time, we had a little refresher course about a few common spells. This time, I've got a different exercise planned." He grinned and wondered how many of them would be cursing his name in a few minutes. He only had Pansy and Luna by his side, but he figured that would be more than enough with surprise on his side.
"Now, first off, if you ever come face to face with one of these so called 'rogue Death Eaters' your goal should be to make sure that you and anyone you're with can escape."
"But what if we want to fight?"
Harry didn't recognize the voice, but he knew someone was bound to ask that question. He had asked Flitwick for help tracking down a spell just for today's little lesson. He noticed Angelina standing in front of a tree and knew that she would be a good target. Plus, it would be a tiny bit of pay back for the hellishly long practices.
"If you want to fight, then you have no idea what a fight is really like."
A line of green light shot out of his wand, right over his quidditch captain's head.
"Harry, what the hell was that?" She asked after ducking the spell.
"I don't think anyone would be dumb enough to question your bravery, Angie. Did you like having that spell flying at you? Was that fun?"
"Of course not."
"And if it had actually been the killing curse, it would have been even less fun." Harry paused to let that sink in. At least half of the faces looking at him were more thoughtful now; it was a start that he could work with. "Raise your hand if you've ever had someone cast the killing curse at you."
He would have been really worried if any hands had joined his. It did seem to get his point across though.
"Trying to survive something like that shouldn't be fun. It should be terrifying. But, when something terrifying happens, you need to be able to keep your head and avoid running into danger. I know some of my fellow Gryffindors might not like that thought." Several chuckles answered that statement. "But, we are all teenagers. Fighting Death Eaters is not our job. If any of you get killed by a Death Eater, then I will have failed in what I was trying to teach you.
"With that said, the one thing I would really like to teach you, I can't."
"What's that, Harry?" Fred asked.
"Apparition. The best way to avoid a fight is to not be there. Otherwise, a portkey could come in handy."
"So, you're going to teach us how to run away?" Dean asked, looking confused and annoyed. "That's not what I expected, Harry."
"Dean, you've got younger sisters, right?"
"Yeah."
"And they're muggles, right?"
"Yeah. What of it?"
"So, if Death Eaters decided to attack your family, would you rather get your little sisters to safety or try to fight your way out? Keep in mind that Death Eaters almost always attack when they've got you outnumbered and they won't care a thing about collateral damage."
"I'd protect my sisters."
"I know you would," Harry agreed. "I'm not saying there won't ever be a time when some of you might be forced to fight. But against enemies like that, it's more important to keep the people on your side safe. You win the fight by not having to go to any funerals afterwards. That's one of the lessons Alastor taught me."
"But you said you had to fight at the graveyard," Ron argued. "When are you going to teach us about that?"
"I'm not sure. However, the reason I won that fight was because I had a portkey that let me escape. Not because of any fancy spells or being able to out duel a Death Eater. That was how I survived. That was the important point." Harry looked at a few people nodding. "And that's what we're going to work on today."
He looked over at Pansy and Luna, who spread out at least twenty feet on either side of him.
Only a few of the others seemed to have an idea of what was coming next. He saw Fred and George sliding off to one side, trying to act as nonchalantly as possible. He noticed that one of them had pulled Ginny along with them. At least someone was paying attention.
"Your goal is to make it back to the castle."
He was sad that no one had yet started running. That's what he would have done. Or maybe thrown a spell or two and then started running. Harry raised his wand.
"Stupefy!" rang out from both sides of him, his girls beginning the bombardment. Harry waited for that signal before starting to flick stunners at every target he could as fast as possible. He didn't want to make it too hard on them, but after casting it hundreds of times the year before, he could easily cast it without a sound, merely pointing his wand and watching the other students fall.
There were a few more shouts of Stupefy from some of the others, returning fire on them. Pansy and Luna had already moved towards cover though, so Harry threw up a shield and didn't worry about them. Three spells bounced off of it before he let if fall and started throwing more stunners into the thinning crowd.
Only a couple of people had tried to revive their friends, and Harry wasn't surprised that one of them was Hannah Abbot, getting Ernie back on his feet while Susan shielded them, and then that trio of Hufflepuffs ducked his spells and ran for cover behind a large bush off to his left.
Within another minute or two, there was only the sound of cheering voices from those who had escaped off towards the castle. Harry looked over to his flanks and saw Pansy hurrying over to check on Luna, who was also on the ground.
"Is she alright?"
"Rennervate! She should be. I saw Parvati clip her with a stunner as she helped cover her sister while she ran from one bush to another."
"I'm fine," Luna said as she sat up before getting a big grin on her face. "Actually, I fell kind of hard onto my bum. I might need you to kiss it all better, Harry."
"Maybe Pansy could help you with that instead."
"Even better."
Pansy just snorted and helped Luna to her feet.
"Right. Well, I guess we'd better wake the rest up and have them ready for round two."
"Will there be a round three?" Luna asked.
"There better not be. They won't have the excuse of a surprise this time."
"I could bow out if there aren't too many people left."
"No, Luna. This isn't supposed to be easy. Anyone who needs a round three is someone who would be dead. They'll have to be better prepared next time."
"This was fun," she smiled as they looked over at the fifteen or so students who hadn't passed the first test. "I never thought I'd be playing the role of a Death Eater on the attack. I'm glad I didn't have to wear the uniform though."
"I think that would have been taking things a step too far. Plus, it might have spooked someone into throwing something more lethal at you."
"And Pansy looks better in black than I do."
"She does look outstanding in black," Harry nodded. He took a moment to look over his girlfriend, her hair a bit of a mess, her skin gleaming with sweat. Sweaty Pansy always made him think of fun times in the bedroom- and other places too.
"Harry, focus! I know what you're thinking, but we'll have time enough for that later." Pansy shook her head as Harry continued to leer at her and turned to Luna, who fired a stinging hex at him.
"Hey!"
"Sorry, Harry," Luna said, her dreamy smile at odds with her apologetic words. "You have to finish round two before you can go ravish Pansy in the shower."
"We will have more than an hour before dinner time," his girlfriend added with a wink.
"That might not be enough."
"Then you'd better hurry and get these others up so we can be done with today's lesson."
"Right, good idea."
They went to work waking all the downed students and helping them back to their feet. Katie Bell blushed, being the only one of his teammates that hadn't managed to get away. Neville was near her, one of the first people that had gone down in the opening flurry. The only other person Harry knew very well was Colin Creevey, the starry eyed fanboy. It wasn't too surprising that Colin had been caught off guard.
Harry was pleased to see that every single girl from Slytherin had made it back to the castle. Only three Hufflepuffs were left. There were about half a dozen each from Gryffindor and Ravenclaw that hadn't escaped.
"That wasn't very fair, Harry," Colin said as they stood in front of him.
"I know. But you shouldn't expect for someone who is attacking you to fight fair. Death Eaters won't wait for you to tell them that you're ready. That was kind of the point. Now, who's ready for round two?"
He was pleased as the group spread out, already rushing for cover. Harry smiled at Pansy and Luna, and the trio raised their wands in unison.
"Stupefy!"