"Oh shit... Shit, fuck, fuck, fuck!"
She muttered as she quickly reached for the tissue box and grabbed a bunch of tissues, and pressed them down onto her thigh.
"Fuck, I went too deep... "
She clenched her teeth tightly as she applied pressure, pressing down harder.
"Ah, shit, it's soaking through,"
She grabbed a couple more tissues.
"This.. this should be good enough, right? He'll be happy with this right? I cut deeper than usual..."
She asked myself as her gaze moved towards her phone...
"Yeah, he'll tell me that he's proud of me, and then praise me even more..."
She's already heating up and gushing at the thought of being praised by her darling. Though, she quickly snapped out of her thoughts.
"I-I have to hurry up before he gets mad..."
She quickly tossed the bloody tissues away, onto the carpet, next to her bed, and reached for her phone. She snapped a couple of pictures of her thighs; the cuts were fresh and bleeding. They weren't that deep, but definitely deep. And it hurt a lot, but it'll be worth it.
"And sent..."
She could feel her heart beating out of her chest as she waited, staring at the screen with a wide smile on her face... which slowly began to droop. It's been 15 minutes.
"H-He sure is taking a while, huh..."
She hesitated for a while before sending a text, then another, and then another... Her paranoia and abandonment issues were starting to act up now as she started spamming him, filling his DMs with missed calls and texts:
"hey?"
"darling?"
"baby?"
"whered u go??"
"helloo??"
"hey..."
"r u asleep? did u fall asleep?"
"babyy"
"hey... pls respond"
"baby pls respond pls"
"m losing my mind"
"pls respond ur baby is losing her mind"
"heyy"
"...."
"please"
"please respond"
"im getting rlly paranoid rn pls"
"baby"
"baby"
"hey"
"if u dont respond rn ill kms"
"im crying rn pls respond pls"
"please respond"
"please jus fucking respond"
"please"
She had lost count of how many texts she sent, but it's been a little over 30 minutes now..
"are u ignoring me?"
"huh r u ignoring me??"
"what did i do"
"baby pls tell me what i did wrong ill fix it right away"
"please"
"i prmise i eont do it again pls justell me what id id wrong ill fix it pls"
"im sorru"
"im sorry"
"pls ill fix it whatever it is ill fix it pls just tell me whst i did wrong"
"pla just stop ignoring me ur making me cru"
"pls no ignore"
"ill fix whatrver i dud wrong pls respond stop igniring me"
She's hyperventilating now. She can feel her heart pounding rapidly against her chest- She can hear it in my ears. Her mind's spiralling: Am I being punished? Is he punishing me? Such were the thoughts eating at her mind.
But I don't even know what I did wrong...Wait, could it be...
She pressed the camera button and quickly snapped a selfie in a particular angle that captures both her tear-streaked face and tits, and sent it.
"here"
"ure mad at me coz id idnt send today right"
"you can stop ignoring me now"
"please i just sent"
"hey"
"respond please"
A few minutes passed by and still no response... Her head snapped towards the pile of razor blades laying next to her, and without any hesitation, grabbed one and dragged it across her thigh. She didn't even wait for a second before slicing again, and again, and again.
"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck,"
She dragged the now bloody razor across her skin again and again, and yet it didn't help at all. It isn't working at all.
We were talking normally just a while ago, what could've gone wrong? ...Could it be that he got bored of me again? ..Is he talking to someone else- is he cheating on me again? Is that fucking bastard cheating on me again?! No, no,no, it can't be, not again, I worked sk fucking hard to gain his love back, to make him look at me and talk to me again.
Her eyes darted towards her phone, staring at the screen... still no response, but he's still online... Her eyes moved towards the razor blade she's holding, then her thighs.
"...Xerxes,"
Tears began to spill from her eyes as she whispered his name, as if he'd hear it. She dropped the bloody razor blade she's holding and fell onto her side, her head landing right next to her phone and pile of razor blades. Slowly, She reached for her phone, grabbing it and clutching it tight against her chest as she curled into a ball.
"Xerxes... Xerxes..."
She sniffled as she whispered his name repeatedly, almost chanting, softly, until she eventually drifted off to sleep.