My Wife is a Disaster (But She's My Disaster)
(A post-marriage, post-banana saga)
(✷‿✷) 𝒫𝓇𝑒𝑔𝓃𝒶𝓃𝓉 & 𝒫𝒶𝓃𝒾𝒸𝓀𝑒𝒹
One lazy evening. Rain outside. Cozy mood.
Yoshiko's in oversized pajamas, humming while opening the fridge.
She stops.
She stares.
"...WHERE'S MY LIMITED EDITION CHOCO PUDDING!?"
Cue dramatic zoom-in. Thunder crashes outside.
Akuru (on the couch, casual): "I ate it."
Yoshiko (fuming): "YOU WHAT!?"
Akuru: "I didn't know it was sacred."
Yoshiko: "I was SAVING that since BEFORE we were married!! That pudding was OLDER THAN OUR MARRIAGE!!"
She storms off. He follows. She throws a pillow at him. He deflects with his book. They start bickering. Loud. Fast. Years of teasing are finally turning real.
Yoshiko: "You never take me seriously!"
Akuru: "You argue like a child and expect me to read your mind!"
She shuts the door to the bedroom.
He sleeps on the couch.
Next morning: silence.
No banana jokes. No sneaky kisses.
Just awkward glances and burnt toast.
Sayaka calls and hears Yoshiko's voice crack.
"I yelled at him for PUDDING, Sayaka... what if he hates me now??"
Are u stupid? she yelled. Don't worry; kiss him - he will forgive u.
That night, Akuru slides a new pack of limited-edition pudding onto her lap.
"I ordered it online. Three times the price. Worth it."
She tears up.
He sits beside her.
Akuru (softly): "I don't care about pudding. I care about you even when you're irrational. Even when you're loud."
Yoshiko: "Even when I almost kicked you in the shin?"
Akuru (smirks): "Especially then."
They cuddle.
They kiss.
One thing leads to another... and the couch gets tested again
One week later.
Yoshiko's pacing the bathroom.
Two pregnancy tests on the counter.
One says YES.
One says... DEFINITELY YES.
Yoshiko (muttering): "Okay. Okay. This is fine. Babies are cute. I can raise a genius. Or a monkey. Or a monkey genius—"
Am I pregnant?
Akuru walks in.
She hides the test behind her back. Badly.
Akuru: "What's that?"
Yoshiko (panicking): "A thermometer!"
Akuru: "...It says a kit for a 'pregnant' woman"
Silence.
She starts crying.
Yoshiko: "I'm not ready! I mess up toast! I still call the microwave the 'food zapper!'"
Akuru walks over, wraps her in his arms.
Akuru (quietly): "We're both disasters. But we're disasters together."
Yoshiko (sniffles): "...You're gonna be a hot dad," she sniffed.
He chuckles.
"And you're gonna be the weirdest, most loving, banana-hating mom this world's ever seen."
At the OB-GYN, Yoshiko screams mid-scan.
"IS THAT A TAIL!?"
Doctor: "That's the umbilical cord."
Akuru facepalms.
But when they hear the heartbeat—
They both go quiet.
Their hands tighten together.
Yoshiko tears up.
Yoshiko (whispering): "That's... our baby."
Akuru kisses her forehead.
They both shared this news with their moms
Both moms were so happy and were waiting for their grandchild...
AFTER 6 MONTHS;
Yoshiko was seven months pregnant and still had no idea where her phone charger was, let alone how to waddle properly without knocking something over.
She huffed, trying to touch her toes during "pregnancy yoga for dummies," then immediately tipped over and rolled sideways like a chubby roly-poly bug.
"I CAN'T SEE MY FEET!" she cried dramatically.
"That's probably for the best," Akuru replied dryly from the doorway.
He didn't flinch when she launched a nearby pillow at him.
He caught it one-handed like a ninja. Like he was used to this now.
"You've reached peak wifey form," he added. "Terrifying but strangely graceful."
Yoshiko flipped him off while stuck sideways like a turtle.
Her cravings had become unholy.
One day, it was pineapple on ramen. Next, it was ice cream on rice crackers with soy sauce.
Akuru didn't question it anymore. He just made sure she didn't explode the microwave again.
But she did explode emotionally, twice, just walking past the banana section in the supermarket.
"They're EVERYWHERE, Akuru... they're MOCKING ME..."
"You're the one who started the banana war."
"I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID."
He held her hand as she sobbed dramatically into a pack of frozen mochi.
She is stupid still, tho . he smiled.OK, NOW SMILE...
....
While Yoshiko practiced waddling into walls, Akuru read every parenting book in existence.
He even practiced swaddling with one of Yoshiko's stuffed animals.
"That's Mr. Snugglebutt, not a baby!" she hissed.
"He screams the same amount," Akuru replied.
At night, he'd lie beside her and talk to her belly like it was already listening.
"You better inherit your mom's laugh... but not her attention span."
"HEY!"
Next day ..It happened. In a convenience store. Next to a banana shelf.
Yoshiko's eyes widened.
"AKURU—MY WATERS. THEY'RE—THE BANANAS—THEY CURSED ME—"
He didn't panic. He just scooped her up like a bridal movie scene and power-walked through the sliding doors like a damn hero.
The hospital room was loud, chaotic, and full of Yoshiko's energy.
"YOU DID THIS TO ME, YOU ABS MACHINE!"
"You also just told me I smell like home."
"I CONTAIN MULTITUDES!"
But the moment she heard the cry... she stopped.
Akuru was speechless.
And when they placed a tiny, squishy baby in her arms, she whispered:
"...Hi, Yuki."
The baby looked like Yoshiko and had a loud voice, but he behaved like Aki..
They were clumsy.
Exhausted.
Sticky from formula spills.
Running on caffeine and baby giggles.
But it was perfect.
Yoshiko tried feeding Yuki banana-flavored mush once.
He cried.
She cried too.
"He knows I'm cursed!!"
Akuru shook his head and cradled their son.
"You're both dramatic. I love it."
One night, Akuru was rocking Yuki to sleep, humming off-key.
Yoshiko leaned in the doorway, wearing his hoodie that reached past her knees.
"You're a really hot dad," she mumbled sleepily.
He glanced at her, a soft smile playing on his lips.
"You're a chaotic mess, but... you're mine."
She padded barefoot across the room and curled into his side, laying her head on his shoulder while their son snored softly.
"Forever?"
"Always."
A/N:
Did you feel the fluff? COMMENT BELOW!
Okay, my dear friends, the story ends here
Hope u share comments!
Like, vote, and scream in the comments if you love this story plzz :)